He's a monster, a power-crazed lunatic. Deluded and yet still in control, this is not the man I dated so many years ago. He's more frightening than I could have ever imagined, intimidating to the point of making me tremble, and not just from his touch.
The man of my past is dead to me now, and I waste my affections on this insanely beautiful being, my angel with hands covered in blood. He dreams of things that shouldn't be possible, but somehow he manages to make them happen. His dreams, his goals, they give me nightmares, but then I've always known that my 'innocence' would be wasted on the dead and dreaming. He is one, he is both, and he is so much more.
News is only 'news' when it's new, and reporting the happenings of every day, every second, only increases the awareness of how fragile we are. He doesn't realize it, but he is fragile too, or so I believe. He could be broken beneath that calm exterior, shattered and shaking.
But how could I know? I don't want to; even broken, he would be more than I could take, even though these silences we spend together are never enough.
No, that's not true. I live in silence, while he speaks, and I repeat the words for the world to hear. He doesn't see that they already cower at his feet, and still he shoves forward. What is he after? He's told me so many times, I should know, but somehow the answer is different every time.
"A protector of the innocent."
"A savior to the world."
"A god."
No, these answers are not the same. He has so much, strives for so much more, and is so close. I can almost hear his wings beating, I can almost touch the feathers that float just out of reach, and yet I cannot speak of the beauty that I can almost see, hiding behind the demon. As quiet as I am, the angel is mute beside the monster.
I know what it's like without him, and from the shadows that refuse to leave, I can give these people what they need to hear, so that they can find Light in their darkness.
My beautiful disaster, say nothing, for the silence is everything, and if he should speak, he would no longer be an angel of the silences. It would break the spell, and I would see that he's insane like all the rest.
I will speak for you; I will be your voice, if only you will stay in the shadows, where no one can see this thing you've become, how truly terrible it is. An angel of the silences, a beautiful disaster.
