Disclaimer: I don't own anything pertaining to Gundam Wing so don't sue me o.o; I already spent all my money on mangas...
Warnings: Argh... I'm gonna be crowned the 'Wanna-be Queen of Sap' one day I swear... And I swear, by the moon and the stars in the sky... Woah, sorry. Strange habit of breaking out into song... Old habits die hard.
Well, actually, it's not all that, or at least as sappy as I thought it would turn out... Er... how about you just read and decide for yourself? o.o;;
Life Without Death
A cool night breeze flew through the air effortlessly, pausing only for a moment to linger around a particular brown-eyed youth that was sitting quite contently on a grassy hill. The wind danced with wispy raven locks, which had not been tied back for once. Instead, they were let down and framed the boy's face. They ruffled the youth's loose clothing, which was a simple navy blue, sleeveless shirt and white pants that were tied onto his lithe frame securely by a black silk cord. Though, soon enough, the wind found nothing too special about this boy and lost interest in him. Thus, it moved on through the night trying to find something else of significance.
The teen inhaled deeply as the breeze swam around him, his near black eyes closed lightly. Then, as the breeze went away, his lips parted slightly to exhale breath just as deeply. Dark brown eyes fluttered open rather lazily, only to be greeted with the dark abyss known as the night sky... The stars, they shined beautifully, standing out in the sky as if they were... some type of unreachable hope. They were beautiful, yet so mocking and horrible at the same time. The stars mocked people like him. People that spent endless hours just watching them in their glory... They always teased him, taunted him with the knowledge that they were unattainable, that all this Chinese boy would ever be able to do is stare... So stare he did.
This raven-haired teen had once again found himself at one of the many Winner safehouses. He really didn't like to live off the blonde boy's hospitality, but at the moment, that was the only way he was going to be able to survive... One could only hid away in so many places, without being found sooner or later... And as much as this teen hated living like a coward, he had a duty to uphold and fulfill. So, his pride would just have to suffer for a while. At least until... this war was over. Or, when he died. Whichever happened to come first.
'Meilan... Are you still able to look up at the night sky?... It's a much more beautiful scene from Earth than it was from our colony... You wouldn't think it was such a waste of time to look at the sky if you could see it from this angle of the galaxy... I'm sure of it...' The boy sat with one knee held up to his chest, while his other was simply laid out. One arm was placed on top of the raised leg, and the other arm was placed on the slightly cold grass, being used to prop this teen up. His head was tilted up and his dark chocolate orbs was just gazing at the sky... 'Meilan, I'm sorry... I failed you...' The teen could feel guilt, compassion and all sorts of emotion that he constantly repressed inside of him start to bubble up. Piercing his lips together, the boy fought off tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. It was such a degrading thing... For him to constantly dwell in the past and cry over it. A lot of good crying would do, it wasn't like his tears could fix the mistakes he made not all too long ago. Tears didn't turn back time. Tears were a weakness, and this boy couldn't have any weaknesses if he was going to be strong.
So, with a deep breath, the teen managed to recompose himself, and just in time too.
"Wu... Wufei?" A sleepy voice yet all too familiar voice called out curiously.
The one called Wufei took a sharp intake of breath, blinking his dark brown eyes several times before turning around slightly to face a teenage boy that was the same age as he, "Duo." He said, bowing his head in polite greeting. Slowly, he turned back around, his gaze once again focused on the night sky.
There was a yawn emitted from the chestnut haired teen, as he took a seat next to the Chinese other. Actually, he didn't take a seat, he instead laid down next to the other. With his arms behind his head, the one known as Duo, let his legs lay sprawled out on the slowly descending hill. "So, what're you doing out here?" Duo asked, letting out another yawn, "It's like... almost midnight."
"Hmph," Wufei huffed lightly, "I could ask you the same thing." He wasn't much bothered by Duo's sudden presence. Company and friendship was a concept that this Solitary Dragon was growing used to, and to be truthful, rather fond of. Besides, having the 'braided-baka' here would definitely help Wufei keep his emotions in check, because there was no way he'd disgrace himself by showing sentimental emotions while another person was in his presence.
"Yeah, but I'm not the one that has a mission to go to tomorrow and has to get up extra early to prepare both Gundam and plans for infiltration." Duo replied hotly a lopsided smile on his face.
"I'll wing it."
Violet eyes blinked several times in surprise as they turned from the sky to the Asian boy beside him... "Woah, Wufei Chang wing a mission? Mr. Must Be Better Than Mr. Perfect Heero Yuy Therefore I Must Be More Perfect Than Perfect, is going to charge through on a mission without thinking everything through?" Duo blinked up at his fellow pilot curiously.
That comment earned Duo a long look. Wufei decided not to point out that the other examination first didn't make any sense was from what sense Wufei could make out of it, wasn't true. But maybe it made such perfect sense that Wufei couldn't comprehend the sentence because he denied the fact that such perfect sense could be made out of such a run on sentence that didn't make any sense and was completely untrue as far as Wufei was concerned. Especially a sentence made by Duo. Wufei blinked at his thoughts, and decided that perhaps it would be the wiser not to comment anything on the subject of such any longer, "I have things of much more significance on my mind..." Was the Chinese boy's simple reply.
Duo didn't reply anything to Wufei's last comment, deciding to instead leave the other be and be quiet. Only offering company that had a possibility of not being wanted. Though, one thing was certain, whatever was on the raven-haired other's mind must really be something important to him, to be able to captivate the boy's mind so fully.
"Do you mind... If I ask you a question?" The dark eyed teen asked suddenly catching Duo off guard. It was rare that the Solitary Dragon would ever ask anything of anyone, whether it be information or a favor of some type. He was the type with the motto: I don't question you, you don't question me.
Nonetheless, the DeathScythe pilot shrugged lightly and said lethargically, "Shoot."
The Chinese pilot paused for a moment, as if collecting his thoughts and forming a coherent sentence, "Why... Why do you call yourself the 'God of Death'?"
Silence followed that sentence. Wufei stayed quiet, not wanting to push an answer out of the other, and Duo... well, he just stayed silent staring up at the starry sky.
Almost black eyes lowered their gaze to look at the dark-clad teen laying beside him. Duo lay with a blank look on his face, his braid carefully laid beside him. The only movement he made was his chest slow rise and descend, everything else about him was just so... still... So, un-Maxwell...
Shifting his gaze to the ground, Wufei just looked at various blades of grass, "I'm sorry for asking if the query is a personal matter..."
Duo sighed, "No, it's alright. It's not really anything personal really. Just that no one's ever asked that question before and I wasn't sure how to answer..." The American teen propped himself up into a sitting position. His knees were at chest level but not pressed against himself. His lean arms were placed on top of said knees, holding onto them slightly as the violet-eyed teen looked at the sky, "I guess it's because... well..." The teen frowned lightly as he tried to word his explanation, "Well, you know how some people believe in some type of God?" Duo stopped to give Wufei a glance, who nodded in confirmation, "Well, from what I've heard, that so called God gives life to people. You know like... a... toaster!"
This statement earned Duo a very odd look. Which made Duo explain how a toaster was related to the subject, "You put regular bread into a toaster and after a minute or two, the bread isn't bread anymore, it's toast! Kinda like how God can form one thing into another and make life... You follow?" Wufei just continued to give Duo an odd look... The violet-eyed pilot sighed, "Remember the guy that was supposed to be the first man ever on Earth?... What's his name?... Mark, Allen, Abraham..."
"Adam." Wufei corrected.
"Right, Adam, whatever. Well, the big bad bible says that Adam was made as an image of God... Toast, is an image of bread, only... toasted..."
Wufei raised an eyebrow.
"Okay, whatever. God gives life alright?"
The Chinese pilot nodded his head slowly a dubious look on his face.
"Well, as much as God gives life, I bring death... Even when I was a little kid, wherever I went, death was there too. Almost as if it followed me. So, I realized that wherever I went, death would follow as a shadow... Almost like I brought death instead of it following me. Thus, I distinguished myself as the Bringer of Death... Which later evolved into the God of Death, but for short, I'm just Death." Pilot 02 gave a small chuckle at the end of his explanation and looked over at the lighter-clad other, "Pretty silly huh?"
The Solitary Dragon shook his head, "Not at all... It's rather... insightful..."
"Thanks..." Duo said quietly, not even sure if the other had heard him.
Silence ensued between the two teens once again. Neither were sure exactly how much time had passed between the two, but due to the war the two had developed mental body clocks... and those clocks told them that it had been at least an hour or so... Letting the silence reign, the two stayed quiet and stared at the sky, somehow finding it interesting enough to keep their busy minds occupied. The only thing that was heard was the daring wind, who wouldn't let the silence completely take over...
Violet eyes were lowered, and set on the grassy ground... He really should to bed, Wufei more than him though. But, Duo figured, if Wufei was willing to spend his whole night out here then brave a solo mission, he could at least offer company... Those violet orbs refocused themselves on the said Chinese pilot, taking in the other's features...
Wufei was leanly built and just a bit on the shorter side, probably due to his Asian heritage. Then again, that type of assumption was stereotypical. The raven-haired boy only had outlined muscles, but Duo knew from experience, just how strong these Chinese other could be. It was only now that Duo noticed Wufei didn't have his hair tied back in its usual tight ponytail. The ebony locks framed the other's face, sometimes flying up with a passing breeze... Who'd have thought that a such a simple change in hairstyle could manage to soften up Wufei's appearance so efficiently. The normally isolated Shenlong pilot didn't seem as intimidating with his hair down...
A thoughtful look had resided on Wufei's face, his lips set in the smallest frown. But, what captured the once orphan most, were those dark chocolate eyes... Within them, Duo could see sadness beyond comparison. They were glazed over with presumably unshed tears, though, Wufei didn't look anywhere near crying. His head was held high, a content look on his face. His eyes didn't turn red or puffy, they remained as they were, slightly slanted with a catlike appearance to them. Duo always knew Wufei possessed many talents, one example was the pilots ability to be so... annoyingly graceful in just about everything he did... But the 'braid-baka' had never known that Wufei was also a graceful crier.
The Deathscythe pilot wasn't sure how long he sat examining the other, but Wufei broke him out of his reverie soon enough. With a raised eyebrow the Chinese pilot asked lightly and with slight sarcasm, "What? Is there something on my face?"
Blinking, Duo shook his head quickly, "Oh what? No, no... Er... it's just that... er... your hair. You left it done. First time I've seen it not tied back." Duo smiled sheepishly, his face depicting pure innocence.
Wufei held a confused look for a second, probably wondering why his companion had a sudden infatuation with his hair... But, all the same, the pilot 05 straightened himself up and used a hand to touch his raven locks... Indeed, his hair wasn't tied back... Wufei frowned lightly, he must have forgotten to tie it back before he left his room in the mansion-like safehouse.
"Thanks for reminding me," The teen muttered out, before lifting both hand, one with a black band around his wrist, and began to smooth back his hair in order to tie it back.
"No!" Duo said suddenly as he saw what his night companion was doing. Wufei stopped and rose an eyebrow at Duo, something he tended to do very often, "No, don't tie it back... It... It looks better down."
That, earned the American and even odder look, who was Duo to say what looked better on him?... On a guy for that matter... Nevertheless, Wufei was never one to ever really listen to what others told him about his looks, and so, he continued with tying his hair.
Wufei could see the American's disappointed face from the corner of his eye, so, instead of making the incredibly tight ponytail he normally made, he made it significantly loose, enough to let some of his ebony locks fall out of the band that held the rest of the raven tresses. Wufei let out a sigh as he lowered his arms and returned to his former position, after brushing one of the free locks from his face. Turning to Duo he gave a weary smile, "Fair enough?"
The American pilot held a concentrated look on his face, as if he was seriously thinking over the question. Though, with a rather solemn nod he agreed, "Yeah, that's fair enough for me."
Shaking his head with a slight chuckle, Wufei turned his gaze back to the night sky, the smallest smile now gracing his rather handsome features. Though, this nonetheless smile didn't last long, as pilot 05 began to reminisce about his past once again...
Pilot 02 was smiling rather cheekily himself, well, he had made his first victory of the day... He got Wufei, Wufei Chang of all people, to smile. Even if it was just a little one... Though, as Wufei's smile faded, so did Duo's. He watched the caramel skinned other from the corner of his eye, only to find that the light frown had once again found it's way onto Wufei's face once again. It made Duo wonder... Wonder what it was that made the one he considered a friend, so depressed and so... quiet. Now, Wufei wasn't really one to talk in the first place, he normally kept to himself unless he felt that his opinion on a matter was significant... but, this was a different kind of quiet that Wufei was giving off... Sure they were sitting in a comfortable silence but... Wufei's quiet gave a sort of... troubling aura.
So, with a resolute attitude that he was both cursed and born with, he began to dig into one of the pockets of his black pants. Duo could easily just ask what was on his friend's mind, because according to Wufei's unwritten book of laws, he owed Duo a question to be answered... But, contra to the rest of the pilots' beliefs, this 'American baka' held respect for his fellow mates of war. He had respect for each and every one of them, some... more than others, but it was there all the same. Duo knew that asking what was on Wufei's mind might be too much of a personal question to ask. Thus, he needed a more... friendly, Duo-ish way of asking his question, one that would show that he really meant no harm or offense in asking...
Hearing the sudden rustling of clothes, Wufei turned his head ever so slightly to look at Duo, a curious look on his face.
Finally, the man in question found the object he was looking for, and after retrieving it from his pocket he gently tossed it at the Chinese other, who caught it easily, despite the pale moonlight. With a fairly hopeful look and a smile on his face, the chestnut haired teen asked optimistically, "Penny for your thoughts?"
Wufei looked down at the small, circular object in his hand and then, after a brief moment, he turned back to Duo with a raised eyebrow while holding up the currency for Duo to see, "Maxwell... This is a nickel."
A bit surprised, Duo blinked then squinted at the currency held between Chang's pointer and middle finger. Yup, it was a nickel... "Well then, I should get five fold the information that a penny would get me." He smiled, "So... what's on your mind?"
There was another momentary pause as Wufei sat looking down at the nickel... It really wasn't like him to express his more personal thoughts, he wasn't like Duo and Quatre who could both so easily speak their minds... He wasn't like Heero who believed in 'following his emotions'... Which landed him in ahemcoughahem's bed... And he wasn't like Trowa, who openly expressed his ideals on many things. He was a lot more talkative than people gave him credit for. Though, he did owe Duo an answered question... Wufei sighed and replied rather vaguely, "Everything and anything..."
Duo just gave his friend a long look, "Wufei, that answer is worth like... half a penny... There's something more than just... 'everything' that's bothering you... I'm not trying to prod into your personal business or anything but..." Duo trailed off his sentence, figuring that if he continued, he'd just be ranting and rambling, and that would be no good.
Wufei's focus was no longer on the sky, but instead on the grassy hill the two teens sat. He was quiet for a moment, a contemplative look on his normally blank face. Though, Duo didn't have to wait too long for his answer, "I was... I was thinking, thinking of my colony... before it's destruction."
Whoops... Bad Duo, this is the last time you ever prod into Wufei's business. All the pilots had enough respect for the others not to try and find out their histories and what their childhood was like, that was the kind of stuff that they let the other's freely tell them. And now, Duo was feeling a bit guilty for breaking the unwritten law, even if it was unintentional. Duo opened his mouth to tell Wufei that he didn't have to continue, but he was cut off before he even spoke a word.
"I was remembering what I used to do as a child, though, I suppose it's not much different than what I do on a daily bases now. I haven't grown to be much different than from the time I was younger... I always read, anything and everything... I always had the dream of becoming a highly respected scholar-"
"I highly respect you as a scholar..." Duo muttered under his breath, not aware that Wufei had heard him...
Wufei smiled lightly at the softly spoken comment and continued his explanation, "I remembered the training that Master O had put me through, some were hard and near intolerable, but others were fun and more cheerful. Like the days I would finally perform a dance to O's expectations." By dance, Wufei had not meant the tango or something... he was referring to a martial art form, which is often just called a 'dance'. Wufei was quiet for a moment, but with a small chuckle he continued, "I remembered Master Long's generosity and kindness, all the obstacles he went through just to help me, his hospitality and compassion is something I'll never forget..." Wufei clenched his fists, grabbing onto some of his loose pant's material and the green grass below him... He could feel his eyes straining to let a tear fall, but he would not, could not, allow it. "Then, after reminiscing about more jovial events, I thought about... my betrayal to them." Wufei was sure his voice was going to crack anytime soon, so, he'd have to wrap up his elucidation soon, "I wasn't... I wasn't able to save them. They were... all killed, along with the colony that I once called 'home'. They had all sacrificed themselves, they died honorably, there is no doubt in that... But, they shouldn't have had to. I should have protected them, I... I s-should have..." Wufei was breathing a bit unevenly. He was used to crying silently, but holding back tears while talking... that was something hard for the Chinese pilot.
Duo watched his friend with understanding eyes, listening ears and a compassionate heart... He knew Wufei wasn't the type to liked to be touched, and if Duo even tried to give the other a hug, he'd most definitely use some of that kung-fu he learned as a child on him... That was something the American tried to prevent from ever happening. So, there was nothing he could do. He couldn't find any words to say, and the usual 'I'm sorry', just wouldn't cut it this time... Thus, he had nothing to say... All he could do was continue listening until Wufei was completely finished, and then it'd be time for him to take some form of action...
With a deep breath, the Solitary Dragon recomposed himself, though, he couldn't stop the single tear from falling... "But most of all... I was thinking how I failed her..." Wufei's gaze was once again on the sky, "She... died protecting a flower field... she said it was my flower field because I spent all my time there. And when the OZ troops first came, she protected it, protected the colony... Protected it in a way that I failed to. She sacrificed her life to salvage our colony, and she succeeded..." Wufei hit the ground with one hand, his eyes closed, held bent down, "I should have saved my colony the same courageous way that she did. But I failed... Her death was in vain... And now, I have neither her or my colony left. She was like a little sister to me, nothing more than that... But that seemed to make her passing away hurt even more..." Another teardrop fell as Wufei concluded his talking... There, he answered Duo's question... Now, he only hoped he could retain his emotions for the rest of this rendezvous.
Duo felt unbelievable pain... He just... couldn't stand to see Wufei in such sorrow. Wufei wasn't exactly in the state someone would call and emotional breakdown, and he was sobbing excessively... But, those dramatic things weren't needed to know that someone was sorrowful, and it was more than clear that Wufei was feeling a great deal of remorse and guilt. Duo was listened while Wufei ranted on about some girl... One he never named, though if that was intentional or not, Duo didn't know... but it made him curious. Was the girl his sister? An old love interest? Perhaps Wufei had a girlfriend before... For some reason, Duo felt a twinge of something inside of him at that thought, but he didn't think too much on it. It was probably just something he ate... right? Though, hearing Wufei only thought of this mystery girl as a sister made Duo sigh in relief... That caused him to blink in surprise. Why did he just feel like the burden of the world had just been lifted? What's with the sudden relief and cheerfulness? This was definitely not a time to be happy...
Silence reigned again as the two kept themselves busy with their own thoughts. Wufei reminiscing and wondering if it was smart to tell Duo such things... and Duo... busy thinking about what Wufei had just told him.
Death. Wufei's life reeked of it. The American winced mentally... Death wasn't something that Wufei feared for himself. All the pilots were willing to die... But Wufei did fear Death. Because Death had so easily taken away all he had loved and cherished. And having a companion that rather proudly called himself 'Death' probably wasn't all that comforting.
"You know what Fei?" The brunette said suddenly, breaking the Chinese's chain of thought.
Wufei didn't bother to tell the other not to call him 'Fei', "No, what is it Maxwell?"
Duo took a deep breath, a smile flittering across his face as violet orbs looked up at the dark night sky, "If I really was like God and could create a new planet... I would make one where... where there was no such thing as war. Where all the people of Earth and the colonies could live peacefully..."
"You'd have to create a fair sized planet to have such a high population."
Duo grinned cheekily, "Heh, yeah well, as God I could make my planets as big as I wanted." Hearing a small chuckle, Duo looked over to his companion, who was now also grinning, and that motivated the American to continue, "On my planet, people wouldn't die needlessly... In fact, there would be no such thing as death on my planet, it would all be filled with life. No one would get really old either, so they'd all have eternal life... All except for the bad people. They'd all die and go to Hell."
Duo said his last sentence so casually that Wufei blinked in surprise, "Duo! That's not a very polite thing to say..."
The violet-eyed pilot shrugged lightly, "Hey, it's my planet, my fantasy, my rules. So I can do whatever I want in it." Violet eyes glanced briefly at Wufei, "Besides... would you really want people that cause wars to start, to be able to live forever?"
The Chinese pilot shook his head slowly, "It's a selfish answer, but... I suppose I wouldn't... no."
Not daring to pursue his query, Duo continued on other manners, "On my planet, everyone would live happily, and all friends and family would be with you forever, never to leave your side..." The American turned to look at Wufei, "There would be no such thing as Death there Wufei, no one would ever take away the people you cared about... And 'Fei, you'd be on the first spaceship, first class, to ever arrive on the planet. You'd get to live in a place completely without fatality... Wouldn't you... Wouldn't you be happy there?"
Dark chocolate orbs were set on the ground as he whispered out, "A life completely forsaking mortality..."
There was the briefest pause before Wufei continued, "No Duo, I wouldn't be happy."
Violet eyes blinked rapidly, thrown off guard by the answer, "W-Why not?"
Near black eyes were lifted to look at the American pilot, "Because, A life without death would mean a life without you, and for me... that would be living no life at all."
The End
