Disclaimer: All characters are not owned by me and are used without permission solely for the entertainment of fan-fiction readers.

Author's Note: After seeing the "Old Wounds" episode, I wondered what Barbara had felt that night. I also thought about what might happen when Dick came back. The few episodes that touched the subject did not really satisfy my curiosity. I was curious as to what happened AFTER that. This fic deals with how I think things happened when Dick came back. This first part is on how Barbara felt and her regrets about the night Dick left.

Prologue

It was a clear night in Gotham. The moonlight spilled through the buildings, giving the city an eerie glow. The stars shined overhead, looking down at the sleeping city. But not all were asleep. The night always brought out the crooks, burglars, and big time criminals. They anticipated the moments when the last rays of sunlight would disappear over the horizon of Gotham Harbor. Darkness was welcomed and they would go about doing their dirty deeds. But, they were not alone tonight. They were never alone any night. They knew this well and feared the 'pointy eared' shadow that would sweep down, cape flying, and stop them when they least expected it. Many of them would wince at the mere mention of his name. Batman. That one word sent a chill down the spine of every criminal in Gotham City. Well, not every criminal. There were a handful of them who had given the Bat his share of trouble. Many had come close to bringing an end to him. But close is not enough. Especially when dealing with the dark knight.

Batman crouched on the edge of a rooftop, peering up at the tall skyscraper looming across the street. His eyes narrowed before he stood up and turned to the figure crouched beside him.

"Are you sure you're ready for this?" he asked me quietly.

I stood up, the moonlight illuminating the yellow bat on my chest. My red hair whipped out behind me as a strong gust of wind blew. I looked at Batman for a moment before turning to look up at the rooftop of the skyscraper.

"If I'm not ready now, I'll never be ready", I replied.

I turned back to him and smiled. My hands went to my suit's utility belt and I pulled out a grappling hook.

- Ok, Barbara, you can do this. You've done this hundreds of times. Just breathe and relax -

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. Then I slowly raised the grappling hook, ready to fire it.

"Shall we?" I asked confidently.

But, I felt anything but confident. I was nervous. It had been so long since I had done this that I was worried I had forgotten. Then there was the fact that he might show up. I wasn't sure if I could face him. I had no idea what I would say to him.

Batman nodded and pulled out his own grappling hook. Two short bangs echoed as we shot our grappling hooks upward. Once the grapples were secured, we leaped off the building together, capes flying out behind us as we flew up into the night.

As soon as I felt the wind whistling in my face, all my worries were left behind. If only for a few moments, they were forgotten. I had almost forgotten how good it had felt to fly. Almost forgot how amazing the adrenaline rush was, the confidence it gave me. But I longed to have the reassuring familiar red and green figure flying beside me. And for a moment, I was scared. But, I choose to hide it. I needed to concentrate now.

- - - - - -

The wind rushed at my face as I fell. My hair and cape whipped wildly around me. But, I couldn't see the sidewalk getting closer by the second. And I couldn't reach the grappling hook in my utility belt. I was knocked out and plummeting to my death.

The next moment strong arms grabbed me and I was lifted upwards. My eyes blinked open to see a red and green clad figure holding me tightly. When we landed on a neighboring rooftop, I swayed on my feet as I rubbed my sore head. Then I glanced at my rescuer. My heart gave a sudden lurch as I looked into Robin's eyes.

It was so different, looking at him and knowing. Knowing who was underneath the mask. Knowing that it was the man I loved that put his life at risk everyday, protecting the city. But, I had always felt so unusually comfortable around Robin. Maybe, deep down, somehow, I had known. But facing the truth was much harder. I could see the hurt in his eyes. Dick's eyes. Now I knew why those eyes had always felt so familiar.

"Thanks", I said, managing a weak, awkward half-smile.

The tension between us was too much for me to bear and I turned to leave. I wish I hadn't.

- I should have talked to him -

I felt a hand grab my arm. I turned to look him in the face.

"Wait, we need to talk", he said desperately.

I looked at him for a moment. I wanted to talk to him so badly. There was so much I needed to tell him. But, Batman was up there, alone. He needed our help. Talking would have to wait.

"Not now, he needs us", I replied.

I immediately regretted saying that as I watched Robin's eyes narrow at the word 'he'. At that moment those eyes were no longer Dick's, they were too angry, there was so much hate in them. A flicker of concern flashed across his face, before he set his jaw, a determined look now on his face.

- Had it really gotten that bad between them? -

He gave me a quick nod, before taking out his grappling hook. He fired it and leapt off the building without so much as a glance back at me. My shoulders slumped and I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.

- What have I done? -

I slowly took out a grappling hook and fired it.

- - - - - -

The three of us stood on a rooftop, watching the police take in the Joker and his men. Dawn was nearly upon the city and the night sky was a bit lighter now in anticipation. A cool breeze swept over the rooftops, catching our capes and my hair.

I could feel the tension between them. I glanced from Batman to Robin; hoping one of them would say something . . . anything.

- Please, just let them talk it out -

For now I knew the reason for all of Dick's pain. Now I knew why he had come to me that night, pleading with his eyes. Pleading for me to understand something I wasn't supposed to know. Now I knew why he had pushed me away so many times.

I don't remember who talked first. I don't even remember much that was said. But the words that were burned into my memory were the ones that still echoed in my ears. Those I would remember forever.

"Batgirl, I can't believe it. How could you keep something like this from me?" his eyes were so accusing.

- He's so angry -

"You weren't exactly honest either", I countered.

His eyes narrowed, "But you told him".

"He already knew!" I said in an attempt to defend myself.

- He needs to believe me –

"Why didn't you tell me?" demanded Dick. For now it was Dick who was speaking to Batman, not Robin.

"It wasn't my place to tell you", Batman replied calmly.

- How can he be so calm?

"But it was your place to put her in danger", growled Dick.

I felt like if the whole world were turned upside down. I was trembling underneath my costume.

- Get yourself together Barbara -

I finally got the nerve to speak.

"It wasn't like that. I volunteered", I explained.

"You think you did. You don't know him like I do. He manipulates. Pulls strings. Anything to get what he wants", snapped Dick.

I was shocked by the amount of anger he held in his voice. He had never talked to me like that. And it frightened me.

Bruce took a step towards Dick, "I thought we had the same goals".

"Things change. I changed. The game's over Batman. I quit", Dick sneered.

My fears came true in the awful moment that Dick punched Batman square in the face. Batman fell backwards onto the ground. And as he lay sprawled there, Dick ripped off his mask and cape and threw them at Batman's feet.

I gasped when he punched Batman.

- Oh my god. He just hit Bruce -

It had all sounded so final. I barely recognized Dick's face. It was so full of pain, so cold. Nothing like the Dick I knew. But even at that moment, I still loved him.

I just stood there in shock as Dick gave Batman one final glare before storming to the edge of the rooftop. I will always hate myself for just standing there, watching as he jumped of the edge of the roof, firing his grappling hook in mid-flight. I was just so shocked at what had just happened that I couldn't move. The trembling turned into shaking.

- I should go after him. I should try to talk to him -

But I didn't. After he left, Batman got up and put a hand on my shoulder before leaving silently. I stood there a few moments, deciding what to do.

- I have to talk to him. But, I can't go to him like this. I have to face him as Barbara, not as Batgirl -

So I decided to go home and change first.

I should have gone to his dorm right away. I might have been able to stop him

But, I was too late. He was gone when I got there. I hate myself for not getting there on time.

I went through so much anguish and pain that night. There were so many things I should have done. There was so much I wish I could take back. But, I can't. And I have to live with that for the rest of my life. No matter how much it hurts.

If only I had just told him.

- - - - - -

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- Lady Artemis -