Yo! Your favourite Llama is here again with nother fanfiction. ;)

This is mainly humour-based, maybe with some implied romance. i hope you all like it, please leave a review if so! Sorry for the gay title, but for those of you who have read mi utha fics, you know how bad i am at titling :S

chapter 1!!!


'Matsumoto!'

'Taichou, relax! I'll be back before you know it!'

Hitsugaya Toushirou was left glaring after his fukutaichou as she scrambled out of the room. He stared after her for a minute before collapsing back in his chair, rubbing his aching temples.

One of these days…he thought darkly. I will freeze her to her chair and make her do paperwork.

He eyed a piece of paper lying on the corner of his desk announcing the football match that was between the squads' taichous and fukutaichous to raise morale and a sense of teamwork.. It was to be held in a few hours time, and he really didn't want to go, but it was compulsory.

He sighed and pushed away from his desk, stretching and taking deep breaths.


Abarai Renji barely breathed as he slid past the office door quietly, clutching his late paperwork tightly. His taichou was in his chair, eyes closed, quill in hand.

He eyed the large clock on the wall above him, long black hands telling him it was half past nine. He was fifteen minutes late.

Renji smirked slightly, smug that he managed to sneak in without being cau-

'Abarai, you're late' Renji jerked and sighed, looking over at his captain. He hadn't moved. He grinned sheepishly and quietly dropped the thin pile of papers on the desk, moving off.

'You know, spikes are out of style' Renji froze at the sound of his monotone taichou's voice. Did he just…criticize his hair?


'Ah! I have another one!'

'Please…no more, Ichimaru taichou'

'What's da difference between UFO's and smart blondes?'

'What?'

'UFO's have been sighted'

'Oh ha-ha...'

'See! I knew ya'd like it! Ok, I have anutha' one for ya'

'Taich-!'

'What do you call it when a blonde dyes their hair brunette?'

'I don't kn-!'

'Artificial intelligence'

Kira slapped a hand to his head, wincing a second later. He looked wistfully at an ever grinning Ichimaru Gin, who was whistling merrily in between jokes at his blonde fukutaichou's expense. They were walking past the divisions, making their way over to the grassy pitch they were playing "Football", a Real Worldy game Ichimaru was eager to play, as it apparently involved tackling people to the ground.

'Lessee…Ah!' Ichimaru clapped his hands, Kira groaning beside him. 'Why did the blonde stare at a carton of orange juice for two hours?'

'Ichimaru taichou ,plea-!'

'Because it said concentrate!' Ichimaru chortled at his own wit, grin widening at the sight of his fukutaichou's depressed face. Ah, others' frustration was highly enjoyable.

As his captain continued with the blonde jokes, ignoring Kira's protests, the 3rd squad fukutaichou fingered the hilt of Wabisuke wistfully, looking up at the dozens of already heavy objects above his captain's head.


Soifon crouched down on the thin green grass, eyes slitted as she judged the terrain on which they were about to play. She turned to her team, who were stretching and chatting to each other in their red and black uniforms. She whistled loudly to get their attention.

Alright, we have a bit of an advantage here', she announced. 'The ground slopes downhill towards them, so they'll have some trouble getting up. The grass is easy to slip on, so be careful' her team nodded.

They all looked as raucous laughter reached them from the opposite side of the pitch. Soifon's eyes narrowed.

Her team consisted of Abarai Renji, Hinamori Momo, Kurotsuchi Nemu, Kira Izuru, Iba Tetsuzaemon, Kusajishi Yachiru, Unohana Retsu, Hitsugaya Toushirou, Kotetsu Kiyone, Tousen Kaname, Kyouraku Shunsui, and herself. The teams were split evenly, six captains and six vice-captains on each side.

Ukitake couldn't play due to his sickness, so he sent Sentarou and Kiyone in his place. He and Yamamoto were watching on the sidelines like the other hundreds of shinigami attending the rare event, refereeing.

Nanao's team was striding towards them confidently. The two teams faced each other silently. Nanao and Soifon smirked.

To reduce the risk of cheating, they all had reiatsu blocks and their zanpakutous were kept safely with Yamamoto-soutaichou.

A gold football was thrown to Soifon, where she tossed it up and down with an excited grin. She turned to Hitsugaya, where the small juu-bantai taichou was standing with crossed arms; his scowl clearly showing how much he'd rather be anywhere but here.

'You're good at this kind of stuff?' Soifon said it like a statement. Hitsugaya shrugged nonchalantly. 'I'll take that as a yes. You'll be our best offensive weapon, so try to finish this quickly and painfully' another shrug. Ukitake blew the whistle.

At one the teams rushed forward with yelling and screaming. Several pairs of eyes followed the golden ball as it was passed through Soifon's team. The ball flopped out onto no-man's land.

Cheers erupted from the crowd as the two teams tore after it, pushing and shoving and taunting.

Hinamori shrieked as Zaraki flew past her, cackling madly, the ball in his hands. Iba, Soifon and Kyouraku tore after him.

There was a flash of red and Zaraki stopped, Hinamori rebounding off him as she tried running past. Renji grinned and dodged the intercepting hands clutching at him.

He saw his captain up ahead, standing motionless, and looking strangely out of place in his team's blue and black uniform.

'Come on, taichou!' Renji yelled a few metres away from him. 'Get into the ga-oof!' arms flailing, he fell head over heels, the ball flying out of his hands.

He landed flat on his back, staring up breathlessly. There were silent footsteps, and Kuchiki Byakuya appeared in his vision, face monotone with a tiny smirk.

'You should watch where you're going, Abarai' he said, walking off. Renji scowled.

'He tripped me!'


Yachiru stood panting, hands on knees and scowling at Soifon. 'It's been hoooooouuurs!' he whined. 'Can we at least have a candy break?!'

Soifon shook her head, wiping sweat from her brow. 'Candy makes you fat. We're not leaving till they're all in the mud', she growled, glaring over at the equally tired Nanao's team. Some of them were pretty good for never playing Real World games. 'And besides, we're tie 15-15. One more goal and we win!'

With groaning and cheering, they braced themselves yet again.

With a loud shout, Sentarou charged, the ball clutched tightly against his chest. Three of Soifon's team ran to him, hand held out in front of him, deflecting three of Soifon's team.

There was a flash of white, and Hitsugaya suddenly appeared in front of him. He leapt through the small hole between Sentarou's arm and waist, grabbing the ball. His forward roll lessened the impact, and he got up smoothly, running swiftly through the mass of shinigami, frown etched on his face.

Once he was at the goal, he paused, preparing to kick it. Omaeda tensed and crouched. He nearly took up the whole goal. There was a shriek and his yelp was lost under a large amount of cleavage as his fukutaichou tackled him, sending them both sprawling on the ground.

While Hitsugaya flailed helplessly, Matsumoto turned to her teammates, who were staring at her dumfounded.

'Well, don't just stand there!' she snapped. 'Get the damn ball!' Hisagi grinned and skipped over to the ball, Hitsugaya's team running forward to intercept him.

He threw the ball to Ichimaru, who grinned and made a beeline for Kira, who stood confused, hands out meekly. He saw his captain and his eyes widened.

'Oi, Izuru-kun!' Gin shouted. 'What do beer bottles and blondes have in common?'

'Ichimaru taichou, please stop it!'

'They're both empty from the neck up!' Gin finished gleefully. The crowd and some of the players on the field laughed. Kira buried his face in his hands as his taichou rushed past him.

With a wild cry, Kiyone leapt at Gin, wrapping her arms around his ankles. Gin yelped and dropped like a falling tree. The ball flew out of his hands and into Aizen's. He looked at the ball critically then threw it to Nanao. She caught it expertly, gasping as she was tackled by Nemu. The ball flew out of her hands and into Isane's.

The violet-haired woman gave a triumphant yell as she kicked the ball with all her strength at the enemy's goalpost.

Komamura waved a massive paw at the ball's direction. The golden piece of rubber bounced off. Isane's face fell.

With a small grunt, Tousen met the ball in mid-air, clutching it tightly and falling with a dull thunk on the grass below.

He immediately started running again, passing the ball to other members of his team. Kurotsuchi Mayuri, who hadn't moved the whole time, grinned as Renji neared the goalpost, laughing gleefully.

He withdrew something from his robes as Omaeda scrambled to his feet. He pushed the button. The ground beneath Renji opened up into a Renji-shaped hole.

With a horrified yell, he fell into the vast darkness, the ball spinning up in the air, into Mayuri's hand. Everyone stared at him dumbstruck. His grin widened.

'I have gotten the hang of this "game", s you call it, yes?' he asked innocently. After a moment of shocked silence, Soifon roared angrily and broke the rules by shunpoeing, appearing in front of Mayuri. She snatched the ball out of his hands and gave him a hard shove that sent him stumbling back.

'What on Seireitei was that for?' he asked, outraged. Soifon's swearing was lost under the continuous, strained sound of Ukitake's whistle.

Everyone gathered around him, Soifon shooting Mayuri a death glare. Byakuya walked by the hole in which Renji disappeared, paused slightly, before bending down.

'A few broken bones won't get you out of the paperwork this afternoon, Abarai', and he walked off, Renji's distant groan fading.

Yamamoto was standing next to Ukitake, scowling and clutching his ever present staff.

'Kurotsuchi!', he boomed. 'What you did was against the rules!'

Mayuri recoiled. 'The rules had no objection against chasms opening up on the ground and eating the enemy!'

'When you say "eating", you don't actually mean-?' Ukitake's sentence was cut off by Yamamoto.

'It should be obvious!' he growled. 'No form of cheating allowed!'

'Maybe we should go see if he's alright', Hinamori suggested anxiously, craning her head to see the Renji-hole.

Mayuri waved his hand. 'What I put in there has already eaten. The worst they'll do is tear off an arm or two' Everyone's mouths dropped open, apart from Byakuya. He gave an almost inaudible sigh.

'If it tears off his limbs, he will be unable to do his punishment work this afternoon', he said in his usual monotone. 'I will go get him' as he spoke there was a high-pitched scream. Byakuya gave another inaudible sigh and collected Senbonzakura, walking over to the direction of the hole.

Mayuri clapped his white hands together. 'Shall we continue?'

'No, we won't frigging continue!' Soifon shouted. 'You incapacitated one of my players, you clown!'

Mayuri bristled. 'I am not a clown!'

'Try survive a day without your makeup and that may change' Soifon retorted. Mayuri growled and stalked forwards to Soifon. She grinned.

'Bring it on, Clown-man'


aah, i've always wanted to call Mayuri a clown ^^ So? How was it? Good? bad? Frigging awesome?

Hit the review button below to tell me if its worth continuing :)