Chapter One

In each of us lies a story, it is a complicated story that tells who we are and how we became the people we are today. In the beginning there is only an individual then later those individuals find others who are exactly what they are missing...if you will their other half. For every one of us, there is a soul mate out there, you just need to search but what happens when the one you thought was the one is not and then you meet that one, the one you are destined to be with. What do you do to be with them...how do you realize it...what leads you to that point.

*MALLORY*

Standing in the shower, I let the hot water pelt my skin almost burning me as I try to process this. I am finally going back, back to the world I left behind but am I nervous or excited? I can feel my hands shaking as I try to run my fingers through my long dark hair. It has been years since I worked and now finally I am returning to the grown up world, all the time I spent home with the kids is over. Now it's my turn to be alive again. I sigh deeply pushing my head back under the water feeling a ball in the pit of my stomach. Why do I feel like this, it's like I feel guilty for wanting my life back. I love my kids and each moment that I was with them but each day something was lacking. I missed the adult interaction that my job gave me but instead of voicing my concerns I tried to bury myself deeper. Another baby and play dates but it didn't help, I could feel myself falling deeper and deeper into a depression that only my friend managed to save me from. Tyler, my friend from before the babies, he was always there for me. He listened to me so many times raging about how lonely I was while my husband Doug was working and I was home alone with the babies. It was a choice that I thought I had wanted but it was not me. I felt shut up from the whole world that I had always known, but for Tyler feeding me constant reminders of it I might have gone crazy but he saved me so many times. He was there like a constant savior by my side reminding me to do what was best for me. So finally a few weeks ago I told my husband that I had to do this, I had to go back before I lost my mind. Now as the water floods over me I grin knowing that I am finally doing what is best for me. It feels selfish but I need to be back in the land of the grownups. I am pulled from this thought by a banging on the shower door, "babe? Mal? Damn Mallory you drowning? We need to talk."

Turning off the water I peek out and grin, "toss me a towel and I will come out." My husband Doug just laughs and tosses me a towel while staring at me. His hazel eyes watch me while he leans against the door; I just look up and shake my head making my wet head drip water on the floor. As Doug stares at me, his face changes into a frown. "I saw that email you left up, so you are really doing this?"

Nodding to him as I wrap the towel tight around me, I reach for my comb to run through my hair as I speak to him. "We discussed this, yes I am. Remember this is what I need, the kids will be fine. I got this covered; I go back at the beginning of next week." He nods moving to stand next to me, I see in the mirror he is still frowning at me. I meet his hazel eyes with my dark brown ones and smile. "Don't look so happy, you really hate this don't you?"

"I don't hate it; I just thought we were doing what you wanted." He runs his hand over his head making his light brown hair stand up a bit.

I shake my head, "I thought so too but it's not me. It will be fine. I just need this"

"As long as you are happy then I guess I can be too." I watch him leave the room and swear to myself softly, he is not happy with me but I can't take it back...I won't take it back. I don't ask him to give up doing what he loves for us to have a family so he can't ask that of me either. I head out to be with him and kids.

*TYLER*

Being good at what you do has come easy for me; I have never had problems making friends either. A talent of mine, making it that much easier to get the job that I wanted. So when I got there it was just one little step left to jump to my goal but there was many in the way. Some of them I knew were going to be no competition but then there was Mallory. She had a drive that matched my own; I knew that she was going to put me to the test.

I remember the day that I met her; she was like a bright light in a dark room. Something about her called to me, she was different than anyone else. We were at work and I was new in the department, she went out of her way to help me many times. So many times in fact that it became a habit to just search her out each day. I found myself looking forward to each morning knowing that I would see her there and I dreaded saying good night to her at the end of each day. We became good friends but when she shared that she was engaged it almost killed me. I had not admitted to myself just how strong I felt about her but knowing that she was out of my reach it hit me. I was in deep and there was not a chance in hell of making her mine at that point. I played the game, we were the best of friends and I tried not to let on that I wanted to be that one, the one she went home to. When she was gone for her wedding, I buried myself in work and made a point to hook up with someone just to distract myself. I found a girl who reminded me of Mal in so many ways, it was like my way of trying to be with her in some form and it almost worked till the real Mal came back to work with the ring on her finger. That ring was a constant reminder that she was not mine and never would be so I just concentrated on our friendship. I went through a few relationships with her there as my best friend and shoulder to cry on. We went on like that for a few months till she hit me with the news that she was having a baby. That news was so happy for her and for them but to me it just cemented the fact that her path was never going to come my way.

I watched her as she struggled to be her normal busy self while she was exhausted and half sick. One day she was so sick that I had to drive her home because her husband was out of town, I remember that day. As she rested on my arm walking to the car I wanted so much to just stop and hold her there forever. As I drove I watched her, it was then I realized that she had captured my heart whether I wanted it or not. She was always going to be important to me but it was up to me whether or not I told her.

*MALLORY*

Trying to get all the things ready for me to go back was easy with Tyler's help. It just reminded me of all the times he has always been there for me. He helped me to find jobs to apply for and even watched the kids while I typed my resume one afternoon. After I was done I stopped just sitting watching him, he is such a natural that I wondered again why he didn't have any kids of his own. I wanted to ask but something held me back, something about watching him with my son was making my heart spin. When he looked over at me I quickly looked away. I just got the weirdest feeling and a sudden longing to ask him questions that I shouldn't. For so long I have watched him dating but never moving past a certain point, he always came to me telling me that something was missing. What that something was I never understood. He told me everything but that. Watching him reminded me of all the times he has been there for me more than any friend. All the times he covered for me when during my first pregnancy when I was so sick all the time. All the rides home when I thought I would pass out and all the times he stayed till my husband got home just to make sure I was okay. He was always there when I needed him, I can't think of time he wasn't. Even when I announced that I was quitting to stay home with the kids, he was still supporting me. I got constant emails and phone calls when I was not at the office, he still came to see me and honestly I don't know what I would have done without him. But my husband asked me many times to define my relationship with him but I have never been able to. He is more than a friend; someone I know always has my back and one I trust with all my secrets. I could never tell my husband that there was another I trusted more than him but Tyler knew me, the real me. When it was just Tyler and me, I am the real me, goofy and dorky. I don't think before I speak and I know that he is the same with me. That is not just friendship and he is more than like family to me. He is the person who if I ever lost I would be completely devastated. In my life there is only him that I trust completely.

*TYLER*

Knowing that you love someone but you can't tell them has been my challenge. I have never dared to speak those words to her though they have crossed my mind so many fucking times that it drives me crazy. What would I have done for one kiss? Just one chance to see if she feels the same way. There have been so many soft glances and gentle brushes that make me wonder. I watch her like a hawk whenever I can, when we all go out all I see is her. Since she left the office she has not been the same girl. That fire, that spirit that drew me to her seemed to be fading out. That is when I knew that I had to jump in. I could not let her be miserable; I started planting ideas about going back to her. I sent her many emails with job links. Truth I was afraid that she was going to change on me and become someone else...someone that I would never see. She did start to pull away from me till one day we met up when she was without kids in tow. I sat there watching her walk in, even her walk was different. That sexy strut she used to have was not there as she came to me. She slunk down in the chair and stared at me with those big brown eyes tempting me to lose it and tell her how much I cared about her. During the next few hours we talked and discussed what she should do. Never before have I seen her so down and so scared. I got to hold her for a while and that alone did seem to help but again it made me wonder about her feelings for me. The rest of my night I did try to push Mal out of my mind. My family wanted me to find someone and I did try but nothing ever worked out. I just wanted perfection and in my mind I had found it. It's hard to settle for second best when your heart knows exactly who it wants.

*MALLORY*

The longer I stayed at home the lonelier I became and Tyler was the only one who understood me. The only one who listened to me when I vented. He always told me to stop putting everyone else first, but how do you break a habit you have had all your life? And how do you break it when the one you are married to just expects it? If anyone needed to make a sacrifice for family it always came squarely on my shoulders. It was a great weight to bear and when I never spoke up it was just assumed I was alright with it. I could feel myself changing and I hated it, I was becoming a sad version of myself. That was the day that Tyler made me met with him. I remember sitting down to see him frowning at me. "What? Damn I just walked in."

"Mal, look at how you walked in, what happened to my cocky hot best friend? Normally you strut into a room and I am worried you are going to be attacked looking like that but then today. Today you walk in here like you are dying." He stared at me with concern and I feel his hands take hold of one of mine squeezing it hard. "Mal you need to stop doing what you think everyone wants you to do and damn it do what is best for you. If you were mine..."

He stopped mid sentence making me nudge him, "if I was yours what?"

"If you were mine, you would be doing whatever makes you happy. Does he notice how you are changing?" In his eyes, those bright blue lights I am lost and I shrug. "Damn it, you need to be happy...please let's figure this out. I want my Mal back." Listening to him that day and seeing what lengths he would go to for me to make sure I was alright touched me. It scared me that day as the touch of his hands over mine made my heart race for the first time in a long time and when I looked him, I saw him. I saw him for exactly what he was and at that moment I knew in my heart that he was supposed to be a part of my life in some great way. That memory has been with me since that day, each time I think of it I am floored.

*TYLER*

Once I finally got her to start looking for a job she already seemed to be more like the Mallory I remember. Each day I got a long email telling me what she has applied for and asking my opinion on her options. I love that I am the one she shares this with. As far as her husband she told me that he was not happy with her choice, I think he just wanted to have the perfect wife and family but forgot to check that his version of perfect matched with his wife. All I cared about was that she was back, the sweet, funny and witty girl that I fell in love with. Now all that remains is to tell her how I feel about her but I know she will need time. Time that won't change how I feel about her, in fact all the time apart does is make me more certain that she is the one...the only one I love.

The day she got a job, I got a frantic phone call. My cell went off over and over till I finally had to excuse myself to another room to answer it. My first thought was that something was wrong when I heard her voice loud and sounding out of control but it was her way of telling me that she did it. Standing against the wall listening to her made me grin like a fool and agree to meet her right after work to celebrate.

*MALLORY*

Telling my husband that I wanted to go back to work was the hardest thing, we had many talks while I was pregnant about how much money we would be spending on childcare and Doug hated the idea of anyone else taking care of our kids. At the time it just seemed right that I quit my job and stay home. I had intentions of working from home but I didn't count on how I would be feeling. Tired and carrying around a crying baby all the time left me barely enough energy to sneak in a shower during his nap. I was never able to focus on anything for the constant interruptions and soon I gave up. Then I felt lost...but trying to explain that to Doug was pointless. He was a part of the grown up world and didn't understand my dilemma. If anything he envied me days spent at home, he didn't see the crying, the spitting up, the laundry, the never ending housework and the fact that my work never ended. I was on call 24/7. Then having the second one only made it that much darker so when Tyler mentioned that I was changing I knew it was time to do something.

When I looked in the mirror I hated who I saw. The face looking back at me was 10 years older than her age just for being so damn tired. I got to where I felt like I was drifting through my days, each one almost exactly the same. Just a cycle of the same shit, different day...nothing to make any day better than any other. Knowing that my best friend could see my pain and struggle was a sign to me that I was sinking. I was sinking into a pit of the darkest depression so when Tyler reached out to me to help me, I grabbed a hold tightly.

But for Doug, he fought me at every turn. He refused to help me by watching the kids so I could work on looking for a job and to go for interviews. It was a hard call when you are going against something that your own husband is fighting you on. He fought me at every turn but lucky for me that his family did not. They watched the kids so I could go to interviews.

The day I went for the interview for the job I got I was so nervous. It was at his office; Tyler's but I couldn't tell him. As I walked through that office I caught a glimpse of him but he didn't see me. It was so hard not to shout at him out and tell him that I was here. I left that interview feeling so damn proud of myself till I got home and walked into Doug alone with the kids. I walked in to a normal situation of one child crying while the other was clinging but Doug was freaking out, he handed me a baby as soon as I walked in the front door. I just stared at him and didn't say a word. It was obvious that he was not going to ask me how it went. I just went back to our room with the baby in my arms to call Tyler. Talking to him in a whisper make me feel better while I just sat on our bed feeling numb. So when I got call about getting the job Tyler was the first one I wanted to share it with.

*TYLER*

Heading to the bar to meet her I am excited, her voice on the phone was the old Mal. I can't wait to hug her and just enjoy her being happy again. When I walk in the bar I see her at once, she is the only hot brunette alone at the bar so she is already surrounded by guys and I see she has had a few shots already. Shaking my head I have to laugh, yup Mal is back. I come up behind her making her jump, then she smirks at me leaning back against me. I see the other guys eyeing me and they all slowly seem to back off. She introduces me to them and I see them eyeing me making me wonder what she said to them. As the night wears on I notice that she is leaning harder and harder against me. I whisper to her, "Mal you haven't eaten anything have you?" She giggled at me shaking her head no making her almost fall. I catch her and sigh, "Okay no more drinks till you eat Mal. Come on." I take her arm and slowly walk her out to find someplace close to eat. She keeps leaning against me and smirking. All during the walk her closeness is making me hard as hell but I won't do a thing while she is like this. If anything happens between us I want her sober and willing, not drunk and fuzzy. I care too much about her to do that but as I help her sit down in the nearest restaurant she falls into me making me wrap my arms around her to hold her steady. Then I see her brown eyes looking deeply into my eyes making me almost take a step back. That look is full of heat and passion, it makes me want to kiss her right now but I fight that urge and gently push her into a chair then I sit next to her keeping her steady as we order food.

While we eat she talks endlessly about his reaction and I can tell that she is heading towards crying. I move closer trying to stop her before she hits that but too soon she buries her head in my chest crying softly. I hold her close stroking her hair and cursing the idiot she is married to, who could ever be so cruel. Can he really not see how unhappy she has been? As she finally calms down she stares up at me and then I feel her fingers on my lips. She is pushing my limits so I reach up pulling her hand down to hold onto it. I can't read the expression in her eyes but I know that I can't do this with her right now. This is not the time to cross that line. I take her home and watch as she walks into the house smirking as I can already see her strut is back; even drunk she has it back.

At my place I collapse on the couch and then my cell buzzes, I move to dig it out my pocket and see it's from Mal. She is already apologizing for tonight. I text her back that it's fine and then lay back thinking about her. I hate seeing her be so afraid to be happy when I met her she was a different girl. She had a bright fire and so much spirit that she kept me on my toes. I never would have thought that she could be broken; if anything I thought she might break me.

*MALLORY*

That night when I got the job, Tyler was the one I called first...not my husband. I didn't have a thought but of Tyler and how happy I was. At the bar that night, I was me again. I was in charge and as Tyler put it the strut was back until later that night when I had drank too damn much. Acting like a crying mess is not how I wanted to spend this night with him. And I wanted to kiss him too, I am not sure what I was thinking then I think back how I used to be before my husband I was the one in charge in my life, in all aspects. I was the one calling the shots until I got married. I want to scream sometimes at myself for all that. After he brought me home that night I could feel myself fighting in my head. Do I want to bring back me and hope that Doug remembers the girl he proposed or do I try to continue on as I am?

My biggest fear is waking up one day and regretting my whole damn life. I don't want to regret the choices that I made or the risks that I didn't take. The me I used to be would never have done that, she got blindsided for a while but now she is fighting to make a comeback. I owe it to myself to find a way to be truly happy, getting back to my job is the first step. As I think about this I text him quick to apologize for ending the night a mess and as expected he says no problem. There has never been a friend like him for me, it's crazy. I can tell him anything and he just gets me.

I tiptoe around the house as I get ready for bed and lying next to Doug in the dark all I can think about this how excited I am. There are just days before I reenter my world.

*TYLER*

The next morning is Friday and the place is buzzing about the new chick. I am called in to be told that the promotion I thought was mine is being given to someone else, someone from the outside being brought in. It just figures that as I try to help Mal with her life mine starts to unravel but its fine. I don't need that and I won't sweat it, but then I am told that I will be an assistant to her. Fuck me, I will have to help this new person come into my place and be successful. I text Mal on my break and she makes me feel better telling me that they are making a big mistake not picking me for this job but then her tone changes as she asks me when the bitch starts. I laugh hard and text back on Monday. She says wow another bitch starts a new job on Monday too. I shake my head and fire back at her that she is not a bitch and never could be one to which I get only a winky face reply. Not sure what the fuck that means but I can see the old Mal coming out more and more. The cocky behavior that I always loved is back in full force.

*MALLORY*

On Friday when Tyler texts me about the situation at his office I almost lose it and tell him that it's me, I am the bitch strutting into his place on Monday but I can't do it. I want to see the look on his face when I walk in. It's all thanks to him that I have this job, his recommendation and ego boosting made me nail the interview. I just can't wait to work with him again but this time I will be the boss. It makes me smirk thinking of how much fun I will be having with my new assistant. I can show him a side of me that he has never seen before. He knows me as a co-worker and a best friend but as a boss I am totally different. The only word that best describes it is I am a dominant. I like to be the one in charge of every little detail and that is the way I used to be in all of my life, love life included till I got married. Somewhere along the way I lost it, I let my husband change me but I didn't realize till now that I cannot be changed. The real me is always going to be there, I can either go with it or try to fight it and be miserable.

The weekend passes quickly in a blur of last minute preparations for the kids and me for Monday. Doug seems bothered by the fact that I am excited for this change but damn it I am coming back….just the way I always was. You can only change a person so much before you either break them down completely or they rebel. And I am a rebel, I want me…..the real me back. I know at home it's going to be hard and maybe in many ways this might be the beginning of the end but I have to decide what's more important my marriage or me? I watch the way Doug seems totally disinterested in every aspect of my new job, all he cares about is what time will I be home. I never realized till just now that he counted on me to do everything on the home front. I know that it won't be easy, it is going to be hard as hell but if I want to be happy I will find a way. For there is nothing great that is gained without some great sacrifice and I am not afraid to do that to regain the happy me that I lost.