How to Kick a Gem's Butt: A Step By Step Guide
Step 1: ready leg
Step 2:move leg in a quick, swooping motion
Step 3: profit
(editor enters)
Step 4: cower at the might of the other gems now coming for you
(writer interjects)
Step 5: prepare leg
Step 6: move your leg quickly in an even wider arc
Step 7: profit
(editor angrily takes keyboard away from writer in an attempt to save the guide)
Step 8: be stopped by Garnet
Step 9: bend over
Step 10: kiss your a** goodbye
(writer rises from the ashes to finish what he started)
Step 11: realize that as you tried to kiss your own butt, you broke your spine
Step 12: slowly collapse
Step 13: think, "Wow, I sure kicked a lot of a** today."
Step 14: die
(writer quickly submits guide to the editor's disdain and dies peacefully)
