A/N: Inspired by Text Talk. It's a Sirius/Remus fic on Archive of Our Own. Higly recommended fluff. Next chapter already done. Update in every thirteen days (let's break those myths!)

For the rocks that stay firm during the calm as well as the storm, SilentRaven97 and berrybanana05.

Week 1

Bold is John

Italics is Sherlock

21 January, Tuesday

(10:15 a.m) Harry...Clara found some bottles (some, to be polite) under your bed. I thought you were over this. We need to talk. Where the hell are you?

(10:17 a.m) Well, look up. I'm on the bed you are talking about.

(10:18 a.m) Oh, crap. Not again. I am using Harry's old phone and this is the third time this happened. Sorry, wrong number.

(10:19 a.m) Obviously.

(10:19 a.m) However, you might want to find your brother. Addicts don't generally answer their phone. He may have passed out somewhere.

(10:20 a.m) Good Lord. I didn't even...thank you.

(10:22 a.m) You're welcome.

Afternoon

(1:47 p.m) So?

(1:50 p.m) Yeah, I found Harry.

(1:51 p.m) And?

(1:52 p.m) Like you said, passed out in the nearest bar. Vitals looking good. Bot sure about the liver.

(1:53 p.m) Hospital?

(1:53 p.m) Nah, Harry's house. I can take care of Harry. Remind me why we are texting again?

(1:53 p.m) Bored.

(1:54 p.m) Next time, pick some other number out of the directory, yeah?

(1:55 p.m) You began this.

(1:56 p.m) And now, I'm ending it.

(1:57 p.m) Why?

(1:58 p.m) Because we don't know each other. That's bloody why.

(1:59 p.m) I wouldn't say that...Doctor.

(2:05 p.m) What the hell? Are you stalking me?

(2:06 p.m) Of course. I've been stalking you for a month now. Magically, you decided to text me today.

(2:08 p.m) Alright, fine. I see your point. I am too tired to care about how you know this. It's been a long day. I am ending this conversation now. Before you ask why, it's because we don't know each other.

(2:10 p.m) How very stranger danger.

(2:10 p.m) I know you are a doctor who's currently broke. You have a brother who worries about you but you won't go to him for help. Probably because he's an alcoholic or more probably because he is having marital problems.

(2:11 p.m) WHO THE HELL ARE YOU?

(2:12 p.m) Do I smell military? Oh. Army doctor. Retired?

(2:13 p.m) Got shot.

(2:14 p.m) Posted in Afghanistan, I perceive.

(2:15 p.m) Who are you? How do you know all this?

(2:16 p. m) I would rather not disclose my name.

(2:16 p.m) How very stranger danger of you.

(2:17 p.m) Touché.

(2:18 p.m) Harry's waking up now.

(2:19 p.m) Take care of your brother, Doctor. Addicts would be lost without their brothers.

Evening

(7:03 p.m) You are not a stalker.

(7:05 p.m) No.

(7: 05 p.m) Your processing speed is impressive.

(7:07 p.m) Don't be mean. I've re-read our convo...so, how did you know all that?

(7:09 p.m) The answer is in our conversation. Most people see but do not observe. The fact that you could take care of an alcoholic, the way you talked and that you take care of him in his house prove that you are a doctor out of practice.

(7:10 p.m) And, Harry?

(7:11 p.m) Your informal text to him shows he's of your age. You're using his phone. Brother. The fact that he gave you his phone shows that he cares about you. His wife Clara found the bottles and yet you decided to confront him instead of her. Clearly, Clara is fed up and is nearly at her breaking point. Marital problems.

(7:14 p.m) That's...amazing!

(7:15 p.m) Really?

(7:15 p.m) Yes. Bloody amazing.

(7:17 p.m) That's not what people usually say.

(7:18 p.m) What do people usually say?

(7:18 p.m) (You know the reply)

(7:20 p.m) Well, Harry has a drinking problem. We thought it was over when Harry married Clara. But lately, they've been having problems and we found out Harry started drinking again.

(7:21 p.m) Spot-on then. I wasn't expecting to be completely correct.

(7:22 p.m) Just one thing before I go.

(7:23 p.m) Yes?

(7:23 p.m) Harry..is short for Harriet. That's how I know you aren't a stalker.

(7:24 p.m) A sister!

(7:24 p.m) Good night.

(7:24 p.m) A sister!

24th January, Friday

(6:23 a.m) You're a doctor.

(6:43 a.m) Good morning too, my daisy. Did you sleep well?

(6:44 a.m) I'm slightly tempted to make a joke on your processing speed but I can't muster the energy.

(6:45 a.m) William.

(6:47 a.m) Sorry?

(6: 49 a.m) My first name is William. I do not tolerate terms of endearment.

(6:50 a.m) Well, I do not tolerate being woken up at an ungodly hour.

(6:51a.m) Oh! You're sleeping.

(6:52 a.m) No shit, Poirot.

(6:53 a.m) God, what is it with you? I'm William. There's a reason I told you that.

(6:53 a.m) Okay, okay. Not a Christie fan, alright.

(6:54 a.m) I'm John, by the way.

(6:55 a.m) Oh.

(6:56 a.m) Sounds fake, I know. I mean, William and John are like the most common first names in England. They sound like names one would give if they don't want to give their real names.

(6:57 a.m) Well, my first name is William. Not fake. Although, I prefer being called a different name. Like you said, William is so common.

(6:58 a.m) Well, John is my first name. People call me John. Not fake, either.

(7:00 a.m) Nice to meet you, John.

(7:03 a.m) Nice to meet you too, William.

(7:05 a.m)Ah, thank god the niceties are observed. Anyway, I was wondering about bruising after death. Couldn't find anything online. You are an army doctor. If anyone knows, it should be you.

(7:07 a.m) Fortunately, I've not treated someone tortured by sadists. And, I've never tried bruising a patient after death. Why?

(7:08 a.m) Of course! I should try bruising a dead body and see how it goes.

(7:09 a.m) You're...you're joking, right?

(7:10 a.m) Nope. I have a contact in the mortuary.

(7:10 a.m) I mean, she works in the mortuary. Thanks!

(7: 11 a.m) You're actually serious?

(7:20 a.m) William?

(7:31 a.m) What have I done?

Evening

(5:56 p.m) Experiment complete.

(6:05 p.m) Are you a serial killer? Or a psychopath?

(6:10 p.m) No. Would you mind not using the word psychopath?

(6:11 p.m) Sorry, I was just joking. I just read this article on how serial killers lure their victims via texts. Kinda creepy.

(6:13 p.m) Oh. You mean The Daily Mail article?

(6:14 p.m) Yeah. Sorry about that, really. You read The Daily Mail too?

(6:19 p.m) I read every paper. Okay, got to dash. LESTRADE'S here.

25 January, Saturday

(12: 04 p.m) So...how did it go?

(12:06 p.m) How did what go?

(12:09 p.m) You know, the "thing" with Lestrade?

(12:14 p.m) Pretty good actually. Lestrade's slowly beginning to trust me.

(12:15 p.m) Good, good.

(1:19 p.m) Bored.

(1:20 p.m) Go find Lestrade.

(1:23 p.m) I tried. He has nothing.

(1:23 p.m) He?

(1:23 p.m) Ohhhhhh.

(1:24 p.m) Yeah.

(2:27 p.m) I just realized I don't know what your age is. I could be talking to a nine year old or an eighty year old. Creepy.

(2:29 p.m) Would you like my personal details as well? My address, my last name...

(2:30 p.m) Sorry, that was uncalled for. I have made a few enemies in my field of work. I always have to be cautious.

(2:31 p.m) I'm twenty three.

(2:36 p.m) John?

(6:48 p.m) Sorry. Was at my therapist's.

(6:57 p.m) That's all right. Lestrade called me again. Two times in two days? It's beginning to feel a lot like Christmas.

(6:59 p.m) Lucky you. Have fun, William.

(7:03 p.m) I intend to.

26 January, Sunday

(11:09 a.m) Bored.

(11:11 a.m) Oh, not again.

(11:14 a.m) What are you doing?

(11:16 a.m) Telly. BBC.

(11:17 a.m) Doctor Who?

(11:19 a.m) Yeah! You're a fan too?

(11:20 a.m) Definitely not. I don't watch telly. Too macabre for me. I memorised the schedule.

(11:33 a.m) Well, you should watch it. It's quite good.

(11:38 a.m) Oh god, was this made in the eighteenth century?

(11:39 a.m) That episode is quite old. Season three.

(11:45 a.m) The Sun is alive?! What is this rubbish?

(11:46 a.m) That woman looks exactly like Donovan.

(11:48 a.m) Does someone die in every episode?

(11:53 a.m) What is that blue box?

(11:56 a.m) So, he just travels in it then? How?

(11:59 a.m) Who is he? What does he do?

(12:03 p.m) Welcome to the fandom.

(12:06 p.m) Argh. I was merely curious. I looked it up.

(12:10 p.m) It's mildly tolerable. I'll watch it if I run out of bullets.

(12:12 p.m) Excuse me?

(12:14 p.m) I shoot the walls when I'm bored. No big deal.

(12:17 p.m) Who are you?

(12:19 p.m) I'm The Doctor.

(12:21 p.m) That's my line! A good one too. You wouldn't believe how many times it worked.

(12:23 p.m) Of course.

(12:25 p.m) Wait a minute. You really shoot the walls?

(12:27 p.m) I thought it was obvious the first time.

(12:27 p.m) No one complains about the noise?

(12:27 p.m) What about recoil? Are you that strong?

(12:28 p.m) Or are you showing off? It's a weird way, I tell you.

(12:29 p.m) How do you even have a gun?

(12:29 p.m) Why do you do it? You like damaging property?

(12:31 p.m) Oh, you're done. Every time I started replying, I would receive another message from you. The wallpaper – the landlady doesn't mind. She takes it off my rent, though. The noise – I live alone. Recoil isn't a problem. I've been training with a gun for seven years now. My brother occupies a minor position in the British government. I shoot the walls because I'm bored.

(12:32 p.m) You said you were twenty three?

(12:33 p.m) Yes.

(12:34 p.m) So, you've had a gun since you were sixteen?

(12:35 p.m) Yes. It was essential.

(12:36 p.m) Who are you? What do you do? Don't say I'm The Doctor.

(12:37 p.m) You're beginning to understand me. Now, that's a first.

(12:38 p.m) I thought it was obvious. I mean, I thought you realised what I did when I told you about Lestrade!

(12:40 p.m) How does Lestrade come into any of this?

(12:41 p.m) Wait a minute. You did not look up Lestrade on the Internet?

(12:42 p.m) No, why would I?

(12:43 p.m) Oh, ordinary people are so adorable.

(12:44 p.m) Lestrade is currently a Sergeant (soon to be DI) at Scotland Yard.

(12:45 p.m) So, what?

(12:46 p.m) Doctor, what is it that you think I do with Lestrade?

(12:47 p.m) Do what most people do?

(12:48 p.m) Which is?

(12:49 p.m) You know...people have girlfriends...boyfriends..

(12:50 p.m) Oh, dear Lord. I just realised you don't know me at all. Or else you wouldn't have made this ridiculous assumption. I'm not like other guys. I don't text ttyl or yolo or whatever it is they do. I don't watch the games on the telly and get ridiculously worked up. I don't go around bars trying to pick up girls or guys. I consider myself married to my work. It's me, my experiments, telly and my violin. And...other things, but let's not get into that now.

(12:55 p.m) Are you sure you're not fifty?

(12:56 p.m) Yes, I'm very sure.

(12:57 p.m) You're not what I expected at all.

(12:58 p.m) Disappointed?

(1:07 p.m) John?

(1:39 p.m) I understand. I'll delete your number.

(4:09 p.m) Whoa, whoa, whoa. Relax. I just spent some time with Harry and Clara. Helping them out.

(4:10 p.m) Oh, hello, John.

(4:10 p.m) I just meant you are not what I pictured as at all. Not necessarily a bad thing.

(4:11 p.m) What did you picture me as, Doctor?

(4:12 p.m) I honestly don't know anymore.

(4:18 p.m) Anyway, you never did ask me my age.

(4:19 p.m) That's because I didn't need to.

(4:20 p.m) Oh, yeah? How old am I then?

(4:21 p.m) You're twenty seven.

(4:22 p.m) NO WAY

(4:22 p.m) You're a stalker!

(4:23 p.m) Before you go away in a huff, I was joking.

(4:23 p.m) Fantastic though. How did you do it?

(4:24 p.m) I merely took into account your way of speech, the expressions you used, your history of getting shot...can't everyone do that?

(4:25 p.m) Obviously not.

(4:27 p.m) So, what is it that you do with Lestrade?

(4:28 p.m) I help him out with his cases. I like puzzles.

(4:29 p.m) So, you're a detective at Scotland Yard?

(4:31 p.m) God, no. I just help out. A third party.

(4:32 p.m) So, you're just a random citizen helping the police out?

(4:33 p.m) Well, if you put it that way...The truth is, I don't really know what it is I want to be. I would like to solve crimes but not be a government worker. I don't want a higher jurisdiction on me. And, the paper work! But, I don't want to be a private detective either because that just means investigating spouses and their faithfulness. There isn't a job that I want to do. You have no idea how confused I am.

(4:36 p.m) Okay, is this your way of asking advice?

(4:37 p.m) No.

(4:39 p.m) But, hypothetically, if I were to ask...

(4:41 p.m) I honestly have no idea.

(4:42 p.m) Thanks for the support.

(4:43 p.m) Don't worry. We all have our moments of uncertainties. You'll figure something out. We all have been there.

(4:44 p.m) Thanks.

(4:45 p.m) Anytime mate.

A/N: End of week 1. Stay tuned. If you have any requests, I'll try my best to put them in.

On a totally unrelated topic, my crush (also good friend) keeps asking me as to what it is I do on ffnet. Do I tell him I read and write John/Sherlock stories? I mean, how did your friends react to that? Before you say, don't be afraid to be who you are, lets remember that this isn't the ideal world. I and he can both live without him knowing as to what it is I do. Advice is welcome.