Notes: Mari and Sammy – Thank you for always being there. Your friendship is one of the true gifts in my life.
Readers and REAL McRollers – Thank you for your exceptional support. I am consistently overwhelmed by your enthusiasm and always overjoyed to hear from you!
Hope you enjoy!
Heart to Heart (A McRoll in the REAL World Story)
Steve and Cody made their way through the crowded mall on a clear mission.
"Okay," Steve said. "I think you need to get three pairs of pants so you've always got a clean pair for work."
"Okay," Cody said. "Mr. Ko said they could be khaki or navy blue."
"All right–"
"Cody!" a female voice called out.
Both Steve and Cody turned and saw a group of teenage girls coming out of a clothing store. The girl in front was waving at Cody. She trotted over in their direction, shooting a look back at her giggling friends.
"Hey!" she said brightly as she reached Cody and Steve.
"Hey," Cody replied, a smile growing on his face.
"I didn't know you came here."
"Oh, um . . . yeah," he started, looking around awkwardly. "I don't, usually . . . I just . . . needed some stuff, you know."
She glanced at Steve. "Is this your dad?"
Cody looked aghast at the comparison. "No!" he said emphatically. "No. This is Steve. He's my uh . . . he's like my mentor, you know."
"Oh," she said, nodding. "That's cool."
When Cody didn't say anything further, Steve offered the girl his hand.
"Nice to meet you . . ." he trailed off, giving Cody a pointed look.
"Oh!" Cody said, shaking himself. "This is Jess."
"Nice to meet you, Jess," Steve said and shook her hand.
She smiled at him and looked back at Cody expectantly. He pushed his hands in his pockets, biting his lip.
There was a long pause, and Jess finally said, "So, um . . . what have you been doing this summer?"
"Uh . . . I got a job," Cody said.
"Really? Cool. Where at?"
"Foodland. I just started."
She smiled. "That's cool."
"Yeah, it's . . ." He shrugged. "It's pretty cool."
There was another pause, and Steve's eyes shifted back and forth between the two, his eyebrows slightly raised.
"What um . . ." Cody started. "What about you?"
Jess gave a little shrug. "We just got back from California. You know, vacation or whatever."
Cody nodded. "Cool."
"Yeah. And band starts up next week."
"Oh. That's cool," he repeated.
"Jess!" one of her friends called. "Come on! We're gonna be late!"
She looked over at them and then back at Cody. "Oh, um . . . I gotta go. We're gonna see a movie."
"Oh . . . okay."
"I . . . um . . . maybe I'll see you around?" she said, hopefully.
He straightened a little. "Yeah."
She smiled. "Okay." She glanced up at Steve and said, "Bye."
"Bye," Steve said.
"Bye," Cody echoed, and Jess walked back to her friends who pulled her by the arm and started talking frantically and throwing glances back as they headed for the theater.
Steve looked at Cody who remained quiet.
"Wow," Steve said finally in an exaggerated tone.
"Aw, man," Cody groaned sheepishly, looking down and running a hand over the back of his neck.
"Friend of yours?" Steve asked, his lip twitching as he fought a smile.
"She . . . um . . . she was in my math group last semester."
"Okay," Steve said and raised his eyebrows as he waited for more. When none was forthcoming he added, "She seems nice. Cute."
Cody nodded but didn't speak.
"This uh . . . this seems like new territory for you," Steve said. "You got any questions? About girls? Dating?"
Cody swallowed, looking around at the crowd of people.
"Come on," Steve said, putting a hand on his shoulder to steer him down the mall. "You think about it while we get your clothes, then we'll talk."
After finding a deal on khakis, Steve and Cody got smoothies from the food court and drove to a park not far from the mall.
They sat side by side on a bench and Steve said, "Okay. Shoot," before taking a sip of his drink.
"What's it like? You know . . . love."
Steve choked on his smoothie and coughed to clear his throat.
"Wow. Okay." He gave a little laugh and scratched his head. "Uh . . . I thought you were gonna ask how to talk to girls or . . . ask someone out." He looked at the teen. "But you went right for the heart of it there, didn't you?"
Cody looked down, shaking his head. "It's okay . . . you don't have to answer. I shouldn't have–"
"No," Steve interrupted. "I told you not to hesitate to ask me anything."
Cody glanced over at him. "You also said you might not always be able to answer."
Steve sighed. "That was about . . . classified information."
"I guess this is . . . kind of classified. In a way."
Steve shook his head. "No, it's okay, you just . . . surprised me." He set his cup down on the ground and shifted slightly so he was facing Cody more directly. "What do you want to know?"
Cody paused and looked at Steve as if deciding whether it was really okay to ask.
"What does it feel like?" he said finally and bit his lip.
Steve paused in thought and rubbed the back of his neck, his eyes on the ground as he exhaled.
"When you're . . . when you're first starting out," he said and dropped his arm across his knees. "Your heart speeds up . . . when you see her. And if you're really lucky . . . it always does. Even years later."
"Are you . . . does your . . . ?"
A small smile appeared on Steve's face, and he met Cody's eyes for a moment.
"What do you think?"
Cody smiled, looking down.
"And you want to do anything to make her smile," Steve continued, and Cody looked back at him. Steve's lip quirked in a half smile. " 'Cause then it speeds up even more."
Cody stayed quiet, and Steve sat back, his gaze drifting out across the park thoughtfully. Cody watched his profile and waited to see if he would say more.
"You know you have someone who puts you first," Steve said quietly. He glanced at Cody. "Even when you don't think you deserve it. And that's a pretty incredible feeling."
After a moment, Cody sat back as well with a small sigh and studied the smoothie cup in his hand.
Steve watched him, then said, "Listen, Cody, every relationship is different." He waited for Cody to look at him and continued, "What Catherine and I have is different than what anybody else has. And vice versa. There's no one-size-fits-all. Everyone's experience is a little different."
Cody looked back down again.
Steve's brow knitted. "So you've never had a girlfriend?"
Cody shook his head and licked his lips. He glanced at Steve and asked, "How do you know if you . . . and if she . . . you know . . . if she's . . . interested?"
"She's interested," Steve said confidently. "That was pretty clear."
Cody raised an eyebrow. "But Danny says you're . . . like . . . oblivious to that kind of thing."
Steve balked. "He . . . that's not the sa–" He groaned in irritation. "Okay, so I might not always notice when–" He sighed. "It's different when you're watching from the outside. Trust me. From what I saw . . . she's interested."
"Yeah?" Cody asked.
Steve smiled at the hope in the teen's voice. "Yeah."
Cody looked down, hiding his own smile.
"You got her number?" Steve asked.
"No."
"Email? Facebook? Anything?"
"I could probably find her on Facebook."
Steve nodded. "So send her a message. See if she wants to hang out sometime."
Cody paused, then frowned and looked down again.
"What is it?" Steve asked and leaned forward to try and catch his eyes.
"My parents got together when they were sixteen," Cody said quietly.
Steve inhaled, raising his head momentarily and swallowing to calm the flash of anger. He looked back at the teen whose head was down, shoulders hunched. He spoke quietly but emphatically.
"You're not your dad, Cody."
Cody swallowed, his head dropping further.
"Hey," Steve said firmly, and waited for Cody to look at him.
"You're already a better man than he'll ever be."
Cody blinked back tears, and Steve nodded to reinforce his words. This time when Cody looked away, he also straightened in his seat.
Steve paused and narrowed his eyes slightly.
"But while we're on the subject of being a better man, there's something else we should talk about."
Cody glanced back at him and asked, "What?"
"Sex."
Cody's eyes widened, and he flushed.
Steve held up a hand. "Let me just say a couple things. First, wait until you're ready. And that's different for everybody so don't let pressure from your friends or anyone else rush you. Okay? Wait until you're ready and wait until she's ready. Whoever 'she' ends up being. All right?"
Cody nodded.
"Second, use protection. Every time."
Cody swallowed. "You mean condoms?"
Steve nodded. "Condoms. And there are other methods," he said. "And ask her what she's using. It's on both partners to be safe and smart. Okay?"
"Okay."
"If a girl says stop, you stop. Immediately. No question," Steve said firmly. "It doesn't matter if it's your first time together or your fiftieth. You stop."
Cody nodded his absolute agreement.
Steve sat back, relieved. "I figured you knew that, but it still needed to be said."
Cody nodded again.
Steve returned his nod and said, "Okay." He licked his lips. "Anything else you wanna ask?"
Cody hesitated, cringing slightly.
"So um . . . how . . . how do you talk to girls?"
Steve chuckled, his shoulders relaxing, and Cody sighed and shrugged.
"You saw earlier," he muttered in a self-deprecating tone.
Steve's expression grew more serious, and he leaned forward.
"You be yourself, Cody," he said honestly.
Cody looked at him questioningly.
"You're a great guy," Steve said. "And clearly she knows that 'cause she already likes you." He shrugged. "So you hang out for a bit. And you see what happens."
"Is that what you did?" Cody asked. He looked down and continued, "With . . . with Catherine?"
Steve paused and nodded, a soft smile on his face.
"Yeah. Pretty much."
"So you just . . . like . . . do stuff together?" Cody asked. "And talk or whatever?"
"Yeah," Steve said and sat back. "Find out what you have in common. And what you don't. Try different things together. Things she likes. Things you like. But . . ." he paused and leaned forward. "And this is important: Don't get so wrapped up in one person, that you lose your own identity. You understand?"
Cody nodded slowly, his brow furrowing slightly in thought. "Yeah, I . . . you and Catherine . . . you're both like that. You're like . . . individuals. Even when you're together."
Steve nodded. "We are. Like I said, it's important."
"I'll remember," Cody said sincerely.
They fell silent, and Cody watched as Steve bent to retrieve his cup.
"You ready to go?" Steve asked.
Cody nodded and stood. "Thanks, Steve," he said.
Steve stopped and turned to him. "I meant it when I said don't be afraid to ask me anything."
"The first time you said that . . .?" Cody started, and Steve nodded for him to continue. "I wasn't so sure, you know? I mean . . . I didn't really know you, and I . . ." He shrugged. "But now . . . I believe you."
The corner of Steve's mouth rose slowly in a smile. He nodded and swallowed at the sudden emotion.
"Good," he said, a trace of roughness in his voice. "Good. I'm really glad to hear that, Cody."
Nodding once more, he put his arm around Cody's shoulder, and they walked back toward the truck.
That evening, Catherine returned from dinner with Kono and joined Steve in the backyard. He was leaning against the deck railing and looking out at the water.
After greeting an excited Cammie, she asked, "How was shopping?" and leaned up to kiss him briefly.
"Huh?" he asked.
She chuckled lightly at his quizzical look. "Did Cody get what he needed for work?"
"Yeah," he said, shaking himself. "Yeah, he's all set."
"Good. I'd hate to think you had an unsuccessful trip to the mall." Her eyes twinkled mischievously. "I know how much you love it there," she teased.
He returned her smile, then his gaze drifted back to the water, and his expression turned more thoughtful.
"Definitely not unsuccessful," he said. "Surprising maybe."
She tilted her head in question and waited for him to continue.
He took a deep breath and, glancing at her, said, "We ended up . . . talking about girls. Relationships."
She raised her eyebrows, surprised.
Smiling sincerely, she said, "Good. He needs a good man to talk to about that." She moved one hand up and down his back slowly and placed her other hand on top of his on the railing. "And I don't know anyone better."
He gave her a small smile and ran his thumb along the outside of hers. Looking at their hands, he turned his over to let their fingers twine together naturally.
"What I know about relationships . . ." he said quietly and looked at her. "About love . . . is because of you."
Her fingers tightened around his, and she smiled through the tears that pricked the corners of her eyes.
He released her hand so he could turn toward her. Cradling her face, he kissed her gently but with feeling.
"I love you," she breathed against his lips.
Swallowing hard, he brushed her hair back and kissed her again.
"I love you," he whispered back.
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