I imagine a story, a story of me, a story where I'm just living out my
existence being scared and having no stability.
One day as I go out to do my usual routine she senses something wrong
and follows me.
She feels strange stalking me so to speak,
but she believes it's for the better and she knows she wants to help me.
I don't notice her coming, heck I couldn't tell she's so good at her
job I'd never second guess.
As I pull into the driveway of the place I go to hide,
she hides in the street and watches me walk by.
As I walk into that place she sends me a text,
after she sends it she says, "oops sorry wrong send".
I reply, "it's ok", and go on my way.
She replies, "well anyways how was your day?"
I lie and says, "It's late, I have to go to sleep, I have court in the morning and I'd like time to eat".
I'm not going to know that she knew I lied, only will I tell her my pain when she tells me she spied.
After my last text is sent I turn off my phone even though she may reply back.
I greet the woman I know in this house now, she's my friend and I trust her, it's alright.
She ties me to bed with my back facing up, I say I'm ready, she beats me, hard.
After an hour has passed I feel lifted.
I pay her for her duties, say goodbye, have a nice night, go to my car and start it.
She's still in her car waiting for me to come outside, as I get out the door her eyes open wide, she wonders 'what the hell was she doing in there?
And why did she take so long too?'
She's scared for me, even I have no clue that she's even watching me in that dark street when I'm all alone.
I feel a little bad for turning off my cell.
But then again I think -as I turn it back on-
I think she's better off not getting into the messed up world that is my life.
She doesn't need or wouldn't even want to know me or love me if she
really new what my fucked up mind consists of.
She has sent me 2 messages since I've said goodnight the first says,
"Alright, have a goodnight",
the second says, "Sorry to ask this so late, but would you like to grab a coffee in the morn with me?"
My heart skips a beat we haven't really done anything recently so I'm glad to hear the offer. Then I realize I'm still staring at my cell, so I start thinking of what to type. I send her, "Yeah sure Liv, 9:30am would be good".
I start driving, I put the phone down.
As she sits in her car not even moving now she feels really bad for following me out.
She is glad that she saw this though, but she has no idea how to make use of this without seeming like a 'creepo'.
Anyways, as I reach my house and come out my car she sends back a text, wow that was fast huh?
It's reads, "meet at starbucks at 9:30 then?"
I answer, "sounds great I'll see you then."
She's already home now and still worrying, I on the other hand actually fall asleep in a hurry. That's something new.
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Beep beep beep… My fucker of an alarm goes off.
This means another day of living and having to stand on my own two feet.
Great I sigh deeply as I get up and try to get ready.
She on the other hand is now wide awake and all she is thinking of is spending time with me.
"I'm done.." I breath out loud, I get into my 2 door sedan and pull out to get to the court house.
Fuck it's so early for court but today was scheduled so early, because it was expected to go quickly.
And it was, it's now 8:50.
She knew I had early court because her partner was a witness in it.
I greet him warmly and he returns the gesture.
I walk to my office and put down my papers and things.
Sit down and sigh.
For 30 minutes I just stare.
I wish I was somewhere else.
I don't know.
I remember about the coffee again and get up and get to my car and drive.
She's already there I see her and think shit I look stupid.
Great it's 9:35, well I'm not that late at all but I still felt stupid,
I don't know why.
I park -actually right beside her- and walk over to the table, she's at a table outside the shop.
I sit at my table as I see her park, she's a little late, haha.
I don't mind.
She was probably busy.
She's so great at her job.
Uhh she's coming over now.
I suddenly get nervous then I just clear my mind and go blindly into it
"Hey Alex".
She greets me warmly I respond in the same style.
"Hey Olivia, sorry I'm late...I had things… to do..." I trail off.
"Haha", she laughs and says, "It's alright prosecutor, I don't blame you, you're barley 'late'."
I reply again in the same fashion "Thank you officer."
I feel a sudden flush... 'Offfficccer' oooh..
I should really think of something to talk about.. Crap.
I compliment her on her choice of coffee.
I order the same.
She tells me about her morning and how she made an arrest at the start of it.
"Wow," I reply, "we've all started early today, huh? Hah."
I suddenly feel uneasy again, 'oh wow why is this happening' I think to myself, I can't stand to look her in the eye then I remember something, she thinks I'm this success and in the business world I am. That's something that keeps me up when I feel my mind caving in.
I look her straight in the eye, "I'm sorry Liv I have to go."
Her and I have been friends for sometime now and I do believe I have a right to call her 'Liv'…
She looks disappointed I explain, "I have to make a few calls concerning warrants."
She nods in understanding
And we both say our byes and I leave first she says she wants to stay to finish her coffee.
I leave.
I remain seated and watch her leave.
My hearts sinks a little whenever I see her walk away or disappear now a days.
Even when I'm in the squad room and she has to leave after explaining what she needs for a case. I know I have feelings for her but it's so different and I have no idea what she thinks about it or if she knows or what she would think.
Why is this so... Stupid..? I don't even know what to classify my
feelings as… and I'm still so worried about her.
Omg, I ...I ... Was she ..?
It would almost seem to me that miss cop was ...flirting with me..?
Omg was I too...? Grrrr. I mentally kick myself now.
I don't want to let her in. At all.
That's why I left, that's why I felt uneasy.
No.
She wasn't flirting with me and neither was I, I'm just a sensitive little bitch.
She only cares about me, and I suppose this is how all friends act towards each other they care it doesn't mean they want more.
God I'm so messed up I feel like I'm 15 all over again.. I need a drink.
