BZZZT. BZZT. BZZZT.
Boomer
BZZZT. BZZT. BZZZT.
BZZZT. BZZT. BZZZT.
The hotline. Boomer could here it from right where he was sitting, but for some reason, she ignored it. Bubbles, a super heroine who was sworn to protect the innocent was ignoring a distressful call for help. She was probably assuming that the other girls would get it. Because they never really needed three super powered girls to save the day.
After all, they were busy.
It's one of the most momentous occasions in a boy's life. Sitting right next to the girl of your schoolboy fantasies and waiting, albeit patiently, for that one sign.
The sign that says: Come on, Boomer. I'm ready.
She has to be ready. Boomer thought, How the hell could she not be? I've given her...
He paused to count how many months he had been with the girl, only to realize that he had no fingers, and that mental math was a task that one should not force themselves to do unless it was during school hours.
Well, it's been a long time is my point. He continued, Why don't I just go for it?
She was sitting there so adorable. In her little Mary Jane's and blue dress.
Does she ever wash that thing?
She let out a deep sigh and took a sip of her juice box that was in front of her.
Stupid straw. Getting all the action.
"Boomer?" She finally said.
And he froze, stiff, like the manhood he didn't have because he was five.
"Yeah?" He squeaked, quickly picking up his juice box and sipping it casually, realizing that this is the worst date he'd ever been on. (Which was sad, considering the fact that it was his idea.)
Sit down and drink juice? The Muppet Babies would be having a wilder time.
I suck.
"So what do you think?" Bubbles finished, now avoiding eye-contact with him.
Snapping out of his daze, Boomer turned back to the face that made him melt. "Sorry, what?"
"Would you..." She stopped short, obviously embarrassed that she had to repeat this, "I mean, would you..." Stopping short again, she simply scooted over so that they were sitting side-by-side.
Boomer had never realized how loud heartbeats could ring in his ear.
"I know how dumb you must feel, Boomie." She said, putting her arm through his and pulling herself close to him. "Any guy would, right? What guy has a girlfriend that won't kiss him?"
Boomer simply stared into her eyes, tempted to bring up the annoying Mormon girl that Brick dated a few months back, but stopped himself, "Bubbles, it doesn't bother me too much. It's okay, I still love you no matter what."
"And I love you," She interrupted him and took a deep sigh, "A lot."
Boomer took another long sip of his juice box, while nodding, trying to pretend like he was about to say something.
"I want to be a girlfriend to you. Not some awkward girl who just tags along," Finally, she turned to face him and began to lean in, "Boomer, I... I..."
"I can't believe how hopeless you are, Boomer."
Boomer sat up with a start, trying his best to rub the sleep out of his eyes to make out the blurred red image in front of him, and let out a loud groan when he realized it was his brother Brick.
"Wha?" Boomer could only spit out, smacking his dry lips and looking around.
There was no kiss. There were no juice boxes. Just the messy room designated for The Rowdyruff Boys in the Utonium household. Boomer could feel his happiness he felt in the dream disappear under all the red caps and empty pizza boxes,
"Dude, if the chick won't kiss you then dump her." Brick sighed, "It's not like people expect us to be romantically involved with the Powerpuff Girls."
"I don't..." Boomer sat up entirely, his scalp aching and his blonde hair sticking straight up in the air, "I don't know what you're talking about."
"Boomer, you rolled over and started snuggling with me and told me to kiss you." He shook his head, "That chick is messing with your mind, intentionally or not. I say kick her baby-blue butt to the curb."
Embarrassed, cheeks rose-red, Boomer pulled the blanket over his head and groaned once more, "I wanna sleep."
BZZZT. BZZT. BZZZT.
"The hotline! Finally!" Brick gasped, hurrying to the Powerpuff Girls' room in a maroon streak.
"Stupid world," Boomer murmured, pretending he didn't hear it and snuggling deeper into his covers. "Needing saving all the time – OUCH!"
"It's for you." Brick said, leaving the room and calling out as he left, "Tell your damn boss to stop using the hotline to get hold of you."
Boomer rubbed his head and glared towards the direction of Brick before picking up the cordless version of the Powerpuff Hotline that had hit him in the head, "Hello?" He slurred.
The voice on the other end was the harbinger of a bad day. Never did the boss call to tell Boomer to enjoy his day off and that he had a raise.
Still half-asleep, he talked back into the phone in confusion. "Go in? No... no, I don't work today."
But the boss still persisted, assuring Boomer that he would be getting him out of a bind and that he would reward him for such.
Just like he did the last fifteen times.
"I just closed last night!" Boomer whined, hating himself for the fact that he knew he would give in within the next few seconds. "Why don't you call Butch in? I'm really tired."
Pleading like a small child, the boss proved to be more desperate then he ever had in the past, which made Brick's conscience begin to swell up already for giving him such a hard time. "What time are you going to be in? Twelve? Be there be twelve? Swear..."
And the guy swore up and down that he would be in by twelve.
Just like he did the last fifteen times.
Letting out a deep sigh, Boomer finally gave in, "Twelve or I walk."
Without giving the boss time to express his gratitude, Boomer hung up the phone, staring into the annoyingly cute red nose and smile on the earpiece that mirrored the hotline in the girls' room. "What the hell are you smiling at?"
Mephistopheles
Looking blankly towards the front of the store again, Boomer couldn't help but wonder just what had landed him a job at Stop n' Go in the first place. His abilities exceeded most of what other people could do, and Lord knew he was entirely too young, and that OSHA should have been notified by now.
When Boomer looked at where he was right now, he couldn't help but show a perpetual frown. He was, physically, five years old. In actuality, he was more like 3 years old. But mentally? He was going through feelings so incredibly pseudo important and emotional, he could only assume this is what it was like to be around thirteen. This is why he dreaded his teen years, which promised to be a billion times worse.
Most of the early morning lazy-eyed contemplation was spent on looking at the past, when things made sense. When he knew who he was. There's no real room to feel content when you know your purpose in life. This was, of course, to destroy The Powerpuff Girls. First, when he first set sight on them, it was like he knew. The good ol' battle of the sexes was in his blood at first.
Even after the Powerpuff Girls defeated them and Him resurrected Boomer and his brothers, the feeling of purpose was still there. The infamous Rowdyruff Boys. The counterparts of the Powerpuff Girls, and forever doing everything in their power to annoy them. If you were even matched and couldn't destroy them, then why not annoy them? Then one day, for some odd reason, the color in their day began to fade. It was almost as if…
... People stopped watching.
No one was interested in the girls anymore and doubly so for their testosterone-driven counterparts. Almost overnight, it was a feeling of complete rejection. The world had moved on, withdrew any and all invested interest in The City of Townsville and it's super heroines. There were bigger and better super heroes out there. So much more options. So whether or not interest migrated from The Powerpuff Girls to newer and more interesting things... it didn't seem to matter. Townsville, at least to six color-coded children with super powers, had turned from a vibrant city of life and color -
- to a bland black-and-white town.
Because with or without people watching them, they were still there. The Powerpuff Girls and The Rowdyruff Boys, more or less forced to coexist in a world that was tired of seeing them fight all the time.
It was The Professor, who insisted that him and his brothers start to earn their keep after living in the Utonium household for a month or so. It didn't go over too well with the arch villains of Townsville, most especially Mojo Jojo and Him, that the boys decided to remain apathetic towards crime fighting. After what seemed like numerous attacks on the boys by Townsville's finest bitter villains, Professor finally decided to take the boys in, even to the point of legally adopting them and giving them his name. They were all grateful. Boomer had insisted that the boys help out with bills somehow. Mow some lawns, walk some dogs - but Professor refused.
Refused, however, before him and Bubbles started dating.
Once it was obvious what was going on, Professor just happened to know a place that needed two register jockey's ASAP, and before he could blink, him and Butch were up at the crack of dawn almost every morning to open Stop n' Go.
"Excuse me?"
Boomer snapped out of his complaining mood to this small voice. He leaned over the counter to see a small boy looking up at him.
"Oh, sorry," Boomer said, scratching the back of his head, "It's early."
"No prob," The kid grinned.
"What can I get for you?"
"Just this," The kid stepped aside to reveal a twelve-pack of Budweiser.
"Oh, uh..." Boomer raised an eyebrow. No one this obviously underage had tried to buy alcohol before, "You're sure?"
"Yeah," The kid started, digging in his pockets, "And a pack of cigarettes."
For years to come, when summer let out for the Townsville Independent School District, one would only have to look to the small building that was home to Stop n' Go Groceries and Townsville Video to realize it.
Despite the fact that teenagers were staying out later than usual on week nights, and the arcades of the town had a huge boost in early-afternoon business, the 'block of stores' (as the town lovably referred to the two establishments) was the key checkpoint when driving from the suburbs of Townsville to downtown. And for the first time, Mitch Mitchelson and Mike Believe were standing at the front of the stores. Signaling to the entire town that school was out, and they had absolutely nothing to do because of it.
Mitch and Silent Mike
Nudging his friend, Mitch pulled out three shining cards from his back pocket, "Hey, Silent Mike... check this out, man."
Taking the cards from Mitch, eyeing him as always, Mike looked down to see three very old, yet rare and holographic Pokémon cards.
"I jacked them from that stupid paste boy Elmer," Mitch said proudly, "Freakin' idiot was gonna get them all sticky anyway, noonch."
Mike scrunched up his nose: noonch?
"I'm tellin' ya, dude," Mitch continued, "We take those cards down to the pawn shop, we'll get like fifty bucks each. Then we could buy some mad threads, and the chicks wouldn't be able to help themselves."
Shaking his head, Mike handed the cards back to Mitch.
"What?" Mitch rolled his eyes, "Come on, dude. You're always thinking up evil-ass imaginary friends. Why wouldn't you want some female attention?"
Ignoring Mitch, Mike pulled a pack of what seemed to be cigarettes from his pocket, and flipped it open.
"Dude, you smoke?" Asked Mitch, intrigued by this rebel behavior.
Mike selected one of the thin-white sticks and pulled it out, revealing that they were simply Dum-Dum lollipops facing down. He unwrapped the blue-berry flavored candy and popped it into his mouth, savoring the flavor.
Looking dully to his counterpart, Mitch sighed, "I knew it." He shrugged, "Ah, well. At least it looks like a cigarette... damn pansy."
Mitch, having the reputation of toddler troublemaker was just the same as he had ever been. This is why people questioned his new friendship with Mike Believe, who was always a sweet and thoughtful boy when he wasn't thinking up evil imaginary friends.
Many blamed Mitch for the current state Mike was in. For the last month, he had not spoken very much at all. The only time he would speak was when he felt the need to, as far as anyone could tell, hadn't happened yet.
Reaching in his own pocket, Mike handed Mitch a much different looking (yet just as shiny) card.
Mitch took the card from Mike and examined it, finally smacking his forehead and realizing the horrible truth, "Crap," He said under his breath, "Yu-Gi-Oh is what's worth the money now, isn't it?"
Smirking, Mike nodded and pointed to his temple to indicate, while Mitch wasn't used to it, one did have to think every once in awhile.
"Sweet plan, Silent Mike," Mitch said, having an oddly approving tone to his voice, "Next time that little wimp Elmer comes back to get his cards, we'll give 'em to him... then beat the snot out of him and force him to give us any Yi-Gi-Oh cards he has."
This time, Mike slapped his forehead, but shrugged and nodded all the same. He was hoping to expand his collection soon, anyway.
There was a few seconds of silence before what Boomer realized has just happened. A small child, no older than probably five had just asked him for a pack of cigarettes. With a case of beer in tail, no less.
"Uh…." Boomer stammered.
"And," The child started fishing money from his pocket, "How much is that going to be?"
"Look, I don't know what you heard…"
"I'm sorry?"
"But we don't sell to minors."
The look of confusion that now sat on the child's face was very sincere. Then, without warning, confusion turned into laughter.
"Haha." The child started, "You think I'm –"
Feeling awkward, Boomer decided to chuckle a little himself.
"I'm sorry, it's just been awhile since someone's done this." The kid continued, still laughing "I'm – haha- I'm not a child."
Boomer rolled his eyes. He couldn't believe that someone who was obviously in kindergarten was going to pull the "I look little but I'm really older" routine.
"But seriously, I need a pack of Newports."
"Newports?"
"Yeah, regular please. How much is that?"
"I can't help ya out, man." Boomer repeated, "And Newports? Christ, it's bad enough that you're smoking at such a young age but menthols? Do you want to crystallize your lungs?"
"Hey man," The child, obviously offended retorted, "I already explained."
"Alright," Boomer sneered, "Usual rules, then. When I see an I.D., you get your cigarettes."
"I… I don't have it. I've bought here before dozens of times!" The child's voice began to get shaky and weak. "Why won't you let me?"
"Because you're a child."
"I am NOT!"
"Don't play games with me, kid."
Another customer walked up to the counter with a few items, and after surveying the selection in the back of the counter said, "A pack of Winston's, please."
Boomer got him his cigarettes and rung up the rest of his items. While he was doing so, the new customer noticed the child at the foot of the counter was huddled up in a ball, crying.
"Hey," The other customer started, "What's the problem, little fella?"
The child sniffed, "That man was MEAN to me."
"Aww…" The man looked back at Boomer, who was not amused at all, "What'd he do?"
"He won't sell me cigarettes or beer!" The kid shouted sobbingly, "And he sold them to you! Without having to see your ID!"
"Hey," The other customer started at Boomer, "Give the guy a break, huh?"
"I don't sell to kids!" Boomer shouted.
"Woah, woah." The other customer said, "Ya don't have to judge everyone by their looks you know."
"What do you mean, by their looks?! He's obviously a child!" Boomer tried.
"Has it ever occurred to you," The child entered the conversation, "That I might just have a disease that makes me look like a kid?"
"Yeah. Have ya?" The other customer asked.
"It might have crossed by mind, but he doesn't look diseased in the least! He looks like a perfectly healthy five year old boy!" Boomer pointed at him accusingly.
"Just what I thought," The man finished, "Prejudice."
Mitch and Silent Mike, who has been standing in front of the stores completely bored this entire time, were now knee-deep in business. Elmer had shown up just a few seconds earlier and was now incredibly scared, begging for his life and his Yu-Gi-Oh cards.
"No, you guys!" Elmer spat, glue getting all over the place.
"Ew, Silent Mike. Get that guy outta my face." Mitch said, shielding his face from Elmer's spit.
Silent Mike, who was the muscle by default (which he found kind of weird, because he was a lot smaller than Mitch) pushed Elmer away and onto the sidewalk.
"Mike!" Elmer said as he hit the ground, "You never used to be that mean!"
Mike shrugged apathetically.
"Now get away from us," Mitch said, "And if ya got glue all over our new Yu-Gi-Oh cards, consider your butt already kicked!"
"You guys…" Elmer groaned, "Please, my Dad just bought those for me yesterday."
"Really?" Mitch thought and turned to Mike, "That means they're like – BRAND NEW Silent Mike!"
Mike nodded and agreed. At the very least, they were worth a LOT more than the Pokemon cards Mitch had stolen, which were about four years out of style. He wanted to remind Mitch to get rid of the Yu-Gi-Oh cards now, too, because those were bound to go out of style faster than the Pokemon cards, but he didn't. He took the silent route.
"I just want to live in the world!" The child shouted, "Without being discriminated against!"
The Stop n' Go, which was usually dead until it got a little later, was now full of angry customers who all felt sorry for the child. The people were furious that Boomer couldn't see the child for what he really was. A hard working man who just looked like a child, so he claimed.
"Can you blame me!?" The child said.
"NO!!" The group of customers surrounding the counter shot back supporting. There were only about eight of them, but to Boomer it felt like hundreds and he was getting more and more nervous by the millisecond.
"Can you people just leave the store?" Boomer finally said, not combative, more pleadingly.
"Oh, YOU PEOPLE?!" The child yelled, seeming to be on the last straw, "Did you hear that, you guys?"
"Hey!" One of the customers shouted.
"What do you mean by that?!" Another one yelled.
"YOU PEOPLE?!" A third added.
"I didn't mean anything!" Boomer reasoned, "It's just, you're all being so loud –"
"No, I see." The child said, "A group of people come together, against the prejudiced businesses of this town, and we're told to leave."
"We're gonna shut you discriminators down!" The man from earlier shouted over everyone.
"YEAH!" Everyone agreed, "SHUT YOU DOWN!"
"SHUT YOU DOWN!"
"SHUT YOU DOWN!"
"SHUT YOU DOWN!
All of a sudden, there was a light breeze in the store which most people thought was the door opening. But the breeze picked up quickly and turned into a strong gust, which reminded most of them of a thunderstorm. The wind blew hard and threw all of them away from the counter on the floor. Everyone in the store was very confused by this, even Boomer, who still had his hand over his head to shield himself from projectiles he was pretty sure was coming soon. He put his arms down and slowly opened his eyes. The people who had been standing at the counter were now all apparently forced upon the floor. Boomer wasn't as confused when he saw a light blue dress out of the corner of his eye, hovering near the entrance.
"Who's leading this mob?" Bubbles asked.
All the customers, who were sore and dazed all looked at each other and then pointed towards the door Bubbles was standing in front of, which the child was now trying to sneak out of.
"That kid!" Someone said.
Bubbles looked to her feet and saw him. "You, huh?" She said, eyeing the child.
The child looked up at Bubbles apologetically.
"Got anything to say?" Bubbles continued.
"Well," The child started, "I just wanted to say…"
"Yes?" Bubbles urged.
The child's eyes were now glowing a very unhealthy and evil scarlet. When he spoke, his voice was now deep, demonic, and devilishly familiar, "That you people are PATHETIC!" He shouted as loud as he could.
The child, who was on the ground, now had red smoke pouring out from him and was disturbingly melting into the floor. The red smoke that had just started to seep from his body was now taking a tall, slender shape. The shape of none other than someone both Bubbles and Boomer knew. Him.
"Hello, Townsville," Him said with his calm feminine voice, "Been awhile, eh?"
All of the customers were still out of it, one or two barely sitting up from the floor rubbing their heads. The citizens of Townsville weren't as used to mind control as they were back in the day. The fact that most of them had been under the control of the child, now revealed to be Him, was hard for some to grasp.
"Everyone can go on with their morning now," Bubbles said, "Except YOU, Him."
"If you insist." Said Him, very pleased with himself as the confused and tired people passed him.
Slowly but surely, all the customers started to file out of the store with Bubbles holding the door for them, keeping watch over the red villain to make sure he stayed where he was. When the last customer left the store, she turned back inside the store to have a word with him.
"So," Bubbles started, "Who's ready for an old-fashioned hiney-kicking?"
"Oh. You could try, I'm sure." Said Him, "But we both know I could teleport out of this store in a split second."
"Yeah?" Bubbles challenged him, "I'd follow you."
"Yes, but would your sisters follow me?" Him asked snidely, "There's a rumor going around, you know. You're not as strong as you used to be."
"If you want to test that, Him…" Bubbles started, "We're more than happy to."
"Oh, I'm afraid I can't. My exercise show starts at 10:30am and I can't miss my Jazzercise." He chuckled demonically as his body become transparent, "Bye-bye…"
Bubbles' eye twitched as Him teleported out of the Stop n' Go. She was so annoyed she couldn't stand it. Mostly because she knew she couldn't do anything. Blossom and Buttercup didn't have time to deal with the villains in Townsville anymore. She didn't either, as a matter of fact. When they stopped terrorizing, the Powerpuff Girls stopped saving. But every once in awhile one would show up and annoy and taunt them. They were mostly right too – The Powerpuff Girls weren't as they once were. They saved the day once every two months – if they were lucky. No one really cared anymore what happened and the small crime that did exist in the city was taken care of by the police. Bubbles and her sisters were obsolete – to be reminded of this by someone like Him was a very bad start to her day.
Bubbles sighed, "You okay?"
"I'm fine." Boomer tried to sound unshaken, "Leave it to Him to ruin a perfectly boring morning, huh?" Boomer tried to joke.
Bubbles wasn't really amused she hovered over the counter and sat on the other side to lean against the other side of the counter. Boomer shrugged and hovered over himself, joining her.
"He kinda got to you, huh?" Boomer asked, sincerely worried, and sat beside her.
"Uh, yeah…" Bubbles said, "Can you not sit so close?"
"Oh." Boomer scooted away, trying to not blow up at her, "Sorry."
"Boomer?" Bubbles inquired.
"What's up, Bubbles?"
"I really miss it," She said, sighing and putting her head on her knees, "Being a superhero."
"Do you?" Boomer tried to egg her on – he didn't really know how to act when Bubbles had a problem, so he just kept her talking.
"It just – it made me feel like someone, you know?" Bubbles continued, "I helped people and the world, like, everyday."
"Yeah…" Was all really Boomer could say, because not only was he a villain for most of his life, he wasn't really THAT into helping people when him and his brothers helped the girls out for a short time.
"So it's just hard when people like Him want to mess with us like that," She looked up at him, "You know?"
"I can imagine, Bubbles."
"Buttercup wants to run away."
"What!?" Boomer exclaimed, not really prepared the deal with so big of a family problem.
"To go find a place we're needed," Bubbles continued, "She says it's stupid that we're just three freaks who live in a small town – that we should find a place that has too much crime and help the people."
"Like where?" Boomer asked.
"She suggested Citiesville since it's so close, but there's a few places. Blossom says she knows some kids in Jump City who could always use help."
"Are you, like, thinking about going with them?" Boomer asked, incredulous.
"They are my sisters, Boomer." Bubbles said, "It makes sense to go where they go."
"I think you need to finally stand up for yourself," Boomer mumbled.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Well, Blossom is the leader," Boomer said, "And Buttercup is the hot-head who is also bossy. You just kind of follow, don't you?"
"Wow." Bubbles rolled her eyes, "Way to make a girl feel important."
"I'm just saying, babe." Boomer tried to sound sensitive to the subject, "Just because you love them doesn't mean they should run your life."
"Well…" Bubbles started, "Is that how you think?"
"How do you mean?"
"Well, you love me, right?"
"So I say."
"So then, would you let me run your life?" Bubbles asked, "If I were to leave, would you come with me?"
"I guess that's up in the air," Boomer said, "That'd test me and let me know how much I really love you. In my experience, there's always one defining moment in every relationship that makes or breaks it."
"Hmmm…" Bubbles wondered, staring out into space, "How many have there been?"
"What?"
"Relationships." Bubbles cleared up, "You seem to be all pro and stuff. You must have played the field."
Boomer thought back as far as he could, "Including you?"
"I really hope it'd end at me, Boomie."
Boomer finished his mental head count, which really wasn't a count. Because he knew the number by heart – he threw it in his brothers' faces all the time. Because he had the most girlfriends. "Twelve"
There was a high-pitched sound of a power punch landing on Boomer's shoulder.
"Ouch!" Boomer said in pain. "Why'd you punch me?"
"You're a pig!"
"Well," Boomer said, rubbing his arm, "Did ya really have to go all super hero strength on me?"
"Do you know how many boys I've dated?" Bubbles said anxiously, she was now standing with her hands on her hips.
"Do I get to power punch you after you tell me?"
"Three."
Boomer chuckled a little to himself, mostly because Brick's number was only two. "Three? You've only dated three people?"
"I'm not a yucky boy like you are." Bubbles told him, "I still don't see how you can –" Bubbles started again, but never finished because there was a call from the front of the counter.
"Excuse me?" The voice was frail and small.
Boomer really didn't want to help whoever it was, since the last kid he decided to wait on turned out to be the master of all evil. But he let out an annoyed grunt and hovered to greet the customer.
"Oh," The voice said, "Hi there, Boomer."
"Hey, Elmer. What's up?"
"Just this." Elmer set a small plastic bottle of paste on the counter along with a five dollar bill.
"Ah, glue." Boomer said, going to his register, "What a surprise."
Bubbles hovered into view from below the counter, startling Elmer. To him, it just looked like she appeared out of nowhere.
"Oh, Bubbles!" Elmer said, his voice full of pep now, "How are you?"
"Good, just spending some time with my boyfriend." Bubbles smiled.
"Oooh, you two, huh?" Elmer said, "Makes sense. Blue and blue."
Bubbles pretended like Elmer was witty, and the first person in the world to realize this. She forced a giggle, "Yeah, I guess you're right. Blue and blue."
Boomer handed Elmer his chance. "Anything else, man?"
"Nah, I'm good." Elmer said, "Hey Bubbles, how's your sisters?"
"Good." She said, "Bored, but good."
"Cool, cool." Elmer said, "Well, you two lovebirds take care, okay?"
Elmer, clumsily of course, made his way out of the Stop n' Go. Bubbles reminisced as he did, with a voice that one could only assume was trying to be polite.
"That was Ice Boy."
"No," Boomer said, "That's Elmer Sglue. We go to school with him."
"No, silly," Bubbles said, "I know his real name, but Ice Boy is a thing that Buttercup came up with. It's a kissing thing."
"Kissing?"
"Whenever a girl tries to kiss him, he goes all stiff like ice."
"Like ice?" Boomer asked, amused, he'd never heard this before.
"He puckers his lips really hard, so it's funny to try and kiss him."
Boomer shook his head, "Cuppo can be talked into anything."
"What?"
"Well, like you said, Buttercup kissed him." Boomer started to organize the cigarettes.
"No, I kissed him."
Boomer chuckled, "Yeah, right."
Bubbles let the dead air sit before she dropped her bomb, "I'm serious."
Boomer stopped his organizing. "You kissed ELMER?"
"Well…" Bubbles stammered, "Yeah, how do you think I knew –"
"Wait, wait." Boomer said, his voice full of anger rising, "Earlier when we were talking about dating you said you'd only dated three guys including me. You never mentioned him."
"Well, because I never dated him."
"You kissed him!"
"Well, I liked him for maybe two days and we kissed out in the playground."
"But you said you only dated three different guys –"
"Because I have only dated three! That doesn't mean I haven't just gone on a hunch and been wrong."
Boomer held his stomach, "Oh, my God. I feel so sick."
"Boomie! Don't, I'm sorry!"
"Well, ya sure as hell haven't kissed me recently." Boomer finally said, "And if ya do, I'm gonna taste paste boy and his mouth full of glue. How could you do that?"
"Boomer, please…." Bubbles pleaded, holding onto his arm lovingly.
"How many?" Boomer finally managed to get out.
"Don't get all stupid –"
"How many?"
"Boomer –"
"How many guys have you sucked face with?!"
"Calm down! I'll tell you in a second!" Bubbles started to massage her temple, very frustrated, "I didn't freak out like this when you told me how many girls you dated."
"This is different," Boomer shot back, then added, "THIS is important."
Bubbles honestly had to think about this. There had been quite a few boys before Boomer came into her life the first time. Then he exploded and came back, not to mention the long time he was gone, along with the time he had been a bad guy. She took a trip down memory lane.
"Well?" Boomer finally said, impatient with her already.
"Something like…." Bubbles' voice went almost inaudible. "Thirty-Six."
"What!?" Boomer's super hearing gladly picked up this number, "Something like THIRTY SIX!? If you had kissed me, then it would be –"
"Thirty seven."
"I'm gonna be THIRTY SEVEN!?"
Bubbles started her hover over to the door, "I think I'm gonna go now."
Boomer started after her, "Why 'cause I finally got something on you?"
"Look you jerk, you never even knew how many guys I dated today because you never bothered to ask, then you act all nonchalant about dating twelve different girls, when I've only dated three guys!"
"Yeah, but you've sucked face with enough guys."
"Yeah!" Bubbles shouted, "I kissed a few guys."
"A few!?"
"The next one is going to be you, I might add!" Bubbles hovered up in his face, "In case you want to screw that up too!"
"Why did you have to kiss them!?" Boomer asked, "Why couldn't you just flirt or hold hands like any other normal person?"
"I'm going home, Boomer!" Bubbles yelled at him, leaving a very abrupt and upset blue streak towards the door.
Boomer stayed where he was wondering why in the world he still hadn't broken it off with her yet and at that moment, promised himself silently, that the moment would come soon when he freed himself from her.
Resuscitation
Standing at the counter of the Stop n' Go and staring out into space was what passed most of the morning time for Boomer, especially when he was called in on a day he wasn't supposed to work. If a customer did happen to pop in during the early hours of the morning, it took him a few moments to realize it.
In this case, he didn't realize it until the customer was standing right in front of him, waving her hands wildly to get his attention.
It took him a split second longer to realize that it was Robin from next door.
"Oh," He finally acknowledged her monotonously, "Hey."
"Boomer, are you alright?" She asked, sincere worry on her face.
"Fine," Boomer said bitterly, "I got called into work on my day off after getting two hours of sleep and my girlfriend treats me like I have mono. But otherwise, pretty dandy."
"You don't have to be such a smart-alec, you know." Robin frowned, remembering what she had come into the store for and made her way towards the milk, purposely turning her back on him.
"I can't help it, Robin." Boomer said, letting his arms and head rest on the counter for the tenth time that day.
"Boomer, you can whine all you want, but it's ultimately your decision to be with her," Robin called from the back of the store, opening the door to one of the coolers and pulling out a gallon of milk, "People are in charge of their own destiny, no matter how you look at it."
"What, so it's my fault that I'm having such a bad day?" Boomer asked incredulously.
Robin let out a small grunt as she lifted the milk a few inches off the ground, half-dragging it back towards the counter.
Rolling his eyes, Boomer floated over to her and took the milk from her with ease, hovering along side her as she walked back to the counter, "Well?" He asked again.
"I'm just saying, you know how Bubbles is. If there's any one of the girls who would be the relationship conservative, it'd be her." She reached her pocket for the money her mother had given her for the milk.
"$3.25," Boomer said, not missing a beat, "So I guess you're going to tell me to break-up with her too?"
Robin fished four singles from her pocket and handed them to him, "Of course not," She said, "If there's any way for a five year old super hero to know what love is, she feels that for you. My advice would be to continue to wait patiently, just be happy you have someone who cares for you."
"Easy for you to say," He mumbled.
"Oh, please, Boomer." Robin rolled her eyes, "You're too young to have a careless libido, so anything that makes this situation hard is either self-angst or peer pressure from your brothers. I swear, boys think too much for their own good."
"Like girls make any more sense?" Boomer snorted.
"Sometimes I wonder." She took the milk from the counter and drug it to the exit of the floor, "Later, Boomer."
Butch
Mitch and Silent Mike now had some company outside of the stores. Two men, one of which was very antsy and anxious to get inside the video store.
"Darn it!" The anxious man shouted, kicking the door of the video store. "I need a movie."
"Calm down, man." The other man waiting for the store to be open tried to calm him, "I'm sure the cashier is on his way. Probably just slept in."
"Man, my wife really wants it!" The anxious man grabbed the other man by the collar, "And we had a huge fight this morning!"
"Get your hands off of me!" The other man threw his hands away, "I was just trying to calm you down! How long were you here before me anyway?"
"Like –" The anxious man's eye twitched, "Fifteen minutes."
"And I've only been here fifteen myself," Said the other man, "The kid is only half an hour late opening."
Just then, another customer walked up to the video store. A smaller boy, with big green eyes and a green shirt.
"Kid's not here yet." The not-so-anxious man told him, "Been waiting half an hour."
"Half an hour?!" The green-shirt kid shouted, "That's ridiculous!"
"I know!" The anxious man said, "I need a video to save my marriage!"
"Darn!" The green-shirt kid looked inside the windows of the video store, "Where the heck is he?"
"I don't know!" The antsy man looked upwards to the sky for guidance, "I have no idea what to do!"
"What about the kid in the convenience store?" The green-shirt kid asked, "Can help us?"
"Nah," The not-so-antsy guy said, "Said the other guy was the only one with a key to the video store."
"Gosh…" The green-shirt kid sighed to himself and turned to the antsy guy, "And you said your wife wanted a movie?"
"Yes!" The antsy guy fell to his knees, "We had a fight last night because I told her I cheated on her when we were teenagers!"
"Woah," The green-shirt kid seemed engrossed in the story, "No way."
"Yeah," The antsy guy looked in his eyes, "We've been together since high school and have gone through ten glorious years until last night – when she figured out my one screw up. Then this morning she told me to go pick her up a movie from the video store – then she said, and I quote – 'don't screw this up too!'"
"Harsh." The other man commented.
"I think you should just face the music." The green-shirt kid said, locking eyes with the antsy man.
"Face…" The antsy man tried to understand, "The music?"
"Yeah, bro." The green-shirt kid told him, "So ya screwed up once, most guys do."
The antsy man nodded, agreeing, "Yeah…"
"So you thought with your libido once in the past." The green-shirt kid said, "But that doesn't mean you don't want to try for your marriage. Gosh, the last thing you want for yourself is to go through a guilt trip for something that happened eons ago. It just seems like she's gonna ride this for all it's worth – just milk your poor conscience till it's dry."
"Hey…" The antsy man's face turned angry, "You're right."
"Darn tootin' I am." The green-shirt kid continued, "Don't put yourself through such an ordeal. You should march home right now and tell the lady that you're not standing for this – that you want a divorce not tomorrow, but by the end of today."
The antsy man was no longer very antsy looking. As a matter of fact he looked more or less at peace. It all made sense to him now, and thank God for the little kid with the green eyes and green shirt because if it wasn't for him, he might very well have put himself through years upon YEARS of guilt for one teeny tiny screw up. "YOU'RE RIGHT!" He screamed.
In what seemed like a millisecond, the antsy man was across the Stop n' Go parking lot and inside of his truck. He backed out of his parking space with incredible aggression and waved at everyone as he passed the video store, honking all the way.
The boy in the green shirt chuckled to himself and dug in his pocket, fishing out a set of keys. He inserted the keys and unlocked the video store, walking in casually.
The other man, who had just now noticed what had happened was still standing outside, his mind catching up with him. Within a few seconds, the boy in the green shirt opened the door to the video store and leaned against it facing the man.
"You comin'?" The green-shirt kid asked.
It wasn't the best morning in the world for Butch Utonium. He was late for work – though that had very little to do with his morning being so bad. He could really care less about the Stop n' Go, and doubly so for Townsville Video which was the store he was the cashier for. No one came into that store – no one. The customer flow was so bad, it was a wonder that the owners made enough money to keep him around. He tallied it up one week, and found out that the store only made half of his paycheck in rentals and late fees. What in the world were they going to do with such a small amount of money?
Butch had given up on this day about an hour ago when he was drinking a cappuccino he bought from a corner store (that wasn't the Stop n' Go, since he refused to support the place he worked out) at a bus stop and ended up dropping it all over his lap. It wasn't enough that he was tired and he had to make a small trip to the only place he considered hellish, but his crotch now reeked of French Vanilla.
But even that much was no matter. He'd just take it out on the customers.
The man who had entered the video store with him had rented three movies. And even that much made Butch feel exhausted. Feeling overworked and underpaid, he made his way out of the video store, towards the Stop n' Go where he expected to have an awkward conversation with whoever was working today, if anything, for the sake of his boredom.
He was incredibly surprised when he walked in to see his brother, Boomer, manning the counter.
"What are you doin' here?" He said in Boomer's direction.
Boomer, who was reading a magazine looked up, "The other guy was sick so the boss asked me to come in."
"And," Butch began, "Of course you did."
"Hey," Boomer defended, "I'm just here for the morning. After the boss comes in at twelve I'm out. Did you open the video store yet?"
"Yeah." Butch said, "I was feeling charitable today."
"Horray for the city of Townsville." Boomer said sarcastically.
Boomer and Butch had just recently grown accustomed to seeing each other and talking all the time. When they were villains, all they really did was joke immaturely. It wasn't until the Professor found them jobs at the stores that they got to know each other. Boomer found Butch to be lazy and uncaring of anyone else's feelings. Butch found Boomer to be a goody-good who always followed the rules. But despite everything, they clung to their brotherly bond when the times got tough.
"Bubbles come to see you yet?" Butch asked as he took a seat on the counter, starting to read the morning paper.
"Nosy much?"
"Hey," Butch put his arms in the air, surrendering. "I just want to make sure you're doing okay on the relationship circuit."
Boomer sighed, annoyed. For whatever reason, Butch was the only one who would listen to him complain about Bubbles. But he never really helped either, "Yeah, she was already here."
"Were you submissive and caring like always?"
"Shut up."
"I'm just sayin'." Butch said, "The chick gets weird if ya try to touch her. Something is not right. "
"Well, it all comes down to the way I feel about it," Boomer said angrily, "So shut your mouth."
"I don't know how you think, dude. I'm just trying to put things in perspective." Butch said, diving back into the comic strips he was reading, "Just trying to help, ya heartless jerk."
"Yeah, well, don't."
"Well, you can bet I'm gonna stop. After a display of unappreciative jargon like that."
"Unappreciative? And why, just why, would I appreciate you condemning my relationship with Bubbles?"
"Not condemning! Giving it perspective. Dimensions, my friend. You can't spend your social life without thinking outside the box. If you assume that a one relationship can be one hundred percent without problem, then you've got a lot to learn." There was a small beat, then Butch put down the newspaper, "And anyway, I said I wasn't going to help you anymore."
"Oh, woe is me."
Butch hopped off the counter and headed towards the back of the store, "I'm thirsty."
"You gonna pay for what you drink?" Boomer asked off-hand.
Butch snorted, his voice off in the distance now. "No."
With that, Boomer let out an inaudible 'Jesus Christ…' from under his breath.
"What!?"
"Nothing. I didn't say anything."
"The hell you didn't." Butch gestured to his head, "I may not have ears, but super-hearing comes with the sexy green package."
"It was nothing."
"Oh, you liar!" Butch pulled an energy drink from the cooler in the back, "You want me to pay for this thing that bad?"
"No, whatever." Boomer said, starting to leaf through Butch's newspaper that he left behind, "Screw up the inventory."
"What inventory? It's one drink, Boom."
"One drink now. Probably like four drinks a day, twenty drinks a week."
"I think the evil corporate chain that is Stop n' Go can survive with a few drinks gone – and since when does the boss complain about inventory anyway? I didn't even know he checked the damn thing."
"I'd just rather not chance breaking the rules, okay?" Boomer said, trying to end the conversation abruptly. However, he immediately regretted the words after they left his mouth.
"Breaking the rules?" Butch chuckled sarcastically, "Check out Boomer! Mr. I-Live-By-The-Man's-Rules. My God, I'd never though I'd see hypocrisy in the likes of you."
"Hypocrisy? How does you not paying for a Red Bull constitute a jab at my relationship –"
"– or lack thereof…"
"– with my girlfriend?"
"Look," Butch started, hovering back over to the counter," as far as Baby Blue goes, the chick's nuts about you."
"Yeah, right. Barely holds my hand, nags me every five minutes." Boomer shook his head, and then added sarcastically, "She's head-over-heels, man."
"She is dude, it's not her fault insecurity leads you to see otherwise."
"You know, I'm sure psychoanalysis from you has its perks, but I don't really feel comfortable talking to you about this," Boomer crossed his arms, "Besides, I thought you weren't helping me."
"Aw," Butch returned behind the counter, hovering beside him, nudging him, "Consider it a family handicap. I'm allowed to disown you at least once a day."
Boomer sighed, annoyed. He obviously wasn't going to get through this unscathed.
"I'd be willing to bet that the most frequent subject of arguments between you and Bubbles is Princess Morebucks."
"You win."
"Words of advice, Boomer. Let the past be the past, forget Princess. That girl kissed more boys at Pokey Oaks in a day than most Catholic Priests do in a lifetime. I get that she was your girl in the bad days. But the hero-villain field is chock-full of apathy now. No need to jones for the bad girl."
"Oh, I am not 'jonesing for the bad girl'."
"Right. That's why you and Princess talk on the phone every night and you complain about how, " Butch switched his tone of voice to whiney, "Bubbles won't kiss me! I miss being with a girl who could show me affection! The part down my hair is crooked!"
Boomer's hands shot up to his head, "No it isn't!"
Butch shook his head, "Look at you. Shallow to the very end."
Boomer looked around annoyed, trying his best to avoid Butch. He picked up the newspaper Butch was reading earlier and buried his nose in it. But Butch wasn't done yet.
"You don't think there's something wrong?" Butch continued.
Boomer didn't say a word. Butch had been at work a total of ten minutes and was already driving him up the wall.
"So you're not gonna say anything?" Butch made puppy-dog eyes, "C'mon Booms. Talk about your feelings. I'm your brother and your friend. I LISTEN!"
"Me and Bubbles are okay." Boomer said, "We're just moving slower than other relationships I've been in."
"Does she move this slow with ALL the guys?"
Boomer wanted to bring up the conversation about how many guys Bubbles had kissed, but decided to leave it be fore now. Butch was fueled as it was. "I don't know."
Butch looked at his brother. "The chick treats you like you have a crazy disease and you don't think anything is wrong? I mean, I'm sure that not EVERYTHING is wrong, I'm not saying she doesn't like you –"
"I don't understand," Boomer said, teeth clenched, "How you can have such an opinion on my relationship when you haven't had a girlfriend for months. You know, maybe the reason I'm so insecure is because of people like you? You ever think of that?"
"I'm just trying to keep you on your toes, bro." Butch said, "And I don't understand why ya can't just bite the bullet and admit that you're wrong!"
"No!"
"There's obviously something up with your relationship! Why the hell not?"
"Because I don't agree. It's a matter of opinion."
"Oh!" Butch threw his arms in the air, "You're not in accord, so that automatically makes me the one who is wrong."
Boomer sighed and went back to the newspaper, trying to read an article about E. Coli in Taco Bell meat for the tenth or eleventh time. "Didn't say that."
"Did a good flippin' job of implying it." Butch said, turning his back to his brother and facing the magazine rack.
Boomer idly replied, "Sorry you feel that way."
"I'm sure you are." Butch sneered.
If Boomer was a little dimmer, or even if he learned to have a bit of naïve faith in his brother, he might have assumed that Butch would let it go. Because everyone needed a good argument sometimes, some people even daily – and be that as it may, most people know when to throw in the towel. This means, of course, when the argument is obviously leaned in the favor of the other person. It's incredibly obvious when your entire argument has been negated and your side can't go on with a case unless you completely ignore logic and debate on pure ego and ignorance.
That, most people would argue, was Butch Utonium in a nutshell.
"And what the hell does that mean anyway?" Butch asked snidely, turning to Boomer, "Sorry you feel that way?"
"It means – "
"I know what it means, Booms. It means 'Whatever you say, but I'm still right.'"
"What is your damage, bro? Why the need to be right?"
"It's not a need, Boomer, it's the fact that I am." Butch finally turned back to face him, "I can admit when I'm wrong! It grinds my gears when other people can't!"
Boomer and Butch were both distracted by a loud thud on the counter and both looked up to see a plethora of items on the counter. Eggs, flour, and cake mix placed on the counter by Mojo Jojo.
"I would like to buy these items, that is to say, I, Mojo Jojo will now make my purchase." Mojo declared.
Boomer took his few items and scanned them into the register. As he scanned, he could feel Butch's eyes shifting back and forth from him to Mojo.
"Saaay," Butch started, "Mojo..."
With a swift movement, Mojo's massive head turned towards Butch. "What do you want?"
"Making a cake, are we?"
"What business is it of yours, you bug-eyed miscreant?" Mojo shot back.
"Hey, man –" Butch started.
"Do not answer that! For I, Mojo Jojo, am fairly certain that the business of which I am speaking is not yours and is in fact mine, Mojo Jojo's!"
"Chill out, sir." Butch eased in, "I'm just trying to make small talk. Just being polite."
"Polite? You?"
"Well, yeah. I was going to ask you a question since you are all knowing…" Butch trailed off.
"Well," Mojo mused, "I am indeed all-knowing."
"I mean, wow," Butch reminisced, "Back in the day, you sure gave those Powerpuff Girls a run for their money. All those brilliant schemes – heck, even creating us."
Mojo nodded and smirked, looking pretty pleased with himself.
"So, don't get me wrong, I meant no disrespect – definitely not to my creator."
"Well," Mojo thought, "I can definitely agree partly. That is to say, you do owe me, Mojo Jojo, a great deal of respect."
"Cool," Butch said, "I know we've been out of your life for quite awhile but I was wondering if you could give us a little bit of fatherly advice."
"I suppose," Mojo said, "That I have done very little in my fatherly duties."
"But whatever you did was great!" Butch said happily, "Back in the day, even before Him brought us back, we were REALLY evil."
"Yes," Mojo agreed, "I supposed you were."
"Don't," Boomer said angrily.
"Cool it bro," Butch said, "It's just Mojo! Good ol' Daddyo!"
"Aw, shucks." Mojo looked at his feet, his green face starting to turn a beat red.
"So, our boy Boomer here is already on the playing field with girls." Butch started.
"Is he now?" Mojo asked, wide-eyed "Quite early, considering you boys are all together probably around two years old. Way to go, son!"
"That was my reaction at first," Butch said, "But Boomer is dating a Powerpuff Girl."
"WHAT!?" Mojo yelled, his baboonish rage filling the store, making it feel degrees hotter than it was moments ago, "MY CREATION? DATING A POWERPUFF GIRL!?"
"Yeah I know." Butch said, doing his best to sound worried so that he could annoy Boomer, "He's dating Bubbles. And not only that, but the girl won't even kiss him!"
"Why not!?" Mojo asked, furious all of a sudden, "Does she think she's too good for him!?"
"I don't know, Pops." Butch said, "But wouldn't you agree that there was something, even a little bit, wrong with their relationship?"
"Besides the fact that it's a Rowdyruff Boy and a Powerpuff Girl?" Mojo steamed, "Besides the fact that a being composed for solely evil and a being composed for solely happiness could co-exist in a relationship!?"
Butch brought his left arm forward and pulled it back in success, "Yes!." He turned to Boomer, "I rest my case."
"I hate you." Boomer told Butch.
"Okay, Mojo." Butch said happily, "You can go now."
Mojo took his cake supplies and exited the store in a huff, mumbling to himself: "Powerpuff Girl? The nerve…."
Boomer waited a few moments so that Mojo was gone before he reacted. Then, he turned to Butch and said, "Was that really necessary?"
Butch, who has long since moved on from the moment was buried in a comic book and looked up at Boomer, sincerely confused, "Was what really necessary?"
