So, a two-shot. Inspired by a song. Real shocker there! :P First 'chapter' is Danny's POV, 2nd - Lindsay's. Twinkeyrocks, without you, i'd have chucked this one in the gutter, kicked my butt every step of the way to get this up and posted... Along with quite a few other fics. So this one's for you! :D Plus, i'm running out of Daises and M&M's :D
Enjoy guys... And R&R, please? Thoughts would be nice :D
"Because I told you you'd live to regret it.
Now I don't want to make you feel bad, but when it comes to me just forget it.
I'll be the best you never had."
Leona Lewis – "Best you never had"
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Danny Messer sighed in defeat at the sound of Lindsay's answering machine, yet again.
He missed her, desperately.
He'd hurt her, destroyed her, and pulled her through hell backwards over the past months.
But he still missed her. That had to count for something, didn't it?
He wanted her. He wanted to be with her. He needed her. He needed to be with her. He just couldn't find the words that convinced her of what he wanted. Not that she'd listen. Not that he deserved her to listen.
Rikki had told him that he'd regret it, and… Deep down, he had known that she was right. But there, in the moment, he just wanted the pain to disappear. And, the only way he could see that happening was to let go. Let go of his emotions. Let go of the ties he had to the world.
Let go of his girl, Lindsay.
The day Ruben died; he lost sight of the world. Lost sight of his purpose in the world. He couldn't even protect a little boy on his day off, how was he supposed to be a police officer that protected others? How could others depend on him? How could Lindsay depend on him? How could he expect her to depend on him?
He had put her through just about every emotion he could think of. And yet, she loved him. And he had thrown it back in her face. She didn't deserve him. She deserved someone that could give her the world, someone that wanted to give her the world.
Well,he wanted to give her the world. He just wasn't the best at showing what he felt.
She was in love with him, and he didn't give her the time of day. And it broke his heart every single time he thought about it. The tears she had shed, was because of him. Every single tear, because all he had cared about was himself.
They hadn't had it easy. From the start they had obstacles they had to overcome. But, they had always come out, together. Stronger than ever.
In the short space they had worked together, gotten to know each other, it had felt like they had known each other, since forever. For him, he felt that there was never a time in either of their lives when they hadn't known the other. Lindsay Monroe was Danny Messer's air. She was the reason he breathed. The reason he woke up with a smile on his face. She was the reason why he trudged through the New York snow in December at 3.30am at a crime scene, with a flutter in his heart.
Without Lindsay Monroe, Danny Messer didn't breathe.
What he thought would seem clear, became faded the minute he pushed her out of his life. Getting over the loss of Ruben, alone, seemed like an easy alternative.
Shame he had been wrong on that one. Now he realised he needed her to lean on. He needed her more than ever. And he had done his best in pushing her away.
He had an aching feeling in his chest. He ached for all the times he had cancelled a lunch date, a dinner date, a movie date. He ached for the times when they had just messed around, laughed and joked, and not talked about how they had truly felt. What the other had truly meant to the other.
Now he wasn't sure he'd ever get that chance. He wasn't sure he'd ever get the chance to tell her he loved her too.
He didn't want to risk cheapening their relationship, and what it stood for prior to his night with Rikki, but, there was nothing in the world that he wanted to do more than tell her how much she really meant to him.
He had told her he wanted to talk. The ball was in her court now. He wanted to let her know that she was all he thought about. That he wanted his future to be mapped out with her. That he loved her.
But, for now, she'd be the best he'd never really had.
