Chapter Thirty-six

The daylight came. I rose at dawn. I lay awake in my bed, overthinking my possibilities. I can either join St. John in his travels to India, or follow my heart back to my one true love Mr Rochester. I don't even know wether or not he is still alive or even wants me to return to him. Undecisive I step out of bed and I started getting myself ready for the day. Meantime, I heard St John quit his room. He stopped at my door. I heard him knock twice. "Come in", said I. St John entered the room. I was first to speak. "I have made my decision".

Looking deep into my eyes, he gestured for me to continue. "I have decided to follow God's path with you. It might not be what I desire most, but I have nothing to return to. You, Diana and Mary are the most important souls in my life. You are my home and I will follow you everywhere, even if that means I have to marry you, I will". I looked up to his face, to try and get a glimpse of what he might be thinking, but I couldn't read his expression at all. He just stared at me the same way he did before. "I am happy to have you on my side as my wife on this journey for God". Before I could even say something back, he had already turned around and left the room, probably to prepare for his travels.

It was the day before St John was expected to return. I busied myself with arranging my things in my chamber, drawers, and wardrobe, in order wherein I should wish to leave them and never look back on the things I leave behind. I prepared myself for the long journey to come. Diana was practising her music in the drawing-room, Mary was gardening – it was a very fine day, clear, sunny, and breezy. After tea, I entered the study to try and improve my Hindostanee. At eleven o' clock I had decided to say my goodbyes to Mary and Diana, because I didn't want to disturb them in the morning, since St John and I were leaving early at dawn.

I found them sitting in the living room, Mary was kindling the fire and Diana was reading a book when I entered the room. They knew what was coming. We gathered around the fireplace, and not a word was shared. After a moment of silence, I was the first to speak. "St John and I are leaving at dawn for India", said I. They both gave me a concerned look and then Diana spoke: "We support you in every decision you make, but please be careful, St John can be a very unpredictable man". Mary nodded her head in agreement. "How long do you expect the journey to take?", said Mary. "According to St John, it should take about three months to reach Jaipur, if we don't come across any hindrances", said I. "We are still very concerned about your wellbeing, but if this is what you feel is right we won't try to convince you to remain here", said Diana.

Chapter Thirty-seven

I stepped outside onto the porch. It was an early summer morning. The moon was still out, St John and I had to walk to the main road which led beyond the hills. Our carriage would be waiting at a nearby crossing where it would drive us to Dover, from Dover we will take a boat to the main land of Europe. We skirted fields, and hedges, until we reached the crossing. I remember my shoes, which I had put on when I left the house, were soon wet with dew. A dark blue carriage with two Arabian horses in front awaited us at the crossing. The driver greeted us and took our luggage.

Soon we were on our way. It was a bright summer day; rays of sunlight were reflected of the creek we passed by. A gentle breeze rustled through the bushes. We passed by some rural villages and historical churches. We stopped at a beautiful little church where St John and I took our vows and got married. The ceremony was very simple and there were no guests. It wasn't anything like I had imagined it to be, but I promised St John to marry him for the sake of God and the path He had aligned for us. From now on I would lead the life of a missionary's wife. We had little time to celebrate, our carriage awaited us. We took a break in -shire, a small village known for its agricultural nature. St John knew an Inn we could spend the night, so we could proceed our travels in the morning.

We arrived at Dover a few days afterwards, it was the first time I laid my eyes on the sea. Endless blue in all directions, the air felt refreshing with the scent of salt after days of being cooped up in the carriage. The waves crashed against the rocks, the sound of it made me nervous of the journey ahead. I had never seen anything like it before. I looked over to St John, he didn't seem nervous at all, if anything he seemed to be determined to reach his goal. St John tried reaching for my hand, I think he knew I was nervous. He hesitated and decided to grab the luggage instead. I wonder why he hesitated, was it because he didn't love me or was it because he was afraid I would change my mind about the whole thing. I followed him to the boat, it was a small passenger ship, fitted for around fifty travellers.

Once we reached Calais, St John and I proceeded our travels to the East. Weeks turned into months. St John didn't talk to me much, but sometimes he would try and ease my mind. He would say things like; "You've made the right decision, coming on this journey with me. God will reward you for your sacrifices". It was supposed to put my mind at ease, but I still had these lingering feelings in the back of my head that maybe I had made the wrong decision. There is no turning back now though. With each week that passed I felt more and more alone. St John seemed to get more distant after time passed.

Chapter Thirty-eight

At the end of September, we reached our destination Jaipur. By the time we arrived at our cottage I was just happy to finally be settling down in one place. This is where St John and I were to spend the rest of our lives together. Our cottage was located at the foot of a hill a few miles outside of the city. More British settlers were located here, this pleased me. This mend I didn't have to sit at home with only St John. Little did I know; I wouldn't get to spend much time with St John at all. He was mostly out teaching Christian values to the residents of Jaipur. As a missionary's wife, it was my duty to support St John in every way I could.

Late October I didn't feel like I had much obligations, so I wanted to get back to teaching. One of the British settlers said he could use a governess for his eight-year-old son. I enjoyed teaching him and as time progressed more settlers wanted me to teach their children. I eventually got to open up my own school next to our cottage, it was a small but fine structure. Well located just outside of Jaipur, with a lovely garden around it. St John send children from the city to my school. This way I was not only making myself useful I was also obliging to St John his duties. I lived a simple and happy life, but I never lost my doubt about making the right decision.

A couple months passed, the school was doing great and I even made some new friends. After a long day teaching the children geography and reading psalms from the Bible I returned home, feeling tired but satisfied. I opened the old wooden front door and found a sealed letter on the doormat. It was addressed to me, send from Ferndean, a manor-house on a farm. The name didn't seem familiar to me so I wondered who could have sent it. I took a seat in the drawing room and looked at the envelope. I was nervous that it might be send by Mr Rochester, maybe he found out that I married another man and left for India without telling him. Immediately a feeling of guilt overwhelmed me.

I wasn't sure on whether to read the letter now, or to wait for St John his return. Even if I am to open this envelope do I want to know what Mr Rochester might have to say? I hesitated, but decided to read the letter now. Not sure if it were from Mr Rochester I took the paper out and started reading.

Dear Mrs Jane Rivers,

I hope you arrived in India safe and well. You must be wondering who might have sent you this letter. My name is John from Ferndean. I am a friend of Mr Rochester. I have known him since he was a young boy. I am sorry to inform you on the passing of Mr Rochester. He passed away last January. I want you to know that he died a heroic death. His wife set Thornfield Hall on fire during one of her psychotic fits. Mr Rochester saved every one of his servants and friends inside the house that night. Unfortunately, he didn't make it out alive. Ms Fairfax informed me you were very close to Mr Rochester and that I should inform you on what happened to him. You have the right to know.

I want you to know that Ms Fairfax, Adèla and the other servants are doing well. Adèla is still attending school and is a marvellous student, Sophie is taking care of her now. She is sad her 'father' passed away, but she has been putting all her attention towards school and that serves her good. Ms Fairfax moved to a little village with her husband. Mr Rochester divided his heritage over the servants. They are all still mourning, but they are very thankful for all that Mr Rochester has done for them.

I wish you and your husband the very best of luck with your duties in India, and I am very sorry you could not attend his funeral. If I had known sooner that you were leaving for India and that you were close to Mr Rochester, I would have sent you this letter sooner.

Yours sincerely John

One single tear left my eye. I wasn't sure on how I felt, but I knew deep inside of me that I still loved Mr Rochester. I am forever thankful for all he has done for me. Without him I wouldn't be the person I am today. He made me feel stronger and more beautiful. He didn't care for my flaws, he only ever saw the good in me. I am glad John sent me this letter to inform me. I am devastated about Mr Rochester his passing, but it does mean I haven't made the wrong choice. I'm at peace in India, I have my own school, I get joy out of teaching children, which I have always wanted. My husband might not be with me a lot, but I am happy and content in my own way. Knowing I have nothing to return to I can finally be at peace with my decision.

I will never forget Mr Rochester, he will forever be my only love. St John can never give me the same love that Mr Rochester gave me. He made me feel special. Maybe we meet in heaven one day.

The End