I've known that Sebastian has affections towards me. It's like he doesn't even try to hide it sometimes. He sneaks around to my estate at night; like he thinks I don't know. But don't get me wrong, Sebastian is a wonderful fellow. But I'm in love with Anders, and he has to accept it. Anders is my mate, and I would like to keep it that way.
But...even if I do love Anders, sometimes I wonder what it would be like to be Sebastians lover. Though there would be no sex involved; I can still imagine him to be a fantastic partner. He's kind, compassionate, and seems to always put himself in danger to keep me safe. I am grateful for that.
Anders, on the other hand.. He makes me smile, and makes me feel like I'm on top of the world. He's handsome, charming, compassionate, and he always puts me first. Sex feels like an explosion of passion, and love. And afterwards, I can fall asleep in his arms and feel safe, and wanted. He's everything I want; everything I need. But..it's too good to be true.
Justice is the only obstacle in our relationship. And when he comes out...I'm terrified. Frozen. In shock. Justices presence makes everything feel dark, like everything lovely has disappeared in my perspective. I despise Justice, and he knows that. Sometimes I feel Justice feeds off that hate, just to taunt Anders more. It makes me so angry. I don't appreciate the thought of another being inside of my love. It makes everything wrong in the world.
Anders continuously warns me that Justice is only going to hurt me. But I see past that. I put Anders fears to rest, easily. Luckily, Anders controls Justice well, so that is not a major problem as of now. The only thing that scares me more then Justice is the Templars taking my love away from me.
Poor..Sebastian though. I feel for him deeply. He is a good friend, and that is all he will ever be. I apologize for that, but my heart belongs to Anders. No matter how much Anders pushes me away.
He is my one and only. I don't need a prince wishing to court me. All I need is my cat-loving freak of a lover.
