This is the (semi) original version of Chapter 16 from Stepping out of the Shadows. I didn't edit it at all, so there are things in here that don't make sense in relation to the rest of the story because I had changed the previous chapters in the published story. I wanted to show you this version even though it wouldn't make complete sense with the main story because I thought you might want to see where I had started. That's not really true. It isn't the absolute original version, but it's the earliest version I still have. If you've read the final draft, you will notice some similarities, but this version is still quite different.

WARNING - This chapter contains disturbing themes.

Chapter 16 – Restraint (Outtake 1)

In the days to come, I accidently absorbed pain at least once a day. I had a need to heal others, so much so that the pain drew me in. The worst was when Emmett and Jasper were wrestling outside, and Emmett sort of tore off Jasper's foot. I was in the house when I sensed his pain, and I started running outside to find Jasper. Rosalie and Alice had to hold me back so that I wouldn't feel like I had my foot torn off for the next week or so.

One thing I learned during this time was that it had to be my hand that absorbed the pain, or at the very least my lower arm. If I touched someone with any other part of my body, nothing happened. That's why Carlisle could stroke my cheek and it didn't hurt me at all.

During that time, I also made a big decision regarding school. I decided not to go back, but just to get my GED. Right now, while I was still mourning the loss of both my parents, I couldn't face the constant gossiping of the school. I knew that my relationship with Carlisle would become the newest thing to talk about. I just didn't want to deal with it.

Carlisle was very supportive. He didn't want me to go back where he couldn't protect me as easily, and he thought that I had probably learned all that school had to offer me.

"I really think you ought to finish." This was Edward's constant mantra. Although sometimes, he changed it up a bit. "You only graduate from high school once as a human."

"I don't care, Edward." I finally snapped at him. "If I do care in fifty years, feel free to tell me that you told me so."

Carlisle snickered at this, and Edward skulked off. I hoped that he had changed enough to let it go. The old Edward would have been plotting, trying to ensure that I did it his way.

Two weeks after my father's funeral, Alice and Carlisle took me to Seattle to take the test to get my GED. It was completely easy. I really didn't need to study. I came back to the Cullen house a high school graduate.

It was also decided during that time that I should live there with them. Carlisle really wanted me to, but he remained silent while I decided. The others, including Edward, begged me to as well. I finally gave in, because, one, I already stayed there every night, and two, it would be easier on them to protect me in their house, and finally because Esme asked me if she could live at my father's house to give her some alone time with Glenna. She felt that she might love her, and was nearly ready to tell her the Cullen family secret.

With my newfound freedom, and lots of time on my hands, Carlisle suggested that I work on controlling my new gift so that I might be able to touch someone in pain without absorbing it. Otherwise, I was going to have to resort to wearing gloves all the time. I had only two volunteers to help me, Jasper and Edward. Rosalie thought that her pain was something that I shouldn't have to endure, while Emmett just didn't want to spend time with me while one or both of us were in pain. Jasper flat out refused to let Alice do it, and Esme was spending time with Glenna and couldn't do it. Carlisle told me that he was willing if no one else could, but he preferred staying away since he couldn't bear to see me in pain.

So it was down to Jasper and Edward. Neither one sounded like a good option. If I chose Jasper, our mutual pain could come back on us in a never-ending feedback loop. I mentioned this to Carlisle, thinking he would laugh at me, but he actually looked genuinely concerned.

"The thought has also occurred to me, my love." He kissed my nose. "I'm apprehensive about that as well."

"Would you mind if I worked with Edward?" I didn't want to pick Edward without Carlisle's… not really permission, but blessing or something like that. "I don't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable or mistrustful."

"I was actually hoping you would choose Edward." He smiled at me. "I know how he so wants to be part of your life in any way he can, even if it means that he helps you control your power."

"I don't know if I'd call it a power, so much as a compulsion." Edward teased, interrupting our conversation. "I mean… I think that this power is nothing more than a supernatural manifestation of a deep-seeded need to make everyone's pain your own. And let's be honest, I'll be helping you to be able to touch Carlisle more."

"I'm sorry, Edward. If this is too hard for you, I'll just try to work on it on my own." I suggested.

"No, Bella." Edward shook his head. "I'm actually hoping that this will help me as well."

I tilted my head in confusion, and he explained, "I want to be able to look at you without my first thought being that you're mine. My head knows that you are with Carlisle, but my heart still feels that we belong together."

I guessed that's why he still tries to control me from time to time, and probably why he was so upset that I had gotten over him. He believed that even though he broke up with me, in his mind, it was just a means to achieve his ultimate goal, and we were actually still together. I looked up and saw all of the hurt in his eyes.

"I'm sorry, Edward." I repeated, reaching out to take his pain.

Carlisle grabbed my hand and kept me from touching Edward while Edward just chuckled at me.

"I don't mind you practicing with Edward, my dear, but I would prefer if I didn't have to see it. It would only cause me pain." Carlisle told me keeping my hands firmly in his grasp.

"None of us want to see it." Rosalie shouted from down the stairs.

"You got that right." Emmett agreed.

"That's why they will all be outside, patrolling the grounds tomorrow while I'm at work." Carlisle said a little louder than necessary.

The next day, Carlisle had already been at work for five hours when I got up for breakfast. I decided to shower afterwards. I left my clothes in my room, but thankfully, my room had an in suite bathroom so that I didn't have to walk in just a towel down the hall.

I had just got my chocolate brown bra and panties on when my door swung open. Edward stood in the door frame looking over my nearly naked form.

"What are you doing?" I half screamed and attempted to cover myself. "Don't you know how to knock?"

I had barely gotten the words out of my mouth before Edward had me pinned to the bed and my bra and panties in tatters on the floor.

"Please, Edward, don't do this!" I thrashed uselessly against his iron grip.

I heard a tearing sound and saw that his clothes were in shreds as well. I continued to fight him.

"No!" I screamed. "Please don't hurt me."

"Stop fighting." His voice sounded strained. "Don't move."

Of course I was going to fight. Even though I had no chance of stopping him, I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I didn't at least try to resist.

"I mean it, Bella." He growled. "I'm trying very hard not to give in to my urges and take you, but if you continue to… writhe against me, it will make it very difficult to deny the need to show you that you belong to me."

"Please don't do this." I whispered over and over, crying.

I could feel his prominent erection pressing roughly into the inside of my thigh. It was literally an inch away from stealing my virginity, and he was leaking all over my leg. He tried to kiss me on the lips, but I turned my head away. He was so much stronger than me that he managed to follow my lips and capture them, and finally roughly shoved his tongue into my mouth.

"Mine," he snarled after he finally allowed me to gasp for air.

"No," I sobbed, "not anymore."

That must have been the wrong thing to say because it caused him to growl and gather both of my hands into one of his and roughly knead my right breast. It hurt so badly. I wanted to scream, but I was afraid to make him angrier. After a few moments he switched hands and squeezed my left breast just as hard. I whimpered.

"Be a good girl and tell me how much you want me." He ordered.

I said nothing in response though I shook when he said good girl.

"Tell me that you want me inside you, Isabella, or I'll put you in the closet until you do." He gave my left breast an extra hard squeeze to bully me some more.

Part of me really wanted to give in to him so that I could stay out of the closet, but I would rather face a thousand closets than lose my virginity to someone other than Carlisle.

"Closet." I gasped. "I choose the closet."

Edward's eyes bored into mine as he tried to break my will. He led me over to my closet, unscrewed the light bulb and shoved me inside, shutting the door behind me. He leaned against it so that I couldn't get out.

"Please, Edward." I managed to gasp out through my fear, banging on the door, and trying fruitlessly to open it. I nearly screamed that I would do anything he wanted, but I barely restrained myself. "This isn't you. You've changed so much. You're my friend."

When I said friend, Edward let go of the door, and I almost fell out of the closet onto the floor. When I looked up at him, something in Edward's furious expression changed and became softer and then deeply remorseful, and turned away from me. I scrambled to get back in the bed and under the covers, and Edward wrapped my towel around himself. Fifteen seconds later, a very furious Alice came running into my room. She said nothing to Edward, but she glared at him unblinking for ten minutes. She was probably mentally ripping him a new one.

"I'll just be going now." Edward finally whimpered. I snuck a glance at him and saw how deeply troubled he was. For once, I felt no need to take away the pain.

I couldn't say anything to him or respond in any way. He simply ran out the door.

"I'm so sorry, Bella." Alice finally spoke. I think she may have been giving him time to get dressed and get away. "I saw what he did and was on my way to stop him when I got a vision that he would rape you if he could hear me near the house. He would have seen it as a threat to steal you away. I saw that there was at least a chance that he made the right choice if I stayed away."

"Did he…?" Alice insinuated.

I shook my head but said nothing.

"He told me that he didn't but I wasn't sure if I should believe him." She explained with a sigh of relief. "And I saw many different visions of what might happen, and I wasn't sure what he actually did."

I whimpered, remembering what happened. I didn't want to think about that right now.

"Bella," she sat on the bed next to me, "do you need me to get Jasper for you or Carlisle?"

Once again, I shook my head.

I was actually glad that Edward wasn't here right now, and briefly thought about asking him to stay away from me, but then I thought that I would be taking Carlisle's son away from him. Basically, I was breaking up Carlisle's family. I knew that I couldn't be around Edward right now, but what would that do to Carlisle? Maybe I should leave so that he didn't have to choose between me and Edward.

I was such a hypocrite to even consider leaving him without telling him why. Of course, I should talk to him about this. I couldn't do to him what Edward had done to me. I was overcome by a wave of remorse. I still said nothing, but sobbed loudly.

Alice stayed with me for awhile, but eventually left so that I could put some clothes on. I waited until Alice left, and I took another shower, attempting to wash any trace of Edward away. I then got dressed. Alice picked out my clothes, probably because she knew that I wouldn't have gone anywhere near the closet after what Edward had done. When I had finished dressing, I curled back into the bed, and once again began to cry.

I have no idea how long I cried before Carlisle found me and attempted to comfort me.

"What's wrong, my darling? Was practicing with Edward difficult?" He lightly rubbed my blanket covered back.

I nearly jumped out of my skin when he touched me, extremely fearful of his touch.

"What's going on, Bella?" He asked me as he backed away slightly.

"I'm so sorry!" I wailed, looking into his eyes, begging for forgiveness. "I forgot to lock the door when I took a shower this morning!"

"What?" He asked warily.

"Edward…" I was too fearful of his reaction to continue. I assumed he would be angry with me or Edward, or possibly both. "…saw me getting dressed."

"What happened?" His voice sounded like he was waiting to hear terrible news.

"He was on top of me…" I sobbed.

Carlisle scanned the room and found the tattered remains of our clothing on the floor.

Carlisle's voice betrayed his calm demeanor. He was angry but controlling it. "Edward did this?"

"Yes." My whole body shook.

"Are you afraid that I will blame you, my darling?" He sounded genuinely worried about me.

"You don't?" I breathed a sigh of relief.

"Of course not." He shook his head. "I am extremely disappointed in Edward, and very worried about you. Did he rape you, my love?"

"No." I whimpered. "Almost."

"Did he hurt you?"

"Yes." I admitted. "My wrists and my…" I couldn't say breast in front of him.

"May I see?"

I sat up and showed Carlisle my arms. He kissed the bruises on both of them.

"Where else?"

I nervously glanced down toward my chest. Carlisle's breath caught and his eyes closed.

"I'm sorry, my love, but I need to see." His voice cracked.

I carefully unbuttoned my shirt and bra, which because Alice had seen this, was one that fastened in the front. Even my weaker eyes could see the hand-shaped bruise on my right breast and a large, undefined bruise on my left breast. The handprint wasn't as easy to identify as the bruise on my right breast, but it was more painful.

"My darling, I'm so sorry." Carlisle's expression was pained as he saw what Edward had done.

"May I?" Carlisle held out his hand and waited until I nodded.

I held my breath until he touched me. It was so different than what I had expected. It felt wonderful against my battered skin.

"I don't think there will be any permanent damage." He whispered, taking his hand away.

"Please," I whispered, and though I meant for him to leave his hand, he replaced it with his cool lips and tongue. It was the most amazing thing I had ever felt.

For a very long time, his mouth was on my mottled left breast, then much to my surprise, he moved to my right breast, using his tongue to gently flick the nipple. He shifted our positions so that I was flat on my back with him on top of me. As his hand snaked down to unfasten my pants, my breath hitched, and I began to panic.

"I'm not…" I shook my head, and my voice became very squeaky. "Please don't."

Carlisle froze briefly before he climbed off my body and hung his head in his hands, "I'm terribly sorry. I can't apologize enough for allowing my desires to overcome me."

"It's too soon, Carlisle, and I don't want our first time to be a response to what Edward did. I want our first time to be about us." I sat up and stroked his back. I could feel the pain coming off of him, and I started to reach out for him, but I realized what I was doing and stopped.

"I overstepped." Carlisle sobbed into his hands. "I am a doctor! I should know where you are emotionally after what happened. I should have never allowed it to go that far."

"I'm kind of glad you did." I blushed as I meekly said those words. "Now I know without a doubt that I can trust you to stop if I ask you to."

"Of course I stopped, my dear. Did you think that I wouldn't?" Carlisle asked me incredulously, a bit hurt that I had so little faith in him.

"I didn't mean it like that." Tears filled my eyes at the hurt I had just caused him. "I actually wasn't sure if Edward's possessiveness is a vampire thing or an Edward thing."

"Ah, I see." Carlisle said thoughtfully. "Both. Vampires are for the most part, possessive creatures, especially of their partner. I believe that Edward also had a possessive personality, and he was raised in a time where men were the unquestioned head of the household. Becoming a vampire has only cemented this unflattering characteristic."

"You aren't possessive, though." I reminded him.

"That's my personality." He smiled at me. "Although I may give you endearments such as, my darling or my love, I don't actually believe that you belong to me. I believe that you are your own person, not my personal possession."

"Is there anything we can do to help Edward?" I wondered. "I know that he doesn't want to be like this."

"I'm not sure." He answered. "But I don't think it's a good idea for you to be around him right now."

"Maybe not alone, but I really think that I am the only one he will listen to." I countered. "It's not safe for him to be wandering around by himself with Victoria on the loose."

"You're right, my dear." He reluctantly agreed with me. "We'll call a family meeting to decide how to deal with this."

I hugged Carlisle, meaning it to be a comforting gesture, but he backed away from me. I was a bit hurt.

"Um… my darling, would you please…" He trailed off, and gestured toward my still exposed breasts.

"Oh sorry," I mumbled, embarrassed, as I fastened my bra, wincing as my tender breasts moved. I then re-buttoned my shirt.

"It's not a problem." Carlisle chuckled uneasily. "I just want you very badly right now, and I…"

I could see in his eyes that he hadn't finished beating himself up about this. I longed to take his pain from him because I truly didn't feel badly about how far we let it go.

"Do you want me to absorb your self-castigation?" I asked him.

"Absolutely not." He shook his head, sadly. "If I don't feel this, I may not stop next time."

It took a few minutes, but Carlisle gasped in realization. "You stopped yourself."