(Well, that was interesting. I am sure I clicked on the right doc for this story, but it posted a different one. Trying again.)
A/N: A couple funny things happened as I wrote my other story about Steve and Maria. 1) I found myself actually wanting to go see CA2 (haven't had time, though, so no spoilers, please.) 2) I totally fell in love with my headverse Steve and Maria. Anyway, this story started to formulate in my head at work about a week or so ago...hey, it was a slow day. As I wrote it, I realized I had actually set it up in my first story. However, I don't think you need to read it for this to make sense. The title is from the One Republic song which started playing in my head as I finished the story. I felt it made sense in hindsight.
Other stuff: This takes place about 2 years after Avengers, which, of course, means this is completely, 100% AU. Tony & Pepper are married. I think that's all.
Seven chapters. All complete. As always, I will publish each when I edit the heck out of them. ;)
(Oh, and it's T for some suggested & suggestive situations so if you don't like smooching...:D)
Please, R&R. Thanks. :)
"If you don't do something about that girlfriend of yours."
"Ex-girlfriend," Steve interrupted Stark's tirade and his chest tightened at what he knew Tony had intentionally forced him today.
"She is completely out of line," the billionaire went on, throwing his Ironman helmet into the corner of their temporary equipment room aboard the Hellicarrier.
Steve glanced toward Clint and Natasha with a pleading look to help him defend Maria Hill, but they both turned away. Steve sighed and ran his hand through his hair. He could usually get one of them to help him stand up for their superior.
"See," Tony gestured wildly at the pair of assassins. "Even they think she's gone too far this time."
"We don't have all the facts, Stark," Steve began, but was interrupted with the return of Dr. Banner, in replacement clothing after hulking-out during the mission.
"We have enough to know that her pulling us out when she did caused the deaths of possibly hundreds of innocent civilians," the normally demure doctor said, more than a little anger in his voice.
Four pairs of eyes stared hard at the super soldier and Steve knew he had no choice.
"Fine," he sighed, resigned now to his fate, and walked with heavy feet from the room.
He didn't want to do this. Not only because he didn't want to talk to Maria, knowing full well it would result in yet another fight between them, but because it would be so much easier if he could just tell them what he knew of her. How she worried about each of them when they were on a mission. How she would replay entire failed missions over in her head, trying to figure out how she could have commanded differently. How she memorized the faces of the dead. But she would view that as a betrayal and things were already bad between them, he didn't want to make them impossible.
And Steve had to admit that her actions today confounded him. They'd had, as far as he could tell, the situation with Hydra completely under control. It wasn't that huge as it was, by Avengers standards. Several hundred soldiers holed up outside a small Austrian city. Nothing the Hulk probably couldn't have handled alone, Tony had joked going in. There must be more to the story that they didn't know. He supposed Stark must at least suspect it since he demanded Steve deal with it. Had Stark dealt with it, matters would have been far worse. Steve and Maria might spend most of their time fighting, but he shuddered to think what Stark and Hill head-to-head right now might produce.
His thoughts had carried him all the way to her office and now he stood outside the door, hesitating to knock. He didn't want to see the glare she always had for him nowadays. He knew he'd messed everything up, but she didn't have to remind him with her look every time they saw each other.
A clear voice sounded from inside the office and Steve was surprised. He noticed then that the door was slightly ajar. That was odd and he wondered who had left it open, then he heard what the voice was saying.
"Commander Hill," the man's voice was stern, as if reprimanding her. Steve was not surprised at the response that drew from him. Maria might have ended things outwardly between them, but that hadn't changed Steve's feelings one bit. He still felt extremely protective of her. He had been there for her many times after a dress down, he knew what she would go through later as a result of this.
"Our intel was perfectly good," the man went on, but Maria interjected quickly.
"Your intel was garbage," Maria spat back, and Steve could see her angry face in his mind. It was a terrifying thing to be at the receiving end of Maria Hill's anger, Steve had become an expert in that.
"People are dead, innocent people, because of your lousy intel and your orders," he heard her holler.
Steve sighed in relief. He knew there had to be a logical explanation for her actions.
"Those orders were yours," the voice said with a slight menace.
"I based those orders on your intel," she retorted, and Steve smiled at her determination as she went up against the council.
"If I didn't know better, I'd say you were trying to sabotage the Avengers."
Steve felt an immediate rush of blood to his head as anger flushed through him. It wouldn't be the first time the council had tried to take down the Avengers. But this would certainly be the most bold.
"Careful, Hill," the voice replied smoothly. "You are beginning to sound insubordinate."
Steve unconsciously held his breath as he waited for Maria's reply.
"If this happens again," he heard her reply, coolly. "You will know what insubordination really looks like, and you will not like it."
"Are you threatening me?" the man asked, and Steve imagined the sly grin on Maria's face as she retorted.
"No threats, Council. I never issue threats."
There was silence and Steve could hear Maria sit down in the chair behind her desk. The "meeting" was obviously over and, on this rare occasion, he was glad for modern technology. The man hadn't needed to be in Maria's office to have a face-to-face conversation so Steve didn't have to worry about anyone storming out of the office now. He took a deep breath and readied himself to go in and speak with her when he heard her phone, obviously on speaker, ringing a number.
"Hello?" another male voice answered, and Steve's stomach twisted. It was Matt, her "boyfriend."
"Just a rebound thing," Barton had assured Steve. "I'm sure she'll come to her senses."
But Maria hadn't. And for nearly six months now Steve had watched her become more and more miserable with a man who obviously didn't love her, only wanted her for.
He had to stop himself from thinking exactly what the two of them were doing. Nothing had ever made him so angry as Maria throwing herself at that man all for the sake of some thrill she supposedly got from him. There had been things he didn't like about the modern world, but he had felt sure he'd eventually acclimate. Cheap sex, though, was one thing he couldn't stand.
"Matt," Steve heard Maria's voice quaver slightly. It hit his heart hard. He wanted nothing more than to go to her and comfort her. He knew she was thinking of all the people who had died today as a result of her decision.
"Hey, babe," Matt's voice sounded sleazy and oily to Steve, and he had voiced that opinion around Avengers Tower more than once.
"Hi," Maria's voice had softened and he knew that she was trying to speak through the pain she was feeling. "I was wondering if we could maybe get together tonight?"
"Oh, baby, I would love to get together with you tonight," Steve heard him say and the tone of his voice left no doubt as to what Matt supposed that meant. He forced himself to control his anger and frustration.
"I can't, though," he said. "I got stuff going on. You know how it is."
Stuff? Steve thought. What on earth could be more important than Maria?
"I know," he heard her sigh, and he felt his hands begin to shake. He knew that sigh, had heard it many times when she was trying to control her emotions and not break down. He waited to hear how Matt would react to the sound. Steve had always known how to get her out of that downward spiral. A ride on his motorbike, a walk in the park, here on the Hellicarrier he would take her to his quarters and they'd listen to soft music while he cooked her up something on a small burner he'd had Bruce snag from the lab. She'd finally talk to him about whatever was troubling her, as he held her and stroked her hair. Now his hands began to itch to feel her hair between his fingers again.
"It's just that it's been a while since we saw each other," Maria said, making an excuse for her need. She'd never had to do that with him.
"I know, babe, and I'll make it up to you," Matt paused for emphasis before adding, "Trust me," in what Steve had learned was something called a "bedroom voice." Though Steve was certain if he and Maria ever... He had to stop his thoughts. That was why she'd broken things off with him in the first place. It still hurt whenever he so much as heard the word "married" now.
"OK," she acquiesced, and Steve found himself stunned by the timidity in her voice.
"I gotta go babe, " came Matt's voice again. "See ya round."
And, with that, the conversation ended. No "goodbye." No declaration of devotion. But Steve barely noticed that. His mind was reeling from the tone of Maria's voice. He had never heard her sound like that and it shook him more than anything had. What was going on?
He couldn't go in now. He couldn't let her know he'd heard her and he'd have to. There was no way he could even broach the subject of the day's events with her now and there was no other reason for him to be there. He turned and quickly walked away, the end of her conversation with Matt replaying in his mind like a scratched 78.
When he returned to the Avengers they looked up expectantly. He realized he hadn't done what they'd sent him to do and hadn't much he could tell them.
"It's need to know," he told them, and Stark threw his helmet at him.
They attempted to restart the earlier argument but Steve turned on his heel and walked back to his quarters. They would be back on the base in the morning but Steve wondered if Maria wasn't planning on leaving sooner. It had sounded like it by her request to Matt. Once behind his door, he rang up to the primary flight control to call in a favor and see if Commander Hill was indeed leaving for base. When he found out she was, and the jet she was scheduled for, he packed his bag and headed up top.
Sitting in the back of the quinjet, where he hoped he wouldn't be seen, Steve waited for Maria to board. She arrived just a few moments before they were due to leave, speaking, from the sound of it, to Fury on her phone. Steve supposed she had already filled him in on the details in private but listened in to see if he could learn any more. But there was nothing more than general business being conducted here in such a public place.
He watched as she strapped in, then turned off her phone and shoved it in her jacket pocket. She turned on her iPad and began tapping away as she entered probably more reports. Steve was sure that neither the pilot nor co-pilot saw anything more than Agent Chill conducting business as usual, despite the great losses of the day. But Steve saw. He saw the way her lips quavered occasionally, and the way she subtly worked to control her breathing.
He allowed his mind to drift back what seemed only a few months ago after a similar incident. They were again on the quinjet after a difficult assignment, but Maria was in the back with him. They spoke in hushed voices as Maria poured out her lament to him. He couldn't hold her the way he'd wanted, but he did have her hand in his and she had smiled up at him when she finished speaking, silently thanking him for being there for her again.
He felt a now rare smile come to his lips at the memory. But it was short lived. Suddenly, he felt a pair of eyes on him and he knew Maria had finally noticed his presence.
Steve turned and looked at her, but instead of her usual glare, she turned back to her work. Now she sat up straighter though, and her lips didn't shake. She knew he was watching her and she wouldn't allow herself to show him the slightest weakness.
Then why did she sound so weak when she was talking to Matt? Why would she want to be with a man who made her feel powerless? Was the idea of marrying Steve really so repulsive to her that she would rather have someone who treated her like she was barely worth his time?
When they exited the quinjet, Steve kept his distance from Maria. In an unusual move, she went straight to her car and drove away, instead of going into the offices and working more. Steve got on his bike, but didn't follow her, not right away. He went home and unpacked. He took a shower, dressed in a casual button up shirt and jeans. Then had a bite to eat. All the while keeping an eye on the time. He hated himself for this but he could hazard a guess at what Maria was doing and it would make it that much easier for him to get under her defenses. Still, he felt guilty for letting her get drunk alone after the day she'd had.
