I'm Just A Killer For Your Love
Chapter 1 – Tonight
By: StalkerDex
(Author's Note: This is inspired by an in-depth character analysis of Cartman I read This will mostly be a story to sort of explore Eric's mental illness…there will of course be some romance and angst along the way! Also…it's not going to be…happy. This will be sort of a brutally ugly story…so be prepared for that if you're going to read.)
May 21st
I banged the Biggle girl again today. As usual, she was awful. I guess I have to take what I can get though. She wants a relationship, which is troublesome. She thinks I'm handsome and sweet…that's cool…because it's obvious I am…I guess I can't blame her for wanting me. I don't really feel anything towards her one way or another, but I have to admit, there's just something about fucking her I really like. Like…I like it more than I've enjoyed anyone thus far.
I don't know. Maybe it's the way she looks like she might cry from the insecurity she has over her weight. I don't really like or dislike how she looks. I don't care how she looks. I just like the way she is. I like the way she feels bad about herself when I fuck her. It's almost as though she feels like the most worthless piece of shit in the world when I'm done with her…fuck…it turns me on just thinking about it.
Not to mention, I'm pretty sure she only hooks up with me because she can't do any better. I like to find backhanded ways to remind her of this. Not because I want her all to myself or anything. In fact, the more guys she fucks the better…then she will have even lower self esteem. I could get something out of that…maybe I should try and get someone else to hook up with her…?
Either way…she's starting to get a little clingy. For now it's okay but as soon as this goes any further I'm going to have to kick her to the curb. Such a shame too because it's going to be hard to find another fuck as good as she is. There just isn't anyone else I can think of who is quite so…low.
Whatever. She's a bitch. She doesn't even really fuck all that good. But goddamn…she gets me harder than anyone else I've ever had. God bless her for that. The girl can take a dick.
Eric was laying on his bed, his journal resting comfortably beside him. He had started writing in it several months ago. It was really a moment of impulse to buy that damned thing in the first place. He had always wanted to keep a journal, though found it to be a bit faggy to have one. However, he had been hanging out with Kenny one day and drunkenly divulged that he wanted a journal. Kenny then proceeded to take him to the mall and help him pick one out, mostly for what Cartman thought was his own amusement. He took great pleasure in seeing Cartman struggle, which was alright. It wasn't as though it were uncalled for. After all, Eric got the most satisfaction out of his friends' misfortune than any of them. Enough so that it would actually sexually excite him.
Fuck…speaking of friends he wanted to torture, he hadn't seen Kyle in a while. He had been sick and bed ridden for the majority of their school week, which was starting to piss him off. School was far less interesting when Kyle wasn't there to rip on and, occasionally, really torture. Perhaps he should pay him a visit.
Meh…he really just wasn't sure. At the moment he was feeling a little deflated. He had used up most of his energy writing in his journal, which also caused great frustration. It was mentally exhausting on several levels. The first of which was trying to find an educated way to describe the events of his day. He didn't want to sound like a fucking moron in his journal; what if someone actually wound up reading it someday? The other level from which he found it to be insufferable was the fact that it was one of his more feminine affinities to write in a journal. It wasn't the only one he had either, and, while it was mentally exhausting to resist his feminine urges, it was even more tiring to divulge in them. It led to an extreme amount of anxiety, paranoia and insecurity over whether or not others could see the slight gender confusion he so frequently experienced.
Shit. That was something he really didn't want to think about. He let out a frustrated moan as he put his hands to his head and rolled around a bit on his bed. He was so fucking bored. That was it…he had to call Kyle.
He quickly pulled his iPhone out of his pocket and dialed his friend, waiting for an answer eagerly. As he waited, his fingers were playing with each other. It was one of his many nervous ticks.
"Yes?" Kyle answered, sounding irritated as fuck. He definitely didn't sound all that sick.
"'Sup Jew? You ever coming back to school or are you just gonna keep being a goddamn pussy and stay home all week?"
"Fuck off Cartman. I'm coming back tomorrow."
Cartman was still laying on his bed, though now he was listlessly kicking his feet around as they were hanging off of the side. He was so goddamn bored and Kyle provided entertainment. He was just…interesting to him, really. Perhaps because he was the only kid at school that really challenged him. The nature of their relationship was the most complex and enjoyable one he had in his life, which was kind of sad. Especially because he knew the enjoyment was only one-sided.
"Good. It's about freakin' time. You're always being a little bitch and staying home."
"Jesus Cartman. You're such an asshole!"
"Yeah, I know. Isn't it awesome?" he retorted, lifting his hand up and examining it. He appeared bored, though wasn't. He was thoroughly enjoying his conversation with Kyle. Especially now that he was getting under his skin a little bit, "so what are you doing tonight?"
He knew Kyle's head was probably spinning at this point. He always got so flustered when he would insult him and then turn around and try to do something friendly.
"What? Goddamnit Cartman. I can't hang out tonight, alright? I wasn't in school my mom won't let me go anywhere."
Cartman smirked. This one was too easy.
"That's because you're mom's a bitch."
He was probably fuming at that one.
"Yeah, well at least my mom's not a whore," Kyle responded, catching Eric a little off guard. Usually he would just get pissed about the mom insults. He hardly ever said anything about his mom.
"Fuck you Kahl!" Eric suddenly shouted as he sat up. Kyle definitely pushed the wrong mother fucking button with that one, "you're a goddamn asshole!"
Eric's hands were shaking a bit with blind rage. There were just certain things people weren't allowed to say to him; usually when they were the truth.
"Whatever. I'll see you tomorrow Fatass."
Before Eric could further torment him he hung up the phone, leaving Eric to listen to endless nothingness.
"Fucking goddamn asshole Jew bitch…" Eric mumbled under his breath as he tossed his phone beside him. Now what was he going to do to entertain himself? Hmmm…maybe Henrietta was available. He'd seen her earlier but…what the fuck, why not? He quickly retrieved the phone he'd just discarded, locating her number and listening to it ring.
"Hello?" She answered, sounding as though she were asleep. Why the fuck was she sleeping? It wasn't that goddamn late. What a dumb bitch.
"What are you doing?" Eric asked, not bothering to see what she was up to or even if she wanted to talk. Who gave a shit? It didn't matter what she wanted. The only reason she was even lucky enough to get a call from him was the fact that she could possibly provide some entertainment for him. This was a goddamn privilege.
"I fell asleep," she explained before letting out a small yawn.
"Kewl…do you want to come over?"
"I dunno Eric. I haven't been home in a while and I just saw you this morning…"
"What? Seriously? You can't see me more than once in a day? The fuck kind of logic is that?"
"No…it's not that…I'm just tired…"
She sounded defensive. Good. She should be. She should be fucking scared of him.
"Whatever…fuck you then, bitch," Eric retorted before hanging up the phone, "Goddamnit…what the fuck is wrong with everyone?"
He couldn't help but be frustrated. This sort of thing always happened. He didn't seem to have any trouble making new friends. In fact, usually when people first met him they would gravitate to him. However, once they got to know him they would all eventually disappear. No surprise there…people were fucking fake and fickle. It certainly wasn't his fault they were so flaky and stupid. That was just the way society worked.
"Well…maybe I'll give Craig a call…" he muttered out loud. Sure, he and Craig had always known each other, but he hadn't really made an attempt at hanging out with him one on one. Mostly because he hated Craig. He hated Craig almost as much as he hated Kyle. He was such a smug, arrogant little bastard. However, tonight he was just bored enough to give that little asshole the opportunity of his lifetime: hanging out with Eric Cartman.
Once more, he dialed his phone and waited for a response. He was growing agitated with this process. If this one didn't work he was going to lose his shit.
"Um…yes?" Craig answered, sounding nasally and uninterested as always. What a goddamn fag.
"Craig…I'm calling you with the opportunity of your life…are you ready for this?"
Eric knew he had to catch this asshole's attention if they even had a small chance of hanging out. Craig needed to be appealed to before consenting to some hangout time.
"What?" he asked, still sounding thoroughly uncaring.
"You and me, tonight, Stark's pond, a bottle of whiskey and an empty house to crash at afterwards…you in?"
"You have alcohol and your mom isn't home…this is your big opportunity?" Craig clarified. Well…when he said it like that. Christ what a dick!
"Don't be an asshole Craig. Just come out and drink with me…what's the big deal?"
There was a long silence, which Eric figured mostly consisted of Craig running through the many plausible reasons he shouldn't hang out with Eric.
"Fine. Whatever. Are we driving or walking?"
"I'll come pick you up."
"Yeah alright. See you in a few minutes then."
Eric smiled victoriously as he hung up his phone. Finally, he'd snatched up someone to help him enjoy the rest of his evening. He knew, deep down, it wouldn't be long before he alienated this one. However, he also knew that the very beginning of a friendship was exceptionally enjoyable to him, particularly because they didn't actually know what they were in for. Sure, Craig had a pretty good idea of the type of person that Cartman was, but only those who were closest to him really knew. This was why he had such a hard time getting them to hang out with him. Naturally, he attributed this to the fact that every single one of his friends was an asshole.
Eric quickly shoved his phone into the back pocket of his jeans as he stood up from the bed. He grabbed his journal, also, walking over to the closet. On the floor, beneath a pile of discarded clothes, there was a small treasure box with a lock on it. He pulled the key he kept for it out from the top shelf of the closet, knelt down and opened it. Once open, he placed the journal inside. There were also a few assorted photos in there, which he had to resist the temptation of viewing. Tonight wasn't the night for that.
Once his beloved journal was safely in it's home, he shut his closet door and started to walk out of his room. However, he caught a glimpse of himself in a slim body mirror he kept just beside the door. He decided he should probably make himself presentable before going to retrieve Craig.
He shut his bedroom door as he stood before the mirror, checking himself out. Overall, he was pretty happy with what he saw. His brown hair was clean with just a bit of hair mud in it to make it look piecey (another one of his feminine attributes he chose to ignore), he wore a brown leather jacket over a red, zip up hoodie and black 'Skrillex' T-shirt. The jacket and hoodie were both unzipped so he could show off his shirt, of course. Besides that he was wearing a pair of skinny jeans that were tucked into his brown snow boots. He was particularly happy that the bulky combination of jacket and sweater he had on hid the fact that he was still pretty chubby. He wasn't obese by any means, but he was definitely the largest kid in their class.
"Oh…" he muttered to himself as he decided he should probably throw some gloves on. He had this pair of black, fingerless gloves that he loved to wear stored on his computer desk. He quickly walked over to it and unwrapped them from each other (he liked to store them as though they were a pair of socks). Once unraveled, he slid them on, flexing his fingers once they were poking through. Having done this, he felt like his outfit was now complete and continued on his journey to the living room.
"Mahm…MAHM!" He shouted as he made his way down the stairs. He didn't know where she was and he certainly wasn't going to be bothered enough to find her; that was her job. Her purpose in life was to serve him in any way possible. She owed him that, at least, after some of the awful things she'd allowed to happen to him in his childhood.
Fucking Uncle Jesse…
Put that thought out of your mind, Eric!
"What is it snookums?" she asked as he walked out of the kitchen into the living room.
"You need to go to your boyfriend's house tonight. I've got a friend coming over and I need some privacy," he demanded, ignoring her completely as he looked around the living room for his wallet.
Goddamnit…he knew he had left it laying around somewhere down there.
"Oh, pookie…I don't know. Mommy has…"
"Have you seen my wallet?" he interrupted, finally bothering to look at her. She looked like she had been crying.
"Oh…yes, sweetie. Of course," she responded, hurrying back into the kitchen.
Eric rolled his eyes and tapped his foot impatiently as he waited. Of course she'd moved it; that fucking cunt. She was always interfering with his happiness.
"Here you go…" she said as he made her way back into the living room, handing Eric his brown wallet. He snatched it out of her hand before walking over to the door and grabbing his keys off of the key holder Liane hung on the wall.
"Okay…so…you'll be gone when I get home, then, yes?" he further assured, slightly remembering her blathering out some excuse as to why she needed to be home.
"Oh…uh…yes poopsikins," she replied, a profound sadness in her voice that Eric was completely oblivious to.
Had Eric bothered to ask he would've learned that her boyfriend had broken up with her just minutes prior; had he asked, he would've known she was in the kitchen crying her eyes out, hopelessly wondering if she'd ever find a companion; had he bothered to ask he would've known that Liane, at that particular moment, really needed her son's support.
Of course, that was something Eric Cartman never bothered to do.
No, instead, Eric just waltzed right on out that door of his into his car and headed towards Craig's house. The drive wasn't very long and he mostly occupied his mind by listening to music. He didn't like to drive in silence; it forced him to confront parts of him he simply didn't want to.
Once he'd arrived out front of Craig's house he pulled his phone out of his pocket and sent him a quick text: I'm outside dickwad. Hurry up.
He let out a sigh as he leaned his head back and listlessly reached up and turned the volume higher on the radio. He had a feeling Craig might take a long time just to spite him for that nasty text. Whatever. In fact, he almost hoped he would. Then he would have a good reason to argue with and belittle him.
Much to Eric's disappointment, Craig was out of his house in a matter of thirty seconds or so. Eric leaned forward, placing his hands on the steering wheel, as Craig plopped into his passenger seat and slammed the door shut. He was so goddamn aggressive; it sort of turned him on.
Fuck. No it didn't. Eric didn't like boys he liked girls. He needed to put that thought right out of his mind…
"You have the whiskey?" Craig asked, not bothering to greet Eric. He was just as careless of a person as Eric was. It interested him a bit.
"Yeah, asshole. I have the whiskey. How about a fucking hello or something?"
Craig rolled his eyes, "hello Eric. How are you today?" he responded sarcastically.
"I'm fahn…thank you sooooo much for aaaaasking, Craig," Eric retorted, almost over the top sarcastic. It seemed to irritate Craig, which thrilled him a little bit. Pissing off Craig was a bit more risky than irritating Kyle, seeing as he was the school bully and far more aggressive and definitely less caring.
However, much to Eric's disappointment, Craig didn't come back with anything. He simply leaned back in his seat and casually rested his feet on the dashboard, pulling his phone out of his pocket and starting to text with someone. Eric couldn't help but feel a little curious, yet jealous. Craig was supposed to be hanging out with him; what the fuck was he doing paying attention to someone else?
"Hey asshole…put your phone away. We're supposed to be hanging out right now…don't you have any goddamn manners?"
"Nope…No I don't," Craig said flatly, not bothering to take his eyes off of his phone. Eric narrowed his eyes a bit, slightly bothered at the fact that Craig was hard to get a rise out of. Something like that would've either made Kyle feel guilty or sent him over the edge. Maybe this wouldn't be as much fun as he'd thought. He may have to do something really drastic to get any enjoyment from this hang out.
"Well then who's so goddamn important that you can't put your phone away? You're acting like a fucking chick with that stupid piece of crap!" Eric huffed, his hands wrenching the steering wheel in his frustration.
"No, you're acting like a chick. Put a tampon in that vagina of yours and quit breaking my balls about the phone, douche," Craig said casually, still not bothering to unglue his eyes from the phone.
Eric gritted his teeth, though decided not to lash out at him. He could see getting under Craig's skin was going to take more than petty insults.
The rest of the ride was silent, which was fine because it was short. Once they'd arrived at Stark's pond Eric shut the car off and leaned back. Craig texted for a few more seconds before realizing that Eric wasn't moving. He slowly looked up, almost seeming uncomfortable.
"Oh…I'm sorry…am I interrupting you?" Eric asked, leaning back with his hands propped behind his head. He was pleased to see that Craig was a little put off by the fact that he'd just been sitting there watching him.
"Fuck off," he said, shoving his phone into the jacket of his pocket. Craig's style hadn't changed all that much since they were kids. He still wore that blue puff ball hat he always had, along with a dark blue hoodie. What a moron.
"So where's the whiskey then? I only came out here to get wasted, you know that right?" Craig urged, clearly growing impatient.
Eric looked him over, deciding if this was the opportune moment to piss Craig off. Probably not yet. He had to make him feel obligated to stay first. Well…maybe not. After all, he had driven and Craig would have to walk home if he were to leave. Still, if he got him pissed enough he might. No…he would have to get him drunk if he was going to fuck around with him.
"Here," Eric finally said, taking his hands out from behind his head and twisting his body around as he reached behind his seat. He tossed a few things aside, one of which was a fishnet shirt of Henrietta's, as he located the whiskey. He looked utterly satisfied as he sat in his seat, facing Craig, and held up the bottle victoriously. Craig looked unimpressed.
"Cool. Was that one of the goth girl's shirts?" Craig asked, having noticed Henrietta's rather unique attire. Eric cringed a bit at that question. He really didn't want people to know he was banging that broad.
"No it's, uh…my mom's…she uses my car sometimes…" Eric stammered, genuinely uncomfortable. Craig was smirking at him.
"Oh…right…because you're mom's a slut. I forgot," he said.
Eric felt his cheeks run hot. He would fucking kill Craig. However, before Eric could scream at him he'd already snatched the whiskey out of his hand and opened it, tilting his head back and downing a rather impressive amount of it. What a fucking badass he was. He was so…uncaring and inconsiderate. It was attractive.
Stop it Cartman. Craig isn't attractive. And neither is Kyle. That fucking Jew rat Kyle…he can go to Hell and burn. I don't care about him. I don't want to fuck Craig. I just want to torture someone so I can go home, rub one out and sleep soundly tonight.
"What're you staring at?" Craig asked. He was facing Eric and leaning back against the car door, holding the bottle in his hand. Christ, he'd downed like a fifth of it in that one, enormous gulp.
"N…nothing. Jesus Christ Craig…where did you learn to swallow like that?" Eric quickly said, trying to make a gay joke. It was somewhat detectable. Definitely not his best work.
Craig rolled his eyes, "I don't know why I came out here with you. I could probably have a better time sanding my balls off than drinking with you."
"I hate you Craig…I hate you so goddamn much," Eric grumbled as he snatched the whiskey out of Craig's hand and slammed his back into the car door, also leaning and facing his friend.
"I hate you too…that's why I don't want to be here…get it?" Craig said smugly, watching as Eric tipped his head back and downed as much whiskey as he could manage. Of course, he felt like he had to compete with Craig so he was hoping to down more than he had. This didn't go unnoticed and, much to Cartman's dismay, it was a little more than he could handle at once.
"Jesus Christ!" Eric shouted, noting the instant buzz he felt. It wasn't really a good buzz either. Whiskey had a way of being nasty, "how do you drink like that?"
Craig smirked at him arrogantly before leaning forward and taking the bottle from Eric, this time a little more gently. He seemed to be warming up a bit, which calmed Cartman down. The beginning of a friendship…so much forgiveness before they get tired of the manipulation.
"I dunno…I drink a lot," Craig said as he shrugged and took a swig, this time much less sizeable. He was definitely more comfortable with the situation. Alcohol had a way of easing things up.
"Why?" Eric asked. His thoughts were a little unclear already. Fuck…was he drunk? No fucking way…not that fast. Of course, he had taken about five good swallows of that before handing it off.
"Because…life fucking sucks. Alcohol makes it better," Craig said matter of factly, leaning forward and handing the whiskey to Eric.
Cartman took it from him, this time deciding to stay sitting up as he took another three swallows of it. Despite the fact that he was buzzed (drunk?) and loosening up he still felt the need to compete.
"True…" Eric sighed as he handed the bottle back to Craig. Fuck…they'd already gone through about half of it and it had only been like ten minutes. There was definitely no way he was driving home now, "but…I mean, what do you have to be so pissed off about? You've got a good family…what's your problem?"
Craig tilted his back, taking another swig from the bottle. Once finished, he set the whiskey bottle in his lap, wiped his mouth off and sort of stared off to the side as he thought about it.
"I dunno. My family's cool I guess. They don't do anything bad…I just don't like them. I think they're fake. Everyone's pretty fake, really."
Eric narrowed his eyes at him, somewhat understanding what he was getting at. People were pretty fake. Even those who were really close with you were always hiding something.
"Yeah…okay I get it," Eric replied as he reached his hand forward, wanting the bottle back. Craig didn't indulge.
"What about you?" he asked, ignoring Eric's hand blatantly, "what have you got to be such an asshole about?"
"Gimme that…" Eric insisted, ignoring the question. He really didn't want things to get all 'real' and 'emotional'. The purpose of tonight was for him to be entertained, not opening up and bonding with someone he honestly couldn't care less about.
"No. Tell me something about yourself. You wanted to hang out tonight we can at least have a fucking conversation," Craig insisted. Goddamnit this kid was frustrating.
Eric let out an irritated sigh. Perhaps Craig wasn't the best person to invite out. He was a real pain in the ass.
"This isn't any fun Craig…stoppit," he insisted. There was no way he was going to go through with this. Bonding with another guy? No fucking way.
Still…that little, feminine, confused part of him sort of wanted to open up. Craig seemed like he could be a real, comforting, strong man.
"For you it's not," Craig said, smirking arrogantly at Eric. Jesus…he got as much enjoyment out of people's discomfort as he did. He'd never met someone as diabolical as he before.
Alright…Craig wanted to play? Fine. He would play.
"Alright…well…if I do talk tell you then I want something in return."
Craig rolled his eyes, though couldn't help but respond. Eric had lured him in.
"Like what, fatso?"
"Hmmm…" he began, leaning back and putting his finger to his chin. What to do, what to do?
"If I tell you why I'm so pissed off then you have to tell me a secret about you that nobody knows."
Craig eyed him for a minute, seemingly deciding if that was a good move. After a few moments of skeptical staring between the two of them, Craig finally handed the whiskey over to Eric, leaning back and folding his arms across his chest in submission. This could be fun.
Eric took the bottle and had about three swallows of it before setting it down in his lap and eyeing Craig. He was considerably drunk at this point; his head felt as though he were floating.
"Well…why are you such an asshole then?" Craig urged, seeming as though he were pouting a bit.
Eric leaned forward, caressing the precious whiskey bottle he possessed in his lap.
"First of all…I'm not an asshole. Other people are dicks to me first…I just defend myself. Second of all…" he paused for a moment, trying collect his drunken thoughts. He really wished he hadn't let himself get to this point. Sometimes when he was drunk he would divulge things he really didn't want to, "…I'm…I don't know. Things aren't good at home, you know? My mom sucks. I don't have a dad. No one really ever wants to hang out with me…It just…sucks, that's all."
Craig looked him over. His face was blank, which sort of irritated Cartman. Just as Eric was about to lash out at him, however, he spoke up.
"That sucks dude. I'm sorry."
Eric sort of breathed in and held it, a little surprised to receive any sympathy. No one ever sympathized with him. Of course, no one really ever bothered to ask.
"Why do you care?" he suddenly questioned, realizing that Craig's interest was a little odd.
Craig shrugged in response, holding out his hand. He wanted some more whiskey if they were going to continue their conversation. Eric surrendered it to him.
"I dunno. I'm bored and we're hanging out. Just thought we should talk about something."
Eric eyed him. He was starting to feel a little paranoid. Was Craig planning on using this information against him? What malicious intent did he have gathering this sensitive information about him? There was no way in Hell he was just genuinely interested. No, Craig Tucker was definitely up to something.
"Well…what about you? Tell me something you've never told anyone," Eric insisted, wanting to have something equally as sensitive. This would be leverage in the event Craig ever tried to use any of this against him.
Craig smirked a bit, downing a sizeable drink of the whiskey. They were damn near finishing off the bottle at this point.
"Well…uh…hmmm…" he pondered out loud, trying to decide just what he was ready to divulge to Eric. It was funny because, had they been sober, neither of them would've partaken in this stupid game because the both of them were weary of sharing personal information with others. Plus, both of them had always hated each other for the most part.
Eric leaned forward, his eyes wide with curiosity. He was fucking hammered and Craig was hard to focus on at this point. Still, he had to hear what he had to say because it could be very important later on.
"…Okay…here's something…there was this one time when I was banging Bebe a few months ago and…shit got weird…"
"Sick. Banging Bebe is bad enough!" Eric said, genuinely disgusted. Bebe was such a filthy whore. He really hated her guts.
Craig raised his eyebrows and chuckled a bit, catching Eric off guard.
"Yeah…it is…but it gets worse, dude. We were right in the middle of it, right…like really going at it. I'm on top of her and her legs are all propped up on my shoulders and everything…she's screaming and grabbing at the sheets all crazy and everything and then, all of a sudden, out of nowhere, she asks me to piss on her face!"
Eric put his hand to his mouth, struggling to keep himself from erupting in laughter. That was totally unexpected!
"Jesus Christ dude…what did you do?"
Craig smiled and started to laugh a bit, "I did it…"
"What!" Eric shouted before erupting into a fit of hysterical laughter. Holy fucking shit that was fantastic. What a golden little nugget of information.
Craig was laughing pretty hard too, surprised that he was actually having a decent time with Eric. They laughed together for a few more minutes before calming themselves.
"Fuck dude…this is actually kinda fun," Craig suddenly said, his eyes a little hazy from his drunken state. Eric figured he probably looked about the same.
"Yeah…kinda I guess," Eric replied. That was as nice as he was going to be.
Craig smiled at him before taking another swig of whiskey and suddenly sitting up straight.
"Let's go outside…it's stuffy in here," he announced as he shoved the whiskey into Eric's hand and opened up his door, half way falling out of it. Luckily, he managed to hold himself up with the door handle.
Eric laughed at him as he watched him clumsily prop himself back up. Craig turned around and glared at him.
"Oh please…you try and get out I bet you fall right on that big fat ass of yours!"
Eric felt his cheeks flush hot. What a mother fucker. He wasn't fat. He was fucking big boned. Jesus why couldn't people just understand that? In a fit of irrational rage, Eric thrust his door open and, much to his dissatisfaction, found himself falling face first into the dirt. He could hear Craig's annoying, nasally, arrogant, butt fucking laugh from the other side of his car.
"Goddamnit Craig I fucking hate you you sonuvabitch!" Eric screamed angrily as he struggled to get himself up. He was further irritated to find that he couldn't get up by himself.
Craig, still laughing like a maniac, made his way over to Eric's side of the car and reached out his hand, silently offering to help Eric up.
"Fuck off Craig I don't need your goddamn help!" Eric hollered, slapping his hand on the car door in an attempt to grab onto something.
Craig continued to laugh as he watched. A few determined seconds passed by before Eric realized he was too drunk to get a hold of anything.
"Fine…I'll just stay right here, I don't need your help…" he murmured.
Craig shook his head at him, smirking, before sitting down Indian style beside him.
"Can I at least roll you over?" Craig asked, unable to resist joking around.
"Goddamnit Craig you gay piece of shit I can do it myself!" Eric shouted before finally forcing himself to sit up. He was wavering back and forth as he struggled to insult Craig, who was still chuckling at him. What a goddamn asshole.
"Dude…it's okay to ask for some fucking help sometimes," Craig insisted, not sounding overly concerned. Fuck. This bonding was getting annoying.
"No it isn't. Christ…it's okay if you have a fucking vagina!"
Craig rolled his eyes before taking the last swig of the whiskey. Eric certainly didn't need anymore.
Cartman watched intently as Craig finished off the bottle and uncaringly thrust it out towards the pond. It hit a tree and shattered violently, somewhat exciting the both of them.
"Craig, you're so kewl…" Eric mocked, somewhat serious beneath the joke.
"Fuck off Cartman…don't be a dick," he retorted, lifting his knees to his chest and wrapping his arms around them. He looked bored again, which somewhat panicked Eric. He didn't want him to leave.
"I'm not. I'm seriously…you're fun. Tonight has been fun."
Craig narrowed his eyes as he looked at Eric, unsure if he was being serious or not. He simply couldn't tell. However, he decided to attribute this odd behavior to the alcohol and he let it roll off of his back.
"Yeah…okay. I'm having fun too."
Eric smiled broadly, suddenly craving the positive attention he was receiving. This happened frequently when he drank. He spent so much time convincing himself he didn't need anyone to give a shit that once his inhibitions were gone he always found himself clinging and latching onto anyone who showed him the slightest bit of affection.
"Break something else…" Eric insisted, craving the excitement watching that glass shatter had provided him.
"What?" Craig asked, genuinely caught off guard.
"Break something…I want to see more," Eric insisted. Fuck he was so hammered.
"Like what?" Craig asked, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion as he spoke. Eric was acting strange. That was the first time he should've known he was dealing with a truly fucked up individual. However, due to the fact that he was also enjoying smashing shit up, he chose to ignore the very blatant warning sign.
"I dunno…is there anything in the car?" Eric asked, blinking stupidly as he struggled to keep balance of his torso. He was still rocking back and forth.
"Uh…no…you're car is actually super clean…" Craig insisted. He had already inspected the contents of the car when he'd first entered it. It didn't look anything like he'd imagined Eric's car to appear. He was, strangely, very tidy and didn't keep a lot of unnecessary items on hand.
Eric sighed and leaned his back onto his car in defeat.
"Then hit me," he suddenly said, a disturbing light washing over his delicate face. Craig narrowed his eyes some more.
"What? No way! I'm not gonna hit you!"
"Why not? You kick everyone else's ass at school…why won't you hit me?"
Craig stared at him in disbelief, "because I don't wanna! Jesus…why do you want me to hit you anyway?"
Eric shrugged, "I dunno. I just thought it might be fun."
"Fun? Christ, Eric. That's pretty fucked up…"
"Whatever Craig. You're just as fucked up as I am. You know it sounds like a good idea…" Eric taunted, playing on his emotions. He was so good at manipulating people. It was a gift he had, to be able to meet an individual and zero in on their weaknesses. Craig's weakness was that he was a little sick and twisted, which Eric felt like exploiting.
"Uh…well…" Craig looked him over skeptically for a moment before continuing to speak, "…are we gonna fight? I mean…are you gonna hit me back?"
"Do you want me to hit you back?" Eric asked, wanting Craig to determine the rules of this game.
Craig paused for a moment, mulling it around in his head before answering, "kinda…"
Eric smirked maliciously at him, "see…you're just as fucked up as I am…"
Craig's eyes widened, his face still showing utter confusion. However, it was mere seconds before he looked totally intrigued.
"Okay…so…you just want me to hit you…in the face?"
"If that's what you want. Is that what you want to do?" Eric asked, excitement building in his chest.
Craig swallowed hard as he started to crawl a little closer, a light in his eyes that Cartman had never noticed before.
"Yeah…kinda…" Craig admitted as he got into Eric's face. The air was thick with tension and eager excitement between them.
"Okay…so do it then, pussy…" Cartman suddenly said, knowing it would set Craig off.
Craig immediately sat up straight, pulled his fist back and punched Eric as hard as he could right in the nose. Eric's body slammed into the car behind him as blood immediately started to gush out of the injured area.
"Fuck!" He shouted as he started to breath heavily. He was immediately aroused at the violent, physical contact.
Craig's eyes widened with fear and excitement as Eric shoved him hard to the ground, hopping on top of him and starting to throw punches at him. He hit him a few times in the face, but Craig managed to block most of them with his arms. There was no way he was going to let Eric best him. Sure, Cartman was much larger but Craig was stronger and in better shape, so he managed to pop him a good one in the jaw before shoving him off and jumping on top of him.
"Fuck you Craig! I hate you!" Eric shouted as Craig started to rain punches down onto him.
In between punches Eric managed to scratch him and hit him a few times, causing his face to bleed a bit.
"You're a goddamn asshole Cartman!" Craig hollered out, caught up in the moment. They really weren't even mad at each other, though they were both feeling incredibly heated.
Suddenly, in the middle of the violent exchange Eric grabbed onto Craig's neck and pulled him down, firmly pressing his lips to his. Craig's eyes were wide with surprise as he let out a protesting whimper.
Craig put his hands to Eric's chest and pushed himself off, standing up and stumbling backwards as he looked at Cartman with disgusted surprise.
"What the fuck are you doing!" he demanded, wiping his mouth. His eye was scratched and bleeding as well as his lip.
"I…I…uh…I don't know…" Eric stammered, a little surprised that he had allowed himself to do that.
"Jesus Christ Cartman!" Craig shouted angrily as he slammed his fist into Cartman's car, "why'd you have to go and do that? Fuck!"
Eric, for the first time in a while, felt sheer terror rising in his chest. How had he allowed that to happen? Fuck…he'd spent all his life resisting the homosexual urges and fantasies he so frequently experienced. He fought the feminine desires he harbored so deep down inside. He'd risen above all of the psychological, involuntary sexual confusion he dealt with on a daily basis for all of these years. How could this have possibly happened?
"You better not tell anyone Craig or I'll fucking kill you!" Eric threatened, standing himself up. He was still stumbling and lost in his drunken stupor.
"Shut up, Eric. I'm not gonna fuckin' tell anyone," Craig responded, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. He didn't seem as pissed off anymore, which confused the hell out of Cartman.
Eric watched him nervously as he struggled to wrap his head around what had just happened.
"So…you're a fag then?" Craig suddenly asked, not trying to be malicious.
"What? No! It was an accident…I'm sorry!" Eric replied, feeling as though he were going to lose his shit. This was not cool. This was seriously not cool.
"Cartman…you don't accidentally kiss a dude. You're gay…admit it," Craig insisted, angry that he had kissed him and sort of wanting him to acknowledge it was intentional.
Cartman swallowed hard, looking as though he might start to cry. Craig stared at him for a few minutes before sighing and stepping around aimlessly. He looked rather distressed.
"I want to go home…" Eric insisted, folding his arms across his chest and staring at the ground.
"Yeah, okay…fine…gimme your keys," Craig said, frustrated, as he held out his hand expectantly.
Eric quietly reached into the pocket of his jeans and pulled his keys out, surrendering them to his far more sober friend. Craig sighed as he took them and put his hand on Eric's shoulder, guiding him over to the passenger side of the car. He felt sympathetic all of a sudden, realizing that Eric had genuinely made a mistake. It was pretty obvious he was repressing some sexual urges and he hadn't meant to follow through with that.
Craig looked at him sympathetically as he patted Eric's shoulder. Eric didn't bother to look at him, simply slumping into his seat and focusing on his hands, which were placed awkwardly in his lap. He was obviously ashamed beyond all belief.
Craig looked towards the sky before blowing air out of his mouth in a stressed manner. He walked over to the driver's side of the car and started it once inside. He sat there for a moment, waiting for Eric to say something. He didn't, however, so he simply backed out of their spot and headed towards Eric's house. He was still pretty drunk but somehow managed to get them to Eric's house safely. Once there, he got out and walked over to the passenger side to let Eric out.
As Eric got out of the car he allowed him to lean on him for balance and walked him into the house, averting his eyes to the sky the entire time. He couldn't help but feel awkward. Not only had a dude put the moves on him, but it was fucking Eric Cartman. He was the most hated kid at school…it just wasn't right. Still…he did feel some empathy towards him. He knew what it was like to worry about being ostracized by one's peers. That was the only reason he'd managed to be so popular. He worried about it enough to create this entirely careless, rebellious and aggressive persona. Sure, there were elements of all of those things in his personality, but he amplified them in order to make his peers feel like they at least had some respect for him, whether they liked him or not.
"Here…lay down…" Craig instructed as he walked Eric into his living room, plopping him down on the couch. Eric seemed really fucking hammered, which Craig couldn't help but feel a little bad about. He was aware of the fact that Eric had been competing with him while they were drinking and he got a bit of enjoyment out of it.
He let out a heavy sigh as he had himself a seat on the floor beside Eric, who's eyes were shifting back and forth. He must've had the spins.
"Do you need anything?" Craig asked, figuring he could probably use some water or something.
"No I'm fine. Fuck you Craig," Eric responded, his eyes still darting back and forth. He clearly couldn't focus.
Craig smirked at him before standing himself up and making his way into the kitchen. The house was a little untidy, which surprised Craig after seeing how neat Eric's car was. Of course, the house was probably solely Liane's responsibility if he had a guess. Eric didn't seem to the type to help his mother out too much.
Craig cleared his throat as he located the glasses and filled one up with some tap water for Eric. He figured he would be less cranky in the morning if he was hydrated, so he made his way back to the living room and took his previous seat once more. Eric tried to look at him with those fleeting eyes of his.
"The fuck are you doing, Tucker?" he asked.
"Drink this…it will make you feel better," Craig instructed as he leaned himself on the couch and placed the glass into Eric's hand.
Eric grabbed it and sort of sat himself up so he could sip on it. Craig watched as he drank about a third of the glass and handed it back to him. He took it and set it down on the ground as Cartman laid himself back down, wanting to shut his eyes.
"You okay?" Craig asked, noticing he kept opening his eyes after brief moments of keeping them closed.
"I feel like I'm gonna barf when I shut my eyes," he admitted.
Craig nodded, "yeah…you've got the spins. It's okay dude…just shut your eyes and ignore it for a few minutes. It will go away."
Eric nodded as he closed his eyes. Craig watched him for a few minutes before smiling and standing up, pulling a throw blanket off the back of the couch and gently placing it atop Eric. He sort of tucked it around him, which caused Eric to open his eyes once more.
"Why are you acting like such a fag, Craig?" Eric whispered, sounding as though he were about to knock out.
Craig sat down once more, his hands still aimlessly tucking blankets beneath Eric's bulky body.
"Shut up Eric."
Cartman smiled as he fluttered his eyes shut once more, "see you tomorrow."
Craig smiled at him before leaning forward and planting a friendly kiss atop his head, "yeah see you tomorrow. And don't feel bad…I'll keep your secret."
Eric nodded before letting out a quiet snore. Craig wasn't even sure if he'd caught that last part, but figured it didn't matter anyway. He'd probably forget all about what had happened and treat Craig like a complete asshole tomorrow.
At least they'd had tonight.
