Polaris, the Guiding Star

It was almost midnight and 16 year old Gryffindor Prefect Lily Evans was just finishing up her rounds for the night. Her partner, Remus Lupin was absent because it was a day before the full moon and Lily told him that she could do it alone since it was the last full moon before school ended.

Her last stop was the Astronomy Tower. She always loved looking at stars. It was something she learned how to do with her grandfather and she loved to remember all of the nights when she couldn't sleep and her grandfather would coax her up on to the roof and they would pick out constellations and make up stories about them.

Normally, the other prefects have gotten rid of the snogging couples and there would be nobody there but tonight, Lily saw the shadow of person sitting on the ledge, illuminated by the light of the moon.

"Lumos" Lily whispered, lighting her wand up so that she could see up the stairs.

"Hello? Who's there? It's already past curfew and you should already be in bed." Lily said as she walked up the stairs with her wand out in front of her.

As soon as she got up, she noticed the trademark messy raven black hair of James Potter, her current crush of 6 years.

"James? What are you doing up here?"

"None of your business, Evans" James said, turning away from Lily and facing the stars.

"It's past curfew. I should dock points." Lily pointed out.

"You go do that." James responded, unfazed.

"I can't always let you go scot free. I'm a prefect. I have to follow the school rules."

"Mmmmm…" James hummed as he traced out the constellation for Hercules.

"Why are you ignoring me, James? I'm trying to be nice to you!"

"Why can't you take a hint, Evans? Maybe I'm ignoring you so that you'll get the hint that I don't want you here. Just leave me alone, for Merlin's sake."

"What if I just wanted to be here?"

"Then I'll leave you to your stargazing. Goodnight and thanks for ruining my night." James grumbled, getting up from the ledge, heading to the doorway only to be prevented by a hand on his shoulder.

"What did I ever do to you, James? What? Why do you hate me so much?" Lily cried angrily.

He turned around and started to rant at her.

"It's because you're so ignorant about the world. For Merlin's sake, look around you Evans! There's a war going on out there. People are dying. My parents have died because of the war out there, protecting people like you and you're here, bugging me day in and day out, forcing me to reject you because I don't like you."

"I've stopped bugging for the past year! All I ask is that we be friends. Why can't you like me, James? What's so wrong with me that you can't even give me a chance?" Lily asked.

"I can't love you!" James exploded.

"I know!" Lily shouted back. James looked at her, stunned.

"I know, okay? You don't have to rub it in." Lily said, wiping her tears." I know that you can't love me. I know that I'll never be worthy of your love. I know it."

Lily turned away and looked at the stars, determined not to let James see her tears.

You don't know what it was like for me. I'm a muggleborn. I know I'm already being targeted because of my blood status and my grades. I've put myself in the spotlight. I know that. I wake up every day in fear of getting that accursed black letter because I know my parents are innocent and that they'd have been targeted because of me! You're a pureblood. You don't have anything to worry about. I envy you, James and I admire you. I chase you because I've been chasing you for so long that it's become instinct for me. It's something familiar, something I can hold onto. When the world has shifted on its axis and everything I know has changed, you're still there. You're still the same. I don't care if you can't love me. I don't care if you reject me. As long as you're around, I can pretend that everything is still the same and that I can go out and not be scared to die just because a megalomaniac is eradicating my kind."

A long silence followed before Lily got the courage to speak up once more.

"Don't ever say I'm ignorant about the war going on out there. I'm a muggleborn, a mudblood. I've had myself marked for death since the minute I walked into this place. I just want to pretend like blood doesn't matter like I know it doesn't. When blood is spilled, magical or muggle it bleeds red. Every time, I look into the mirror, I see the red in my hair and every time I read the paper, I imagine the red blood seeping into the earth. I just want to pretend even if it is just in my head that everything is okay and that everything will be fine. Is it so wrong to try live my life even with the war going on?" Lily whispered, the tears heard in her voice.

A long silence ensued and Lily had thought that James had left. She was lost in her thoughts about the war, about her grades, about her parents that she almost didn't notice that James was now beside her, looking out into the vast abyss of space.

"I'm sorry. I was wrong about you." James mumbled.

"Huh?" Lily sniffled, wiping away her tears with her robe sleeve.

"I was wrong about you. I'd always thought that you were doing it as revenge for what I called Snape on the train. I didn't stop to think that it was real. I forgot everything my mum taught me about treating ladies and about proper protocol. I shouldn't have embarrassed you even if I thought that it was revenge. You didn't even know about what it meant. I didn't realize that."

"I'm sorry too. I shouldn't have been so blind to the fact that you didn't want me around. I've been trying though. You know, I just realized, this is our first real conversation without screaming at each other."

"Huh, I guess it is."

"We're both so different from how we used to be. I'll be blunt. I still love you. I'll probably never stop but I can try to forget about it so that we can at least try and be friends. We're both mature people. I think we can stop fighting all the time." Lily said, facing James.

"I'd like that." James said with a smile.

Lily blushed at that but quickly remembered why she had come up and looked for the star her grandfather loved.

"Look over there. See that star? That's the Northern Star, Polaris. That was always my grandfather's favourite star because he was named after it and he was a sailor so it was a constant companion in the night sky. He always used to tell me that as long as it was visible in the night sky, he would always be there and then I'd point out that it was always there and we'd laugh ourselves silly pointing at the stars and the constellations making up new ones and creating stories about them." Lily said, tears gathering in her eyes as she remembered her grandfather that she'd loved and missed dearly.

"Do you still do that often?"

"He passed away before I even got my Hogwarts letter."

"Oh, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked."

"No, it's okay to ask. We're kind of friends now, aren't we? My grandfather had lung cancer and when it eventually took his voice, I decided to pretend like nothing was wrong and I would keep talking to him about anything and everything and his eyes would tell me his response. I would create stories and I would tell him about my day, excluding the bad parts of course and he would smile at me and hug me and I knew that he loved me. When he passed away, I cried and cried for days. I thought the world had ended. I was only 9 years old and Se-Snape was the one to pull me out of my depression. I guess it all started there, my habit of pretending nothing was wrong."

"There's nothing wrong with wanting to pretend."

"Thanks James."

"You're welcome, Lily." James smiled at her.

Lily was shocked. This was the first time she'd ever heard him refer to her as Lily.

"Let's talk about something else. You see that star? That's Sirius, the brightest star in the sky. Padfoot wouldn't let me hear the end of it every Astronomy lesson we had. He'd go James, look over there, it's me. Look over here, it's still me, get it?" James said, breaking the silence.

They spent the rest of the night chatting, pointing at stars, tracing new and old constellations and laughing together. At about 3 am, they realized how late was and decided to head to bed.

They went up together, narrowly escaping Filch and eventually saying goodnight at the base of the stairs leading to their individual dorms. The boys were still up and asked James where he was. All he answered was looking at the stars. Thankfully, Lily's dorm mates were all asleep but the butterflies dancing Lily's stomach made it impossible for her to find sleep.

She decided to write a short entry in her diary before she slept.

Dear Diary,

You won't believe what happened tonight. As I finished my rounds, I found James Potter in the Astronomy Tower and we became something close to friends, something I thought would be impossible. I've loved him since I've met him and I know that he can't love me back but at least I'm part of his life now and that's all I'll settle for. It is difficult to be around him though. What happened tonight only made me love him more. He stayed with me, diary, and talked with me until 3 in the morning. He made me laugh so many times with the stories he's created with the stars and he made me remember why I didn't give up on chasing him but I think it's time for me to stop chasing and start knowing. I need to stop pretending that because he's still the same towards me as he was in first year that I still need not be worried about the war. I need to face the music but I still can't believe that we're on the track to becoming friends. He's exactly as I know him and more. I knew him and all of his secrets and all of his tales but now, I can honestly say I know James Potter not because I love him and I observed him but because he let me. I love James Potter and I'll probably never stop but I can't help but wish that he would love me back but I guess that's what dreams are for, right? Anyway, I should get to sleep. I still have a few more things to accomplish before we go back home for the summer holidays in a week. Good night diary. I'll never forget about tonight.

Love,

Lily Evans

James Potter couldn't sleep either. Sure he told the boys that he was going to sleep but his mind was racing about what he'd learned about a girl he thought he knew. He'd always believed that Lily was just joking, that Lily was ignorant, that Lily wasn't any better than the purebloods he hated but then she proved everything he knew about her false.

She was just a girl scared for her life who was trying to maintain a sense of normalcy and that was through him. She'd always been aware, she just didn't show it and tonight, he saw a whole different side to Lily Evans.

He'd found himself trying to make her laugh because her emerald green lit up like Christmas lights and her laughter sounded like tinkling bells. He found himself trying to make her smile at him because her smile made her look beautiful and for the first time since he was eleven, he thought the red-headed girl was beautiful.

He'd fallen for her that night but he'd wait until her birthday the following year before he did anything about it. They spent the summer thinking and dreaming about each other and when they became Heads together, they became real friends and they fell deeper in love.

The stars brought them together but one particular star guided them to each other. Polaris led Lily to James and it made James realize that Lily was more than she seemed. The Northern Star once more led astray people to their rightful paths.