Wistaria and Azaleas
by Cat Who
Disclaimer: Hikaru no Go ain't mine. I do want a sexy thousand
year old Heian period ghost of my very own, but since I doubt
I'll ever get one I just have to borrow Sai. I make no profit.
Author's note: I had this idea about halfway through the manga,
and hopefully there hasn't been something I've missed from the
untranslated tankoubon 7-15 ^_^ Sai is my favorite character in
all of anime/manga at the moment (displacing Shigure from Fruits
Basket as my number one biseinen) and as much as I love yaoi, I
don't think he's gay. (Androgynous, yes; gay, no. Much like
Kenshin in that respect.)
Tsutsujino Kaori's name means "fragrance of azaleas." I
love Japanese names. Incidentally, wistaria and azaleas are my
two favorite flowers. Both are native to Japan but have
successfully invaded my native Georgia, albeit on much smaller
scale than the infamous kudzu.
Finally, to understand exactly what sort of court life Fujiwarano
Sai came from, you must read the Tale of Genji. *grin* It's very
cool.
---
Eight grader Shindou Hikaru slumped down in his seat, poring
nervously over the English test in front of him. Sai was good for
history, and occasionally math, but English remained as much a
mystery to the ghost as to Hikaru.
"Translate . . . 'That person is a princess. She has a
secret' into English. Hmmmm. . ."
"Nice pun there," Sai commented from the sidelines,
looking over the test. "I still don't know why you have to
learn this odd language, though."
"Most of the Internet -- that box thing we play go on --
uses it," Hikaru thought back with a shrug. "When next
summer comes around, I want to at least know what the gaijin
players are saying to us."
Sai smiled and did a happy dance. "I can't wait for summer
break."
"I can. Touya . . . he'll have all that time to practice now
that he's a pro and doesn't have to worry about school . . .
We'll both have to train hard." Hikaru nodded emphatically,
and snapped his pencil against the desk. Then he slumped over and
stared at his nearly blank test. "Hime . . . himetsu . . .
ugh, I hate school."
"Concentrate, Hikaru. Unlike Touya, you DO still have to
worry about school."
"Yeah, yeah . . ."
* * *
With the brutal English test finally over, Hikaru left the
classroom with a relieved sigh and went to get his shoes from the
lockers. He was nearly there when Akari flagged him down.
"What do you want?" he asked her impatiantly, and tried
to escape.
"Ummm, Hikaru, I have a question to ask you," she said
nervously, and her panicked expression caught him off guard. She
sometimes looked jittery, but at the moment she looked as if
she'd flee like a frightened rabbit at any moment. Hikaru relaxed
and looked at her, willing her to calm down a little, as her
tenseness was catching.
"What is it, Akari?" he asked, peering at her with
owlish eyes.
She looked down at her feet and mumbled something in response.
"What?"
"I said, there's a school dance this Friday and I was
wondering if you wanted to go with me," she said a little
too loudly and distinctly. Several third years around them heard
and snickered quietly. Her face turned a deep shade of crimson.
"Oooh, dance?" Sai said excitedly from the sidelines.
"Back in the Heian court, we occasionally had dancers come
through--"
"D-Dance?" Hikaru cried, and stumbled back away from
her, suddenly realizing why she was so nervous. "Ugh, no
way. I haven't got time for any sort of stupid nonsense. I do
have a tournament coming up, you know." He stuck his nose in
the air and started toward his locker again. Akari would not be
daunted, however, and followed him, stomping her feet along right
behind him.
"Ever since you became an insei, you've forgotten what it's
like to be a regular kid," Akari protested heatedly.
"I'm not saying it has to be a . . . a date, or anything, I
just want you to not regret giving up everything for a stupid
game."
"Go is NOT stupid!" Hikaru roared, and faced her down.
"I thought that you were changing, that maybe since the
girls have enough people to go to the tournament that you might
understand how I feel, but I guess I was wrong." He finished
putting his oversized sneakers on in silence. Akari stared at him
for a few minutes, and then ran away, sobbing.
"Hikaru, you might have been a little nicer," Sai
chided. "She does like you, but if you keep pushing her away
she's going to look for someone else."
Hikaru snorted as they started on their way home. "I don't
care if she likes me or not. She's just Akari to me. She's been
bugging me for my whole life."
"Yet you'd miss her if she stopped, right?"
Hikaru shook his head in denial. "No way. I'd be happy if I
never saw her again." He would said no more.
But Sai thought he saw the faintest hint of a blush on Hikaru's
face. "I think you do like her, Hikaru," he thought to
himself, and remembered the fearful look on Akari's face.
"And she is afraid for you. You're pushing yourself hard,
which is wonderful, but lately you've been forgetting that there
are other things to live for besides go." Sai blinked for a
moment, and then closed his eyes with a faint smile behind his
fan. "When you are alive, anyway."
* * *
Once home, Hikaru raced upstairs and collapsed on his bed,
staring at the ceiling. Sai settled down in his new favorite
spot, in front of the goban, and waited for Hikaru to come out of
his pre-teen funk.
It didn't take long.
"Stupid Akari," he muttered, and flopped over so that
his head hung off the edge of his bed. "Asking me to a dumb
school dance in front of everyone . . . I'll be the laughing
stock . . ."
Sai said nothing, but stared at his protogé with his usual
thoughtful smile. Hikaru would come around eventually. It was one
of the reasons he was so adept at go; even though he was
stubborn, he could recognize and improve upon most of his own
faults.
"And what did she mean, she doesn't want me to regret
anything? Go is . . . that is, I can't just do all the normal kid
things now that I'm an insei. Normal kids go to cram school and
fight to get into good high schools and colleges . . . but . .
."
"But you are normal. Just because you've discovered a
passion for go doesn't mean you can't have anything else in
life."
Hikaru stared at Sai, then slid off the bed, blinking curiously
at the ghost. "What do you mean?" he asked.
"Think about it. Touya Akira had to come from somewhere,
right? Touya Meijin must have been married someplace along the
line. I'm not sure about modern marriage processes, but even if
it was an arranged marriage, he still had a wife to deal
with."
Unconvinced, Hikaru countered. "He could have banished her
once Touya was born."
Sai smiled again. "I somehow doubt that. Wives of powerful
men may be secondary to their husband's careers, but they are
very important nonetheless."
"What about you, Sai? Were you ever married?"
"No," Sai said, but Hikaru suddenly felt a wave of
meloncholy not unlike Sai's sadness when he wasn't allowed to
play go. It wasn't as strong, although it did make him suddenly
queasy. "No, I never married her . . . but I did love
someone once."
Hikaru recovered and looked at Sai, who was staring out of the
window, remembering. "Why not?"
"Because she knew I loved go more than I loved her."
* * *
The courtesans were in their tea room, arranged like large
butterflies upon the tatami. Lady Murasaki had just revealed the
next part of her wonderful story, and everyone had retreated to
private fantasies about Genji-san. The pensive mood was
interrupted by the welcome cry of the younger women.
"Master Sai is coming here!"
Immediately the butterflies scattered in a flurry of kimono and
yukata, to fetch the goban and some tea. Master Fujiwarano Sai
was quite popular among the ladies there, both for his
startlingly beautiful good looks and his friendly instruction for
the popular game.
One girl in particular looked at the door with avid interest. Her
name was Tsutsujino Kaori, and she had heard about the beautiful
go master who had the entire female population of the court in a
titter. Even though she had only come to help her sister get
settled into her new visiting marriage, she thirsted to
experience as much of court life as she could before she had to
return to her father's castle.
With his usual grace and friendly smile, Master Sai settled
himself in front of the goban while various ladies clambored to
play shidougo with him. Not wanting to make enemies of the other
women, Kaori kept near the back. By chance she caught Master
Sai's eye, and the feeling that coursed through her body was
unlike any other she had felt before. His calm violet eyes
staring into her own deep gold ones and held them fast. She could
not move for several moments.
"I shall play someone I have not played before first,"
Sai announced gently, and the sea of butterfly kimono parted to
reveal Kaori, all of eighteen years old.
Go! Oh, how she loved go . . . she had played with her brothers
back in the daimyo castle her entire life. She had been much
better than them, although because she had never played a strong
opponent she had no true measure of her talent.
"Pleased to meet you," she said formally with a bow,
breaking her eye contact with him for a moment. Sai bowed back
and replied with the same.
"Domo," he said, gesturing toward the board.
"Dozo," she answered, and with that they picked up the
stones. Kaori chose black.
"You may place as many stones as you like," he offered.
"Have you ever played go before?"
"Oh yes," she breathed, and set down four stones, which
seemed to please and surprise him. "I have played many
times."
"Then I shall play a gentle but firm game."
It was the same old go, but to Kaori, who had never before played
an expert, the game was as if it were the first time she really
played. Master Sai patiently waited as she thought of places for
her stones, and as the game progressed made small compliments to
her strategy. She lost, of course, but the game had excited her
as no other game with her brothers had before.
"I have nothing," she said once the real outcome was
clear. Master Sai bowed in acknowledgement, and they cleared the
board.
"That was an excellent game," Sai offered, and looked
her directly in the eye. "You have good potential. I would
like to play you again, sometime."
Kaori blushed beet red and ducked away, while one of her older
peers made a rather smart comment about young courtesans getting
ahead of themselves.
She watched the other games with genuine interest. Lady Murasaki
teased and flirted her way through a spectacular loss to Master
Sai, while others played quietly, concentrating on what he was
trying to teach them. Kaori was pleased to see that she was more
skilled than anyone else who played him.
* * *
Late that evening, Kaori felt the need for fresh air, and she
stepped outside into the sunlit garden. The wisteria and azaleas
were both in full bloom, and mingled into a rich scent that
almost made her light headed.
Her sister was doing well at court with her visiting marriage,
and so Kaori would be returning back home soon. Her father had
expressed his wishes for a marriage between her and the son of
the daimyo of the lands next to theirs, and Kaori had not, until
meeting Master Sai, seen any reason to defy him.
But now . . . she wanted to stay at court. She wanted to play go
with him again. She wanted to lose her heart into those
bottomless amethyst eyes.
"Is this . . . love?" she asked herself, and looked
down at her reflection on the koi pond. The blazing sunset
brought out pinkish highlights in her hair, and in a self
conscious moment she patted a loose wisp back into place.
"Is what love?" a voice queried from behind her, and
she turned with a gasp to see Master Sai only a few feet away.
Hastily she bowed and stammered an apology. "I am sorry, I
was only talking to myself . . . I . . ."
"It's all right. May I have your name?" he asked,
tapping his fan against his jawbone, a gentle smile playing on
his lips.
Still bowed low, Kaori managed to choke her own name out.
"Tsutsujino Kaori," she said. Her heart thumped
someplace in the vincinity of her stomach.
"A beautiful name, for a beautiful flower." He took a
step closer, and Kaori almost forgot to breathe. "I wanted
to know if you wished to play another game of go with me,"
he asked.
"I--, oh, yes!" she cried, and then covered her mouth
in horror. "I would like that very much," she said
again more politely. Sai laughed, a warm but deep sound, and
leaned his head toward one of the smaller salons of the palace.
Kaori didn't know if she was actually allowed to go in there --
no one had expressly forbade any part of the castle to her during
the few days she had been in court -- but she had a feeling that
the women as a general rule didn't go into those rooms. Except,
perhaps, with an invitation such as the one she had received.
The salon was small and private. A goban was centered exactly in
the middle, with two comfortable cushions on either side.
"This is where I usually play a game with visiting
nobles," Master Sai said, and gestured to one of the
cushions. "The emperor recieves his instruction on the
throne room, but when I am not teaching him I teach in
here."
"I see," she said, and lovingly touched one hand to the
goban.
"You have played much before, as you said," Master Sai
began. "But your opponents have not been worthy of you. I
shall teach you how to play for real."
"Ah-- yes," she croaked, and they began.
The first game lasted for less than ten minutes, but they
continued playing, Master Sai giving her suggestions and pointing
out small mistakes. Kaori absorbed his instruction, and the next
game lasted for much longer. They played as long as the fading
light allowed, and then in the twilight, declared their love for
each other, with words and with actions.
* * *
Hikaru had a rather horrified expression on his face.
"Saaaaai, you . . . you didn't. Ewww!"
Sai looked rather smug. "Someday you'll understand."
Hikaru winced and covered his eyes. "I don't think so. But
that still doesn't explain . . . she wouldn't have you? But
you--"
"She and I had an affair, but eventually she told me that
she could not compete with my love for go. Sadly, she was right .
. . as much as I believed I loved her, I loved the game more.
Rather than force her to always be second best, I offered to let
her go. She refused, saying she wanted to be with me, but she
would not become my wife."
"You offered to just let her go?" Hikaru couldn't
believe it.
"I did. Even now, though, after a thousand years, I have no
regrets about loving her. She was really a very talented player .
. . after my death, I wondered if she ever found someone else to
love." He smiled to himself. "Or to play go with."
Hikaru sighed and clambored back onto his bed. Sai's story really
hadn't helped him much.
"Akari reminds me a lot of Kaori, in some ways," Sai
volunteered, but Hikaru continued starting at the wall.
"Even though Kaori was a lot more demure and refined, Akari
and she both have the same mindset. I died before Kaori grew
weary of being second best, but Akari has not yet given up on
you. She'll continue to reach for you, even if you become a pro,
because she hasn't yet realized that you love go more than
anything."
"Who says I love go more than anything?" Hikaru
snorted.
"I think if you asked pretty much anyone but Akari, they
would say you do," Sai said wryly. "I don't want you to
end up convincing her of that, which is what will happen if you
continue the way you are going. Intensive training doesn't mean
you can't be a human being. I don't want you to end up like me,
selfishly clinging to this world because I want to continue a
game. You're young, and you have a whole lifetime of go ahead of
you. Attending a dance with her won't set you too far
behind."
"So you're saying I should go."
"It's up to you."
Hikaru sighed and sat up again, rubbing his head in reluctant
concession. "All right, all right, I'll go to the stupid
dance. Let me go call her . . ."
As Hikaru ran downstairs for the phone, Sai followed lightly, his
smile hidden behind his fan. Memories of Kaori were all pleasant,
and he wasn't lying when he said he had no regrets about their
respective choices. Had he not been banished . . . had he lived,
perhaps she would have grown cold to him, but thought their time
together was brief, it was powerful. Lady Murasaki had taken
Kaori under her wing, and he knew that his banishment wouldn't
reflect badly on her at all.
A thousand years had passed since then. A thousand years to
forget about the love of a woman, and to hone and pine for his
game. Sai preferred to let those memories sleep now. He had more
important things to think about . . . such as the Hand of God.
--
Owari.
