So I Thought: A Jagan Fan Fiction
Okay, First fan Fiction. Please don't judge it, please. xD I worked hard on this, changed it many times, I hope you like ittt
-ZheDoctursMinion(: :)
Chapter One
James felt slightly guilty as he watched Logan pass him in the halls, the memories of their long-gone friendship flooding his confused mind.
"Hey faggot," Kendall shouted, shoving the frail boy hard into the lockers, worsening the already formed bruise on his right shoulder.
"Kendall, why do you do this? I didn't do anything to you…" Logan mumbled, keeping his head down. He didn't want to look his former best friend in the face.
"What was that, faggot? Couldn't hear you over the dick on your mouth!" James yelled.
"Aww, the little cocksuckers gonna cry, look at him," Carlos teased, shoving him again.
"Leave me the fuck alone."
"Never, dick lover. How 'bout a blow-job, huh? You know you'd like it," James teased, thrusting his hips forward.
"Careful, James. He might think you're into him. I wouldn't do that if I were you," Carlos playfully warned.
"Yeah, James," Kendall chimed in.
"Fuck you!" Logan screeched.
"Nahh, I'm into pussy, unlike you," James taunted. The three hockey players laughed at the tears in their ex-best friend's big, brown, innocent eyes.
He ran to the bathroom, their taunts ringing in the poor boy's ears. He locked himself into the handicapped stall and sank to the cold floor. His head pounded and he could feel his heart in his throat as he pulled out the shiny, sharp razor he stole from his father before the divorce and dug it deep as it would go into his thin, pale wrist. He drug the blade painfully slow across, watching the blood drip to the floor. In the midst of carefully bandaging his wrist in thin gauze, he heard a familiar voice.
"I don't understand why they are all so mean to Logan. They all used to be best friends, brothers almost." It was Isaac, one of the only people who still cared about Logan. He hastily threw the razor and the unused gauze into his bag.
"Me neither. Just because he came out. They are all such dicks." The tears came again, like someone turned on a faucet. Isaac heard his sobs and hiccups.
"Logan? Is-Is that you in there?"
"Y-Yeah. It's-It's me," Logan hiccupped.
"Let me in, dude."
"Nuh uh."
"Logan."
"N-No!" Isaac didn't have time to argue. He crawled underneath the stall door to see a red, puffy eyed Logan, his blood on the floor and slightly going through the gauze.
"Logan! Wh-What in God's name did you do to yourself!" Logan cried harder, lifting his sleeve to show his mutilated arms.
"Isaac, I don't know what I did to them! They-They said when we were little, they said we'd be best friends forever, they'd love me no matter what. Then I told them, because I hated lying to them, especially James. Now-Now they all hate me! They want me to die! The most important people in my life want me dead." Logan's desperation and sadness brought tears to the other boy's eyes. This isn't fair, he thought.
"Hahaha, I bet the little cocksuckin' faggot's in here, suckin dick. Ya in here, homo-boy?" Logan's hands immediately covered his face as he sobbed, trying to stay quiet. Isaac clenched his fist and burst out of the stall. James jumped back, surprised to see him.
"What the fuck, James. What the FUCK is your problem! Logan was your BEST FUCKING FRIEND. He's in there, bleeding because of you. Bleeding, and cutting, and crying, because of you. Because of you, and Kendall, and Carlos teasing, and tormenting, and taunting him, he's cutting himself. Tell me. PuhLEASE God, tell me what the fuck he did that was so wrong , that was so bad, that you guys had to be such dicks and assholes to him, torture him to the point where's he's tryingt o kill himself because his former best friends hate him? Huh? Huh, James! What! What the FUCK did he do!" Isaac screeched, taking both boys by surprise. Logan cried even harder and James eyes filled with guilty tears.
"He's…He's cutting again? Because of me?" James said, his voice cracking when he said me. His eyes glistened with those tears.
"Yeah, yeah, James, I am," Logan said, coming out of the stall.
"Lo-"
"Happy? Are you happy with what you and Carlos and Kendall are doing to me?" Logan whimpered, forcefully pushing his sleeves up. James took one look at the once beautiful, pale, creamy arms he loved and broke down at the sight of how mutilated they were, covered with bandaged, bright red cuts, dark red cuts, and scars. This is…so unreal. Not my Logie, he thought.
"Logie, please, I'm so sorry! Don't do that! That's not good!"
"For one, don't call me Logie. For two, sorry's not gonna cut it, James!" The usually strong boy, afraid to show emotion, fell to his knees in front of Logan.
"I-I know, Logan! Just, please! Stop! I don't want to lose you!" Logan looked downa t him with menacing eyes.
"You already lost me."
"Logan! Please stop! I'm begging you!" Logan looked down at his sobbing best friend.
"I'll stop if you, Carlos and Kendall stop." James looked up, his teary, guilty hazel eyes meeting Logans sad, chocolately ones.
"Come over, after school. I'll get Kendall and Carlos. We can talk."
"I'm not sure that's a very good idea…"
"It'll be fine, trust me."
"You'll make them stop?"
I'll-I'll try."
"And what if you can't?"
"I'll stop, just for you. I don't want you hurting yourself."
"James, you're the only one I care about hurting me. Well, I mean, I care the most." James eyes widened. He thougth he knew why, but he wasn't sure. He played stupid.
Wh-Why me?"
"Jesus Christ, James! Are you that fucking stupid? I know you're not the brightest crayon in the box, but, put two and two together!"
"I must be. But at least I'm not as stupid as you, cutting yourself over a few little jokes-"
"THAT'S THE THING! THEY'RE NOT 'LITTLE JOKES,' JAMES! You guys are intentionally hurting me to feed your sadistic ways of amusement!"
"….I don't know what sadistic means."
"It means you get pleasure out of seeing people get hurt." James bowed his head shamefully, a single tear falling to the floor.
"So, uh, yeah…" Both boys jumped at the sound of Isaac's voice; they had forgotten he was there.
"I'm going home." Logan started out the door.
"No you're not. We're not done talking." James mumbled, grabbing a gentle hold of Logan's thin arm.
"Yes, we are. Bye James," Logan snapped, jerking his arm away from James. He followed Isaac out of the bathroom, ready for snide things that were going to be spit at him.
"Aww, the faggots making out?" Carlos immediately started tormenting.
"Fuck off, Garcia. Or I will kick your ass so hard, you're gonna get a lovely taste of dog shit," Isaac warned. Carlos immediately backed off to pout.
"Want me to walk you home?"
"No. I wanna be alone." Isaac nodded and walked in the opposite direction, glancing over his shoulder every once in a while. Logan silently let the tears fall, running his fingers over the gauze.
He reached his house, immediately going to the bathroom.
"Bubby, can you come play?" His little sister, Lizzie asked.
"N-No, not right now Lizzie. Bubby doesn't feel very good. Go sit with Hannie," he said quietly through the locked bathroom door. Logan knew he was being selfish, but, he didn't care. He didn't want to be like this anymore. He pulled out the razor, tears streaming down his face thinking about what he was about to do.
"I'm sorry, James. I'm sorry Hanna. I'm sorry Lizzie. I'm sorry mom," he whispered as he shoved the razor deep into his wrist, yelping at the pain. He drew it across his wrist, the blood immediately pouring out onto the floor.
"Jamie!" He faintly heard Lizzie say as he did it again, and again, until his blood was all over the floor.
"Hey Lizzie. Where's Bubby?"
"He's in the batroom. He don't feel good." James rushed upstairs.
"Logan! Logan open the door!" He yelled, pounding on the door.
"N-No," he said in a small voice.
"Logan, please!"
"No." James broke the door open, and was crying, crying uncontrollably, pulling out his cell phone, calling 911, calling his mom, calling Logan's mom, calling Kendall. He found a rag on the floor and held it over Logan wrists, trying to stop the bleeding.
"Oh God, Logan, please, please don't die," he sobbed. Hannah came upstairs and screamed.
"James! James, what happened!" James sobbed into Logan's body.
"He tried to kill himself! Go take Lizzie down to the park, don't let her know that he's hurt!"
"O-Okay." Hanna took her down to the park. James sobbed, whispering in Logan's ear.
"Don't die, Logie, please, please don't die. I love you, please, baby, please God, don't let him die," he sobbed. Logan's pale face was now turning white, completely white.
"Damn it! Where's the fucking ambulance?" They burst into the door just then.
"Sir, you're going to have to move, sir. We need you to get out of the way."
"I'm going with you, this is my brother."
"Where's your mother-"
"Ask me the questions in the fucking ambulance, he's gonna fucking die!" They rushed Logan into the ambulance and James hopped in, still crying.
"Where's your mother at?"
"Sh-She's at work. I already called her."
"What's his name?"
"Logan Mitchell, I'm James."
"Well, what happened?"
"Some kids at school have been bullying him for being gay, I guess he just couldn't take it anymore."
They reached the hospital, rushing James into the emergency room.
"Sir, you have to stay here while they go take care of him," the receptionist said to a trembling, sobbing James.
"No, I-I have to go with him! He..He needs me!" She took James by the arm gently and sat down with him in the waiting room.
"Sweetie. I know he's not your brother. I know you love him. But he'll be fine, I promise. Just let the doctors do their jobs. When is his mom going to be here?" James pulled out his phone to check the time.
"It's 4:30, she gets off work at five."
"Okay. How about some coffee until she gets here?" James stood up with her.
"Yeah. That'd be good."
"James, oh God, James, what happened?" Logan's mom screamed, rushing over to hug him.
"Mrs. Mitchell. He…there's no easy way to put this."
"Just say it, James," the woman sobbed, grasping James' hands.
"He….tried to kill himself." JoAnne broke down in front of him, falling to her knees.
"God, why?"
"Sit down, please. It's a long story. Want some coffee? And I sent Hanna and Lizzie to the park. I didn't want Lizzie to see this." JoAnne sat down, taking the coffee from James.
"Wh-What happened Jamie?" James took a deep breath, scared.
"I don't know if you know this, but…Logan's gay. And he told me and Carlos and Kendall, and, Carlos started messing with him, then Kendall, and I did too, then everyone sorta did, and, he felt so bad, he couldn't take it, I feel horrible now, I didn't intend for it to go this far, I was only teasing him, but Carlos and Kendall, they-they took it to far! They tormented him, being serious with their jokes. I'm so sorry, Mrs. Mitchell, truly. If I could take everythign I ever did to him back, I would." JoAnne was crying again.
"James…how could you. You, of all people. Logan adored you. He talked about you the most, whenever you played during games, how good you were, I just wish he would've told me he was gay." James wrapped his arms around her.
"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Mitchell." She wiped her eyes and stood.
"James. I'm going home to take care of the girls and call Logan's father. Stay here. I want someone he knows to be here when he wakes up." She left.
"Uh, receptionist lady."
"It's Marey, but okay."
"Okay. Marey. Can I go see Logan now? Is he okay?" She glanced around.
"Yeah, yeah, I guess. His room number is 2231 on the 6th floor."
"Gotcha. 2231. Thanks!" He bolted to the elevator, urging it to move faster up the hospital. He finally reached floor 6, and paused. It was the psych ward. He slowed down and walked carefully down the halls, eyeing each room.
"2228, 2229, 2230, 2231. Here it is," he said to himself. He slowly pushed the door open, to see Logan, passed out on a bed, wrists wrapped up tightly. He silently walked into the room, and sat on a chair next to the bed. The tears came, silently, strongly, falling onto the bed and James held onto Logan's pale, brittle, dry hand.
"I'm so sorry, Logan. I love you."
Welllllll, there you go(: Hope you liked itttt ! R&R please ? Greatly appreciated :3
