Am Interview on Jay Leno with Legolas Greenleaf

I am going to be conducting a series of the characters from LotR being interviewed by Jay Leno. This is my first one.... so please be nice on the reviews.

"Tonight are guest is Legiolassie Greenleaf. Um... I think that's how you say it," smiled Jay. "It's Legolas, you numbskull!!!!" yelled Legolas from behind scenes. "Yes, um sorry.." mumbled Jay. "Legolas Greenleaf!!!"

Legolas model walked to the chair next to Jay. Jay reached out to shake his hand, but Legolas completely ignored him. Greatly dismayed, Jay sat in his chair and began the interview.

"So you are the elf from the fellowship doohickey. (Legolas nodded as the crowd screamed) Well I have one question that I am pretty sure everyone is dieing to know, are you gay? And I don't mean that happy gay, I mean you know attracted to Frodo or something." said Jay.

"WHY THE BLOODY HELL DOES Everyone AND THERE BLOODY MOTHER HAVE TO ASK ME THAT?" screamed Legolas jumping up and started strangling Jay. "Please.....stop..." gasped Jay.

Then the security officers pried Legolas off of Jay and tied him by the hair to the chair.

"Now," said Jay straitening out his tie and poofing his hair, "are you?"

"How dare you tie me by my hair! It is bad luck to do this to an elf!!!! You know we don't just wake up looking this good! Well, to answer your damn question, no. I was actually sent by my father to try to get Lady Arwen's hand in marriage. I think she looks like a hideous rat, I mean she has brown hair! Yuck! Well, continuing my plan was to try to get Lady Galadriel's hand."

"But hasn't she been around since the dawn if time and has been married to Celeborn for half that?" asked Jay.

"Well, yes. That was a bit of a problem... I don't see what she sees in him. Well, anyway she didn't impress me either once I saw her. She made me squint and that caused crow's feet, but they are gone now. Thank heavens!!" said Legolas breathlessly.

"Are you married now?" asked Jay, officially freaked.

"No, but I'm single and looking ladies," he said smiling at the camera. "I have good hygiene and never leave the toilet seat up!"

"Um, well good for you," said Jay patting Legolas on the shoulder.

"Stop it!!" screeched Legolas slapping Jay. "This is from Macy's!!! How dare you? Who do you think....."

"I have had enough of this shit!!!" yelled Jay picking up his coffee and pouring it on Legolas. "Take him away.... I'll interview a crowd member... anybody but him!!!"

"My beautiful hair... my face.." whimpered Legolas as he was lead off the stage.

"Well tomorrow night I will be interviewing another member of the fellowship... hopefully someone with a brain. And not so vain! Goodnight!!!"

Jay walked off the stage. Legolas was standing there whimpering. "Oh shut up!!!!" yelled Jay.