He doesn't quite scream when he bolts out of bed, but it's a near thing.

Understandably, Kakashi is a little disoriented when he is greeted with the chirps of Konoha's native birds instead of the screaming of the Chidori that pierced its way into Rin's chest. He looks down at his clenched hands, all pale skin and throbbing veins, and finds that they're clean of his teammate's blood. Even so, he mechanically steps his way into the bathroom to scrub at his hands for a bit.

Her blood on my hands, he thinks wearily, like the Uchiha's on Itachi's.

But it's been years since Rin's death, and only a few weeks since the massacre. He wonders briefly if Itachi takes the time to wash the blood of his kin from his hands every morning.

He turns off the water and stares at himself in the mirror—not in vanity, but in order to observe the cracks in his mask that have been forming since Kannabi Bridge and never stopped spreading. He looks at his reflection, and hates the shell that stares back at him with death in his eyes.

It's a sudden realization, but unsurprising, and he momentarily relapses into a furious cycle of hate for this village. This village, that took his father from him. This village, that is the root of all his loss. This village, that he can not save.

He's so lost in his inner turmoil of hate and grief and mourning—things that came back with a vengeance after the massacre—that he doesn't even realize he's packing his bags until his sleeve gets caught on the pack's strap. Kakashi freezes, two sealing scrolls in one hand and some leftover rations in the other, and wonders, What am I doing?

He thinks of how disappointed Sensei, Rin, and Obito would be—especially Obito, who would be cursing his name to hell for even thinking of abandoning his comrades, his friends. But the ringing in his ears reminds him of the screams of everyone he's ever killed, and he decides that this village doesn't need another broken killer. This village doesn't need him, because it has no use for someone who couldn't save his friends, his sensei, a lost boy's family.

And he's fully aware that doing this, throwing away everything his father lost his reputation and his life for and abandoning everything his team ever taught him, makes him the worst kind of trash and a selfish coward at that, but he just doesn't have anything left to lose. So he packs everything he can possibly fit in his backpack, locks his door one last time, and flees from the village full of ghosts.


11 days later, he's declared a missing nin. Kirigakure's bingo books aren't the only ones his name is listed in anymore.


Kakashi takes off his headband as soon as Konoha's out of sight and seals his resolve by taking a kunai to his now former village's symbol. He swipes an unassuming eyepatch from a small caravan he passes by. After all, Hatake Kakashi is just one of many in this world who has lost an eye, and more.

His uniform gets tossed into the first night's campfire, just another remnant of his ties that disappears into smoke. He opts for a tight black shirt (long sleeved, to cover up his ANBU tattoo) and black pants similar to his old ones.

He can't bring himself to dye his hair, because it's a stinging reminder of the disappointment that his father would have felt were he still alive. He deserves that, so instead, he switches from his trademark gravity-defying hairtyle to a scruffy ponytail at the back of his head. Of course, his hair never quite behaves the way he wants it to, so half the time his silver locks spring from the hair tie and fall back toward his face. It works, though, so Kakashi gives up on trying to fully tame his hair.

He trades his mask for an earthy green scarf he picks up a couple of towns beyond Konoha. It never quite stays in place like the mask did, so to compensate, he becomes accustomed to walking with his shoulders stiff and hunched and his chin tucked down towards his chest. He wears the headband bearing his mark as a missing nin around his neck under the scarf, alway hidden from sight.

4 days after he abandons his village, he looks at his reflection and doesn't recognize the man staring back at him. It's terrifying and yet so freeing, all at once.


They catch up to him on the 8th day.


a/n: Kakashi is 22 here, based off the Naruto Wiki and some primitive calculations.

Will be updating sporadically. (crosses fingers) Let me know what you think!