I'm just staring, there's nothing else I can do. You're dieing, that's too easy to see. All that blood, sticky, wet and red. There's so much I bet you can't even see my mask. Can you see my eyes though? Can you see how sorry I am for everything? How I wish we could go back? Back to before this nightmare began?

Mikey's breaking down, calling out your name. Oh, I hope you hear him. You were a superhero in his eyes. You know that? You can't go, because superheroes don't die. At least, that's his reasoning. You were the one who calmed him down, scared away monsters and nightmares. You were his protector, always the amazing one of this family. You know? He drew you a lot as a superhero. For some reason, I can't remember those pictures now. Those stories he wrote, you were the hero in them too. We all were at some point. His fascination with that innocent little world made us remember what we were fighting for.

I can't bring myself to look at either of them, only you. I can see Donny's hands though, trying to stop the blood. I know its hopeless. No one could survive that, no matter how stubborn. Even you can't bro. I'm still staring, blood soaked blades lay beside me and I want to get angry. I want revenge, because those we my blades. A kick, I had went down. They snatched them up and ran you through, dropping them there, probably torment intended for me.

The rain's washing away everything, I can see the flash of lightning but the thunder is silent in my ears. Donny's still trying to save you, but the blood keeps coming, crashing over your skin like waves on a beach. Black and red. I'm going to see this for the rest of life. The rest of my life…without you. Oh…there wasn't enough time. You're going too young bro. You never did anything to deserve this. Tell me, what are we going to do? We can't go on without you.

Mikey's whispering now. Please…oh please…I hope you can hear him. He's saying so many things that you need to know. I've got to say so many things, but the salty, metallic taste of your blood is cindering my mouth shut. I can't really move, the rain's made my body numb. Maybe I'm shaking or maybe I'm crying. Maybe both. It's hard to tell. This…this moment, it should've never come. It wasn't supposed to. Life's never fair right? Well, answer this, why must life be wrong? Why should I sit here watching you die? Why should you die? It's not unfair, it's wrong. Why is life wrong?

You think if we never learned nin-jutsu we wouldn't have to watch this? Or would we have died a long time before? My nerves are numb but I can feel the weight of my muscles. My arms have grown heavier. A simple sight. I've been zapped powerless by a sight! Mikey's stopped talking now, he's turned a bit. Probably talking with Donny. Can we save you? No, we can't. You and the Foot have made it too obvious to my eyes. I've taken down so many enemies, I know what death looks like. We both do, but maybe they don't. There's hope in Donny's voice. But I know. I just know. I still can't move. Why can't I just say something?

I find that pain in your eyes and I mentally apologize fifty thousand times over. There's nothing I can do. You know that bro. You want the pain to go away. I understand, no one really likes pain. You're dieing. I hope with every voice on this planet that you know this is killing us. In the corner of my eye, I can still see your shadow that moved around the walls of the dojo. Funny, I can remember your voice and your laugh. What color did you wear? I've forgotten that now. What shade of green was your skin? Wait, what color do I wear? What shade of green is my skin?

You see? I'm forgetting the small things I should've held close. How old were we all? Who did what? Who was who in our family? Family, we're all here right? See? This is what you're doing. I'm dieing with you bro. More blood bubbles out and now Donny's sobbing along with Mikey. Maybe I've moved now. I can't look away from you though. I'm not sure why. Do I really want to remember you this way? Lying in an alley with your life gushing out. That's selfish. Maybe you want to die here. We're all here. Is that enough bro? Do want us to cry? No. I know you wouldn't.

You're dieing and you don't want to see tears. Maybe that's why I'm frozen. You wouldn't want me to cry. You wouldn't want any of us to. Let's see, your last gaze should be us smiling. You'd want that wouldn't you? Our happiness was your happiness. That's how it is for all of us. Of course, that means your pain, is our pain. We can feel this too bro, but it's worse because it's going to stay with us. We're going to go on. You're not. I think the rain's turned to ice now. It almost blocks out Mikey's and Donny's cries. Can you hear them? I don't care if you can never hear me again, just as long as you hear them. Mikey's holding your hand, begging. Donny's still trying to save you. There's some mention of hope among us. It ain't reality though, it's our dreams, our minds and our fantasies. That's all there is. I'm covered in your blood. We all are and it's still pouring out. Wow…I never knew we had so much in us.

You still have that stubborn look in your gaze. The one that says you're going to hold on as long as you can. Until ungrateful fate tears the soul from your body and lays it to rest with the darkness. Donny's saying something about how you shouldn't still be alive. Remember how he always complained about our stubborn streaks? You were always able to out last me when it came to these things. That stubborn streak annoyed him. We were his worst patients. Heh, you remember all that bro? We always refused to rest. That was one thing we had in common, perhaps too in common. If we were different, just a bit, do you think this could've been avoided? If I was more like you, or you were more like me? Bro, you have to understand there's so many things I want to say but I'm too numb.

I hope you can read them in my eyes. The words are too painful to say, because I won't get a chance to say them again. I'm beginning to think it's better not say anything and I can't bring myself to move my lips. Maybe because Donny and Mikey are still murmuring small words of hope. It's no different than trying to grow flowers in a bonfire. There's no hope. Maybe that's why I can't say anything. I want them to hope bro. Nothing's better than hope, you know that. When the odds were against you, you rose up. Whether that was luck or you, I'm not sure, but I'd love to have that now. I really would.

Oh, now Donny's saying things. Come on, who's he going to talk when we're stuck at home. He may have Leatherhead and April but what about when storms blow in and we can't reach them? Mikey doesn't understand, I don't, even Master Splinter doesn't. You were always the one closest to him because you could simply understand his words. Who's going to understand them now? Sure, Donny doesn't live in Mikey's world. You're no superhero in his eyes, but you're still his hero through and through. He knew every element of every one of us. He knew you on a level the others and I didn't.

You guys could talk. You wouldn't get lost in his explanations and you'd learn. That's one thing that made him really happy bro. When he was teaching and one of us managed to learn something. That was mostly you because you were connected with him at a level none of the rest of us were. You were so special and so amazing to them both. A hero, a superhero, a protector, a guardian, a teacher and a brother. That last one's the most important and I hope we don't forget that.

Your coughing now. You're losing even more that way. Wow, how much blood is in us? Maybe you've already lost too much and you're hanging on through sheer will. Heh, it wouldn't be the first time. That was kind of a bad habit for us both. They're both quiet now as you cough more blood out. Oh man, you're scaring them both stone still. You take a shuddering breath and slump back to the ground. I see the pain is fading from your eyes. Along with the rest of you that is. Finally, I find my self leaning over you. The tails of my mask fall to your blood caked plastron and I cringe. Did that hurt?

A small brush of the wind sweeps them over so they meet yours. Red on red. I suddenly can't remember which of us is dieing. Am I looking at you? Or are you looking at me? There's so much pain in your eyes. I feel it bro. It's so much that it's killing me too. Wait? The pain's fading though. I hope you understand that the pain I feel isn't going to fade from me. Another brush of wind intertwines our mask tails. They're still both red. Red from your blood. Are you sure you're dieing? Am I staring at my death? But that would mean you're already dead. Will I be joining you? I know those hopes are lies.

I'd take your place bro. All of us would, then, of course, you'd turn right around and take our place. See? That's why we can't die for one another. That's why it's wrong to die. We shouldn't die. It should be impossible because we would give up for one another. That would keep happening. A complete circle that wouldn't come to an end. You know? I think death, fate or whatever or whoever takes our lives would get bored and go bother someone else, leaving us in a constant game of self sacrifice. There would be a death card and we would each keep grabbing it from each other's hands.

You never deserved such a fate. Maybe I did, but not you and not the others. This hurts…this really hurts. You hear that? They're both begging. Now they're begging me. Turning to me for an answer. An answer I know, but can't bring myself to say. A flash of lightning goes by and the thunder whispers in my ear. This wasn't supposed to happen…I was supposed to go first. Don't you get that!?

You're dieing…there's nothing I can do. Our little brothers are still begging. For life, an answer, a second chance, a strand of hope. I want to tell them that there's absolutely nothing there to grab on to. It isn't there! Stop looking bros, please? Those wounds and all this blood. You can't live with all those wounds and you can't live without all that blood. I know we've faced the impossible before, but this goes beyond that simple word. Beyond all words. Try to do the impossible and you'll do something extraordinary. Weren't we told that once?

You've done the impossible. On a normal basis too. It's like you always got bored. You'd probably fight your way out of the sunken Titanic because you got bored of walking on water or you'd learn to faze through things like a ghost because you grew tired of flying. That was always you bro. You were that amazing person.

Now me? I'm staring down as the life drains out of you. Impossibly you move and raise a hand to my face. So I am crying, you're wiping the tears away. You don't want to see them. I wouldn't want to either. Your asking a question with your eyes. I slowly shake my head. I never hated you bro. NEVER. I hope you know that but more than anything, I hope you know that I love you. This wasn't meant to be. I guess we did our best though, to save the world and the people that would never understand how amazing we were. I'm crying more now, my eyes fluttering closed every other flash of lightning. I'm afraid every time I open them that your eyes will be closed, or dead and empty. I force myself to stop closing my eyes and focus on your gaze.

Our little brothers are calling out again. You gaze sideways at my blades, bloody from your blood. You lock your gaze and ask. I shake my head fiercely. No, I won't! I can't! Bro, don't! I read the pain in your eyes. I know you want it to be over but what you're asking me to do is- oh, no! I want to end the pain bro but you're telling, asking, pleading with your gaze. Your eyes say it's ok, that you understand. Bro, I'm going to get lost in this world. We're lost without you around. Don't you understand that!? They'll hate me forever. I can't! Especially not in front of Donny and Mikey. What would they think? All they would see is one of their older brothers murdering another. It's murder.

Bro, no. Don't make me. That gaze, that pleading. That's it…there's no fighting it. I reach over and pick up one of the blades that have long become a very part of me. Mikey and Donny are asking what I'm doing. It's in my hand, but I don't think they can tell since it's so dark. You're dieing. I know it and I know you know it. That's when the doctor starts panicking isn't it? When the patient says he's going to die? You wouldn't say that. You're much too stubborn and that would worry us more. Not that we aren't worried. Well worry, it just isn't a good enough word. Like sorry. It just isn't good enough.

More than those, love isn't even nearly good enough anymore. You're too good for that word. Oh, bro if the world could see you, they'd have to make up so many new words to describe you. That's just how amazing you are. You're still bleeding and there's blood in your mouth. What would you want to say to Mikey and Donny. What would you want to say to me? Do you even have the energy to talk? I'm guessing you don't. Tell me, how? What do you want? Do want me to finish pushing this blade through your heart? Would that be easiest? A fast swipe across your throat? Oh, no I couldn't do that. It would ruin you. You should be going down fighting. A hero, if not for me, for them.

You're making me look like a jerk. No worse than a jerk, bad, it'll be pure evil. Do even understand what you're asking me to do? I gaze in your eyes, looking for an answer. I'll end the pain. I just have to know how. I think of the enemies I've fought and think of how I brought them down. I rarely killed, only when I needed to. I remember, sometimes it was just bashing in the skull, other times it was choking even. No, no choking. You'd be struggling for air. Your gaze flies down to the wound next to your heart. Yeah, all I'd have to do is stick the blade there and move the blade a little to the side. It would off your heart from the rest your body. It would be a second of pain, over so quickly. This life would be gone so quickly as well. I lick my lips and gulp. I say it with my eyes. Ok, I'll do it. I raise the blade and insert it into the wound. Mikey's asking Donny something about the piece of my blade already in you. They think I'm trying to get it out. Yeah, those ninja had the audacity to steal my blades, but also to run one through you and break off the point of it inside you. The other is still lying beside me. Don't worry, this one will do the job bro.

I'm shaking now. I'm really going to do it. Take my brother's life. I never…ever wanted this for you. You reach up again to wipe away the tears streaming from my eyes. I can't say I'm sorry for all I've done and said so I try to get my eyes to say it for me. Your eyes flick downward and back up. You understand. I look close and see the forgiveness in your eyes. I also see an apology. Oh, no need for that bro. Every word and every action in the past doesn't mean anything right now. Donny's saying that taking out the point of the blade won't do any good. I almost smirk, if they only knew.

They're going to hate me for this. It won't compare though. I hate myself so much already. They're quiet now. They see it now. They see you're not going to make it, but they don't see what I'm doing. I read their expressions. They still think I'm trying to remove that piece of my blade out of you. Maybe they think it's therapeutic or something. I have to do this. You're pleading with me again. With my left hand holding my weapon I reach up with the other as I balance on my knees. I run my fingers over the side of your face and catch you leaning into the warmth. You're so cold right now. I force myself to stop shaking and stiffen up. It's for you bro.

My fingers travel to your eyes and I take a long look at those shimmering orbs. I force them closed and press the blade where I can feel your heart valiantly trying to beat on. I raise the deathly blade a bit higher. Just a little cut and your heart will separate from the rest of your body. That'll be it.

I'm still crying. I press the blade against the muscle and you gasp. Donny and Mikey are telling me to stop. That I'm hurting you. Sorry, but it's just the cue for us. We say it at the same time.

Those famous last words.

"I love you."

I stab and hold in my scream as you shudder and finally, die…

Goodbye, big brother.


I got bored! I tell you that's all it is! Raph don't kill me!

There will be a second chapter soon. I don't like character deaths. Now if that doesn't give away the second chapter nothing else will.

Pray for my safety tonight, no doubt Raphael will be in my dreams, breathing down my neck or trying, more than likely, to kill me.

~Moonsetta