Fragments of Dreams
"Ogino-san?" Ogino-san? Did you hear what I just asked?"
"Ya, Chihiro," someone hissed.
Chihiro's head snapped up. For a moment, her eyes searched wildly, still disoriented. Then she felt a hand on her arm and spotted her friend wincing.
'What?' she mouthed.
But it was the teacher who answered.
"Ogino-san, could you please read the next paragraph?"
She blushed and looked about around the room, flustered. She could hear a few small chortles come from classmates. Years of these situations didn't help to numb her embarrassment.
"Top of page eighty-nine," Mitsuko whispered. She smiled gratefully.
Chihiro flipped through her book and stopped on the correct page. After a quick glance at the sentence where Mitsuko left her finger, she began reading. She stumbled nervously on the first few lines but her pace gradually evened out.
When Class 2A was let out for lunch, a few of her classmates stopped by her desk.
"Was that bad?" she asked, biting her lip.
"Don't worry, we've all been there before. You just happened to do it after Yamamoto-sensei finally replaced his glasses," Fumio said smiling.
"Cheer up," Haruto laughed, patting her arm. Mitsuko fixed him a deadly glare as if he'd been groping her instead.
"Hey, stop harassing her," Fumio called out, mock hitting his friend in the gut. Haru only laughed more.
Putting his arm around Fumio's shoulder, he gave a cheeky smile and wave to the two girls as they left the classroom, leaning on him the whole way. Before, she could put her hand down from waving in return, Satsuki ran up and gave her a high five. Her hand quickly fell to her lap reflexively.
"Thank you so much," she exclaimed cheerily, leaving Chihiro to blink in puzzlement. "What for?"
"If old man Yamamoto hadn't called you out for zoning out, he definitely would've caught me sleeping. Ever since he got eye surgery he's been like a hawk," she grumbled, her heated gaze clearly reflecting her dissatisfaction.
"Didn't he get new glasses?" Mitsuko asked critically. Her words were thoroughly disregarded.
"It's terrible. Do you remember what he does to students sleeping? Last time he stacked books on my back and recorded how many he could pile on before I woke up," Satsuki shivered, recalling the memory, choosing not to acknowledge the other girl's eye roll. Chewing her fingernails conspiratorially, she continued. "I think he keeps a record of most books on sleeping students somewhere. I mean, it wasn't even my fault, my neighbor's dog was howling all night long. I couldn't get any sleep at all."
"I thought it was a cat scratching on your roof," her friend commented dryly as she walked leisurely over to the three, arms full of books.
Satsuki blew her bangs out of her eyes, turning red.
"I need to get this girl a pillow. She might as well stop pretending she does anything other than sleep in class."
Keiko ignored her fuming friend and continued, "We're going to check the score bulletin. Yamamoto-sensei promised he'd post it this afternoon. I'm not sure if he means lunch afternoon or after school ends afternoon, but I'd rather know as soon as possible. Want to come with?"
With full dramatic effect, she whirled around to face her phlegmatic friend. "Oh, god, don't tell me you're making me go with you again. It's not like our places ever change. You're always in the top five and I'm always at the bottom five," Satsuki complained.
"Well I'm not going for you," she said harshly, but with a hint of a playful smile.
"I think we'll just check after sch-" Mitsuko stopped midway when Chihiro suddenly shot up out of her seat, pulled out a few papers and things from her desk and began speeding out the door.
"Actually you should go with them, Mitsuko. I just remembered something," Chihiro called back as she ran out.
Mitsuko merely shrugged and pulled out her lunch, accustomed to her friend's peculiar habits.
Chihiro tried to keep her hair out of her face while she ran towards Room 2-B2. On her way, she slowed down to a fast walk when she spotted a teacher before resuming her original pace. She ended up sliding into the room to face a small number of students. She took quick, shallow breaths and allowed her heart and breathing to recover.
"Hello."
The other students looked at each other, confused. She felt her heart rise up in her chest at the silence, but swallowed it back down.
"Well, everyone's here today for the Forest Preservation Club correct?"
The students in the room looked surprised that the petite girl was the upperclassman at the head of the club. Everything about her seemed small since she had only grown a little over one foot since moving to Uchiko. With only a slight change in height and longer hair still worn in a signature ponytail, Chihiro was one of those students who was easily identifiable when looking through old photos. Many of her classmates were quite amused to discover this at the start of freshman year after the class representative insisted that each student display their elementary school yearbooks as a group bonding exercise. She knew her dainty features and slender frame made her seem even younger, but she spoke with greater ease here about her passions than in the classroom.
"I'm sure you've all heard MCJ Land Development is planning on clearing part of the forest to make way for a new shopping center. They plan on eventually creating a new metropolis here, which is only possible through clearing the remainder of the forest later on."
"I heard the city is overpopulated and the governor is trying to encourage people to move and expand the city outward," a girl spoke up.
Quiet murmurs rippled through the group and she felt a renewed hope in the cause. With just under a dozen spread across the room, though not large, the group was decently sized. So long as those who participated felt passionately about the cause, she was fine with the number of students. It elicited a bubble of excitement that she expressed with a hopeful smile.
"Our goal is to stop them from destroying the forest. I've gotten into contact with an environmental lawyer from the city. We must be able to file a petition with more than half of the town in order to bring the case to court, since MCJ has already gotten their permits. So," she paused to assess the gazes of those in the room, "Our first task is to get six thousand signatures before June."
Many of the students' eyes bulged at the figure. Indistinct chattering filled the room.
"Um," the same student from earlier piped up, "but it's almost May already, how can we get that many signatures in such a short time? Don't you think we should set a more realistic goal?"
"Yeah, maybe two thousand?"
She shook her head. "For the past few months I've been trying negotiate, but it's come to nothing. I barely made it through the front door before I was sent away. They will never take us seriously unless we take ourselves seriously."
She'd been forced into playing a tug-of-war game for well over three months now without her even realizing it. She felt like she could've just kept being led around by the executives, not even knowing what was going on before the forest was suddenly demolished. The thought of that chilled her.
The girl pursed her lips, and sensing the truth in her words, the other students settled down. Chihiro took a deep breath before resuming.
"We go door-to-door," she spoke firmly, "we present our cause at any and all opportunities, and we get people to listen. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. First, I'm going to need everyone's phone numbers. We reconvene Friday at lunch in this room again. We'll be going over schedules and when we can begin spreading the word. Your homework from now until then is to speak with your families and get their stance on the topic so we know how the town currently is divided."
She paused briefly for questions. When she was met by uneasy glances and silence, she declared with some hesitance the end of the meeting.
The people in the room slowly dispersed after they wrote down their phone numbers on the slips of paper she'd brought in and dropped it in the bag.
The rest of the day slipped by uneventfully. Chihiro forced herself to concentrate on mathematics instead of the doodles that filled the margins of her notebook. Every time she stared at the winding river and glowing ferries her mind drifted off. She pictured the bright lights reflected on glistening water in her mind. Her parents had told her there used to be a river outside the city she used to live in and she imagined her parents leading her younger self to the ferry for a ride. Then, Watanabe-sensei called on her and she was not given another opportunity to indulge herself in her fantasies. She was called on excessively for the rest of the mathematics period, keeping her so far on her toes the uncomfortable pins and needles sensation traveled up her legs. After another brief homeroom session, the class was released.
"Seriously, Chihiro, I'm sure Yamamoto-sensei told all our teachers about you losing focus then blew it up to ten times the truth so now all the teachers think you've got attention problems," Mitsuko huffed.
"I thought you said I did have attention problems."
She smirked. "Well…true, but only I get to think that."
Mitsuko's laugh was cut short by an arm around both girls' shoulders.
"Too late," Haruto teased with easy-going charm.
Mitsuko pulled his arm from her roughly and crossed her arms, taking on a defensive stance. Haru frowned and instead pulled Chihiro closer. She felt uncomfortable but didn't know how to respond, so she looked away and shuffled her feet, simultaneously shifting her shoulders. She was almost sure Haru knew her state of mind, but chose not to acknowledge it. She studied his face, then turned towards Mitsuko.
"At least I still have you, now that Mitsuko's turned me away," he exclaimed melodramatically.
Mitsuko gave him a sneer and he pouted. Suddenly his face lit up, unable to keep even the pretense of offense, reminding her in passing thought of an overgrown baby.
"Hey, why don't I walk home with you guys today?" His announcement came as more of a declaration than a question.
"Where's Tanaka-san?" Chihiro asked as soon as the thought crossed her mind.
"Fumio's with his girlfriend…wait, do I see some green on your face?" He quirked a smile.
"Yes, if, well that's what you're talking about." Chihiro said, shocking her two companions into silence, their mouths open like gaping fish. She fidgeted uneasily, allowing some of her discomfort to seep into her tone.
"How did you hear about the environment club I started? I was going to say something later to you both if I got the principal's permission. So we haven't really started anything official yet..." she trailed.
Chihiro was confused at first towards her friends' reactions, and when they both started laughing and choking, she grew even more discomfited, letting out a small laugh to ease her awkwardness. Mitsuko shook her head in a motherly manner.
"Come on, let's go," She spoke as she tugged at her arm.
"Hey, wait up," Haru shouted after them.
"Keep up," Chihiro retorted, smiling at her friend's clear look of approval, as Mitsuko rushed them along, both girls giggling.
After Mitsuko and Haru had walked her home, she unlocked the front door, picked up her shoes, and headed inside. She paused to listen if there were any sounds of piano playing. Her mother didn't like it when her lessons were disturbed. Determining that she wasn't teaching anyone at the moment, she dropped her shoes onto the rack and walked into the kitchen in normal fashion. There she found her mom chopping up vegetables in preparation for dinner.
"I'm home," she called out of habit. Her Mom quickly glanced over her shoulder.
"Mm, Chihiko-chan. How was school today?"
A loud, delicious sizzle came from the frying pan. Her mother must have noticed her staring and automatically picked up a piece of bell pepper and handed it to her on a napkin.
"We read the next two chapters of the book, learned matricies, other things," she said as she poured herself a glass of water from the pitcher on the counter.
She knew that her mother loved it when she talked about her day, so she always spared a few minutes after school to tell her.
"And did you like what you learned?" She asked after adding some vegetables and placing the lid on the stir fry. Wiping her hands on her apron, she joined her at the center island.
"Not really, but I don't hate it either," she answered with a shrug.
"That's fine. Did you check your class ranking today?"
"Hn?" Her eyes shot up, started.
Her mom laughed affectionately, "You've always been so scatterbrained. I think it got worse when we moved. Never mind, check it tomorrow. I'll remind you."
Chihiro nodded sheepishly.
"Oh, is Dad home yet?"
"No, he's just so busy with this new project of his. You know this has been his dream since he was young. It's the reason we moved here really."
Chihiro barely managed a smile. She grabbed an apple from the table and went upstairs. Rushing through her homework, she soon began to sketch the view from her window onto the back of it once she had finished. She thought the sunset over the treetops was particularly beautiful that day and felt it lucky that cram school was only on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Suddenly, she felt like crying. In the middle of drawing, her day-to-day worries had somehow pervaded her thoughts. Before her tears could fall, she heard her father's car pull into the driveway and went down to greet him.
"Welcome home," she said as she set the table.
"Thank you."
With her apron still on, her mother helped him take off his coat and walked off to the closet to hang it up.
"Here, let me take that for you."
"Eh, Chihiro-chan, how was school today? Did you see your ranking?" She shook her head and laughed a little at the customary question.
"It was okay, and no, I guess I forgot."
He smiled for a moment, but when he pulled out his chair and sat down, he turned towards her with a slight frown. "That forest business, that's not the reason you forgot, was it?"
Chihiro stopped what she was doing and bit her lip. His words were belittling. She resumed placing the food on the table a little too late for him not to notice.
"Chihiro, what have I told you before. This new shopping center will be great for everyone. It's almost an hour from here to the nearest supermarket in the city. And it's so difficult to get anything in the local shops here. You can't even get half the biggest brands in this town."
His words echoed that of the development company near perfectly. She shouldn't have been so surprised since the company he worked for was assigned to help in the development project, but she couldn't help but expect more. She had always raised him up in her thoughts. Her heart weighed heavily in her chest. Hating the idea of arguing, she said nothing and simply sat down at her seat to eat silently.
"Have you thought about what this development plan could do for the economy here? Besides, if this doesn't pull through, I will have lost a huge contract. I might even be able to retire after this. Then we can spend more time together, hn?"
Akio sighed and watched guiltily at his silent daughter. Yuuko placed a hand on his shoulder briefly before sitting down at the table to begin her own meal. After fifteen minutes of tense silence, he could not take it any longer and spoke up.
"Chihiro—I know you love the forest, and I know you think that I don't care about that either. But remember, I'm a surveyor and I love being out exploring too. But sometimes we just can't keep living in the past. We have to do what's best for all of us. And we'll keep a part of the forest too. It'll be a park…I-I know I've been busy lately, but I'll be sure to spend some more time with you. We can go to the park together," he pleaded with her.
She kept her face down and bit her lip. The humiliation she felt rose up to her face and pricked at her eyes. Taking a deep breath, she asked if she could be excused, and went quietly up the stairs after leaving her dishes in the sink. She couldn't bear the thought of standing at the sink to wash dishes with her father's words hanging over her and eyes piercing into her back. She wanted to make as little sound as possible while moving fast up the stairs, not wanting her parents would not come after her and see the tears threatening to fall. Or maybe she did. She wasn't sure anymore.
Akio felt his wife's hand rest comfortingly on his arm. He then took her hand into his own, looked from the sink to her retreating form and wondered if they were finally getting their share of teenage rebellion.
Chihiro spent the next few hours sitting in the window seat, holding her knees to her chest and trying to picture what it would look like from her window if the forest was gone. Would the new buildings block out the sky? Absently, she drew a rectangle in the moisture running over the window, adding smaller ones for windows.
She turned to face the rest of her room, noting that nothing had changed since they moved. The room was set up in a similar way and she still had the same green covers over the same bed across to the same dresser. Even the postcard she received from her friends five years ago before she moved still hung on the frame of the mirror over the dresser. She finally grew weary. Meaning only to rest her eyes, she didn't wake up until early the next day.
When she woke, the sun had just begun to rise. Curious of the time, she glanced over at the alarm clock that read 5:20am. She wasn't aware of her discomfort until she removed herself from the window and felt her muscles ache from her former sleeping position. Spotting her sketchbook from where she placed it the previous night, she pulled it into her lap when she sat down on her bed.
The book was filled with things from her dreams alongside those of nature. Most of the early ones were messy and she recalled being desperate to remember what she had dreamt in the morning, trying to throw everything she could on paper, when she was younger. She smiled to herself as she flipped through pictures of roasted newts and enormous radishes. When she was only eleven or so and had these dreams, she'd had this insane idea and once tried to starve herself before bed so she could see the chimerical things again. It was silly. She'd realized that when she had fainted once in gym class. She never did it again.
She recalled having the strangest dreams when she was little. They were so vivid and full of fantastical creatures that when she was younger, she was so afraid that one day she wouldn't be able to tell what was real and what wasn't. But eventually, stopped having them and the fears and worries went away.
Flipping to the first empty page, she did something she hadn't done since she was eleven. She closed her eyes tightly, thought about one thing she knew she had dreamt and not invented, and began to draw. She had discovered a long time ago that if she opened her eyes and took in the world lucidly in between, the dream was lost, and so she drew blindly.
When she knew nothing more could be recalled without threatening to stray into imagination, she opened her eyes again. This time, Chihiro was shocked at what she saw. She barely remembered the things she dreamt as an eleven-year-old and back then her art skills were sorely lacking, but now she saw a grim-faced statue staring back at her and she could swear she had seen it somewhere before.
Suddenly, she was jolted out of her thoughts by the buzzing of her alarm clock. Over an hour had passed without her noticing and she began to get ready for school.
When she walked out the door, forty minutes still remained before school began. Same as always, she took the time she had to think. Walking slowly along the sidewalk, she ran her hand through the tall grass peeking over the fence. The way the sun shone turned the yellowing plants into gold. On impulse, she reached between the fence and pulled out a stalk of rye.
She made her way to Mitsuko's house at a leisurely pace, but there was still a good twenty minutes left for the ten minute walk remaining when she reached the place. She went to ring the doorbell but remembered it needed to be fixed so instead knocked on the door. Mitsuko's mother answered the door, as she expected.
"Good morning Minami-san. Is Mitsuko ready?" She knew Mitsuko was running late but asked anyway out of habit.
"Oh I'm so sorry Chihiro, that girl's always taking up so much time with her makeup and hair. I don't know why I buy her those things. Come in, sit down and wait. Did you have breakfast yet?"
"Yes, I did. Thank you for offering but I think I'll be fine waiting out here. I'm sure Mitsuko will be down soon," Chihiro declined politely.
Minami-san smiled kindly but did not insist and went behind the counter to fix herself breakfast.
Chihiro sat on the stoop playing absentmindedly with the stalk of rye she twirled in her hands while listening to the muted sounds of banging cabinets and noises of getting ready coming from the second floor. When Mitsuko finally came down, more than ten minutes had already passed and she ran right out the door to join Chihiro.
"Oi, Mitsuko! Take a piece of toast"
Mitsuko hurriedly grabbed her breakfast and went back out to join her again.
"What time is it?" Mitsuko frantically asked.
"It's almost seven."
"What!" she exclaimed, "Come on, we'll be late."
Mitsuko grabbed Chihiro's thin wrist and pulled her along into a run to school. They managed to get to their seats just before the bell rang and homeroom began.
"I see it's nice of you to join us, Ogino-san, Minami-san," Yamamoto-sensei chided.
Chihiro smiled uncomfortably, then pulled out her books.
The morning ran as it always did, with Yamamoto-sensei cracking sad little puns and laughing the loudest out of all of them and Chihiro passing the time by drawing anything that amused her onto the margins, moving onto her hands when space ran out. Finally the bell rang and released the students from their musty old classroom.
Mitsuko looked over at her before raising her eyebrows. "Why do you always do that?"
She looked up and cocked her head. Mitsuko nodded at her hands.
Chuckling lightly, she answered jokingly, "I don't like to use paper when you don't have to. Besides, your hands are always there. Why not use them when you can."
"I will never understand you," Mitsuko laughed, shaking her head.
"Hey, what are those?" Haruto suddenly asked, popping out from behind Mitsuko, who grumbled and shrugged him away from her. He was sure to have picked up on her signals, but they did not deter him from edging even closer to the girl.
Chihiro looked down at the masks floating down from the ferry, spilling from her fingers down her arm. She merely smiled. Mitsuko knew better than to ask. Chihiro was quite unsure herself.
"So, are you two sitting with us at lunch today?"
Mitsuko scoffed and prepared to answer him, but Chihiro responded before her friend could. "Just Mitsuko today, I still need to talk to the principal."
She gave a small bow of goodbye and ran off. Mitsuko's eyes opened wide.
"So I guess it's just you and me then, Mitsu-chan," he drawled.
He gave her a look that earned him a swift kick to the shin, changing his expression to a withering look.
Talking to the principal was intimidating. She first had to walk past all the teacher's desks and wait until she was called in by the vice-principal, and when she was inside, his tall stature towered over her. Once they both sat down, she felt as an equal, though the imposing walls still forced her to shift uncomfortably. She looked down at the nameplate decorating the dark wood of his desk. Her eyes ran across the words and slowly she felt surer of herself.
"So tell me, Ogino-san, what's this club you wish to start here aim to do?" He asked as he set down the pen he was holding to steeple his fingers. Like castle battlements, his folded hands formed another formidable structure. She forced her hands back down to the glass nameplate.
"We're trying to stop the clearing of the forest."
He frowned for a moment. "And…you've thought about the consequences of this," he stressed.
"Yes, I have." She hoped she'd answered with the confidence she felt in her words and not her head.
The lines around his forehead deepened and he seemed aggravated by her answer. Agitation rose when he assumed she had not understood the purpose behind his emphasizing the word. "Then you've considered what the impact of what you're doing would be like on the people around here."
She furrowed her brow and bit her lip. "I'm not quite sure what you're talking about."
He sighed, "If you're looking to do something worthy to boost your chances of entering a good college, there are other ways. This school offers a variety of extracurricular and clubs that do good in the community. What you're doing just sounds good on paper. I need you to think about the negative consequences this will have on everyone."
She closed her eyes and calmed herself, her nervousness rising up again.
"I'm only trying to do some good," she pleaded politely. Her intentions were almost cruelly overshadowed by the weight of the principal's opinions.
"You're doing more harm than good to this community by running this club. I'm sorry, but I can't allow you to do this on campus. You might be angry now, but you'll understand someday when you get to be my age. Join the swim team or maybe robotics. You're a smart child, you'll do well."
He gave a meaningless smile and turned to pick up his phone. It was a dismissive action and Chihiro could see that her time with him was up before she even had the opportunity to explain herself. Her steps fell down heavily as she walked away. As her hand touched the doorknob, she felt a surge of bitterness.
"We're all just children."
He glanced up, holding his hand over the receiver.
"Excuse me?"
Her heart weighed down her steps the rest of the day, even as she walked to the bulletin after school. Thoughts swam in her head, dancing around like lanternflies up and down avenues and lighting up even the shadows of her doubts.
"Hey, there you are," Mitsuko exclaimed, joining in beside her. Her voice splashed through the hollows of her mind and called it back from its hiding place. Chihiro smiled, but continued staring at the rankings bulletin.
"Can't find your name?"
There was an amused lilt edging her tone. She nodded hesitantly after turning towards her friend, curious of what she was intimating.
"That's because you're looking at the wrong place," she giggled, "Up there!"
She waggled her finger in front of Chihiro. She sucked in a breath in surprise. There, at number four, was the name Ogino Chihiro.
"T-h-a-t-'-s not possible. Four?" The number only began to sound real as she spoke it out loud.
"Of the entire sophomore class."
Mitsuko scoffed, rolling her eyes. "And here you said you didn't feel good about the past few tests. Oh young grasshopper. From fifteenth to fourth? You're moving up in the world, jumping stones, skipping rungs, growing up, and…whatever else they say."
Chihiro giggled and Mitsuko became more energetic as she did.
"I can't wait to tell…" Chihiro trailed off, thinking of her father who always pushed her to score higher.
"Tell who?" She prodded.
"Tell….these people!" she giggled, teasing her friend. Mitsuko feigned irritation when Chihiro brought up the floating creatures on her fingers to her face.
"You can't be serious," she rolled her eyes playfully.
Without warning, Mitsuko surprised Chihiro by launching into a flurry of tickling that left both girls running down the sidewalk. Chihiro was struggling to catch her breath, but refused to slow down at the cost of an onslaught of tickling and the end to the most she'd laughed in days.
Out of the corner of her eye, however, she spotted the most familiar object. As if on reflex, her feet skidded to a halt, causing Mitsuko crashing into her from behind, but she fixed her eyes on the thing that captured her attention. Keeping it in her vision, she retraced her steps to get a better view through the foliage. She took a few steps back till she could finally see the full view of what was a stone statue through the bushes. Peeking from behind thick green leaves was a face of gray she knew from her dreams and drawings.
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