Summer 2013

Destiny Islands

"Sora, get up your going to be late!"

My radio alarm excessively beats out techno across the warm room. My eyes finally begin to open slowly as the volume increases.

"Come on hun, it's the last day...How hard can it be?" I hear my mothers voice from the other side of the door.

How hard can it be...?

"Ahh...fuck..."I groan, wiping my eyes.

Yeah.

"I'm up...!" I yell out from under the sheets.

"Hurry, your cereal is getting soggy." I hear mom's soft footsteps disappear down towards Roxas' room.

I throw the warm sheets off me and jump up.

She's right. It is the last day. In fact, the very last day of highschool. How hard can it be to face Riku this one last time?

...Fuck...who am I kidding? I'm a mess. I can't...

I walk over to my radio alarm clock and stare at it before I give it a yank straight off the wall. After brushing my teeth and getting dressed I jump down the stairs and head straight into the kitchen where my Roxas and my bowl of soggy cereal awaits me.

I lift the spoon from the bowl once before deciding that it's a no go for breakfast today. Roxas is leaning across the counter with a bagel in hand eying me up and down. His dirty blonde hair just as disheveled as mine.

We're just like twins, everyone says.

"What?"

"You've been wearing the same black outfit for a week now. You're starting to scare everyone at school. People think you're going mad, like you're gonna try to take everyone out today. You know..." He makes a gun with his fingers.

I sigh, "I haven't had time for laundry."

"Bull..."He sings out.

We both begin to walk towards the front door.

"Bye mom!" We both yell up the stairs before walking out.

The sun was in the middle of rising above the horizon, brightening up all the small island homes. We sit in my car and wait for it to warm up.

"So what you're like a goth now? Shit-y music if you ask me, been there done that." Roxas comments.

"Glad you find some humor in my situation..."

"I'm sorry. It's just that...well, it is only a break-up. You and Riku were together for a long ass time but hell, it's time to move on. It's been like, what, two months since the break up now?"

"After being with him for four fucking years, two months tends to feel like two days."
Roxas shakes his head, chuckling.

"I think you need to hit this."

"What...?"

I look over to see Roxas trying to light his fucking joint in my car and push his head over.

"Don't light that crap in my car Roxas...!" I yelled.
"What?" He laughs as though it's a joke.

"I'm depressed, not a druggie."

"Whatever...I ain't no druggie..." He replies almost defensively as he sparked up his joint and began puffing.

"I hate you." I reach into the glove department and grab my heavy duty scarf, wrapping it around my mouth and nose as to not get high off of second hand smoke.

Call me whatever you want.

He starts to laugh away at me all the while taking huge hits off of his joint.

"I don't know how you can stand the smell of that shit, you're gross."
"Fuck you, you're gross."

He makes the smoke ballon in his mouth, drawing it back in through his nostrils.

I shake my head.

I would try getting through to Roxas that drugs are no way to live but he's as stubborn as a goat. I care about him a lot, and we actually get along great when I'm not as depressed, it's just the drugs.

The goddamned drugs.

Drugs kind of ruined our childhood.

Our 'dad' is a huge meth fiend.

And we've been living in a meth lab on and off for years.

"Hey Sora...you wanna know something cool?"
"What?"
He takes one last huge rip off of his joint before blowing smoke onto the side of my face.

"You get the highest when it's blown in your ears!"

"Roxas! What the fuck?!"
"Haha you deserved it you dick! Don't worry I'm sure your super scarf will protect you from reefer madness." He bellows.

"Wh-what about the ear thing!?"
"What about it? I was just fucking with you. You don't really believe you can get high through having smoke in your ears, do ya?" He chuckles and it makes me want to deck him in the face.

-x-

Me and Roxas debate all the way from home into the school on whether I should be putting suspicious smoke in my lungs or not. It was rather annoying to hear his defense on the subject.

"All I'm saying, is that you'll probably be able to make a little sense of all the bullshit in your life if you'd just pick up a pipe."

"Yeah, lets say I pick up a pipe and decide to start killing people. What then?"

Roxas throws up his hands as he begins to walk off, "Don't take my word for it!"

The hallways are bustling with excited students walking to and from lockers and classrooms. The aroma of shitty processed breakfast is wafting through the air. It's obvious that the focus of today is summer.

"Sora!" I hear Kairi as she hugs me from behind.
"You bum!"

"Hey."
"You still down in the dumps?" She holds my arm as we walk to my locker.

"I had a little fight with myself last night on whether I should hang myself so yeah I suppose you could say I'm still hanging out in the dumps."

She pouts, "Sora..."
I shake my head, "It's fine. I'm fine. I just need this day to end so summer lovin' can begin." I dig into myself and pull out a smile that never seems to fail public eyes.

"That's my Sora! Look, I know you aren't going to the grad party but after it's over you're welcome to come over to my place watch some films with Namine and I."

"Don't worry about me, I've gotta run a bunch of errands after the graduation so I'll probably be knocked out by the time the party's over."

She frowns, "Okay. Well you know you can come over at anytime, don't hesitate."

The bell rings as I throw my backpack in the locker.

"I won't, you know me Kairi." I smile once again.

"Okay, I gotta head to class, see you at lunch."

She gives me a quick hug before she scuttles off to class.

I lean up against my locker for a second. Hayner should be here. He should be here skipping with me. But instead he's all the way in Twilight Town, righting his wrongs because he can't control his temper.

I feel so alone...

I take my backpack out from the locker again and head straight to the boys bathroom. It was empty.

Inside the stench was like usual, piss, shit, and a bit of sweat to bring it all together. I claim the cleanest stall and take a seat, pulling my legs up close to my chest.

The tears want to come out, but I'm not sure if there's any left. So I just grip my hair tight.

"I wish...why don't you love me Riku...?" I thought to myself.

Me and Riku had something special. At least I thought so...

Four years we were together. And in those four years I thought our relationship had grown to become golden. You could imagine the look on my face when I discovered all the messages him and some girl had been exchanging for a year.

Even then...I said I wanted to fix it.

But I...

He left me.

He left me for her and that was it.

I hear someone walk into the stall next to me. I look down to try to identify who the person was by the shoes.

Grey chuck taylors. A student I guess.

The person pulls their legs up and they don't meet the floor again.

I begin to get nervous, who else is skipping class next to me?

"Skippin' class?" I hear the voice drone out next to me.

I chuckle, "Yup...Skippin'."

"What's the matter with you? Last day of school and you can't even get through your classes? You know they don't make you do anything too hard on the last day, right?"

As peeved as I was becoming with this stranger next to me already...I was drawn to him.

Maybe it was my need to just...vent.

"I know that. I'm graduating from this shit hole. It's having to look at my shit ex what's got my hiding in here. I can't take it anymore..."

I catch how aggravated I'm getting with the direction the conversation is heading and I offer up an apology.

"I-I'm sorry. I've had a shit day for two months now."

"It's cool."

"You ever been in love...?"
He laughs, "Not even close. What's her name?"

I hesitate to correct him because I'm having an alright time getting it all out. I don't want it to end just because I'm a faggot.

I'm not up for drama.

"...His name...?" I say loud so there's no room for question.

What I expected next was a gag.

A scream.

A few hurtful words, maybe him coming out to try and clobber me in the stall.

But all I hear is a, "Oh."
"Sorry if I weirded you out."

"You didn't weird me out, gay is gay. It's 2013, who the fuck cares?"
We laugh.

"So why are you skipping...?" I ask, a bit embarrassed of my confession now.

"Oh me? I'm not skipping."

"What do you mean?"

"I used to go to this school, just dropped by to see people I haven't seen since I left."

"You graduate?"
"Nope, I went to prison."

"Prison? For what?"
"Don't worry, I'm not a murderer hiding out in a highschool. I was in there for two years. Arson."

"Jesus really?"

"Yep. They threw me in and threw away the key. Just got out last month but I haven't decided to tell any of my old buddies yet. Still dealing with adjustments. I thought I could handle being in a building surrounded by tons of fucking people walking all around me but I was wrong. So I decided to just come in here and hide out, I don't really like it."

"That sucks, I'm sorry."
"Aw, it's alright. I've payed the price and now I'm free. If anyone really gives two shits they'll find me. Anyways, I'm getting a bit tired of sitting on these shit holes, wanna get some food? It's on me, I'ma rich man now." He teases and I see his feet meet the yellow piss stained ground again.

"Rich man?"
"Well, a few grand richer than I was when I left. I'll explain later."

I do and I don't want this bathroom confessional to end.

This kid moves fast.

"You sure you want to hang out with me? My appearance is a downer."

"Pssh, I look like a clown. I make children in the street cry. I'm gonna stand on the toilet seat and get a good look at ya."

I push my heavy brown locks from my eyes and look over towards the top of the stall, anticipating the stranger to look over.

And he does.

And I know who it is.

His grin widens, "Hey it's you!"

Son of a bitch.

Axel.

I roll my eyes, "And it's you."
"You can't say you're not happy that it's me." He crosses his arms over on the edge of the stall.

-x-

"So, the guy you were talking about was Riku, am I right?" We sat in my car in the parking lot of a burger joint a few minutes away from school.

I take the top off and begin to dig into the burger that Axel so happily bought me.

"Yup. He found someone else he was happier with." I state as I throw the pickles out onto the parking lot floor.

He shrugs, "Eh, saw it comin'."
"Gee thanks."
Axel shakes his head, "You're not as miserable as you may think you are. It's a blessing that you broke up with the dude as soon as you did."
"You're only saying this because you hate Riku."
"Yeah, but also because I know a thing or two. You'll see how much better being single is."

I glance over at Axel.

He looks better than he did two years ago.

Happier, I mean.

He was into drugs when he left. Was always shaky, sweating, angry. He was a bigger asshole than he is now.

It's funny, I never thought I'd hang out with Axel like this. I never thought he'd be this easy to talk to.

His red fiery hair was pulled back in a low pony tail, showing his striking features off. Those emeralds shone beautifully...

"I'm serious, being single is the shit. The longest I've ever been in a relationship was six fucking months-"

I scoff, "Kid..."
"Kid? Kid? Those were the hardest months of my life. Never again. Larxene the ant queen..." He quivers in his seat, "So, what are you up to tonight?"
I finish chewing my bite of food, "Graduating."
"Oh yeah. Fuck Sora stop being so sad. Seriously! You're graduating?" He shakes his head.

"It doesn't matter when you've got a broken heart."
"Yeah well broken hearts are nothing new. You've got a car, a family, an education. You've probably got your university all set up and shit too huh?"

"Twilight."
"See?"
I smile at his attempts to cheer me up.

"What are you doing after graduation?"

"I'm hanging myself."
"Nope. You're chilling with me"
"You?"

Axel pushes both his thumbs into his chest, "Me."

"And do what, kill off my brain cells?"
"I don't know what you have against partying, but whatever your parents taught you is going to be redacted by midnight."

"I'm not partying." I lean back in my seat and look up, my face bathing in the sunlight.

Axel tilts his head and pinches my cheek, "You're so cute when you don't know what's coming to you."

"Fuck you."

-x-

"So you're hanging out tonight right? Right? Right?" He pushes on as we pull into the school parking lot.

"Maybe Axel. Maybe."

"Awesome, I'll see you after graduation."

I laugh, "Cool."

The silence in the car was almost too much to stand, thank god he spoke again.
"So if I go there you're gonna be hanging around looking for me right?"
I sigh and take a pen out of the glove compartment.

I scribble my number on his arm, "So if you get antsy you can call me."

We step out of the car and hold a gaze before I break it.

"So I'll see you later tonight then."

"Right, see you later Sora." And like that he begins to walk off.

"Bye."
"Bye. Keep your head up okay!"
I give him a thumbs up before locking my doors and rushing back into school.

-x-

Last period was the hardest. Art.

Me and Riku once sat side by side, but now we sat on opposite sides of the room.

Namine on his side and Kairi on mine, so our friend group isn't shaken up too badly.

Since today was the last day we were left to draw, paint, sculpt, really anything that didn't have to do with the teacher talking to us.

I didn't let my eyes leave the paper once I began to sketch.

A duck, a dog, and a mouse in this crazy fantasy land. In a way my really good friends...

A land I wouldn't mind living in if it meant I didn't have to bother with Riku.

"Hey Sora, can I ask you something?"

I raise a brow, "Yeah?"
She leans in and whispers in my ear, "Where were you today? It was like you disappeared after I saw you this morning."

"I skipped."
Kairi gasps, "Sora you never skip."

"Yeah I do."

"That was a long time ago, before Hayner got arrested."

"Well..."
"With who...?"
I slowly turn my head towards her.

"Let me ask you this, what do you already know?" I tap the end of my pencil against the desk, feeling her expressions out.
"Well...uhm...okay! Roxas and I saw you with Axel...was it...you know...Axel?"
I nod my head.

She gasps/

"You actually hung out with him?"

"Yeah."
"So...I mean...how? And why?"
"Well...I don't know. We just got to talking and he offered to buy me lunch. So we got lunch."

"Wow." That was all Kairi could muster up before she plopped down in her chair.

I guess it's such a surprise because I'm straight-edge and he's like a spiral. I don't like to surround myself with people who intoxicate themselves (except Roxas, but that's more of an obligation I have toward him), but I guess it's time for a change.

Once the bell rings I quickly make my way out of the classroom. I could've been faster because Riku stops me.
"Sora."
"Hey." I try to keep walking but he holds my wrist.

"I saw you with Axel."
"And?"

"Well...I mean, what were you doing with him?"
I snatch my wrist away from him, "What do you care?"

"Sora...just because I'm not with you doesn't mean that I don't want to be in your life still."
"How can you say that when you fucked me over?"

"I know it doesn't make any sense...I know. I still care about you Sora. Axel is a bad seed...you know this-"
"-You made me get it through my head that we weren't together when you dumped me on my birthday. Why don't you get it through your head that I don't have to tell you shit. You don't need to be in my life after how bad you hurt me."
"Fine then. I guess that settles it."
I swallow, "Yeah, it does."

I don't even realize it, but I'm running.

I run out of the school into the parking lot and jam the keys in the ignition so hard I thought the key had broken off inside of it. The tears flow harder than I've ever let them in public and I peel the fuck out of the parking lot before anyone notices.

-x-

I've been at the northern beach where graduation is being held for an hour now, watching people set up.

I knew if I went home I wouldn't have the spirit to get up again. They'd all gather around my door afterward to figure out what my problem was.

So I sat there, alone on the hood of my car with my yellow cap and gown on.

-x-

It was a struggle to smile when confronted with friends and family yet again, but I managed to pull it off. Maybe I faked it a bit better knowing that someone wanted to hang out with me for reasons other than the fear that I might off myself.

So there I stood. With a big fucking grin on my face.

Fuck Riku.

We stood in a long line, our names being called out one by one.

My nerves tingle and my grin becomes more true to itself.

I'd be lying if I said I wasn't happy that I was graduating.

They finally call out my name and Namine slaps my butt, "That's my boy!" She jokes as I walk out. I accept my diploma and punch the sky with my fist as I hear applauds and whistles out from the crowd.

Those few seconds were over fast but the smile stayed long after the ceremony was over.

After pictures with the family and friends I stay behind, my excuse being that I'm going to help take down crap.

Once Roxas and my mother left I check my phone.

-x-

The walk to my car is the loneliest. I always imagined that I would be walking cheerfully away from graduation with Riku and the rest. We would spend our last days of summer on Destiny Islands hanging out at our secret getaway, beating the crap out of eachother with wooden swords, writing our secrets within the cave, building a crap boat and indulging in the paopu fruit. Setting off fireworks and running around until dawn...

I see Axel leaning on the trunk of my blue ride, eyes focused on nothing more but the twilight skies.

How I grew a liking towards Axel in this short period of time is beyond my comprehension.

"Hey." Axel flashes a smile that nearly melts my heart.

Not quiet yet...

-x-

"How was your graduation?"

I huff, "It was quick and easy. Not as bad as I originally thought."

As we drive through the streets I take down the hood of my car. The just cool wind passes through my hair and brings on a new calm.

Axel begins to light a cigarette.

I would let him in on the no smoking policy but what do I care anymore?

"So what do you want to do tonight?" Axel asks.

"What do you mean?"

"Well..."He looks up thoughtfully.

"What are you open to?" He inquires with a devilish grin.

"I-I don't know-"

"-Oh come on Sora! You know just exactly what you want to do so why don't you just say it?" He comes to life and it makes me laugh a little.

I hold my tongue, not sure what to reply with.

"Soraaa..." He continues on.

"I need to go to my house first. Okay?"

-x-

"Oh Sora you're home so soon! I thought you went to the graduation party with your friends."
My mother sits up on the peach couch as she sets her drink down. Donny is no where to be found.

Probably in the basement slamming meth.

"No, I have a change of plans. Where's Roxas?"
"Upstairs. He's already started his routine summer gaming schedule, whatever the hell that is."

My mom is a sweetheart, she really is. She and my father had a pretty solid relationship until Roxas was born. He figured two brunettes don't produce a blonde and decided to look into it more. Turns out she had a one night stand right around the time I was born with her ex. Roxas was born nine months later and my father decided to stick around because bottom line was that if he didn't take care of us then Donny would.

So instead of leaving mom when we were born he left after he established a meaningful relationship with Roxas and I when we were around eight.

So he could increase the shock factor I guess, fuck if I know.

I kick off my shoes and jacket before I climb up the carpeted stairs to head into my room.

The blue and yellow blocky alarm clock layed still amongst a clutter of clothing on the floor. I move over to the brown wooden dresser by the foot of my bed and open it carefully as to not knock over all the photos and random items that rested upon it.

I strip off all my clothing and dig out a pair of underwear and my non depressing clothing.

A pair of jeans and a white t-shirt.

Before heading back downstairs I go down the hall toward Roxas' room. I could hear music from his games echoing down the halls.

"Roxas." I say as I walk in. The room is heavily clouded with pot smoke as him and Pence sat straight across the television set. In between them rests a small white and blue glass piece filled with half burnt weed. I pull my shirt over my nose and walk to his bathroom.

"What do you want?" Roxas asks but I can tell he doesn't really care.

"Sup Sora." Pence says, not taking his eyes off of the t.v.

"Hey Pence. Roxas I need something out of your bathroom." I open the door and make my way over the the sink. I pop open his mirror cabinet and saw the norm. Toothpaste, a few condoms, an untouched brush and a few orange pill bottles.

"Hey, 'the fuck are you doing in there?" He called out from the room.

"What's that stuff you take that makes you all calm and shit?" I look at the three bottles.

"It's called weed, what you finally want a hit?" He and Pence begin to snort from the room as I start opening his bottles up.

"I'm serious. Which one of these did your doctor give you?"

"No, I'm serious..." I hear him get up.

He opens the bathroom door and takes the bottles from me.

"Give me these...what, you want an anti-anxiety?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"Sora Sora Sora...you really should be smoking with us instead of taking pills. You sure you don't want to smoke?"

He's about to hand me them before he pulls his arm back," Ten bucks."
"Fuck off-"
"-Okay here."
He hands me four tiny blue pills.

"Xanies. Don't take 'em all at once. Take one and only one."
"What if I don't feel anything?"
Roxas smiles, "Then you should dump them in the trash and pick up a pipe."

We walk back into the room where Pence is fiddling around with the game controller.

"Quit fucking with the game options, piggy. Cheater." He sneers.

"Fuck you too twiggy pop. Hey what are you up to tonight Sora?" Pence asks before hitting the pipe and passing it to Roxas.

"Nothing just gonna go hang out with Axel."
"Axel? Hey don't smoke with him!"

"What? Axel? You're gonna go smoke with him? Don't smoke with him smoke with us!"

"Yeah smoke with us that's what I'm saying!"

"I'm not gonna smoke with anyone!" I try to clear up the confusion.

"We're just gonna go hang out."

"Yeah and get high off of my pills..." Roxas hits his pipe again and blows heavy smoke my way.

"Since when did you get high Sora?"

"Since today. I gotta go, you guys talk too much. Later."

"Later."
"Peace."

-x-

I rush downstairs and bid my mom a farewell before hoping in the car.

Axel leans over and gets a good whiff of me.

He laughs, "You reek."
"That's Roxas and Pence gaming."

"So, how's life been since you've gotten back?"
He shrugs, "Alright. A lot more boring than before I left, that's for sure."

"Any new found goals?"

"Obviously. I want to move."
"Move?"
"Yeah, but before that I need to get into a business."
"You mean get a job?"
He chuckles, "Yeah...a job. For now I think I'm pretty safe. My mom hit the jackpot. One herself a ton of cash and now she's a business woman. She's goes all over the world doing random crap while me and Hiro sit at home eating her excess food and using her electricity. Life's not half bad now."

"What have you guys been doing since you got out?"
Axel grins, "Hanging out just like the good ole times. We even share a room."

"I'd never be able to share a room with Roxas."

"It's easier when you've had two years away from the person."

-x-

Axel's home was large but not overly glamorous. The porch lights were off.

I follow him to the top of the stairs where there was a girl sitting down.

"Who are you?" Axel asks.

"Hiro said to meet him at his place around nine. I've been here for almost an hour waiting for that asshole!"

"Alright, let me go get him."
"Thanks."
We walk in and shut the door behind us.

"Hiro gets all types of crazy broads now, it's as though we've switched places."

I follow him upstairs into a room off on the right. A small lamp illuminated the room. On the bottom bunk of his bed layed Hiro, Axels little brother. I would have never guessed them to be brothers until Roxas told me one day. Hiro has the same facial features as Axel's, but his hair was jet black and short, the complete opposite. Hiro wore bangs that covered his eyes for the most part.

Axel takes off his shoes and throws them at Hiro.

"Ow hey!"
"Your girlfriends outside waiting for you, she's pissed."
"What?"
"I said, your girlfriend is waiting outside for you. Says she's been there for an hour now. She is pissed."
"Aw shit Kayliee..." He jumps up with a worried expression and rushes down the stairs.

"Make yourself at home."

"You got any water?"

He reaches under the bed and tosses me a water bottle.

"Thanks." I sit down on the floor and open it up.

He leaves the room and I take one blue pill out of my pocket.

"Bottom's up."
I pop it.

Swallow.

The worst anxiety ensued right after I had swallowed.

I hope I don't lose it and go crazy.

Or do something really embarrassing.

Or die.

Yikes.

To forget about what I had just down I headed over to Axel's T.V where video games layed directly under it. I shuffle through them, finding a few good ones as well as some random action flicks and a few skin flicks.

Nothing I've never seen before, but still, you'd think they would hide this in a better place.

-x-

As the night carried on I felt more at ease with myself. Tension and anxiety had slowly crept away and me and Axel were having a pretty good time gaming.

I receive three texts throughout the night from Riku. All that have to do with who I hang out with and who I talk to. It didn't phase me as much as it would have. Usually I'd be stuck texting until my thumbs went numb.

"So you sure you and Riku broke up?"
"Positive. He's just handling everything weird. We aren't together and he left me. He has a girlfriend but he still thinks that we have to let each other in on what's going on. As if we're just on break."
"Jeez what an asshole."

"Yup."
"So when are you gonna share your xanax with me."
My heart nearly skipped a beat. I turn back to look at Axel beaming.

"It is SO easy to tell."

"Fine. So I took a xanax? So what?"
"You really took that xanax?"
I nodded as I pulled out another blue football.

"Enjoy."