A/N: Meh. I was reading Zelos' biography/profile thing and saw this one section about his early childhood. Me being the sentimental, sappy kind of person I am, I wrote this soon afterwards. Not sure if it's good or not… I'll let you guys decide that. Read and review, please, comments are always appreciated.
Disclaimer: I do not own Tales of Symphonia. If I did, chaos would ensue.
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"You should never have been born."
Careless words from a mother to a child, right? …Yeah. Telling your kid they should never have existed is a horrible thing to do.
Trust me, I know.
My mother said those words to me the day she died. Moments before, actually. We were building a snowman and all of a sudden she was bleeding. Dying. She had been hit with a magic attack and there was nothing I could do about it save stand there and cry, screaming for my mother.
I thought she loved me.
The last words I heard from her were "You should never have been born."
I guess I was wrong to suppose she could love me. After all, who could love a child destined to die from the moment of birth?
Eh, well. I grew up, trying to forget the look of pain on her face and the sudden feeling of being abandoned. I submerged myself in "love" that my groupies provided… if I wanted something, they found the means of procuring it. They adored me.
Love never lasts for long, does it? I overheard one girl talking to her friend, going on about how she had the Chosen of Tethe'Alla twisted around her finger, and it was nice to have a boyfriend who was so popular and famous and rich.
It was then I realized that they weren't after me. They didn't love the boy-man who liked to sing, who enjoyed sleeping in late and eating strange foods. All they wanted was the Chosen, the man with the Cruxis Crystal, the man with a Church-provided wallet and cute red hair.
I still hung out with them, though. Their high-pitched giggles and overtures of love or kindness or friendship smothered the pain, lowering it to a dull throb. Something I only felt in between dates and kisses, books and games and school and training.
I earned different titles and nicknames from friends – those whom I thought were my friends, even if they never really were. Titles that were amusing, offensive… some were downright insulting, although said in a playful way.
And still I searched for the love I'd lost back when I was building a snowman with my mother. Oh, sure, you may say that I've got plenty of love already. All I have to do is blow a girl a kiss, maybe even wink at her, and she'll swoon. And yet…
I'm not stupid. I know that's not love. Attraction, yes. Obsession, maybe. Love?
Nah.
There's really only one thing I want now, after all these years. It's one of those desperate desires that eats you from the inside until you have it, and then when you have it you feel complete.
I want to find someone sincere. Someone who cares that my heart hurts. Someone who doesn't just smile falsely at me and say "it'll get better over time" and plan ways to get favors. Someone who can forgive a guy who's made so many mistakes in a futile search for love.
Someone… who can see who and what I am, what I've done, and what I've felt and been through, and love me even though they see. Someone who realizes that inside, I'm not the Chosen… just a lonely, starved-for-love little boy trying to reach high enough to put the head on his stupid snowman.
