It might sound selfish, but the reason I didn't want his heart back was that if the duck succeeds, he will leave. He will leave me. So it's better to have a hollow prince by my side, than to serve a hero leaving an unrequited heart. A hero prince would never look at me. He would never love me back.
It looks like I'm not that different from Rue after all.
"Fakir, are you there?" His eyes not searching, just looking.
"Yes, Mytho." I answered. Stoic and cold, as I usually am. It prevents this burning passion to overflow my heart.
"I'm going to look for Princess Tutu..." he says. The feeling of lonelines lingers in his voice.
"Why?" My heart skips with a familiar pain I feel whenever he tells Rue that he loves her. My eyes darting daggers at his shadow, afraid that I could get hurt if I look at his sad, beautiful face.
"I..." He starts.
"You don't need your heart back." I cut him. I know that whatever he would say would bring that pain again. "I told you before, you don't need your heart back." I look at him, with eyes filled with anger and care. I want him to understand, I know he does. But his eyes betray the feeling I hope to find in him. He no longer wants me by his side.
"I want to talk to Princess Tutu." He said, calmly and without fear, without anger, without any sign of feeling.
I let the silence speak.
It was but a brief minute, but I felt tired. I see that he still needs my approval, my consent, my trust. It aches me that the more he needs me - my role, my destiny, his knight - the more he ignores my love.
"Fakir, I will look for Princess Tutu." This time it's not a question.
His eyes begin to speak of the future. I see his role fufilled, mine altered and others gone astray. I see him, endlessly playing his part with blind faith. I see him in his glorious ending, together with his beloved going away to a far place. I see him, without me.
"Okay" I say. My back facing his hollow face. I can feel his eyes, taking my consent as if it was already decided the moment he asked to look for that duck. He knows that I will relent, that I will give up. I am his knight after all, I am in his service. And if he doesn't want me anymore, it is for him to decide. He can discard the fragment of relationship we share.
I hear the door creak and as it closes I fear that I will love him more after this. Only the distant cry of a raven assures me that even if my destiny is death, I know my love will always remain by his side.
FIN
