***CHAPTER ONE: THE ONE THAT I DON'T HAVE A NAME FOR***
One day, Nigel Dingleberry has a little too much to drink and wakes up holding a shield and Keemstar's blood spattered gnome hat.
"Why the fuck does this shield have a cross on it," he asks to no one in particular. Nigel stumbles into the nearby cave, where an old man offers him a brown sword, clearly a used anal dildo. This is not a wise move on the part of the old man, as Nigel then impales him on the fecal blade. He wanders about the magical land he has discovered, swinging his shit smeared shiv about and wearing the Keemstar cap, which he barfed into and then turned inside out. Eventually, he finds another cave containing a similar old man, this time offering Mr. Dingleberry mysterious red drugs in a bottle, turning down this tempting offer, he stabs the old man and eats his still beating heart for nourishment.
