Title: The Addict
Category: Crossing Jordan
Genre: Angst/Romance
Summary: AU tag for Gray Murders. One-shot.
Ship: WJ, established relationship
Spoiler: Gray Murders
Woody Hoyt blinked as the living room lamp banished the early morning blackness. The culprit sighed and sat beside him on the couch. She adjusted her nightgown and laid her head on his shoulder.
Moments passed slowly before she sighed again and asked, "What's wrong? I know that the case hit close to home about your brother, but is that all?"
Could he tell her? Would she understand? Would she be able to look at him the same?
"Please, Woody," she pleaded, "let me help you."
He looked at her, looked into those loving eyes; and he knew. He knew that he needed to tell her. "You're right, Jordan, it's not my brother that's keeping me awake. I haven't told you the whole story about his drug problem, our drug problem."
"Our? What are you saying?" the surprise in her voice was heart wrenching.
"My brother got his first hit from me. I started my junior year of college. In the beginning it was only marijuana and some magic mushrooms. Then my roommate scored some cocaine. It was my release at first, and then I couldn't go twenty-fours hours without a fix. Then for a present my girlfriend got me some heroin."
"I don't know what to say."
His eyes filled with a distant gaze as memories flew through his mind. All was silent again for a minute or two.
"What happened?" she prompted him to continue.
"Our money dried up. My uncle recognized the signs and took us away for the summer. We thought we were going to LA but we ended up on an island in the middle of Lake Superior. The withdrawals were so bad I wanted to die. My uncle got us clean, and I stayed that way. My brother has been battling ever since.
"Today when I got that heroin in my eye, the high was so familiar. For a few seconds I wondered why I ever stopped. I woke up and I was horrified. I told Nigel and Macy that it was because I hated drugs and what they did to my brother, but that I had never touched them. I felt like that life was trying to suck me in again and I had to get away from it."
Jordan held him tight. "I am so sorry, Babe."
Once more the silence descended on them. He was thinking about how Jordan might react. She was trying to think of a way she could help him. Her eyes watered when she saw the tears run from his.
"What can I do? How can I help?" she asked quietly.
"Jordan, just listening has helped. There's nothing else you can do, except…"
"What?"
"Please don't blame me. My mother, my uncle, and hell even my brother does. I couldn't take it if you did too."
Jordan reached her hand to his cheek and made him face her. "Woody, I could never blame you for this. You made a mistake, I have too. But you stayed clean when it was hard, that's something to admire and be proud of. It's not you fault about your brother, he has free will. He chose that life; you didn't choose it for him. I love you, but you don't have that kind of power."
He chuckled at that. Suddenly sleepy he stood and turned off the lamp. "Ready to go back to bed?" he asked.
"It's about damn time," she yawned.
