Random XigDem fic because I couldn't sleep all night. Hope y'all enjoy.

No, I do not own any of this shit.

Yes, there will be swearing and yaoi.

-x-

"Hey, Dem-yx," chimed Axel, putting an annoying inflection on Demyx's name that sounded like he was mocking him. Axel was always mocking something. That, or trying to get into Roxas's pants.

"Hi, Axel," Demyx said wearily, opening the fridge and looking for... aha! There it was, in pristine condition, his piece of cheesecake, labelled "Demyx's cake, DO NOT TOUCH" and hidden behind the broccoli. "Where's Roxas?"

"Still asleep. He's exhausted after last night." Demyx nearly choked on his cake. "We were playing video games for, like, hours," Axel tacked onto the end of his sentence, knowing full well he had nearly killed Demyx with his fucking double entendres while Demyx was trying to eat.

"I think I have a mission in Twilight Town today," Demyx said, sitting on top of the kitchen counter. He knew that if Xaldin came in then he would start bitching about improper treatment of work surfaces, which would spark the rebirth of the neverending debate – did Luxord and Xaldin fuck on the countertop? It was a topic often discussed among the Organization, along with who topped out of Marluxia and Vexen and whether Lexaeus had ever accidentally squished Zexion in bed. Sometimes, Demyx thought to himself, the Organization seemed like a fucking high school, filled with gossipers and rumours. You had Roxas, the innocent newbie who would very soon be a completely different, mentally scarred person, you had Larxene, the permanently PMSing one, Axel, the liar, Zexion, the EMO...

"Cheesecake for breakfast?" And then you had the one who always got their own way. "Honestly, Demyx, I don't know how you keep the weight off. If I ate the way that you do..." Xigbar stood directly in front of Demyx, who was still perched on the kitchen counter, and traced patterns on the younger Nobody's knee with one gloved finger. "You know that mission of yours in Twilight Town today?"

"Yes..." Demyx said cautiously, eyeing Xigbar with something between fear and irritation.

Axel raised an eyebrow at the scene unfolding in front of him. He could see how uncomfortable Demyx was. It was not exactly a secret that Xigbar had been trying to access Demyx's dick since his very first day here, and every single one-on-one encounter that Number II and Number IX had was more interesting and tense than the last. Sooner or later, everyone was sure, Demyx would crack, and Xigbar would get what he wanted.

"I was talking to Xemnas about it. He said that he wanted you to have a partner, just in case you get hurt, and I volunteered." Demyx kept eating cheesecake just so that he could resist the urge to kick Xigbar in the face. "I figured we could spend some more time together, since you avoid me all the fucking time at the moment..."

"Have you heard the rumour that's going around?" asked Demyx, trying to force his voice into nonchalance but only sounding more stressed out. "Apparently you want my dick."

Any answer – literally any answer, from "Ew, I hate dicks" to "I bet yours is tiny" to "I like trains" – anything would have been better than what Xigbar said next.

"I want more than just your dick, Waterboy."

Demyx went pink and Axel clamped a hand over his mouth to keep from laughing too loudly and getting yelled at by Xigbar. "Did you just call me Waterboy?"

"Really, Demyx? That's what you're calling him up on? His nickname for you?" demanded Axel, shaking his head at the stupidity of it all. Honestly, anyone would think that Demyx's train of thought was masterminded by some teenage girl who wrote fanfiction and did things purely for the lulz.

"Well, what would you like me to call you?" asked Xigbar smoothly, as Demyx finished his cheesecake and began scraping the crumbs off the plate with his spoon. He didn't think licking it clean would be a great idea in front of Xigbar, somehow.

"Anything except Waterboy. That's what Luxord calls me."

Xigbar's face darkened at the mention of that British whore, the one who had had the fucking nerve to kiss Demyx on New Year's Eve right in front of Xigbar, who had of course harmed him severely afterwards. "Can't call you that then, can I, babe?"

Demyx pulled a face but didn't protest to being called babe, knowing that there were far worse things he could have been called. "Xigbar, can you move? I've finished my breakfast and you're kinda in my way." Demyx was still on the counter, and he gestured to the sink he wanted to put his plate in, but Xigbar didn't budge.

"I could call you babe..." he said slowly, his finger beginning to dance up and down Demyx's leg. "Hm. I'll have to think about that."

"Xigbar, I need to be standing where you're standing." Suddenly Xigbar was gone, and there was a moment in which Demyx was relieved before – "Xigbar, get the fuck off my lap!"

"I don't think I will." Xigbar traced a finger along Demyx's jaw. "Now... what to call you..."

Demyx realised the only way of getting out of this situation was to get inside Xigbar's brain and use it against him. So what did he know about Xigbar, exactly? That he liked guns, explosions and Demyx, apparently, and he wanted Demyx's dick. Hm. His dick could work. "Xigbar," he began softly, "I really need to go and get ready for our mission together."

"Nice try, kid," Xigbar half-laughed, getting comfortable on Demyx's lap. Axel decided that it was too early in the morning for all of this and went to snuggle with an unsuspecting Roxas. "I'm not stupid."

"Who said anything about stupid?" Demyx purred into Xigbar's ear. "I just wanted to go and do my hair before we leave. Or, hey, we could leave now if you felt like it." As long as you get off of me, I don't care. "Come on, just hop off my lap and we can go to Twilight Town together and... do a mission..."

Xigbar chortled, his arms sliding around Demyx's waist but his hands creeping ever lower. "You do this every time. Promise me sex if I just leave you alone for five minutes, I leave you alone for five minutes and BAM! you're on your period, or you're ill, or you've got something to do..."

Demyx smirked. "You love the chase," he said, licking Xigbar's ear just to see what kind of a reaction he could get. "Admit it, that's why you chose me, because I'm such a little prude that it would actually last more than two days."

Xigbar pressed his forehead to Demyx's now, and suddenly all the sexual tension seemed to melt away in place of real, deep, serious conversation. "I chose you, Mister Melodious Nocturne," he whispered, his fingers winding through Demyx's caramel hair and his one golden eye darting over Demyx's face like he was trying to memorise it, "because I am in love with you."

"But we're Nobodies, we can't –"

"Yes, we can."

And with that one sentence, which has probably buttfucked your childhood because you are now picturing Bob The Builder with an eyepatch and guns, Xigbar kissed Demyx, and then left for Twilight Town, knowing that Demyx would follow, because really, it wasn't a chase. It was a journey that the two of them were both enjoying.

-x-

Whoa... dude. I just threw that together because I couldn't sleep, and it might be sappy as fuck but that's just how I roll. Any reviews would be greatly appreciated. In face, every review donates one fuck to the give-a-fuck-appeal 2012. Please give any spare fucks you can find at home, be they pristine or beaten-up. We need all the fucks we can get.

Thank you and goodnight.