"Thanks," James sighed. With that, he climbed out of bed, pulled on the first articles of clothing he touched, and pranced out of the room, leaving Sirius alone and uncomfortable in his messy bed.

That was it. Sirius might as well have handed James a fag after Herbology. The reaction would've been about as enthusiastic, and the favor in question would've been much easier.

Sirius remained in James' bed, still tired not the least bit mentally prepared to start his day.

"Sirius?"

Sirius turned at the sound of his name. Remus was sitting on his bed, curtains open now that James and Sirius were done, eyeing Sirius' exposed torso nervously.

"What?" Sirius asked dully.

Remus bit his lip. "He doesn't love you, you know."

And there it was. Remus had said it, and Sirius couldn't argue. "Yeah?" he responded listlessly, not opening his eyes. He rolled over and pulled James' sheets over his head. He wasn't ready to get up. He wasn't ready to go to class. He wasn't ready to take that History of Magic test. He wasn't ready for Quidditch practice. He wasn't ready to see the thousands of ways that James was going to prove Remus right when he saw Lily Evans in the common room. "What of it?"

Remus sounded uncharacteristically unsure of himself as he finally asked: "It doesn't... bother you?"

Sirius rolled his eyes. He didn't want to have this conversation. "Sometimes, sure." And Sirius knew that. So why bother saying it?

"So why do you stay?"

"Why do I do anything?" Sirius snapped back, breathing deeply and still half-suffocating underneath James' flannel sheets.

"I wish I knew," Remus admitted. "It'd make it much easier to talk you out of things."

"Things like this... thing... with James?" The sheets still reeked of sex and sweet. It was a wonder that the house elves had never snitched on them.

"That wouldn't be at the top of the list," Remus assured him.

"But it would be damn close." Sirius sighed. "I'm not stupid. I know how you feel about this."

"It's not how I feel about this, it's what I know about this. He doesn't love you."

"We've established that." Sirius didn't like hearing Remus say that. The way that the words cut into his heart didn't dovetail well with his repeated vows to James that whatever it was they were doing was meaningless.

"He's never going to love you, either."

The words were like knives to the heart. "So?" Sirius tried not to sound bitter.

"It's beneath you."

"Not—"

"Even for him," Remus maintained. His voice was firm. "It's beneath you."

Sirius flipped the covers back down and looked at Remus stoically. "You sound like my mother."

Remus shrugged. "Even your mother can't always be wrong."

"You're only saying that because you don't know her."

"You could do better, Sirius."

Sirius sneered. "You're right. I could do you." He stood up.

"You could." Remus offered calmly as Sirius strolled to the other side of the room.

Sirius nodded and began sorting through his uniforms to put together an outfit. "Maybe I could. But I don't love you."

"That doesn't matter."

"That wouldn't..." Sirius paused dramatically, "...bother you?"

"Who said that I love you?"

"Who said that I love James?"

"You say that."

"Do I?"

"You do," Remus assured him with a nod. He waited a beat, then smiled. "Don't you love James, Sirius?"

"No!" Sirius insisted quickly.

"There you go."

Sirius raised an eyebrow.

"It's a double-negative." Remus explained. "And, anyway, your nostrils flair whenever you lie."

Sirius hid his flinch by pulling a sweater over his head. "Alright, then. How can I know when you're lying?"

Remus smirked. "I never lie."

Sirius couldn't spot any tells.

"But I do love you," Remus granted. "So now we've both given ourselves away."

Sirius collapsed onto his bed, wearing nothing but tight white pants from the waist down, and looked Remus over carefully. "If it's beneath me to do that with James, wouldn't it be beneath you to do that with me?"

Remus shrugged. "I'd rather it be me than you."

"I wouldn't."

"But I love you more than you love me."

"So?"

"It hurts me to see you doing this to yourself more than it would hurt you to see me doing it to myself."

Sirius blinked. "...I don't think I'm more likely to fall for you than James is to fall for me." He stood and pulled on a pair of trousers.

Remus nodded. "And I can't fault you for that. Anyway, it doesn't have to be me. I just wanted you to know that that's an option. Anyone would be wonderful if it got you out of that giant rut you're in with James."

Sirius snorted. "So if I started shagging Snivellus—"

"I would be very happy for you."

"Really?"

Remus blushed, "Well, my joy might be hidden beneath my demands to know what the Hell is so wrong with me that he looked like a good idea in comparison."

"I thought as much."

"But James and Peter would just taunt you about how ugly your children will be, so I imagine my conversation would be a breath of fresh air."

Sirius smiled.

"But, please," Remus said, growing suddenly serious, "tell me that you're not planning to shag Snape."

Sirius gagged. After a moment, his face grew pensive. "You know, this is an oddly intellectual debate, when you realize that it's about which of my mates I should be shagging."

Remus shrugged. "What can I say. I've been working on my argument for a while now."

Sirius' thoughtful look didn't leave. "You really love me?"

Remus nodded.

"Alright then," he agreed, looking and feeling instantly better for having made the decision. "I'll tell James there's someone else."

"Me?"

"It'll have to be." Sirius fixed his hair with a wave of his wand. "There are no other offers on the table."

"That'll change soon."

Sirius shrugged. "We'll play by ear when it does."