Dear Cas,
I finally got up the courage to visit our beach again today. It was sunny this time, you'd have loved it. It was so full of life, it made me think of you. I even saw a couple like us there. They were just walking along the beach holding hands and no one even cared, I know this might sound strange but I couldn't help but to watch them for a while, they looked so in love, just like us, it made me miss you more than ever.
I've waited a long time before writing back to you because the truth is I didn't know how to word any of this but I'm trying. Cas you were everything to me, you still are and you always will be. I make sure you're a part of everything I do, I tell Abigail about you and about us. You should see her now she's gorgeous, I won't let her forget who her Uncle Cas was. Maybe one day I'll take her to the cafe we went to the first night we met and then show her our video from the beach, but for now that one just belongs to us. I listen to Elvis every now and again. I sometimes play him for you, I hope you can hear it, if not I'll turn the volume up next time. Little things remind me of you like the sound of a camera shutter or the smell of spaghetti, pretty much any song about love. I know how cheesy that sounds but it's true. I know we had a love that was something else, something most people never feel.
I wish more than anything we could've had the life we planned and I wish I could've made it all easier for you. I should've never left I didn't want you to see me when I was like that, I didn't want you to feel stuck with me. But I realise now that I needed you more than ever and you needed me, we could've made anything work together. There were things I couldn't talk about that happened while I was out there and I don't think I can ever talk about them just please realise no matter what I did that I always loved you. But I won't get into anything too sad, this letter isn't for that, it's to tell you how no matter what you'll always be the best thing that ever happened to me. From the moment I laid eyes on you, every time I woke up next to you in the morning, when I saw you cheering for me at my race, when you were in your hospital bed, when you took your last breath and till the time we meet again, you will be my entire earth, my stars and my moon. I loved you every damn step of the way.
There will never be anyone else out there for me, but that's okay, I know what true love is and I feel it every day. My life was all the better for having known you, I believe that we will meet again one day Cas and I cannot wait for that,
I'll see you then.
Always Yours
Dean
