It's comic RELIEF! :)

So I have written a fanfiction for it. Me and my friends named our red noses weird stuff like beanbag (mine) and forehead and many others so this is my fanfic for it!

I don't know if they have comic relief in America... but anyways here is the fanfiction.

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Jasper's POV

We were following the humans stupid tradition of comic relief. I understood the saving people part, but why did they make such a sport of it?! Carlisle had insisted that we all appeared just as exited about comic relief as the mindless humans were. I had tried, at first I wore my red nose every day like a pointless religeon but the degradation of it sent me into spirals of boredom. My moody appearance did nothing to curb Alice or Emmett's enjoyment of the 'festival' however so I watched them both running about in excitement; the current style of red noses plastered to their faces.

Emmett - my most excitable brother - came up to me with a big beaming smile lighting his face. He produced a red nose from his pocket and dumped it into my unwilling hand. "This one's called Beanbag!" he shouted happily as I stared at the little foam object in revulsion. It sat on my palm for a couple of minutes before Emmett snatched it and tried to force it onto my nose.

"Ow! Emmett what the heck?!" I protested vehemently as he pinned my arms down with one of his and with the other tried to force the tiny red object onto my nose. Unbeknown to me, he had applied superglue to the centre of the nose and when he finally pushed it successfully onto my nose, it stuck there.

"What the heck?! I repeated and then scowled "Emmett you superglued this foul object to my nose!"

By now Emmett was in hysterics. He looked like he was choking - which I would cheerfully have done to him at this point if it would have affected him at all.

"I-I superglued the nose t-to your n-n-nose!" he managed to squeal out through his hysterical laughter.

At this point Alice walked over. "What's happened?" she asked, staring at Emmett rolling with laughter on the floor and then at my murderously enraged, red nose-clad expression.

"I-I superglued the nose to Ja-Jazz's face!" he choked out between giggles. My beloved's bell-like laughter trilled out across the room - perfect.

Abruptly, her face turned serious. "Come here Jazz" she smiled at me. I walked forwards; unable to stay angry at her for more than a second. Besides, it was Emmett who had done this to me and he would pay for his mistake. I stopped just in front of her and she leaned up and - with out too much difficulty - wrenched most of the foam nose from my face. Stubborn pieces of scarlet fluff stuck to my nose and - at this sight - Emmett flew into more hysterical laughter. It looked like the taunting grin would soon permanently be etched into his skin.

"If the wind changes your face will stay like that" I mocked bitterly.

"So, everyone loves smiling!" he grinned at me.

"Well yeah, but then you would look like a short-haired, idiotic version of Micheal Jackson" I clarified "You would scare any kids you passed."

Emmett's face fell into a sulky, child like expression as I grinned at him. Alice pulled me over to the sofa and kissed my scarlet-clad nose. "Well at least you have some colour in your face now!" She laughed "You're more human already!" I smiled absently with her; sharing her light-hearted, happy aura for one moment. Then I let my smile drop. She half-heartedly lifted up the corners of my mouth with her dainty little fingers and then let them fall. I tried to hold my smile there for her but I felt it drop. She stared at me for an immeasurable moment before kissing me sweetly on the lips. I did smile at her this time and she smiled back. "There!" she laughed "You are now absolutely perfect."

Obviously, our perfect little moment was ruined by the arrival of the dog. His wet smell grated at my nostrils. He appeared looking both very happy and very sad and was holding - dammit - another one of those infuriating noses. He looked at it like it was the centre of his world and I felt my mouth pop open at the perfect love of his movement.

He didn't need to say it. The dog had imprinted on the nose. Lovely. What a natural couple. It pained me to think of what Renesmee's reaction to this would be. As if hearing her call, Nessie danced happily into the room.

"Jacob!" she shouted happily - like the dog had a name - and launched herself into his arms. He looked uncomfortable as he held her at arms length. "Jacob?" she repeated, a question in her voice. "I-imprinted-on-two-things!" he shouted. Nessie froze in his hands and I felt a surge of hatred claw up my throat. I felt the venom well in my mouth as I held back a growl.

I hated comic right now for hurting Renesmee's feelings. I snarled at Jacob, slipping into a crouch.


Although comic relief is almost over I will write another chappy if people want me to. I may however leave this as a oneshot i am not sure... Bye!