A/N This is the longest chapter I have ever written! It's pretty much all back story. What happened between them, and stuffs. This'll proly be five or so chapters. Or possibly more, depending on how my inspiration is feeling. This does in fact have a plot line too. :) Enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS or any related characters.

The elevators opened with a small 'ding'. The team slowly filled out.

When Abby saw her, all her anger, all her heartbreak, washed away. She was there, five feet away. So close, and touchable.

She reached up and touched her cheek, running her thumb over her chin.

She seemed so breakable so small. But Abby couldn't help herself. Couldn't wait any longer to hold her again.

Ziva returned the hug mutely, limply. Abby hugged her loosely, as if afraid she might break her.

Abby with an inner cringe, wondered how long it had been since Ziva had known a friendly touch.

When the topic awkwardly came up of, where would she stay? While Ducky was better bandaging Ziva. Her old apartment had been blown up. Abby not thinking of the consequences or the awkwardness that might ensue, offered to take her home to her apartment. It made sense, to everyone but Gibbs. Who knew of their secret history.

The car ride was quite. Abby pretended not to notice Ziva's eyes flicking at her. Taking her in.

Both were thinking of all the time they had spent together. Ziva wondering how Abby could take care of her after everything they had put her through.

XxXxXxX

Their first kiss.

It was late, they had planned a girl's night out. Ziva had drove. They had both had a fair amount to drink. Not to much, not to little. Ziva had walked Abby to her door.

With their friendly teasing that had slowly, with the help of alcohol, turned into flirting. It was beginning to feel less like a girl's night and more like a date. When they kissed, in that routine. Good date, goodnight kiss.

Both froze. It had just been a quick kiss on the lips, initiated by Abby. It had just felt so right.

So they tried it again. This time it lasted a little longer, it was no little peck. When they pulled apart, they were dizzy and heady. High on each other's kisses. They had to stop, before they were stumbling inside.

"We should do this again sometime," Abby stated her forehead leaning against Ziva's.

"Definitely," Ziva breathed out.

XxXxXxX

So it begun. Lunch dates. Dinner dates. Out, in. Movie nights. They spent the night together. They spent weekends together. Clothes were left at each others apartments.

They fell in love.

Secret glances at work. Quick kisses while they were alone. Finding blind spots from the cameras. Little games.

XxXxXxX

Abby fell down next to Ziva on the display bed. "You better be pretty honored about this David." She stated rolling over on the too stiff bed.

"Abby it was your idea. Your coffin is much to small for the two of us," Ziva replied rolling over also.

"This one is to hard." She added punching the too hard surface.

"Yeah," Abby agreed catching Ziva's wrist before she seriously wounded the innocent bed.

"Imagine Tony's reaction if we told him we were going bed shopping," Abby giggled, and Ziva deadpanned.

"Kidding," Abby stated still giggling, and jumping up to find a softer bed. She offered Ziva a hand. Ziva took the offered hand and used her momentum to glide effortlessly into a kiss.

XxXxXxX

They were in cute harmless love.

Then Jenny died. It was hard. Abby saw Ziva at her weakest. Broken, as one of the few people she had ever trusted was gone forever. She blamed herself, if she had been there. If she had been the security detail she was supposed to. She ran threw all of these scenarios to Abby after a small fit of tears. The first Abby had seen the whole time they had been together.

It only brought them closer.

Then Vance made his announcement. Ziva was going back to Israel. Probably forever.

It had been horrible, and had brought Ziva to tears once again. This time under the effect of Abby's.

"Abby, Abby, Abby," Ziva cooed, staying strong through her tears. As she cradled her in her lap, rubbing her back.

"We can stay-" She sobbed and her back lurched. "We can do long-" she sobbed again, and this time didn't even try to go on. She knew it wouldn't work, she knew that Ziva would be unreachable most of the time undercover or otherwise. She wouldn't put Abby through that. She wouldn't be able to put herself through that.

That didn't mean it made it feel any better. It ripped at both of them beyond belief. They had found something in each other that they hadn't felt anywhere else, and now they were being pulled apart by someone higher up on the food chain.

They stayed like that through the night. Ziva held Abby, and part way through the night. When Ziva had slipped away into sleeps embrace. Abby shifted them so she could hold her girlfriend one more time.

XxXxXxX

It was dimly lit in Director David's office. He sat behind his desk as he told his only living child that she could go back to NCIS. Under one condition, she kept up her relationship with Micheal. What he didn't know was that there never had been a relationship. It had just been Ziva playing the dutiful daughter in the hopes that her father could possibly get her back to America, back to Abby.

"I do not want to be with Micheal,"Ziva sneered his name, as she yelled at her father. She had felt like she was lying to him and Micheal so far and it was breaking her. All she could think about when she was with him was Abby.

All the time they had spent together. All the things they had done together. All the loving words, and touches, embraces, they had shared. It dwarfed, and insulted what she was pretending to have with Micheal.

"I know about this woman," Eli replied throwing as much scorn into the word, as Ziva had Micheal.

"If you want to go back to America. If you want to go back to NCIS, you will be with Micheal." Ziva let out a sigh, she knew she was losing this battle no matter what. "You will not try to evade me, or attempt to sneak around with her." He said the words in a voice like steel. Her head snapped back up at the last order.

What was he going to do? Force her to fall in love with him?

"If you do," he continued. "I will not only call you back here, I will make sure. You never see this woman again." Ziva forced herself not to let any emotion show. She didn't know how she would stand being around Abby so much but not be with her. She wondered briefly, if she should even go, if it was worth it. Could she do that to Abby.

No she loved NCIS, she loved Abby. She would not take the cowards way out. She would not hide behind her fathers orders.

"I am going." She stated. Finally meeting her father's eyes.

XxXxXxX

They rushed at each other when Ziva exited the elevator. Ziva forgot for a moment her Father's threat. She forgot for a moment about her facade with Micheal. All she remembered as she met Abby's arms was the safe haven she had found there.

But it wasn't safe anymore, and that thought stung her as she whispered in Abby's ear.

"We cannot do this anymore."

Pulling out of Abby's crushing embrace. Wincing, her explosion injuries aching. Along with her heart. She hoped Abby wouldn't make a scene in front of McGee and Gibbs, who were still unaware of their relationship status before she left. The hurt, the confusing the shock, was written all over Abby's face.

I made Ziva want to take it all back, to grab back hold of her. Kiss that frown away. Tell her how much she loved her over and over. But no, she had made her decision. She had to be the strong Mossad officer.

As long as she was a Mossad officer, liason or not, her father still had a firm grip on her. His threats, and the terror he struck in her had as strong a grip here in the states. If not stronger, now that she saw and felt again what he was threatening to take away.

XxXxXxX

Later that night, they were at a bar. Gibbs, McGee, Ducky, Abby, and Ziva. Celebrating, being on the road to having the team back together.

In between drinks, while Ducky was recounting something actually quite interesting. Something that had gripped McGee, and Gibbs, attention. Ziva pulled Abby away from the rest of the group. Into the alley beside the bar.

Ziva opened her mouth to explain, but Abby beat her to it.

"What the hell?" The three words echoed through the alley until Ziva could draw up a response. Abby's arms were thrown out to the side, her jacket hanging open. Her shoulders stiff, and her face contorted with confusion, anger, and just a twinge of heartbreak.

Ziva tried to throw up the same defenses from back at the bullpen. But she had had a drink, and the alcohol weakened her just slightly. Abby used to melt her with just a look while under the influence, and that was when she got pretty much bi-daily doses of sex and cuddling. She was no match for this.

She took a step forward, and Abby's body language shifted slightly. Melting along with Ziva to the need they felt for each other, that went beyond something physical.

Abby dropped her arms limply at her sides, and her mask of anger fell. To be nothing but heartbreak. The tension was almost tangible.

Ziva took another step toward Abby. She was now in Abby's personnel space. She ran her knuckles over the quivering goth's jawline. Abby let out a breathy sigh, and nuzzled Ziva's hand. Drawn to the touch, like a moth to the flame.

"I am sorry Abby," Ziva whispered against the shell of Abby's ear. They were so close their body heat mingled. "I cannot hurt you anymore."

"What?" Abby groaned distracted, trapping Ziva's hand between her jaw and shoulder. Terrified she would take the appendage back.

"I saw how easily I could be drawn back to Israeli. I saw how much it hurt you." Ziva's jaw quivered. "How much it hurt me." Ziva added quietly. Showing once again, how much she trusted Abby. To show such weakness.

"We're not getting back together are we?" Abby asked her chest heaving, and her eyes shining with unshed tears.

"I am sorry Abby." Ziva repeated, not yet drawing back her hand.

"I still love you?" Abby said it like a question. It shattered Ziva's already broken heart.

"Abby..," Ziva trailed off. She would be wrong to tell her she still loved her. Which she so very much did. It just wouldn't be fair. She couldn't give Abby false hope, where there was none to be had.

XxXxXxX

Abby spent too much time around Gibbs. Especially when she Gibbs, and Ducky where the only ones left from their original team. So after she had gotten over the initial heartbreak, the instinctual 'gut' that had started to form as an after effect of being around a lot of Gibbs. She knew something wasn't right.

Sure the fact that the woman she had fallen so very much in love with suddenly not wanting to be with her was wrong. Even though she knew Ziva wanted her. It was something about it. It was something holding her back. After many attempts to get Gibbs to help her without telling him of her and Ziva's previous relationship. She finally caved and told him.

Gibbs not being a man of many words. Had just held her petting her back, as she recited the whole grueling story. He helped her find out what 'wasn't right.'

Abby found out about Micheal, and the heartbreak was starting all over again.

XxXxXxX

Ziva was resting her head on her fist. Blowing a curl out of her face. Watching her monitor, scanning. It was late, the only light in the big office space being the desk lamp on her desk. She was alone in the bull pen. Probably the whole building, except for a few janitorial staff.

When she heard the thump of familiar platform boots. Platform boots, she had undone the buckles to and pulled off of her exhausted girlfriend multiple times. "Is Gibbs still here...," Abby trailed off when she saw Ziva was the only one in the bullpen section. The whole bull pen.

She was probably just realizing how late it was with the dimmed lights. Unlike the florescent lights of her lab, which weren't on a timer.

She looked Ziva who was now perked up with a deer in the headlights look on her face. They hadn't talked really since that night in the alley. They avoided each other when there wasn't anyone else in the room. It was because of this. The thick almost tangible, awkwardness. Also they were scared to be alone with each other.

They were scared they wouldn't be able to hold back, from the pull they felt between them.

Like now, Abby was stepping closer to her desk.

Abby watched Ziva stiffen and put up her walls.

"I know about Micheal," Abby stated. All the anger, and pain she had originally felt, when she found out was gone. Replaced with confusion. Ziva's eyebrows rose. She couldn't imagine the heartbreak, betrayal, Abby was feeling. But it was better this way. It was better that Abby was mad at her. Than she know the truth. If she knew the truth. Ziva would have the temptation to try to out smart her father, anything to be with her. And Ziva knew from experience that would never end well. Her father was a powerful man.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Abby asked, using all her strength to hold her voice even.

"I did not want to hurt you more than, I already have." Ziva stated bowing her head.

"You don't need to protect me, I'm a big girl, remember." Abby replied taking another step to her.

"I am sorry, It's just I want to." She finished in a whisper, looking down at her hands in her lap.

Abby rested a hand on Ziva's shoulder, and she jumped. She hadn't realized how close she had gotten. Slowly she ran a thumb over one of Ziva's shoulder blades.

"Abby." Ziva warned, as she felt herself start to sink into the old position. Late nights, after long days, tired sore muscles. Abby pressed another thumb into the taught muscle.

"Ziva please, just let me pretend. Just one more time." Abby begged. As she sat on Ziva's filing cabinet. Running her fingers over the smooth fabric of Ziva's blouse. Dancing over the toned muscles.

This was so wrong. She was just leading Abby on. But she wasn't making any move to stop her. She missed Abby's touch so much. She missed Abby in general. Her warm smiles. Her crushing hugs. Their inside jokes and banter that would drive DiNozzo crazy.

When she felt the small warm pressure of Abby's lips on her temple, she groaned. She really missed Abby. "I am sorry," she repeated for the hundredth time under her breath.

XxXxXxX

When Gibbs, and Tony returned from Israel without Ziva. Abby was shocked to say the least.

Sure Ziva had cared about Micheal. Maybe even loved him, but she.. Abby couldn't get her head around it.

It took a lot of thought for Ziva. She just didn't think she could face Abby without the excuse of Micheal. She was to put it plainly was weak. She hadn't felt love like what she had with Abby, anywhere else. She knew if she couldn't use Micheal to force Abby away she would cave to temptation. But that would only get Abby hurt, or possibly god forbid killed, in the end. She could not hurt Abby.

It led to many restless nights. Needy dreams. Sweet dreams. Nightmares. They were still in love.

XxXxXxX

Now Ziva was back, there was no Micheal. It was obvious she still loved Abby. Abby wanted an explanation.

A/N So this is seven pages I loved writing it. A lot of these ideas have been bouncing around in my head, attempting to make a story line. Then I got writing and this showed up all extremely long and such. So if you like it tell me so by clicking that button, and I'll probably right more faster c: