Girl's Night Out Mark II
Author's note: In chapter six of Tag I'm It, I apparently created a team (Dani, Jubilee, Illyana and Laura). They get together and beat up crooks (hey they all like fighting). At the end Jubilee wanted to have a girl's night out in New York so… this story resulted. LordGrise and I got to chatting (as he continues to create the Illyana/DC crossover story Arkham that I created to have an Illyana/Joker story) and… Well…
Thus resulted… Another DC crossover (Yeah!) by LordGrise and I.
To better understand this story I recommend that you at least read Chapter 6 of Tag I'm it (Or read the whole story, which I think is fantastic, but I'm rather biased). And of course the story Arkham.
This story assumes that Illyana continues to visit the world of DC.
Part 1a: THREE DAYS LATER
Batman sat wearily at his accustomed workstation onboard the WatchTower, the Justice League's space station, and accessed his email. For the last three days he had not been on Earth, but instead engaged upon a matter requiring the attention of the Justice League and the Green Lantern Corps. Food and sleep had been in short supply, and Batman was in need of both. Food was currently a mug of his vegan smoothie #1, usually referred to as 'Batman's swamp smoothie'. Sleep he was postponing until he got back to the mansion as he had an hour and a half to remain on the station pending the lab studies confirming he wasn't bringing an alien plague to Earth, and after fifteen minutes focused meditation, he was making the most of his time until he could go to his bed.
Routine notifications were summarily noted and dealt with in the order they were presented; then he opened the Gotham patrol reports folder. One in particular was multiply flagged: Orphan, Oracle, Catwoman (!)... and most ominously, by Alfred.
He immediately contacted Alfred; Alfred generally only made formal notes on a patrol report and flagged it if there were injuries involved and follow up care - or rest - was needed.
"Good morning, sir. I have activated the Tahiti Protocol; it seems you and Ms. Kyle were feeling in need of privacy. The return can be enacted at your convenience. Ms. Rasputin returned Ms. Cassandra rather late this morning; she is still sleeping off a devil's brew of alcohols and other recreational substances. I do not believe she will be fit to patrol for two days."
Part 1b: Girls Night Out Mark II (three days prior)
Five little bats sitting in a tree. One fell out, oh dearly oh me. One turned to the another's and said to thee…
"Doug Marcaida, the knife judge on the show Forged in Fire. He's shown up from time to time at the mansion to give a class and to fight with Logan. I find him most skilled." Was the opinion of Laura (code name X-23).
"Nonsense. Has to be Bruce Lee." Counters Dani. "The best martial artist of all time has to be Bruce Lee."
"Jackie Chan!" Was Jubilees contribution which earned her glares from Laura and Dani.
The location, Central Park New York, 1:37am. Our heroes are sitting in a tree, bored and arguing due to said boredom.
A crackle on the radio link from Illyana as she whispered a complaint. "So much for hiding in a tree waiting for evil doers to attempt to take advantage of me. Your chatter could awaken the dead."
Illyana was pretending to be passed out on a park bench (dressed in a simple red gown), holding a half empty red wine bottle. While Illyana? It's simple, it was her turn.
But wait? That's only four? Who is the fifth person in the tree? Kitty? Elizabeth Braddock (Psyocke)? Hope? Monet? Squirrel Girl (after all they were in an oak tree with acorns)? Hope? Storm? (Yeah like Storm would sit in a tree). Rachel? Had to be Rachel… Right?
Nope. It was Mazikeen from the bar Lex in Los Angels. She was here on Illyana's invite as the other's didn't believe that Illyana had been telling the truth about the bar Lex.
"You are all wrong." StatesMazikeen with distain and a sneer as to their opinions. "Master Ken, his show, Enter the Dojo is both entertaining and most definitive as to such things. I recommend his episode, One hundred ways to attack the groin, it taught even me a few things. He's based in L.A so I ended up holding him hostage until he revealed his secrets. Plus, his other show, Master Ken's Private's, has various guest attend and demonstrate attack techniques. Most illuminating. I love his saying, never take your eyes off the balls, words to live by girls. Words to live by."
Dani replied with irritation. "That is not a real thing!" While Jubilee and Laura just looked on with sudden interest. Jubilees was later to comment, she had me at balls.
Mazikeen did not bother to reply, instead she just pulled out her iPhone X, unlocked it and hit one of her saved web links.
They then watched Master Ray, and his porno mustache, demonstrated one hundred groin attacks in just two minutes. The three were impressed, even Dani.
Laura made a mental note to review all of his work while Jubilee and Dani wondered about later practicing some of the newly seen groin attacks in the Danger room (they later did and their male sparing partners were not pleased). Hmmm…They concluded, they really needed to try some groin attacks the next time there was a villainous attack.
"Do all his methods involve a stomp to the groin?" Inquired Laura.
"Most, it can be optional, but why deny yourself the satisfaction? He is after all the caption of the crotch."
Ok, Dani was beginning to see why Illyana had invited Mazikeen. On the negative side she was rude, crude, violent, and verbally abusive. Those were oddly also some of her pluses. That and the knife collection she'd brought. Dani was really keen on all the knives, and just how many Mazikeen was able to conceal upon her person; something Laura was also quite impressed with as well. Mazikeen was currently letting Dani wield a knife called the Castrator. It had a curved hook like end for… well, the name was most descriptive as to what the hook curve was used for.
"This is a bust." Groused Mazikeen, who was not talking about her cleavage (which was on rather prominent display), and especially not about Jubilee's anemic ranking upon the titty index in general and in this particular female gathering. "I thought there was supposed to be evil doers to beat and hurt. All that has occurred is a drunk urinating against this tree, a pick pocket with the ferociousness of a hamster, a very small hamster, and a very inadequately equipped man who likes to display himself for reasons that lack any sense."
Illyana again whispers into her mike. "There might have been some real crooks but no… everybody has to chatter like a bunch of hens, show videos while practicing martial art moves in the branches. Can't imagine why the muggers are staying away."
Illyana sat up on the bench, there was a flicker of light, and she was now dressed in her usual tight black leather getup. "Okay, guess it's a no show for tonight. Time for a Starbucks run?"
The others leapt down from the tree and clustered around Illyana. So… just who are these damsels of distress?
Illyana Rasputin (A.K.A Magik, A.K.A Darkchilde, A.K.A Queen of Limbo)
Mutant teleporter, demon, sorceress queen of Limbo, and all round bitch when she wants to be. Blonde with dark blue eyes (when in human form). Illyana is in her usual field getup, black leather short shorts, a black leather top with a boob window, tall black boots, black gloves, plus she has some kind of black sticks stuck in her hair. There was also some kind of weird black spiky armor on her left shoulder. Illyana currently has no displayed weapon.
Danielle Moonstar (A.K.A Mirage)
Dani is a Cheyenne (American Indian). Dani's mutant powers are currently deactivated, but she is extremely skilled in many forms of armed and unarmed combat (i.e. hard ass bitch) and is currently a Valkyrie of Asgard which gives her strength, reflexes, the ability to sense impending death, and great resilience. She is currently wearing her winged headdress (white wings that stand up straight), soft tan leather boots, and a black leather body suit accessorized with a silver belt and some silver jewelry. She has her long dark hair in a ponytail. She has a bow at her back and a long knife at her side, plus that curved Castrator blade on loan.
Laura Kinney (A.K.A X-23, also known as Wolverine)
A small woman, Laura is a survivor of the Weapon X program, literally breed to be the perfect killing machine. White skinned with dark black hair. Like her biological father (Logan, also known as Wolverine), she is a mutant and has the same abilities as her father. Enhanced sense, an accelerated healing factor that allows her to regenerate damaged or destroyed tissues with great speed. Injuries such as gunshot wounds, slashes, and puncture wounds completely heal within a matter of seconds. She possesses two retractable claws sheathed within her forearm; plus a single shorter claw from each foot. The claws are bone, but have been coated with adamantium (meaning they are unbreakable). Before her escape from Weapon X, she had been trained (and used many times) as an assassin. She is dressed not as the Wolverine, but rather like Illyana in tight black leathers, only with a bit less skin showing.
Mazikeen
A dark skinned (looks like a mix of East Indian and European descent) a beautiful and sensuous woman. Long black hair this is current worn as a ponytail. She's dressed in skin tight black leather (boots, pants, shirt, and jacket). She is a demon from a hell, now on earth. Violent. Really really violent. Was one of hell's main torturers, definite sadomasochist and very sexually promiscuous. She is strong, fast, has some mild telekinesis, heals, and likely other magical abilities not yet shown.
Jubilation Lee (A.K.A Jubilee)
A dark haired Asian, former mutant now turned Vampire (she was transformation by the bite of Xarus, son of Dracula). Her powers include superhuman strength and speed, the ability to turn into vapor, and to talk incessantly (which is a natural ability, not related to any mutant or vampire powers). She has vampire healing abilities as well. Jubilee now possesses all of the weaknesses of a vampire, but is resistant to sunlight (it does however make her weaker). She apparently did not bother to fully read the memo about tonight's activity as she is dressed in a full body black outfit, with major pink highlighting, plus a yellow trench coat (yes bright yellow, great for sneaking around at night) and giant red goggles.
So one blonde and four dark haired girls standing around talking, then a flicker of a light circle and they are at a Starbucks (the one by Avengers Mansion).
A few minutes later…
They were all admiring the knives that Mazikeen's had brought, over mocha and frappuccinos, and vanilla tea for Illyana.
Oh, and Jubilee was having a Starbucks blood smoothie (her first) and was put out to discover that a very few Starbucks had a secret blood menu (not advertised in any way). The drinks were way expensive but good. And just how the hell did Illyana and Mazikeen know about the secret menu and she didn't? So unfair! The other vampires were always keeping things from her! I mean… she was a member of the blood drinkers club even if she got her blood from a blood bank and didn't… (as I said, massive chatty powers).
Mazikeen was currently explaining the purpose of each knife.
"… And of course Castrator is one of my favorites, I always used it to castrate newcomers in hell. And anything else that needs castrating, which was surprisingly frequent. There was this one time that I…"
'What's that one for?" Asked Jubilee, in an attempt to change the topic as Mazikeen was very keen on the whole topic of castration and Jubilee was finding Mazikeen's enthusiasm for said castrations to be was pointing at a small bladed knife, just two inches long, black wood with no hand guard, and carved with what appeared to be erotic figures entwined in various positions.
"That's my sex knife." Replied Mazikeen after draining her third quadruple espresso.
"You cut people while having sex?!" Was Jubilee's rather loud reply. With earned her a glare from Mazikeen (and cringes from everybody else in Starbucks).
Mazikeen picked up the knife in question. "Sometimes, when I'm in the mood, but not with this knife." She twirled the blade about with various hand moves (which impressed everybody, except all the other customers and the Starbucks staff as the display of weaponry was unnerving). "This knife is for when a man just can't perform anymore. One cut by me, one cut by him upon me and… ready for more hot and heavy action."
Dani commented. "Never seen Viagra in quite that form before." A comment that made Jubilee giggle. The Starbucks was only mildly crowded (this was one of those 24 hour Starbucks, but nobody was sitting by our gals, likely due to the prominent display of lethal weapons).
Illyana then brought out her bat boomerang, only to receive dismissals from Jubilee and Mazikeen.
"Obvious forgery Illyana." Dismissed Jubilee (the well known weapons expert, as in not at all). "Cheap souvenir. Can't believe you fell for it."
"Marginal." Sneered Mazikeen as she stole a sip of Jubilees drink with a lightning quick grab. "Inadequate to do more then minor damage as the edges are insufficiently sharp for deep cutting or penetration. It's as if the intent is only to harm and not to kill."
After stealing her drink back with a lighting fast move of her own, Jubilee commented that. "I bet there would be muggers in Gotham. Too bad it doesn't exist. Which is a disaster for all of creation as I'd make a great Robin."
Illyana gave Jubilee a mild glare. "Gotham is filled with muggers and all kinds of criminals. And as I said last time the Bat doesn't like vampires. And you're way too chatty for the Bat anyway, he's more of a grunt and glare kind of guy."
"Am not! And the Bat does not exist! That just a comic."
Mazikeen stole the blood smoothie back from Jubilee. "This is boring, I was promised a fun night and so far this has been disappointing. And you Jubilee are the worse vampire I have ever met, blood from a bank instead of hot and fresh from the source? I'll bet you don't even use your powers to seduce sexual partners. Why not just stake yourself and be done with it. I wish to depart this place, and…" SuddenlyMazikeen was twirling a pair of fur lined handcuffs, and Jubilee's eyes got big. "Illyana assured me that this would be fun, promised in fact. I distinctly recall the phrase I swear. I mean to have my fun Yana, if not in combat then just like last time."
Just a minor frown back from Illyana. "Control yourself Maz, the night is still young… somewhere… and… wait a second, that was you wearing the… um…ok. How about Seattle or LA?" Hmmm, it was still daytime in Tokyo so that was off the list, bit of a bummer as Ninjas could be real fun.
"You said New York." Was Maz's reply. "You gave your word it would be fun. And if I'd wanted LA I would have stayed in LA. And I like you better when you're wearing your horns and tail. This is not fun so… time for…"
Okay, Illyana concluded that Mazikeen was in a mood so extreme measures were obviously needed to recover the interrupted Maz before Maz went into more detail (no need to have Jubilee freak out). "Damn, I was hoping to save this for a later time but… First a few questions. Anybody have any issues with bats?"
Just some no's and shaking of heads in response, plus a sarcastic expression from Jubilee (she is a vampire after all).
"Okay, any issues with cats?"
Neither Dani or Laura had issues but Jubilee did make a face as she stated. "Hate cats." And she attempted to steal the blood smoothie back fromMazikeen, only to fail as Mazikeen slurped it sarcastically after avoiding Jubilee's attempt at seizing the cup.
Mazikeen then replied as she flipped the now empty cup to Jubilee. "Cats are self-centered, obsessed with only what pleases them, and vicious, so… of course I adore the evil little critters."
Jubilee glared at Mazikeen and the now empty cup. "I prefer dogs."
Which elicited a sniff of disparagement from Mazikeen. "If you want a dog then get a man, their better then dogs."
Questioning glances from other others caused Mazikeen to emphasize a bit. "Foot massages, pleading apologies, sex, good for fetching things other then sticks, and since they talk so little their mouths and tongues can be better employed southward."
A moment of confusion on Jubilee's face, then she blushed as the sexual implications of Mazikeen's statement were understood. Which of course just made her lose more points with Mazikeen (A blushing vampire… what's the world coming to?).
Illyana decided to go for it. "Okay then, I've been working on a little spell, some chaos magic cribbed from the Scarlet Witch, to help setup a party as it were. It should ensure that the evening is very eventful with all kinds of fun for the participants. And I will remind you that it is a different universe. You gals in?"
Agreement all around, it was not just Mazikeen that was bored. Jubilee did ask a mischievous question. "Does this other universe have a Steve Tyler?"
A question that did not prompt a nice response from Mazikeen. "Why would you care if there is a… oh... Okay… I get it. You're into the elderly. Your one of those kind of vampires, okay. Takes all kinds."
A comment that finally got Jubilee angry. "I am not into the elderly and what do you mean okay?"
"Not judging, just would have thought that you'd go for something younger and more… health."
The tif was broken up by Illyana. "Try to play nice Mazikeen, and Jubilee she's just trying to get your goat because she's bored."
The two settled down, and Mazikeen grinned at being caught.
Illyana explained. "Okay, rules are the same. No killing unless extreme situations, the Bat really gets upset at killing. Agreed?"
They all agreed, even Mazikeen who did sneer a bit at the obvious wimpyness of yet another no killing rule game. They picked up the knives, while Illyana conjured a small bottle containing a dark red liquid and five shot glasses.
Illyana poured five shots, then did some mystical gestures that ignited the top of the liquid with little magical blue flames. She then held up one of the shot glasses as if to do a toast while gesturing for the others to take a glass as well. They did and Illyana spoke the toast.
"To a fun time for all in the group."
They clicked the glasses and all drank, and the little blue flames briefly outlined their bodies as they drank.
"Wow… that has a kick." Was Jubilee's comment. "What was it?"
"Purified chaos." Was Illyana's reply. "This should work. Okay, click your heels and hold on to your unmentionables, we're on our way."
There was another flicker of a light circle and they were gone (much to the relief of everybody else at Starbucks). And just in time to avoid a late night Starbucks visit by Jane (the Wasp), who did not get along at all with Illyana.
All that was left was Jubilee's sudden question left lingering in the air as they vanished. "What do you mean should?"
Part 1c: Gotham (Bad girls bad girls, whacha gunna do?)
The ladies looked around, and at first, nothing had changed: They were just back in Central Park amidst the trees. Then they realized they weren't the same trees, nor were they in the same places. Nor the same time, it was now twilight instead of late night. They saw the city skyline and…
Illyana was smug in her declaration. "Ladies... welcome to Gotham. Anyone fancy a drink? I know this really great club…"
Then five punks stepped out of the brush, confronting Illyana, who was still holding the half full bottle of wine. All had the whiteface, green hair, and rouged lips that marked them as Jokerz...
Part 1d: Something wicked this way comes
The alert was seen in the Monitor Womb of the WatchTower first, and instantly relayed to several other systems: Tachyon burst, Gotham Central Park. Signature reference: MAGIK. Priority high...
Unfortunately, Batman wasn't on-planet at that moment: he and the other core Justice League members were dealing with an issue Elsewhere. And so it fell upon to Oracle to manage the situation. At the precise moment the alert came in, though, she already had two situations developing simultaneously: Nightwing and Robin were fighting an AI manifestation claiming to be of the HIVE, while Spoiler and Red Robin were dealing with a robbery that had morphed into a standoff.
Cassandra Cain, A.K.A. Orphan, was the only one more or less in position to check out the sensor ping in the park...
Orphan crouched atop the Mixtel Apartments and studied the holographic display being emitted by her gauntlet. Three Little Brown Bats, as the small semi-autonomous drones were called, were silently (at least to normal human senses) orbiting the coordinates Oracle had sent. A winking icon in the corner of the display indicated Oracle was also viewing the imagery feed. Interpolated phased radar, directed infrared, and visible spectrum cameras combined to produce a surprisingly good if monochromatic field of view; Orphan was studying the kinesthetic of the members of the group while Oracle ran comparisons on the Magik database that she and Batman had put together after Magik's prior visit.
"Using Magik as the twelve o'clock, from the implants detected by the radars the woman at one o'clock is likely the female Wolverine clone, X-23. Unbreakable bones, claws from hands and feet of that same metal Catwoman's new claws are made of, and just as sharp; superhuman strength and speed, de facto immunity to chemical agents, ability to soak and rapidly heal even lethal damage in seconds, and she's a berserker." Oracle reported, her voice getting that absent tone that meant she was splitting her focus. "Oh, and hyper-acute senses. Psychotic tendencies... Known killer. Her comic history is almost as bad as Magik's."
Orphan wasn't nearly as concerned about her as the brightly dressed one next to her. "Seven o'clock, Oracle. No pulse. Infrared shows body heat ambient to air, almost. She not breathing... Fangs. I see fangs when she speaks."
Oracle's voice was crisp. "Hypothesize Jubilation Lee. Has to be. Codename Jubilee. Cute. Cassie, she's a vampire. Energy projection abilities, very vague what she can do, besides the usual suite of abilities and weaknesses a vampire gets. Comics portray her as a heroine, though, says she doesn't kill. What's your loadout tonight?"
"Standard patrol."
"I'm sending you the heavy combat swapouts, and detailing some LBBs to you. You're on your own until things ease up. Strongly recommend you observe only. The woman at thee o'clock is likely Dina, codename Mirrage, she's a warrior and supposedly a Valkyrie. The dark skinned woman at nine o'clock does not have a clear match, hypostasize she's Monet St. Croix, code name M. Strength, speed, telekinesis, telepathy, speed, reflexes, she full kit."
