So hey there! Nice to meet ya! It would be even nicer to know that you liked meeting me too! You should review! This is my second story but the first has been deleted. I hope you enjoy this, the chapters are pretty short but I already have up to chapter ten written so it shouldn't take too much time for me to upload, in fact it wont take time at all. I am putting the first three up right now! Criticism would be loved. But flames will be extinguished. And any reviews will make my day!
This story does include cutting, and I am not going to dull it down for you guys. If this bothers anybody, or if somebody would be triggered - Please do not read it. However if not, do continue!
Enjoy =D
Chapter One: No Escape
"Ginny dear can you please set the table?" Molly yelled from across the kitchen. The twins were duelling with red and gold sparks and their noise was hard to hear over. Ginny uncurled herself from her catlike position on her favourite navy blue armchair and trudged to the plates cupboard.
"Mum you could do it in a second with your wand!" she complained as she reached up to pull down all the plates.
"Don't start with me, young lady I'm busy preparing dinner for everybody I don't have any time - FRED!" She was cut off when the chair was set on fire by one of Fred's golden sparks. He quickly put it out but she was already angry.
"You two better start acting your age! Duelling with sparks! You should know better, there are people out there duelling in reality and you pretend it's all a game!? What do you think you are teaching Ginny? Instead of playing games you should be studying, trying to do something with your lives! You know I found those candies and if I ever see another again you will regret it!" Fred and George just looked down knowing that fake shame would make the rant stop sooner than fighting back. Ginny drowned out the noise and set the plates on the table, then the glasses, then the cutlery. Once everything was ready she hurried up to her room to escape the hustle of her family. The familiar bright room made her feel a bit better, but the inescapable sadness wouldn't leave. It hadn't left her for five years, and she was used to it. In fact the sadness was a comfort in itself.
She risked a longing look upwards, up all the way to the fifth floor of her home where she knew her brother Ron was. And, more importantly where her best friend Hermione and quite possibly the love of her life Harry, were. She sighed. School was starting in only two days, they had made the hectic trip to Diagon Alley a week ago. Again she had been let down.
No new robes, no new nothing. Not even books. Her quill was shabby and the ink bottle was being held together by Spellotape. She laid back on her bed. The suitcase on the other side of her room held everything she would need for school. She didn't want to go this year though. It would be her fifth and she was worried, she didn't look forward to the lack of privacy the castle allowed. At least, and at this thought she smirked a little, the robes would cover her arms.
"GINNY!" She heard her mother calling and rolled over on her bed, covering her head with a soft, fleecy pillow.
Go away! She groaned, knowing nobody could hear her and not worrying about manners.
"GINEVRA!?"
One…two...three.. And the expected knock came at her door.
"What?" She mumbled, and the door opened. Harry was there, so she quickly sat up.
"Erm, your mum wants you." He said staring the ground.
"Thanks, Harry." She murmured.
He left as quickly as he could and she allowed him a minute to get downstairs before leaving as well.
Everybody was already eating when she got to the table.
Ron, Harry, Hermione, Bill, Percy, Charlie, Molly, Arthur, Fred and George were too busy to notice her arrival. She filled her plate with food, then sat down and began to shove it around on her plate. She was simply not hungry, she knew nobody would notice if she didn't eat.
Molly stood up, "Harry, dear, you are looking much to slim here, have another helping!" She insisted forcing toast, potatoes, turkey, and another slice of treacle tart onto his plate. Ginny forced a small bite of peas into her own mouth.
"I don't feel well." She said slowly and quietly. Nobody heard, nobody responded.
"I think I will go to sleep." She said, louder now. Nobody listened, nobody answered.
On the other side of the table Fred and George were discussing what fake wands could turn into. Molly was pretending not to notice as she fiddled with Bills hair, trying once again to convince him to cut it all off. Harry Ron and Hermione were being quiet, whispering together, probably planning another escapade. Arthur was much to tired to do anything but chew. And Percy was desperately trying to make Charlie listen to his babble about his boss. She sighed. They didn't care about her, did they. She stood and walked away, never looking back. Once she was in the safety of her room Ginny began to cry. Through her tears she walked to her bedside table and opened the bottom drawer. In the drawer, underneath heaps of old papers was a box. And inside the box was a razor wrapped in what had once been a white cloth. She gently unwrapped the weapon, all the while whispering to herself.
"don't do it, don't do it, don't do it -" she wasn't really aware that she was making any noise. This was a well known ritual, she always had her mantra and she never remembered what it was. She pulled up the sleeves of her sweater. And, littering her arm was an organized array of old scars and new scabs. They were lined with not even a milimeter between them once after another on her wrist. Some had muggle bandages on them. She had had a very difficult time getting these, but she needed a way to make sure she wouldn't bleed everywhere without magic once she had left Hogwarts for the summer. She had actually grown quite fond of the muggle way of tending wounds, it allowed her to feel the pain for a longer amount of time which meant she wouldn't hurt herself as often. The downside was that the scars were worse than when she used magic to heal herself.
She pressed the blade against her thin pale skin, pushed it down harder and then dragged. She only released a breath once the blood was trickling down her arm, once she was finished watching it create a path she pressed the cloth down on her wound. It was only about 2 inches long, almost at her elbow. Judging by the amount of blood Ginny didn't think she had gone to deep. She lived in a constant fear of going to deep, of bleeding too much, of somebody finding out. This summer had been cold, which was lucky for her because nobody questioned her wearing long sleeves all the time. She let the cloth fall back to the ground, the wound wasn't bleeding as much after the pressure. Sniffing away the threat of more tears she made another incision, now there was an X right under her elbow. She had to limit herself when it came to her wrists, only two. She didn't bother with a bandage, lifted her shirt and sweater up, revealing a white stomach. She noticed the fat that was on it, although this was only in her imagination - if anybody else were to look they would realise that she was starving. The second thing she noticed was the red marks. She hadn't cut her stomach in a while, most of them had healed. She didn't get enough pleasure from it, they didn't bleed enough, didn't hurt enough. But her thighs had no clear skin left to cut and she didn't want to go overboard with her arms, so she took a jagged breath in before starting to haphazardly cut her stomach. She didn't bother to look. She pressed as hard as her shaking hands would allow and tried to paint her stomach red. She was choking on her tears by the time she was finished. Her goal had been accomplished, she could barely tell where she had cut and where had simply been bled on. She knew her cloth could not clean this mess. She pulled her shirt down, wincing as it rubbed on her raw stomach and hurried to the shower, knowing full well that the hot water and soap would sting just as much as pouring alcohol over them. She was glad that she could prolong her suffering, a smile held its unfamiliar place on her freckled, bloody face.
So...yea, depressing and YAY. I sure do hope you review. See that button right there -points down- CLICK IT! xD
