Disclaimer: Never have, never will own Twilight.

Hi friends! It has been so long since I have posted, but I am back and I need to address a few things before we get started.

- I have started a few stories since my originals (IWIES and MMM) and they are left unfinished. For this I apologize, though I simply cannot do much about it. I started those stories without the middles and endings fleshed out and I am afraid I do not have it in me to complete them until/unless I get inspired. It's my fault but you never know.

- That is not the case with this story. I have a confession to make about IEWIS - it's MY story. I told a few readers towards the end but I never came right out and said it. Yes, friends, I lived IEWIS. It is based entirely on a real time in my life and on real people that I still know and love today. All except for my real life Edward. We did not get the ending I gave my B & E in IEWIS. Basically everything up until B & E end up in Forks is completely true, however, and that story is dear to me because of it.

- This story is also true. (For the most part - of course there are adaptations to be made). Therefore I know that there is a middle and an end and there is no risk of years going by without an update just because I don't know what comes next. It is frightening to put that fact out there and be vulnerable as I unveil really, really important events in my life but I feel like I owe it to anyone who has been a part of other stories I've started and failed to complete this one is different.

Since this is true I cannot write it truthfully without referring to my time in Hollywood, as my experiences with that "Edward" effect my experiences with this one. Therefore you will get a peak into the real life ending of IEWIS. Luckily for me that B & E will always have their happy ending but I was able to move on and find this one, the one I was truly meant to have :)

Here we go again...


Prologue:

There never really is a way to tell when a moment that is going to change your life is happening. Sure, sometimes it is obvious. Mostly, though, I find that it is not.

Such is the case with Edward Cullen. The moment I met him I had no idea what it would mean to me. I had no idea that one guy taking one step through a front door would come to mean anything to me. It's just another front door. And he was just another guy. And it was just another Tuesday night.

Except that it wasn't. It was the beginning of some things, the end of others and a moment I will now remember for the rest of my life.

Chapter 1 – The Goodbye Song (BPOV)

"I am impressed you aren't pouting."

"Ok, I would like a little credit, here. I mean, it's not like Mike died or anything."

Jessica throws me a look that tells me I am not fooling anyone, at least not anyone in this car and I turn away from her knowing look.

I am pouting. Big time, on the inside. Because I am a stupid, stupid girl who stupidly has a stupid crush on one of her stupid attractive friends. Hello, I'm Bella Swan and I have a problem.

Mike Newton has been my problem for approximately 4 months now and my very faithful best friend Jessica knows all about it. In fact, she is the only one who knows all about it because it is stupid.

"I just know how much you look forward to the Tuesday night hang outs specifically to see him so, you know, I figured there'd be some pretty hard core pouting on the way to the first one he's missing."

I look at her and sigh.

"Ah, there it is," she laughs and then turns her head away from my sad, sad face and back to the road.

Jessica has been my greatest friend for about 15 years now and I don't mind sharing my sad with her. We have a great group of friends that she met through college and we see each other all the time and always on Tuesdays for a casual hang out at Alice's house. It used to be the night everyone was free so we just naturally fell into this routine, but oh-no, not anymore. Someone changed their school schedule and has a night class on Tuesdays.

Yep, stupid Mike.

I have no idea how I ended up in this situation to be perfectly honest with you. Mike is completely not my type and yet I have fallen for him. Jessica knew it right away, which was embarrassing at first but has ended up saving me because I can actually share my despair with her. It just doesn't make much sense because physically he's just not my type. He's a bit too buff for me (sorry, I kind of like 'em lean) and he's not the tallest guy ever and his hair isn't anything to write home about, which doesn't sound too important but I have this thing where I really, really like hair so to me it's just a thing I normally go for on guys. And Mike's is just sort of... there.

I suppose a lot of this stupid crush has to do with our really great friendship and the fact that he is smart and silly and a musician and there's no way in hell he will ever, ever see me as anything but a friend.

You see, many girls like Mike and I am just one of the many. He gets pursued like crazy and I have spent the last few months watching him be totally uninterested in girls that are far more attractive than I am. Lucky for me, I've managed to become one of his better friends and often times we find ourselves connecting in a way that is different from the rest of the group, a way that means a lot to me and leads me to all of these stupid, stupid feelings.

He seems to have an extra interest in me compared to others in the group but I do not harvest any hope from that because, frankly, it is not unusual. All of my life I have been really good at being friends with boys. More so than girls – minus Jessica. It has led me into some very rewarding and entertaining friendships but it has also led me into some very harsh heartbreak.

I am not the girl that guys see as more than a friend. I'm just not. So this pattern is not unusual for me. I know how this will end and I know it will not be with Mike's hand in mine. One guy fooled himself into thinking he could see me as more than a friend and I was allowed 2 months of complete bliss with him until the fairy tale ended and back into the friendship zone I was thrust. Suddenly and surprisingly, I might add. It was sad and hard. It was nothing I ever want to do again.

It's not that I have given up on love, I can't do that. It's just that I am not convinced a good friend can turn into more for me. So I will adore Mike in silence until the girl he is supposed to be with comes along and I have to step aside, giving up a part of my heart and another great friend in the process.

This isn't new to me, people. It was just unexpected this time because when I first met Mike I assumed he would be rather vanilla, rather safe and instead he is a ball of fun wrapped up in a vanilla shell and it is stupid.

"Didn't Alice say she invited a few people she met in a study group," I ask Jessica with a small frown. New people are not always my "thing".

She sighs and sort of frowns, too. "Ugh, yeah." There is a reason she is my best friend.

We get to the house and I'm happy to be in our routine but I just cannot let go of the fact that Mike will no longer be here because I just love being around him, even in a group setting. Our friends are very close and with a piece of that puzzle missing it just doesn't feel right. I will still see him at other hangs outs on other nights and that fact makes my pouty mood seem much too dramatic. But it isn't just that he won't be around for Tuesday nights. It just feels like something is changing and for me it just doesn't seem like it will be something for the better. For me it feels like what I had with Mike, the amazing friendship that I adore, is over and I have to give him up even before some girl walks into his life and takes him away. Which doesn't seem fair. I thought I had more time. Then again, I always do.

I push open the large, navy blue door and step into the house I know so well. Jess and I are greeted by faces that we both know and love, though I think I count them all just a bit more important than she does because that is my nature.

Not to brag, but I have a history of awesome friend groups. In what I refer to as a past life of mine (which in reality is only about 5 years ago) I was a young lady living in Hollywood with a group of people I assumed I would be bonded to forever. And in a lot of ways I am. I don't live there anymore, most of them don't either, and I don't see any of that group of friends-turned-family hardly ever. Most of us live states apart and those of us that don't are in different cities because my journey found me back at home, much more south in California then Hollywood. It was a part of my life for a very important and happy time but I had to say goodbye to it after the crux of that life, the love I had for a boy that tied me to it failed and I was left to move on. Still, it has left me craving another close group of friends ever since our life in Hollywood ended.

I thrive in these groups because I hold friendship love as the most valuable kind of love there is. I have experienced it deeply and I am so, so happy to be experiencing the beginnings of it again, here in this house with these people.

And now without Mike. Pout.

"It is weird being here without Mike," Rose comments as Jessica and I settle in. I sigh inwardly but show nothing. No one can know how I feel. I have traveled down the "everyone knows Bella is in love with someone in the group" path before and it is not always that great to have everyone be knowledgeable about your suffering.

"Who did you drum up to replace him?" Rosalie's larger than life, fun loving boyfriend, Emmett asks Alice as he throws a hacky sack at my head because I just sat down on the couch across from the chair he is sitting in and he loves to pick on me.

I block the hacky sack and kick it under the couch and he frowns. Then he shrugs and pulls another out of his pocket and I just roll my eyes. Looks like there is an endless supply.

"Two guys that always make me laugh in study group. They were both kind of quiet at first but once I got them talking and they got me laughing I had to make sure they became our friends."

Everyone laughs at that as well because Alice normally gets what she wants and it seems another one of her plans is in full swing.

"Oh, you told me about them!" Rosalie says with sudden realization just as the door opens and a voice that is new to me goes, "knock knock!".

In walks a tall guy with dirty blonde hair that is kind of curly and unruly.

"Welcome," Alice says with a big smile and he walks in. "Everyone, this is Jasper. Jasper, this is everyone."

"I am really bad with names so I might literally call you all 'Everyone' for the rest of time," he laughs and we laugh with him. "I'm pretty much all about making things easier for me so it'll be up to you to figure out who I am talking to. Pretty much I'm just letting you know that I am a selfish bastard."

He is funny and I like him. It's totally apparent he's not actually a selfish bastard and I like that he will potentially be a part of our group. And I miss Mike and still feel like newbies cannot replace his piece to our puzzle because my heart really is a selfish bastard.

Jasper sits down next to me and almost immediately Emmett, ever the shy one, starts asking him questions about his life. We learn that Jasper was in the military but is done serving and is pursuing a degree in engineering now, which has landed him in a study group with Alice as a tutor.

I am engaged in Jasper's story but still going about my business of missing Mike when it happens.

I hear the door open and I don't even look behind me towards it. I don't even care that another guy is still supposed to show up. I know who it isn't so I don't really care who it is.

Emmett throws the second hacky sack at me and I dodge it, deflecting it with my hand to bounce behind me. He laughs and I give him my best annoyed face.

"Sorry, man," Emmet says through chuckles to whoever entered behind me as he lifts his right hand in the air and catches the hacky sack that has just been thrown back to him.

He immediately throws it directly at my head again and I duck down and yell, "What the hell? Stop!" while laughing.

Again the small ball gets thrown back to Emmett and his eyes light up as he chucks it at my now balled up form.

I grab it from the floor and turn around to face Emmett's new found accomplice and find the new guy just standing there with an amused and faux-innocent expression on his face.

"What?" He asks casually as he looks from me to the cell phone in his hand and then back up at me as if that's what he has been doing the whole time.

He is attractive and his hair is amazing.

Those are the only two things I can think when I first see Edward Cullen.

Which means, for one moment at least, there was no room to think about missing stupid Mike Newton.

This Edward might just be good for me.

This is scary but also exciting.

Hit or miss? Too soon to tell?

I will just be over here worrying if this was a good idea or not... ;)

Send me thoughts, please, I really do adore them.