Chapter 1-

Walking home always bothered me.

Sure walking home is essential in order for me to sleep, eat, shower, talk to people that supposedly love you.

But what is it really?

They say home is where the heart is, but I say home is where they expect you.

I never really felt at home, I felt more outside of my house than in it.

So yes, walking home bothers me. Part of me wants to keep walking past it, outside of this town, outside of this life. As if a driving force knows that this isn't where I'm supposed to be.

I always felt like I was somewhere else, even when I went home. When I graduated high school, and went to college. It was as if I was on automatic pilot and my whole life just sort of passed by.

I know one thing was for sure and that was that I never fit in anywhere I went.

Sure I was popular, a cheerleader complete with the short skirt and matching pom poms.

But was I ever truly at home? Was I happy?

I always get the same answer, no.

There was always something missing, something gone for my life.

Somehow, Buffy can't seem to fit in anywhere.

Even in the no nonsense profession of being a nurse, I was unusual. I was never grossed out by anything I saw or did. I also really only liked the idea of helping people. I never really saw myself as a savior or anything. Just another person trying to help people out.

In college I never really thought about the career options or if being a nurse was the right thing for me. I just kind of felt it was better than nothing at all. I mean college was never really my scene, the whole late night partying and drinking got old really fast.

College was also sort of a blur, just a bunch of studying and late night coffee drinking.

I did like to make people better though. This is what kept pulling me through college, it gave me this feeling that I was doing the right thing. It fulfilled something inside me, like some type of purpose.

But since I graduated eight weeks ago, getting a job has been tough. It seems like every place I go to already had enough nurses. Even assistant nurses!

As I get up to see the Monday morning paper and scan through the dwindling classified section of jobs.

I notice dad already awake and with his usual cup of coffee. No food for him just coffee in the mornings, whenever he is actually here in his supposedly own home.

His job, is overseeing a large company whose products just happen to come from China, this usually ends up with him being gone for months at a time.

This was always how it was, me being by myself, and him gone to China most of the time.

There were also other times that he was in town but never even came home due to his many girlfriends.

I never really knew when he was back or not, we basically never talked even when he was here.

I suppose the relationship was just distant at best. This was also one of the reasons why this house never felt like a home, there was never anyone in it.

I always knew that if my mother hadn't died when I was a baby due to getting hit in the head by someone trying to steal her purse. I wouldn't be very interested in nursing at all. My life would also have been drastically different too. However, I can't really see my dad as being any more different now, then how he supposedly was.

When I was growing up, I had to have a full time nurse for the first five years before she died too, however that was only old age.

The next nanny/nurses were okay, but most ended being fired due to my dad having sex with them then breaking up with them to have another girlfriend.

I did finally have a male nurse from 8-14 but he soon moved from LA to Florida with his new boyfriend.

After 14 I got depressed and told my dad no more nanny's I was old enough anyway to take care of myself anyway.

That's when he bought a new house with a nice pool to make up for the fact he couldn't really be around.

So that was how it was.

Not really a bad life, but not a great one either.

Now being 22, unemployed and no boyfriend can be a bit depressing.

However, I consider myself lucky because just as I sit down with my dad I notice a small add towards the bottom of the paper.

SUNNYDALE HIGH SCHOOL LOCATED IN SUNNYDALE, CA

IMMEDIATE VACANCY: HIGH SCHOOL NURSE

NURSING DEGREE REQUIRED.

MUST BE ABLE TO GET BACKGROUND CHECK.

PLEASE SEND RESUME TO

PRINCIPAL WOOD

"What are you reading, your getting pale Buffy?"

"Nothing, just a job I found."

"Sounds great, you should get out more Buffy, you've been in this house for too long."

"Did you want me to leave?" I look at him questioningly.

"No, of course not. I just think it might do you some good to find a new place, of your own for a little while."

"So, you do want me to leave." I look back down at the paper. I can tell this conversation is going to be serious when I hear him exhale loudly.

"I know, I'm not the best dad in the world, hell I won't win an award. But I paid for you, even your degree. I had hoped that once you got it you could do your own thing one day."

"I'm trying Dad! But it's not as if they are just handing out jobs nowadays."

"Then try out for this one, maybe you'll get it." He tries to smile at me but it comes out like a grimace.

"Look, what I'm trying to say is that I'm selling the house, Buffy."

"Your what!"

"Business has been hard lately, and Buffy you're 24 now, you don't need it anymore and I'm hardly around to really use it."

I stare at him unconvinced.

"Okay, look I'm moving in with Sharon finally, and she wants to buy her own house."

"Oh, Sharon." Of course he would pick that red headed bimbo over me any day, with boobs the size of hers she probably could get anything she wanted form my dad.

"Well, I guess that settles that, then." I raise myself out of my chair, and head up stairs.

"Wait!"

"Buffy, look it isn't like that!"

I slam the door so hard one of my pictures falls down and I hear the glass shatter.

"Well, Sunnydale here I come." I start to look for my best I'm a professional and hire me work clothes for the interview in my closet.

While trying to listen if maybe he would have followed me upstairs, instead all I hear is the slamming of the front door.

Good, I try to tell myself, as I start to cry, its better this way. He did pay for my degree and that's worth something. I try not to let it get to me, that he didn't even try to talk to me.

I mean I'm the one who left to go to my room, right?

But somehow thinking this doesn't help.

As I slide down next to my dresser, interview clothes slipping from my hands, I realize how sad and lonely I've truly been for the first time.

I'm full out crying now. Making those terrible weepy noises women make when they cry.

I curl into myself and lay down on the floor, thinking about how things would have been different if only my mom had stayed alive.

Authors Note:

I had another idea and figured I might as well hash it out again to see where it goes, hopefully far lol... Thanks.