Hello and welcome...to the worst character in the fanfiction universe. Yeah, this character is even worse then Ebony/Enoby/Eboby/Egogy Dark'ness Dementia Raven Way from the infamous Harry Potter fanficton, My Immortal. This is a One Piece fanfiction about a Mary-Sue and her looks and sex life. This is a Parody! I repeat, THIS IS A PARODY!! We don't want any 'OMG!!! She mry-su! U dnt knw ho mry-su is u lok up stpd! U suk at chrcater devlpmnt! LOL!' Me, who will be know as 'Scarlet Magpie', and my partner in 'Crime', who will be known as 'Sketch', will be making commentary throughout the 'story'. My commentary will be in Italic font and Sketch's font is bold! So 'enjoy' and please do not sue if you're eyes don't burst into flames from how horrible this character is. I would also like to note that this character belongs to Sketch's ex-friend.

Chapter 1: You think those people who write like 16 paragraphs on how beautiful their character's hair are annoying; well we have a whole chapter about it!!

There was a girl. Her name, so beautiful, so elegant.... (it makes puke every time I hear it) was.... Ice Crystal Aurora Boris Alice THE (that's right. One of her many middle names is the word THE!!) Norythern Lightz! ... I swear I need some pills...

Her hair was pure white, like the first snow fall in winter. More like white like when an emo kid sees snow on the first day on Christmas and pukes.

It flowed in the wind and danced like a ribbon rippling in the wind. The sheen of her hair made the goddess of beauty jealous and she turned into a goffik due to EXTREME jealousy!

It was so soft like velvet snow. It was so soft that my dog got sucked into the vortex of hair and I never saw him again. He's assumed dead....

Her hair flowed and flickered down her neck to her long and elegant legs that were hair-less like a fairies. If I were 15-year-old pervert, I would say that her flickered and licked her buttocks.

It bounced like the sun across a sapphire, shimmering lake. More like it bounced like her boobs every time she made the slightest movement.

All the girls in One Piece looked at her with envy because their hair was dull and life-less compare to hers. When I look at her hair, I remember my poor puppy that got eaten by the Beast that is known her hair.

A/N: Chapters over! (Yay!!) Next chapter is about how beautiful her eyes are!! Are you excited kids?!?1

...*barfs* Medic?!