Warning: Swearing? Gratuitous German. Sex in later chapters?

Germany/Prussia

Disclaimer: I do not own Hetalia, All its characters belong to its creator. (If I owned this series there would be more female nations around and Germany would definitely have a sexy sister… ah scratch that, a sexy brother is enough.)

Wild on the inside

(While you read this keep in mind that I just take ideas and clichés that revolve around this couple for granted, saves me a lot of explanation. Example: Prussia lives in Germany's house after the unification … might be cannon actually, but I'm not an expert… and he doesn't do sh***^^ and of course stereotypically they are consuming a load of beer each. Also, I'll introduce a made-up childhood trauma as a "plot-device" in this very chapter… oh and Prussia is just slightly obsessed… and this whole story can be pretty confusing, because I don't know if it is always clear who is talking or thinking at the moment, my bad.

2nd thing, but it's only to satisfy my sense of morality: I do not consider them biological brothers actually; for those of you who thinks it's hotter if they are actual siblings: just ignore this last sentence…)

Why is it that Germany does the cooking and cleaning so excessively while Prussia appears to do nothing but sitting in his basement, drinking beer and living of his cooking and money… this is the question Germany popped one evening at the dinner table.

"You make it seem as if you were doing all the work when in fact… when in fact we are of course sharing all the work like brothers should."

Germany cocked an eyebrow: "Oh really, when was the last time that you did anything useful around my house? You don't have to lift a finger all day, while I have to do the household and all the paperwork."

Prussia lazily leaned back into his chair. "Well, that is what you do best West. You're the Mädchen für alles… you clean, cook and scrub like a good little girl… you take care of the lame stuff like finances…"

"And while I have to iron out you're mistakes. Like last week when you got drunk, picked the old grenade launcher from the cellar and tried to dig tunnels into the hardwood floor, thinking you were in No-man's-land again. Then you phoned Ivan, announcing you were fully prepared to "kick his vodka-reeking ass into next week". Whereupon he actually showed up, while you just went off to sleep, while I had one of the most disturbing conversations with him, during which he demanded I'd turn you over to him three times and that I'd become one with him instead four times… Solved the problem when I slipped into the kitchen to phone his little sister, who dragged him away like a starving spider. Gave me nightmares and a headache."

"Ja, that's just what you do, diplomacy-crap and ironing, especially ironing and getting your ass saved by chicks", Prussia put on a lazy smirk, "while I on the other hand", he made a dramatic pause", have a fulltime job just being awesome that is."

"Great, you have any qualifications to back that up?"

"Well isn't it obvious, little brother? I look the most awesome; I have a lifetime of experience having fun, while you at your young age are a professional Spassbremse. Your lack of humour and your stiffness is legendary, like how you always get even more serious and quiet when you're drunk, while awesome people just get nakid' and score, and nobody ever complained by the way", Prussia winked, "so in a way you could say, I do everything to keep up the Germanic reputation, while you're merely a Schreibtischhengst."

"Gut, to sum it up: you pride yourself because of your sleazy looks, your ability to laugh about the crudest things, your complete lack of manners, morals and control, your inability to handle the easiest tasks of daily life…"

Gilbert's eyebrow was twitching and he started to look a little gloomy.

"… oh my bad, I forgot your sexual prowess my dear elder brother, you are really an adornment to our noble house." Silently smirking Germany took a sip of his beer. He'd show him… meanwhile Prussia was thinking just the same, only he had not a battle of wits in mind…

"Pah! You have no idea at all! Not only concerning my awesome sexing… -"Please, you probably should become a professional so you could make some of the money back you owe me theoretically…" –"My West, insulting your elder brother like that… you do have a sense of humour, you hypocrite. You're starting to sound like that stuck-up Weichei Roderich and I taught him a lesson or two back in 1866. You want a taste of that?

"Brother, you're drunk, you're picking a fight with me?" Germany suggested unusually bold.

Prussia abruptly rose from the table, knocking his chair over in the process: "What? You scared…? No seriously, what I have had in mind for ages is a friendly sparing session, just to show you what big brother has learned over the countless battles he has fought." By now he really started to feel a little dizzy and he felt like taunting his long-time host: "You know I bet you still hit like a 5-year-old, because you can't get any practice with that tight schedule of yours. Isn't that actually just a pretext, you detest the violence soooo much, I bet."

"Two things: First look at my body, does it look like that of a 5 year old…? -Yeah maybe that of a really hot, tall, muscular 5-year-old with slight sideburns… The hell? Why am I noticing this?

"Yeah you got all brawny, so what?" And... hot… "You don't know what to do with all those muscles, too busy acting intellectual."

"…And secondly: You haven't seen any real action on the battlefield since nearly a century, while I have grown stronger and hardened during two all-out wars."

Prussia came to like that small display of utterly misplaced arrogance coming from his overly political correct brother and how his brother's mouth showed the faintest hint of an angry smirk: "Gettin' cocky are we, yes? Wouldn't that be my job, now? Taking all the credit for WWI and II… bet the American would come over to kick your ass again if he could hear you talk like that. You aren't as mature as you'd like to be now."

Ludwig was actually getting angry at himself for letting his insane, lazy brother make a fool out of him like that. Getting him to act immature himself was like a defeat to him and he already wanted to actually beat him for being able to point it out to him despite being generally seemingly not the brightest and being drunk of his ass. And it is in no way related to the fact that I'm actually pretty wasted myself by now… oh how Germany hated it when that small amount of control he held started to slip.

Germany reached over the small table, pulling his brother forward by his uniform-jacket getting close enough to his face so that he could smell beer-breath: "Gut, you and me doing a little sparing sounds reasonable, may be the only way to finally get some sense into you." –"Your words don't match your actions at all right now –and that is pretty hot all by itself-, you know my wasted little brother up until now you had me fooled, but you're getting' pretty irritable when you had a little too much to drink. As generous as I am, I would offer you to wait until tomorrow, when you're actually able to fight me –just need to push him a little more- although it would be hilarious to watch you stumble around and punch the air. All I want is that you honour my extreme kindness with a little kiss goodnight and I'll even promise to pretend that I'm actually trying when I kick your sorry ass tomorrow." Now that should get his blood boiling.

Germany clenched his fists until his knuckles became white and made that last effort to come out as the superior of this conversation and leave it at that: "You know you're just being stupid and avoiding the original topic, it's about time that you learn to do the simplest of things; even a monkey could do chores. As long as you put your feet under my table…"

The elder brother broke into a fit of laughter: "Verdammt West you just killed me! The way you tried to insult me just yet, oh I pity you I really do... you're just boring." Oh he hoped this was going well enough if not this chance would never be offered to him again, if his brother wouldn't finally throw him out, he would at least ignore him for quite a while if he couldn't go all out now.

"Oh my sweet, boring little West…" he said lovingly as he brushed Ludwig's black glove aside to place a sloppy kiss on the back of the hand that was just about to let go of his collar. The other noticed this and raised himself from the table with the most confident smirk. "Well Gilbert I don't know what you were trying to pull just now, but looks like I won't be giving you the satisfaction today… -Damn West, that would be the thing I crave from you since month now… ah for years probably, ever since you grew up so perfectly manly. Gott he is driving me mad today…- Go ahead and make a fool out of yourself alone. I'll just be going…"

Just now, as Ludwig actually had won the first round of the game he was only partly aware of playing and the magnificent flames of victory engulfed his tall, statuesque form, Gilbert decided that he had to have it. He would get him to lose it, hit him, hit him first and this instant, make it hurt, make him gather even more of that gorgeous unusual cockiness and then beat him and conquer him…

What he was about to do was going to push him over the edge for sure, but it could ruin everything… it didn't matter by now, he was mad with need for them to at least exchange blows if it meant excessive physical contact.

"What, little brother? Don't you want to get you're long awaited pay-back for that incident, I'll let you land a few good hits if you try hard enough…" He was smirking cruelly, but even in his poisoned state of mind he was regretting this.

Germany had stopped in his tracks. "What are you… TALKING ABOUT?" He already was positively infuriated. Prussia actually had to try hard to preserve his cocky smirk for his "finishing-move": "Oh just that one time under the apple tree, wasn't it hilarious, little one?" –Actually that wasn't hilarious, it was probably one of the cruellest things I could have done to a young nation at that time, it was just my second biggest mistake right after bringing this topic up again… "Haven't seen you crying ever again after that time, you want to talk 'bout it with your big brother…?"

BAMM! As Germany's fist connected with his pale chin, he knew it was only a matter of time now and that was sweet bliss – to trigger this reaction from the calm and confident man. Guilt had to wait, maybe he could even find a way to make it up to him, but right now it would only be about how the most awesome person alive could get what he wanted… from the second most awesome person. Scratch that, right now he is as awesome as one can get…

(I don't know how this allusion to Germany's trauma came out this wrong… it's not that bad actually, just a cruel thing for a child… ah the hell before I understate the situation, I'll rather explain it in the next chapter, which will hopefully include the sex and a fight, however I will pull that one off.

I'm so glad I could at least finish chapter 1, please leave one or two inspiring reviews.)

Annotations:

Mädchen für alles - best boy (you know those guys at film sets that bring the actors coffee etc.); in this case "best girl" to add insult

Spassbremse - Partypooper

Schreibtischhengst - paper pusher (mild insult, plain mockery; can be seen as innuendo because it includes German: Hengst = stallion & well Schreibtisch = desk but that doesn't matter:D )

Weichei - softy, wimp (from German: weich = soft & Ei = egg) go figure what's up with German insults:D

1866 - Seven Weeks War/ Austrian-Prussian war

Verdammt - damn