I know I shouldn't be here, but I couldn't turn around no matter how hard I tried my legs wouldn't. I raise my hand to knock again but it drops back down to my side. That was what the ninth time I tried to knock on her door but couldn't. I'm not a person to feel this way very often, I don't like the feeling but I guess that what makes us human right?

Fear. There I said it I had fear of how she would react to me showing up at her door. I tried so hard to stay away but I couldn't. I wanted more of her, all of her. To bury myself deep inside her and come inside her when she screamed my name in pleasure. This is stupid just knock on her door or leave before one of her neighbours calls the cops. I am a cop or a battered one these days.

Three people know about my eyesight and that's two too many but I needed help. I think she accepted on the fact that maybe in time that I could forgive her, what she didn't know is that I'm not mad anymore, it was easy blaming everything that happened on her, she was just there. She was just there when I confess my problem too. She didn't touch me like everyone else would have done she just let me alone. Which I guess I needed. She was always like that though she would let you deal with your own problems cause she had her own to deal with and didn't want anyone to meddle with it.

This is crazy why can't I knock on her door? I've done it before. This time its different though. A part of me was excited because I could actually hold her and she wouldn't disappear with the sound of an alarm clock. Another part of me dreaded this because she was the only one who could look at me and know exactly what I was feeling it scared me because I cant hide anything I'm feeling from her. Tired that's what I am. So very tired of everything and everyone looking at me differently, saying they know how I feel when they don't. Feeling like an alien everywhere I go.

I just want to get away from everything if only for a few hours. This was my place to escape. I guess it was an escape for the both of us. Together we were just two people existing but apart the harshness of the world settled in like a dark storm cloud. This wouldn't go away in a couple of hours though. I finally get enough courage to knock on the door and it takes her a few seconds to answer the door. She doesn't say anything but lets me and in and shuts the door behind me. Both prepared to bring the other into a sense of existing.