Of Slytherins, Snakes, and the Japanese

Note: Any japanese phrases are just words placed next to each other, so they might not be properly phrased. If you know the proper way to phrase something, please tell me. This story is going to be from the perspective of two main characters, a male and a female, with maybe a little perspective from side characters.

The Harry Potter series and all belongs to J.K.Rowling, although I have twisted the story line, characters, and Magical World so that they are only barely recognizable as being Harry Potter related.

This story is rated M for safety and little things that are mentioned. This was supposed to be humorous, but it turned out kind of weird...

Reviews make me happy, so please give me some!


Chapter 1: Of Slytherins, Snakes, and the Japanese

Skin, a golden tan, yet smooth as silk. As my hands slowly glide over the unnatural tan, I can feel them, the toned muscles that lay beneath the skin. Muscles formed for pleasure, rather than from hard work and necessity; something he can brag about to his friends. Use to inspire the touch of a pretty face.

He has pride. He is filled with it, so much that if he broke both legs, his pride wouldn't let him so much as whimper.

He has a voice that demands respect and nothing less. A voice that inspires others to believe in him, believe that he can do anything.

He has a personality that is severely lacking and unoriginal. He has too much pride, and not enough self-preserving instinct. Others think too highly of him. The world he lives in has never seen him discouraged. I will change that. I will make him scream; scream until his vocal chords bleed. I will raise him as high as he can go and then push him over the edge, down into a never-ending pit of reality, and there is no better way to raise a man of his distinction than with the electric touch of another's flesh.

The darkness will be feasting tonight.

——

"Ying" A soft, kind, commanding voice.

"Yang" A calm, collected, bored voice.

"Yang"

"Ying." I sighed from my perch on the arm of a black-leather couch off to the side in a small room. "Ma'am, I do wish you'd be a little more creative with your words. If we must play this obscene game, the least you could do is use your imagination." We were playing that one-person-says-a-word-other-person-says-first-word-to-come-to-mind game.

The small, attractive lady across the desk from me scowled. "This 'obscene game' is mandatory in cases like yours. If you have such an objection to these meetings, you should change your behavior, or at least not get caught committing these insane actions." She glared at me with almond shaped and colored eyes. "And you will sit properly in your seat."

I widened my eyes in mock innocence as I complied with her request. "Insane actions? I have no idea what you're talking about, Miss Whispin." I couldn't help the tiny smirk that played at my lips.

"You are aware of your position, Lady Shikyo, and that early this morning a loud scream and cracking sound was heard and Sir Ronald Pettin was reported running from your quarters."

"Are you sure your sources are credible?" I asked.

Miss Whispin rolled her eyes and leaned back into her chair, dropping her therapist appearance at last. "Our suspicions are confirmed by the door to your rooms that's hanging half off its hinges." The evil smile that I knew so well emerged "So, how did you do it?"

"Do what?"

"Make Ronald Pettin scream like a little girl. That shriek woke up half the school, and that's no small feat." Unknown to the general public, Miss Whispin had quite the dark streak, and was amused greatly by my now famous 'Acts of Spontaneous Insanity', as they were called by the students of the Ministry for Magic and the Arts. Every week or so I commit a completely random act that will not, as a group, affect the students of the school, but will traumatize a few of them. These acts actually do get quite the positive response from the students not affected.

"It was easy, really. All I had to do was lure Ronald into my rooms with the promise of a good time, give it to him, and then traumatize him in one way or another. The dunce never saw it coming." I said, answering the question.

Miss Whispin's face looked eager. "But how did you traumatize him? With a response like his, it had to of been impressive."

"I don't honestly think you want me to go into detail. Let's just say that he won't be going near the reptile houses for a very long time." I think this will be enough to make the Elders kick me out of this hell-hole.

Seemingly reading my thoughts, Whispin said "This last Insanity of yours will probably convince the Elders of your need to leave the school, but without a practical test as well, they can't transfer you." The therapist smirked, "So, would you like to play the 'obscene game'?"

I grinned "Why not? It is ever so entertaining." And thus the game began.

"Blue"

"Sky"

"Ocean"

"Fish"

"Food"

"Cooking"

"Dinner"

"Family"

"Siblings"

"Incest!" She raised an eyebrow at that one. I smirked "Sorry, I couldn't resist."

Miss Whispin sighed, "Slytherin"

"Japanese—the language. Don't ask, I have no idea why."

Ravenclaw

"Wisdom."

"Hufflepuff"

"Candy!"

"Gryffindor."

"Chicken."

Miss Whispin snapped her word book closed. "You're going to Hogwarts!"

——

I whistled as I finished cleaning out my room, and when I reached the doorway I turned to look at it. It isn't my favorite room but I think I'll miss it. It's a small room, although it is more spacious than most of the other students rooms. My bed-a Japanese style one-was placed against the far left corner, and at its base was the door to the bathroom. I used to have a table off to the side, but that was packed away with the other stuff I was taking to Hogwarts.

Hogwarts. What a strange name. It would be wonderful if its inhabitants were just as strange. Maybe then I would have some fun. I know I shouldn't be getting my hopes up, but oh well.

I spelled my boxes to carry themselves to the train, attaching the spell to a link on one of my many bracelets. I only had one more thing left to do, and the thought of it brought a content smile to my face.

As I walked out the doors I shivered at the cold air and snow. It was almost Christmas and all was going my way. I crossed the roofed sidewalk to the Taishita Ho-ru (Great Hall) and entered through the huge cherry wood doors. A hush came over the students as they noticed me striding through the hall and I relished the attention. Some looked terrified, others outright grinned, but none of them knew what I was there for. I concluded that the teachers had neglected to inform their students of what had happened last night, though even without the teachers, the students' gossip-system worked well. My smile stretched into a grin as I approached my late night acquaintance.

"Hello Pettin, how have you been?" Pettin's face paled as those around him moved as far away as they could, not wanting to get caught in whatever was taking place. When he remained silent I continued, "I do believe you owe me something." I leaned closer, and he leaned away. I smirked.

"W-what are you t-talking about, freak?" he stuttered.

"Now, now. You didn't seem to think of me as a freak last night. Speaking of which, that wasn't free; you owe me something. You know that it wasn't I who suggested it; your flirting was hardly hidden." Now he blushed. How manly of him. "It's not like I'm making this up; you did promise me something worth my time." he remained silent, though his blush grew deeper. "How like you to not consider the consequences of your actions"

He reached the breaking point and shot out of his seat. "Like I would give you your payment after what you did!" whispers shot through the room, and he realized what he had just confirmed. He had promised payment for me to fuck him? He was that desperate? the whispers asked. Oh yes, yes he was!

I put on a hurt face "You mean that you took my virginity and you're not going to give anything back?" Virginity. Ha.

Rage sparked in his eyes as I made him look like a sexually harassing jerk in front of the whole school. Sure, it made me look like a prostitute, but I didn't have any pride to protect. "Why would I give you anything, you bitch!?" his voice boomed unnaturally through the room, and there was a collective gasp. Ha-ha! I win! "What? How did you—"

I reached over and yanked something from the collection of chains around his neck. I can't believe he hadn't even noticed the sound charm I had put there. "You fool."

I could swear I could see smoke coming out of his ears "I'm still not giving you anything!" he screamed.

"But dear Pettin, you already have." I pulled out a miniature chest and removed the shrinking spell on it. I then opened it revealing some very shiny jewelry. "I have been paid in full, and you have backed yourself into a corner." I turned to the students of the school and bowed dramatically. "Ladies and gentlemen, this is my final Act of Spontaneous Insanity! With this Act I conclude my stay at The School for the Witchcraft and Wizardry of Japan; I fare thee well!" my large audience clapped and cheered as I glided out of the Taishita Ho-ru.

Ronald Pettin's expression was priceless.

——

I claim ownership to: Miss Whispin, the vague description and creation of the Japanese School for the Magical Arts (its name is constantly changing) and all things related to it, and the Continental Express, which will appear in the next chapter. The Harry Potter books might have mentioned other schools and the Express, but seeing as I have only read the first book and that I've only heard bits about the other ones, my school and express were entirely made in my own freaky mind.

Please review, and while even I don't think this chapter was that good, it does get better! I think.