"I was lost"

A/N: Love nice Damon but miss his bad side too. This story is slightly warped as it explores the darkness within him.

I didn't understand.

Why hadn't she been there?

Stefan had given up on her but I promised myself that I never would. All the promises that we made to each other and the memories kept me motivated. They were enough to give me hope and because of that, I had done it.

I had brought the blood bag, I had made a deal with two witches and I had opened the tomb.

…however, what I hadn't anticipated was her not being in the tomb. I hadn't expected to find out that she never had been…

...I-I just didn't understand.

Like a love-struck fool, I had wasted 100 years scraping the earth, in search for someone who wasn't lost; someone who didn't want to be found.

I still didn't understand…

Every excuse I thought of was diverted with my conscience – that being Stefan's voice. He had spent the whole ride home trying to make me see the sense behind all of it but still…I didn't understand.

All that I felt now was an empty pit in my stomach – hollow and void of anything. This was why I was now pouring what was probably my seventh drink. Hopefully, the alcohol would fill the vacant space and maybe make me make sense of everything.

The plan had been going smoothly, until I heard her voice. "Damon…"

I didn't have to turn around to look at her. Instead, I poured yet another glass of scotch, this time ignoring the bucket of ice cubes.

She walked around so she could be in my line of sight and I lazily placed the glass aside. My gaze unwillingly dragged up to meet her inquisition. "Are you okay?" Elena asked and cautiously took a seat beside me.

"Can we not do the whole 'plenty of fish in the sea' talk?" I smirked lazily and filled up another glass, handing it to her but she shook her head in refusal. Rather than argue or tease her, I simply shrugged and drank that one too.

"I know that you're hurt…" she began and I rolled my eyes, not really in the mood for a pep talk.

"Hurt?" I scoffed at the use of the word. Hurt didn't even cover it. "I don't get hurt" I corrected her with a sharp look to silence her. This seemed to be the wrong tactic because Elena now tilted her head to the side and peered down at me like I was the puppy someone just kicked. "I don't need your pity" I icily commented and stood up, walking next to the fire as I grew tired of her sympathy.

"Damon…I'm worried about you" she called out to me.

I spun around, fake smile in place as I joyfully exclaimed. "Why? I'm great. I'm walking on sunshine. I am on top of the freakin' world" I replied and felt each word venomously leave a bitter taste in my mouth.

"It's okay to be upset" she countered and the woeful stare was back.

I gritted my teeth before plastering on another grin. "Do I look upset?" I bitterly asked and downed another drink before walking back to add more. My fingers trembled as I set down the glass and I curled them into a fist, trying to regain control through several deep breaths.

"No, you look like you're about to explode" Elena eyed me warily as if I really would lash out at her and to be honest, I felt close to doing so. "You just need to take a second and calm down" she advised and I jeered at her.

"And what? Count to ten? Meditate?" I offered, taunting her and somehow wished for her to fight me or to scold me.

Still, she was relentless and continued to try to get through to me. "You're drunk" she pointed out in a matter-of-factly tone rather than reprimanding me.

"Just...go home Elena" I sighed tiredly.

She must've gotten something from staring at me because from my peripheral vision, I caught her bowing her head and nodding slightly. After another pitiful sigh and me grinding my teeth, she pushed herself up from the seat and walked away.

Before leaving, I watched as my brother landed on the last step and met her. His arms circling her waist as they muttered words of affection. Like a sap, my brother then kissed her and whispered how he loved her and wanted her to have a goodnight.

I sneered and gulped down more of the burning scotch, this time from the bottle. The flames that burned my throat were worth it and I gasped my pleasure at the taste.

"Hey..." Stefan greeted me but in a lowered, droning tone. It was the type of sad greeting you offer someone when they've lost someone. The type of greeting that made me want to send a bullet through my head.

"Not you too" I groaned and slumped back in the sofa. When he moved towards me, I held up a finger and gave him a heading warning. "Don't waste your time. Your little girlfriend tried the same thing" I seethed, trying to erase the memory of him and Elena which was then distorted to me watching my brother dance with Katherine.

The same brother that had now brought a chair so he could sit opposite me. "Listen, I know how much you wanted this and I-"

"Can we not…" I interrupted with a shake of my head.

"You're hurting Damon" he mused.

There was that word again…

Hurt…Did I look like I was hurt?

"Talk to me," Stefan expression contorted with his concern for me. I didn't like it when Stefan tried to be the hero and I despised the fact that he was trying that shit with me. Did he look at me and think of me as another person that was so broken, that only a saint like him could help?

"Talk?" I chuckled but Stefan mistook my tone as he nodded encouragingly. "You wanna talk? Fine let's talk" I stood up abruptly, walked to the table and then turned around to 'talk' to my little brother.

"Talk to me Damon" he repeated.

Just to shut him up, I pointed to him with one of the free fingers that wasn't holding the crystal glass. "How is it fair?" I asked the first question plaguing me.

"I know. Katherine had n-"

I slammed the glass down onto the table. "Not Katherine" I growled, shaking my head defiantly and pointed accusingly at him again. "You!" I snarled, storming over to where he was now standing. "How is it fair that you get it?" I barked my demand, realising that I seriously needed an answer to the question.

"Get what?"

"Everything" I exclaimed in a loud roar. "You killed our father! You killed our mother and you took her away from me" I spat and knew the words stung because of how he winced. The sight was enough to have me smiling but my brain was preoccupied with finding an answer. "You took everything away from me, yet somehow, you come out as the Golden Boy" I mocked. "The one that everyone chooses…" I bowed my head and allowed the dissipating anger to be released in my deep breaths. "…that she chose…" I whispered, blinking away the tears that stung my eyes.

"Please, brother let me-"

When his hand fell onto my shoulder, I shook it away fiercely. "Brother?" I gasped out incredulously because the label felt like a joke.

"I don't know what else to tell you" he whispered numbly and I caught the tears that now began to build up in his eyes.

I couldn't find it in myself to feel guilty.

I didn't want to feel guilty.

Turning away from him, my voice was cold and emotionless. "I'm tired Stefan" I stated calmly, hoping that he wouldn't read into the double meaning within the words.

Still, he wouldn't give up as he shared his girlfriend's tenacity. "I'm here for you" he offered lamely.

I shook my head again, refusing to acknowledge the lie as I whirled back around to face him. "No, you're here for Elena" I argued and didn't comment on his own silent protest. "There is nothing left for me here…" I murmured, suddenly feeling drained and completely and utterly lost.

My brother mirrored what I felt and his face crumpled up in pain. All he could manage to think to say to me was another apology. "I'm sorry"

"Sorry doesn't bring anything back, now does it?" I hissed and swallowed down the rest of the insults that fought to break through my loose lips. As much as I was having fun with this, I decided then that it was time to end it. "Goodbye Stefan" I murmured and walked away, both happy and disturbed that he hadn't called me back.

It was only when the door slammed behind me that I heard his cracked sob.

I didn't want to feel guilty.

With that, I jumped into my car and revved the engine. Still, I made no move to back out of the driveway as my gaze involuntarily trailed up to the boarding house.

I waited for something to be sparked – longing …anger…sadness…

…but I felt nothing.

That was because this was no longer my home – perhaps it never had been.

On that final thought, I backed out and accelerated down the street, wanting to distance myself from Mystic Falls as much as I could. It was almost like I was chasing the sunset ahead; almost like I was fighting against the inevitable nightfall that would soon arrive.

Why?

Why was I fighting against it?

That was all there was – within me.

It wasn't my brother's fault, nor Elena's or even Katherine's…

It was me.

I was the bad and I was the darkness because I coveted what was good and somehow I ruined them.

Take Stefan for example, and after everything I had just left him with, I knew that I had probably lost him too.

There was no saving a person like me.

…but should I care?

No.

I was better at being alone anyway. In fact, I should get back to the person that I had been before coming to Mystic Falls.

A hunter…a monster.

One that was conceived from darkness and sheltered by the night.

I had been so deep in thought that it took a second to notice the shadowed figure up ahead. Acting on instinct, my foot slammed on the brakes and the tyres screeched as I curved to the side, nearly diving into the forest.

"What the hell?!" I yelled and stepped out of my Mustang, turning to the prosecutor and feeling ready to get my revenge.

"Oh thank you, thank you so much" a female voice trilled in the darkness and I frowned.

Her slender figure rushed over to me and the moonlight hit her perfectly, giving me a view of the reckless human. I was taken back slightly and my anger somewhat dissipated when I studied her pale face and her dark brown eyes that gleamed under the silver rays. They were almond shaped and framed by thick eyelashes. Her heart-shaped face was framed with dark locks that seemed almost pitch black in the darkness, but the light showed the mahogany colour.

Her hands were clasped together and placed against her chest. "Thank you so much" she exclaimed again and I noticed how the blood rushed to her cheeks, pooling to create a delicious rosy colour.

"What?" I grumbled, confused that I had missed what she was saying.

"My battery just died" she continued rambling but I was too focused on how the blush had trailed down to her neck. The veins pulsing and I picked up the most alluring and inevitably tempting scent. "I'm scared if I do anything, I'll just make it worse" she continued and I blinked up at her. "Do you think you could give me a jumpstart?" she asked and seemed hopeful. When I gave no reply, she shook her head and her shoulders slumped visibly. "Sorry, I understand that you ma-"

"What's your name?" I cut her off.

The blush was only strengthened and I felt my breath hitch as the bloodlust began to overpower my rage. Standing here with her was simply testing my limits but I knew that the darkness would win – it always did.

"Isabella but everyone calls me Bella" she replied, all too willingly.

I smiled, enjoying how nervous and skittish she was around me. "Isabella…" I deliberately rolled the name of my tongue just to see her blush again.

Isabella…it meant beautiful.

Well I couldn't deny that the girl was pretty. I certainly would not kick her out of bed.

"Do you think you could help me?" she asked, gesturing toward the monster of a worn out truck parked behind her.

However, I was no longer concerned with her truck or whatever troubles she was having. All I could think of was that for the first time today, I wasn't thinking of anything apart from my hunger. That was exactly what I needed – she was what I needed. She could help quench the pit that continued to hollow out in my stomach.

"Maybe we could help each other" I mused.

"What do you mean?" her voice broke as the words wavered and I smiled at the fact that she had a good sense of intuition to know that she was danger.

I maintained silence as my tongue darted out to my bottom lip and I inhaled. That helped me pick up the strawberries and freesias scent that tainted the atmosphere around us. When I took a step towards her, I felt the scent cloud around me, sending me on some kind of high. "You smell delicious" I commented.

Something seemed to click and she stumbled back a step. "You know what, I'll just call for a tow truck"

"Oh but you already asked for me" I argued, holding her elbow to stop her from running away.

She shook her head and somehow found the strength to continue being polite. "I don't want too trouble you" she lied and I could see the goosebumps on her bare arm.

Her wrist felt so fragile and brittle in my firm grip and I liked it. "No trouble at all" I grinned devilishly, enjoying how she shivered.

What was the point in fighting against it?

I was darkness.

The sooner I acknowledged that, the better.

"You're hurting me" she wringed her arm but I only grasped it tighter, knowing and not caring that it would bruise her. Weak human. "Let go of my arm" she ordered fiercly and I raised an eyebrow at her command.

"Oh there is no way I'm letting go of you now, Isabella" I murmured.

And with that, I was lost.

A/N: This is a story that explores the dark, broken part of Damon.