One Day in Konoha . . .


Jiraiya walked into the Hokage's office. "Hey, Tsunade!"

Tsunade answered: "What? You wanna stare at me again?"

Jiraiya twitched. "No, did you check out the paper on Friday?"

"No. I didn't," she replied as he tossed the paper at her. She skimmed the page:


THE KONOHA PRESS

Ask "ToadSage"


Dear ToadSage,

Thank you for publishing this in the Letters section of the News paper. See, there's this guy I like, and he says he wants to 'revive his clan'. But he won't let me do anything with him! And we are on the same team! What should I do?

-Chaa!!

Dear Chaa!!,

Tell him about how much you want him to screw you! Or maybe how much you wanna screw him! Anything about sex is sure to start your relationship!

- ToadSage


Dear ToadSage,

My sensei says that the lotus blooms twice. Does this mean I get a second shot at my crush? Please answer me and tell me yes!!!

-GreenBeast

Dear GreenBeast,

Somebody telling you that a flower blooms twice means absolutly nothing about you. Actually, it means you are going to die. I'll help you out though. For a second chance, say this to any girl and they will fall for you! And you'll live!

"Roses are red, violet's are blue, if you screw me, I'll screw you!" It's genius!

- ToadSage


Tsunade's vein popped. "You gave GENIN sexual advice?!"

Jiraiya did a double take. "They were genin? I didn't know who they were."

"Please, Jiraiya! Did you even read the questions?"

"Yeah. . . . oh boy, I just told Lee to say that to Sakura?"

"Yes," Tsunade said, slamming the paper on her desk, "and you told Sakura to have sex with Sasuke!"

"Sh*t! How could I screw up something anonymous!?"

"Jiraiya, your pen name is Toad Sage! Everyone will know it's you!"


Meanwhile on the outskirts of Konoha . . .


"Sasuke," Sakura sheepishly whispered at her teammate. "Will you . . . do me?"

Sasuke's eye's twitched and he screamed. Sakura blinked.

Sasuke threw his arms up and started running out of the village, screaming: "Orochimaruuuuuu! Take me!"

Sakura hung her head.

Lee ran up to Sakura. "Sakura, I have something to tell you."

Sakura looked behind her.

"Roses are red, violet's are blue, if you screw me, I'll screw you-"

Lee was interrupted by the loud crunch of Sakura's fist in his face. He flew back against the fence, nose bleeding heavily.

Tsunade and Jiraiya ran up to the scene.

"D*mn, we're too late!" Tsunade said, staring accusingly at Jiraiya.

"What?!" he said, as 'innocently' as he could.

"Hokage-sama, what do you want?" Sakura asked the hokage.

"Just, fix up Lee's face. I have to send out a team to go get Sasuke."


And that is why Jiraiya does not give advice.


THE END