The Gryffindor Common Room Bulletin Board
Note: This is a joint fanfiction written by a group of author contributing at a forum called "The Gryffindor Common Room: Marauders". You can access it and contribute to the thread by going to the forums section and by setting the filter to "most posts". It should be on the first page. We felt that we should create a joint fanfiction account (the Order of the Phoenix) and post this so that more people could read it. The authors contributing are (in alphabetical order):
Anna B. the Greek
Dorcas Meadowes
forgottenlife
Klappa
Rainstorm Amaya Arianrhod (plus little brother Nimbus)
sophianwin, admin.
You can read more about them by going to the profile page.
Disclaimer: Remarkably little belongs to we, the abovesigned, but is instead the property of Joanne Rowling.
Miss Rainstorm would, however, like to assert that Angharad Weasley is the sole property of herself. The owners of Sarah and Patty Kirwin, Michael Angletop, Professor Stan Visna and sundry would like to assert same and add that to steal, borrow, nick, half-inch, filch or plagiarize the aforementioned will result in the most severe punishments for the offending party/parties that can be discovered by the unfortunate victim of the theft and the remaining members of the aforementioned Order. Miss Sophianwin would like to remind Miss Rainstorm that very few people have any patience with bureaucratese, and to cordially request her to shut up.
Enjoy, and please review!
(written in bold letters on a neat, clean, piece of parchment)
To Whom it May Concern:
Let it be known that any supposed baby photos (with a female infant dressed, wearing a basket on their head, with large amounts of various foods on their face, or otherwise in random locations) posted by an anonymous person are completely false and/or doctored. I assure everyone in this House that I have never, ever, attempted to fish anything out of the toilet nor intend to do so.
However, this certain someone's friends may have fun fishing the certain person's HEAD out of the toilet should these pictures not come down, and immediately.
Lily Evans
Gryffindor Prefect
(written on a small, clean piece of parchment; handwriting is slightly untidy)
To Lily Evans:
Your wish is my command. The baby photos are down already.
I hope you like the ones they were replaced with.
J.P.
(written in rather alarming-looking red ink)
To All Those Who Wish to Keep Their Head:
Though my friend, Lily Evans, is a late riser and has yet to see the photos up on the bulletin board, I would like to remind everyone that in the morning, she is in a particularly foul mood. This is not helped by the comments about herself as a baby. When she sees the new ones, she will explode. She will ricochet off the walls until she hits something. So avoid the Common Room should you like to keep out of the Hospital Wing.
-Dorcas Meadowes
(written on a clean piece of parchment, apparently torn violently from a larger piece; handwriting is large and looks hasty)
To Lily Evans:
Are you happy now that you sent Potter and Black to the Hospital Wing? Tomorrow's the match with Slytherin and our two best Chasers will be out!
Michael Angletop
Gryffindor Quidditch Team Captain
To Lily Evans:
Thanks heaps. We LOVE being in the Hospital Wing. In fact, there is a cute girl in the bed opposite me. So, I guess I SHOULD thank you. But Gryffindor lost and we weren't in the match, so you should hang your head in shame. But for your information...the baby photos are back and with Permanent Sticking Charms too!
All my love (and Prongs' too)
Sirius Black
"That evil git" - quote you.
To Sirius:
Might I remind you that we are working together on a Potions project, which is due tomorrow, and you have not begun your allotted work? I would like to get a good grade on this. If my partner ends up in the Hospital Wing for a week because a certain redhead has slammed the bulletin board over his head, I would not be happy.
And no, you may not have my chocolate.
-Remus Lupin
(written on the back of a Hogsmeade announcement)
To Moony:
Is the Potions project due tomorrow? Wow... I never realised... And don't worry. What can little Lily Evans do to me? I mean she's so small and although she's -
(written on the same said Hogsmeade announcement)
To Remus Lupin:
Sirius Black will not be able to complete the project because he is currently in the hospital wing with tacks sticking out of places that make it extremely hard to sit down in. Perhaps you should get an extension?
-an innocent passerby-
(written on parchment stamped with the Hogwarts crest)
Minerva-
I have taken five minutes of my precious time away from two eleven-year-old patients with dragon pox to write this note to you, and let me tell you that I do not appreciate the vast numbers of Gryffindors who are populating the Hospital Wing. Though you may recall that I had before written to you about the frequent visits of Slytherins, I would advise you to exercise some control over the violence of your students.
-Madame Pomfrey
(written on a clean parchment; handwriting looks like that of a person who is doing his best to write as clearly as possible)
ATTENTION ALL GRYFFINDORS!
It has come to our attention that Madam Pomfrey does not like seeing many of us in the Hospital Wing. It seems like she prefers dealing with Slytherins.
So, let's do her a favour!
This coming week is officially declared the Curse-The-Slytherin Week! Do your best to curse as many of them as you can, without being seen by a teacher, Mrs Norris or Filch! (Well, they can see you if you don't mind, but you'll be risking losing House points and getting yourself in detention - unless the teacher is Prof. Flitwick and you impress him so much with your skillful spells he might decide to award you some points instead.)
Curse-The-Slytherin Week starting tomorrow! Do your best, fellow Gryffindors!
James Potter (on behalf of the fifth year Gryffindor boys)
To James Potter:
Are there prizes for how many you curse? Because I think I won...
-Sirius Black-
To Gryffindor:
Mr. James Potter and Mr. Sirius Black have asked me to post the top scores for Curse-a-Slytherin Week. They are as follows:
In first place, Mr. Sirius Black with an average of seven Slytherins hexed per day.
In second place, Mr. James Potter with an average of five and a half Slytherins hexed per day.
In third place, Miss Dorcas Meadowes, with an average of four Slytherins hexed per day.
-Remus Lupin.
P.S.: There may have been other hexing incidents that were not recorded by me. However, these are the final scores.
P.P.S.: To Prongs: At least 'hex-a-Slytherin' week was better thought out than 'hex-a-prefect' day. I did not—let that be a message to all aspiring prefect hexers out there—did not, I repeat, appreciate being purple and pink spotted with a beagle's ears for a week.
(written on a clean parchment; handwriting is ever so slightly untidy)
To all the Gryffindor students, and Sirius Black in particular:
The top scores explain why there isn't a prize for first place. It would seem like this competition was set up for me and my friends to win. (You could all guess who would occupy the first two places, could you not?)
(Incidentally, Moony, the score sheet is rather unfair. I might have a lower average than Sirius, but you fail to mention that I cursed Severus Snape at least three times per day during the whole week.)
However, since Dorcas managed to beat Remus and win third place (I assure you, he's not as innocent as he looks; he did his best to contribute to this week's purpose), I do think we should offer her an award. And since I happen to know that she hates History of Magic, the award is that Remus will be doing her History of Magic homework for this coming week.
Thank you for joining in our noble purpose. Looking forward to many similar activities in the future!
James Potter.
How typical of you, James...but I suppose it is my duty to make amends for my miserable performance in that contest. However, perhaps you, as you are second to Padfoot, you should do something for him?
-Remus
(written on a torn page of a magazine, as the number '32' at the edge of the piece reveals; handwriting is slightly untidy)
To Remus:
Grumph. Fine.
To Sirius:
Since he insists, I'll do something for you.
I'll remove the Screeching Hex I put on your bed the day we first came at Hogwarts. (Yes, it's true; it isn't an unlucky coincidence your bed is the only one in Hogwarts making such annoying screeching noises.)
James
Gryffindor:
The behavior of this entire house has been despicable in the past week. More Slytherins have been in the Hospital Wing than there have ever been since before my time! Never have I seen such disgusting behavior from my students! Since I and my colleagues have no evidence that it is a specific student hexing Slytherins, however, there will be no detentions handed out. But Gryffindor has an earlier curfew for the next week, as an overall punishment.
-Professor M. McGonagall
(small, spindly handwriting)
To Moony, Padfoot, and Prongs:
Remember to meet in our usual spot at the usual time, and I'd like to remind a certain stag to bring a certain cloak so that we could have our usual excursion in the moonlight...
-Wormtail
To 'Moony','Padfoot', 'Prongs' and 'Wormtail':
Need I remind you that in NO circumstance are you allowed to go on 'excursions in the moonlight'? Gryffindor is in enough trouble as it is. Please do not allow these 'usual' excursions to continue.
Lily Evans
P.S.: In addition, if you wished to keep these 'secret' then WHY on EARTH put it on the Gryffindor noticeboard for all to see?
(written on a slightly dirty piece of parchment; handwriting is rather untidy)
Tell you what, Evans.
If you catch us, you can take us to the Headmaster and ask for our expulsion. Fair enough?
Prongs.
James H. Potter:
I'd like to have a talk with you after Charms. Please go into Study Room 1 and cast multiple Privacy and Silencing Charms on the room so we can discuss your stupidity.
Thank you,
Remus J. Lupin
(written on parchment stamped with the Hogwarts crest)
Filch:
Please clean Study Room One today as there is paint splashed all over the room, a strange fungi growing on the walls, and a strange fishy odor. Dumbledore has said that a lot of magic was practiced there. We shall all talk to our students about the proper conduct in a study room.
Thank you,
The staff
