Notes: I know, I know, I should be updating my other story, but it's some serious inspiration. Okay, so this is a collection of songfics and oneshots. They don't really follow a story line, so it doesn't really matter what order you read them in order, read randomly, just make sure they all get read. Go in order or read the 3rd chapter 1st and the 1 last, see if I care. BTW the title stands for Maximum Ride Oneshots. (MROS)
Number 1: Miss Baltimore Crabs.
Takes place, like, 25 yrs. After the take down of ITEX, and Max is singing to Max and Fang's daughter. The whole world is accustomed to the whole mutant thing. And Max even won a contest for 'Miss Baltimore Crabs,' which is a contest for the mutants, like a Miss America Pageant. Max's daughter is named Amber.
Max was teaching the
Nicest Kids in Town a new dance when the people auditioning walked
into the studio.
"Front step cha cha
cha,
Back step cha cha cha,
Side step front step,
Back and
turn,
Oh Amber, look at this motley crew!
This town sure has
gone downhill since I was crowned 'Miss Baltimore Crabs'" max
sang in a prefect pitch, as usual.
"Oh Mother not more
ancient history" Amber told her mother.
"Oh my God,
How
times have changed,
These girls must be blind or,
Completely
deranged,
But time seemed to halt,
When I was "Miss
Baltimore Crabs,"
Amber! That move is far too dirty." Max
told her 16 year old daughter after Amber added a hip thrust to the
already-choreographed dance.
"Mother, wake up from that dream of yours. This isn't 1930!" Amber retorted snidely. She had gotten her sense of sarcasm from Max.
"You
can laugh but life's a test
Don't do this, don't do that
Remember
Mother knows best
For the crown's in the vault
From when I won
"Miss Baltimore Crabs" Max walked through the group of
paired up kids.
"These steps are perfect ammunition" Amber told her old-fashioned mother.
"Let
me show you how your mommy dear
Took out the competition
Girls,
go get em! Boys, lets rhumba!
Those poor runner-ups
Might still
hold some grudges
They padded their 'cups'
But I screwed the
judges" Max sang, hoping Fang wasn't near-by, even though she won
the contest before they had gotten together.
"Those broads
thought they'd win
If a plate they would spin
In their
dance
Not a chance!
Boys, put me down. Good morning
ladies.
Let's see what you've got." The boys put her down as
Amber and the other girls came back with the contestants.
"Twist
twist twist twist mashed potato mambo" All the girls sang while
doing the dance. "Ready? Begin, on my show you'll never find
A
thrusting hip or bump and grind" Max told her new wanna-be
regulars.
"What's that, a dance for fleas and ticks?" Amber asked her mother after watching one contestant.
"You
should have seen my bag of tricks!
Ohh I hit the stage batons
ablaze
While belting Aida
And preparing souffles
But that
triple sommersault
Was how I clinched "Miss Baltimore
Crabs."
"Proceed..." Ma told her daughter and
anyone who'd listen.
"Are you scared? We're on live." Amber's friend, Tammy, asked 1 contestant in particular.
"No I'm sure I can cope!" The girl, Tracy, said, still dancing.
"Well, this show isn't broadcast in…" Amber said, looking distastefully at he over-weight girl.
"Cinemascope!" All the girls finished together.
"I
never drank one chocolate malt
No desserts for "Miss
Baltimore Crabs" Max still never figured out how she had managed
that.
"This
one will never get a date
In those hand me down clothes." Amber
whispered to her mother.
"Kid,
she'll never get a date
'Til daddy buys her a new nose.
I would
say 'oy gevalt if I wasn't
Miss Baltimore Crabs!" Max had really
become mean in the last few years.
"Do you dance like you dress?" Amber had never bee a very nice girl.
"Amber,
there's no need to be cruel!" Link, Amber's boyfriend, told
her.
"Would you swim in an integrated pool?" Max asked,
knowing that Tracy knew she'd mean mutant-integration.
"I
sure wouldn't. I'm not for
Integration.
It's the new frontier." Tracy answered. Well, she was out.
"In
Baltimore it is. And may I be frank?
First impressions can be
tough
And when I saw you I knew it
If your size weren't
enough
Your last answer just blew it!
And so, my dear so short
and stout
You'll never be "in" Max told her.
"So we're kicking you out!" All the kids in the show sang.
"With
your form and your face
Awww, it isn't your fault
You're just
down with a case of "Miss..." She sang and let the kids behind
her finish.
"...Baltimore..." The kids sang.
"...Crabs!"
Max sang so loudly that the whole studio heard her.
"You may
go" She told Tracy and waved her off.
"Um...thank you" Tracy said over her shoulder sarcastically.
"I am 'Miss Baltimore Crabs!" Max held out the last note.
"Crabs!!!"
Crabs,
crabs, crabs!!!"
Everybody in the studio sang together.
Tracy looked back with want in her eyes and finally left the studio.
Yea, I know it totally sucked. I'm actually a pretty good writer, maybe this type of thing isn't my forte. Oh well, review and tell me what you thought. Send me a review and tell me what movie this is from, I'll dedicate a chapter to you at some point, and I'll say what it's from in the next chapter. PLEASE R&R!!!!!!!!! Thanks. And, I'll be redoing my first one-shot, because it sucked.
