Disclaimer: I do not own either Prince of Tennis, "Merciless Cult," or Dir en grey.

A/N: Okay, so I know I have other things to work on, but…listening to Dir en grey's "Merciless Cult" song gave me ideas. I love this song…and I decided to write an angst story in Tezuka's point of view about his refusal to be with Atobe. Italic lines are lyrics. 83

Enjoy!


Gasp For Breath

The pessimistic you.

He was torn. He was torn and I was the cause of it. I broke him. I, Tezuka Kunimitsu, broke Atobe Keigo of Hyoutei. How? I refused his love. I refused to give him what he wanted. And there was nothing he could do about it.

The merciless you.

Do you no longer care, Atobe Keigo? You're falling apart. You're breaking. You're broken. All because of me. Does it faze me? No…it doesn't.

And the self-loving you.

You were once perfect. You were once amazing. Beautiful, almost. I might have loved you. But once you broke…that all faded away. You are now nothing, Atobe Keigo.

What are you looking at?

Your eyes are dead. They're no longer that beautiful arrogance that makes you…you. You are no longer the Atobe Keigo that I knew. You are no longer perfect. No one likes a run-down, no-longer-amazing person. What is lost cannot be returned.

With comparing and getting things in proportion, you scream out mad.

I've seen you. I've seen you when you didn't get what you wanted. I saw your reaction the day I told you I refused to be with you; I refused to be with anyone. I watched your face fall, your eyes dull. I saw it all. And I knew…I knew you wanted to scream.

You wanted this ending to happen.

You wanted it, you really did. But your motives were messed up. You want things just to claim them; not because of love. Never because of love. You never loved me. I know you didn't.

You must be a romanticist.

Always so perfect, ah? Always the amazing Atobe Keigo of Hyoutei Gakuen, my top rival school, the richest of them all. But what are you now?

But I just remembered that there is no love here.

Are you even capable of love? Are you really capable? Atobe Keigo. What do you really want? Constantly you claimed to want me. Claimed to love me. But what was that really?

Over and over somewhere begins to break.

You never knew this…but you broke me, Atobe Keigo. You broke me, Tezuka Kunimitsu, the unreadable man that couldn't care for a thing besides tennis. How exactly did you break me…Atobe Keigo?

Please love me, this blood and this meaning.

Did I love you? Did I really love you, Atobe Keigo? Is that why I said no to you? Because I love you? What are you doing to me, Atobe Keigo? Why are you doing this to me?

Please love me, this day and this value.

Why didn't you love me? You loved no one but yourself, Atobe Keigo. There was no room for Tezuka Kunimitsu in your life. You broke me. I shattered you. Aren't we even? If we're even…then why does it still hurt? Why am I left breathless because you don't love me? What does the love of a selfish man like you mean to me? Why do you matter? Why can't you care? I care once, and I shatter. What has this gotten you, Atobe Keigo? What has this gotten you?

Gasp for breath.


A/N: Ah…slight angst. I can't believe that I just wrote a songfic in Tezuka's point of view. It was written terribly, nonetheless. Please review. I think my idea was creative, but it didn't turn out so amazing, ne? I know Tezuka's not perfectly portrayed in this. I'm sorry. But I did this intentionally.

Reviews are appreciated. 83