Rachel peered out of the train's window. What used to be Finn at actual size was now a dot. Tears stained her cheeks in a constant flow. How could he do this? How could Finn do this to her? If her dads weren't already there, she wouldn't be on her way to New York. She would have refused to go. Made him drive her back to her house. She would have locked her door and not come out for three days, except to eat. But they were in New York. It was too late now. She kept replaying the horrible, random conversation in her head. Finn broke up with her on their wedding day. To 'set her free'? From what? Why was he so fucking insecure sometimes? If he loved her as much as he said he did, than he could have assumed she also loved him that much. But she told herself she didn't love him that much. Not as much as he loved her.
The truth was, she had been leaning towards Quinn more those days. In terms of talking and hanging out with. She had only been with Finn to occasionally snuggle, but mostly talk about wedding stuff. Finn picked up on what she was doing. When he confronted her in the choir room, she lied and said he was just projecting his own insecurities. In a way, he was, but he was also slightly right. When he hinted at her not wanting him for a husband. The marriage was such a rushed idea. But she couldn't back out then, there was too much money put into it. But now she was forced to go to New York. To look at the NYADA campus. Something she did not want to do at that moment.
She wanted a slightly insincere wedding with Finn Hudson. She wanted everything to be perfect and secure and as close to right as it could be. But it wasn't now. And it was mostly her fault. She put her head in her hands again as several other passengers looked at her in concern. She missed Quinn so much. Quinn Fabray, the girl that hated her freshman, sophomore, and junior year. Quinn Fabray, the girl that had dated more boys than Rachel ever had. Quinn Fabray, the girl who hadn't even hugged her when she went to get on the train.
They had no summer plans this year. She was going to do whatever she normally did each summer and Rachel had recently planned to start helping Finn and Kurt. She wanted to start on helping them as soon as possible. They were probably just going to see each other before they went off to college.
But Quinn had bought that metro pass for her. So she could visit Yale, and Quinn could visit NYADA when either them wanted to. Did that mean she wanted their current relationship to be past friendship? Probably not. Quinn was probably just afraid she wouldn't make any new friends at Yale. And she just wanted to know she could see Rachel in person if she needed a pep talk or something. Quinn just considered them friends now. And it was mostly Rachel's fault. It's not like Quinn would instantly come out and Rachel would break up with Finn and the world would be bright and happy. Quinn would probably just want to be 'secret' until she could get the courage to be open about her sexuality. That's how it had been the first summer they hooked up. And two years later it was the same way.
And that thing Finn had said about Rachel holding onto things. It's like he knew what was/had been going on with her and Quinn. Like he knew, in all, a hundred percent honesty, she wanted to be with Quinn Fabray. Finn had finally, after two years, picked up on that. At least that's what she assumed. Maybe he did just break up with her so she could be a big star in New York. She bit hard on her lip and suppressed a couple of sobs. This new life felt terrible already.
