So, this is a little different than the other stuff I've been writing. Way different, actually. I should be working on my drabble series, but I kind of can't right now.

A close friend of mine died last week. Things have been... strange. Bad strange. I dunno, but anyway, I haven't really been able to think about much else long enough to get anything else written, so I finally decided to stop fighting it and give in instead.

This isn't the best written story I've ever done- probably not even close. I can't even bring myself to reread it, since I cried writing it the first time. but I'm usually pretty good about not having too too many errors. I'm sorry if it seems rambling, and I'm sure my characterization is crap, and the ending is rather abrupt.

But if nothing else, I promise that all the feeling in this story is absolutely and completely real. So please, I don't want any negative comments or anything. Unlike the rest of my stories, this was written for me, not for the rest of you. So do with it as you will.

So yeah, not mine. Warning for character death. I actually wrote the first few paragraphs still not sure who it was going to be about.


Rachel set the last picture down, stepping back to inspect her work. The arrangement looked as good as it ever would, photographs set in a half circle with the bowls of Lilys sitting elegantly behind them. She backed up a few more paces only to run into a firm chest. She turned to find Finn, staring past her at the photographs on the table with the look on his face. The same look that Rachel had been seeing on all of thier faces. The same look she saw in the mirror every day.

"What do you think?" she asked quietly, and hated how awkward and unsure her voice sounded. Finn placed a hand on her shoulder, and the look almost completely disappeared. Almost.

"It looks... good," he said finally, and if she had sounded awkward, Finn sounded downright painful. But that was how it been for the past week, none of them sure exactly what to do anymore, terrified of saying the wrong thing but even more scared of saying nothing.

She nodded and began to say 'yeah', but changed her mind and closed her mouth, staring at the decorated table for a moment before turning away.

"Everyone else should be arriving soon. we should get everything else ready," she muttered, head down as she walked past him. His hand on her arm stopped her, and she looked up into his eyes to see the weight she felt in her chest mirrored there.

"Hey. Are you going to be okay?"

His careful wording made her smile, just a bit. They had all quickly become fed up with people asking if they were okay, because of course they weren't fucking okay, "Yes, I am. I just..."

"Just what?"

She looked once again at the arrangement of flowers, pictures and unlit candles on the table, and could almost feel the look creeping over her face, "Just... I figure at 16, I should be out partying with my friends or something. Not planning their memorial service."

Finn's breath caught, and she turned in time to see him catch his lip between his teeth. She thought he might cry, which meant she had gone and said something wrong, but a moment later his breathing steadied.

"I know what you mean," he said, and left it at that. He didn't have to tell her what it felt like, didn't have to tell her about the shock and grief at losing their friend so suddenly, at such a young age. He didn't have to say out loud how unfair it was, how much life she had had left. He didn't have to voice his regret at not having been there for her final hours. She knew all of it already, felt it just like him. They all did.

And maybe that was both the best and worst thing about this entire ordeal. Rachel had always imagined herself standing tall and proud when she someday came to times of grief, suffering silently and rather elegantly by herself. What she hadn't imagined was clinging to her friend's shirt as she sobbed, or spending the first few nights with the rest of the girls because none of them wanted to be away from the people who were feeling the same things they were feeling. What she hadn't counted on was the feeling of unity that could come from such a tragedy. Although it was an amazing and foreign concept to her, she would have given it up in an instant if it meant they could have thier friend back.

Rachel looked up at Finn, once again lost for words. Finally she offered him a small smile before breaking away and making her way to the far wall, where carts of folding chairs sat. The two began placing them in rows, stopping only to offer Mike and Matt a quiet greeting as the boys joined them in the gymnasium to help. They all worked in silence, trying to not look at the table in the front of the room. At one point Matt began to cry, but none of them said anything. All of them had done their share of crying, and knew it wasn't over yet.

It was strange- when Rachel had first heard about what happened she had broken down, as had the rest of them in thier own ways. At the time, she had experienced the strangest sense of emptiness, of something inside of her being swallowed, and at the time she couldn't begin to fathom how she was ever going to go on normally, how she would even be able to function knowing that an entire person had been removed from the Earth and her life forever. But in the days that followed, she found that amazingly she had functioned, that life had gone on. They had found that they really had no other option but to go on, to focus on whatever task fell into their path. That was how Rachel had managed to put together the memorial service, focusing on each problem as it came and trying not to think about what the words she was saying actually meant.

By the time they had run out of chairs, the rest of the Glee kids had arrived and were standing together at the back of the gym. They still had half an hour until the memorial was scheduled to start, but it had seemed rather pointless to go to their last period when they knew their minds would only be focused on one thing.

So they sat together, sometimes making small talk but mostly just taking comfort in the fact that they weren't alone. Finally the clock struck two o'clock and students began fileing in. Most entered the room talking quietly, but would go silent once they caught sight of the Gleeks. Once the news of the death had been announced, the Glee club had been avoided by the rest of the student body as though they carried the plague. There hadn't been one slushie, one single mean word, for an entire week.

But right now they could care less what the rest of the student body did. They were nothing more than spectators watching some zoo exhibit, as behind the glass window the Glee Club grieved.

Rachel felt a sudden irrational anger shoot through her. Who did these kids think they were, pretending to care about Tina. But it was gone as quickly as it had come, making room for the tears that she felt spring up in her eyes. She reached desperately to her left, not even knowing who sat there. Her fingers were caught between someone else's, and she looked up through her tears to see Brittany looking at her, smiling comfortingly through her own tears.

Returning the smile, Rachel looked back up to the front of the gym where Figgins stood by the microphone, set up besides the table where the smiling pictures of Tina were set up. She watched as Mr. Schue lit the two candles on either side of display before returning to his seat by Miss Pilsbury, head bowed to hide the tears streaming down his cheeks.


Goodbye Steve. Not an hour goes by that I don' t think of you, and I'm still waiting to go an entire day without crying. You gave me so much, whether you realized it or not. We all miss you so much, and still can't believe that you're gone.