A/N: I know what you're thinking. 'Ally. What did you do now?' Right? Well, I REWROTE ROCKY HORROR! That's what I did! Okay, so Rocky Horror devotees, I wouldn't recomend reading this, as I've never seen the play OR movie. It's only for fun and just to put my characters and my friend and her characters into risque costumes. And with that, I send you off. Adios...mwuhahaha...

Lips: *appear on the screen*

Everyone: LIIIIIIIIIPS!

Lips: Er…yeah…is this the play I'm supposed to be at? It's a…reenactment of Rocky Horror?

Janet: Well, yeah. It's actually a rewrite, but the STUPID IDIOT AUTHOR probably had a typo.

Me: *voice from nowhere* What? NO! I didn't even order any lips!

Lips: Oh, oh, sorry, wrong place, they said IDAHO.

Everyone: AHA!

Lips: Well, sorry again. Er…bye…*disappears*

The Criminologist: Yush, well, on with the show people I don't have all day.

*music starts playing*

Michael Rennie was ill
The Day the Earth Stood Still
But he told us where we stand
And Flash Gordon was there
In silver underwear
Claude Rains was The Invisible Man
Then something went wrong
For Fay Wray and King Kong
They got caught in a celluloid jam
Then at a deadly pace
It Came From Outer Space
And this is how the message ran...

Science fiction (ooh ooh ooh) double feature
Doctor X
(ooh ooh ooh) will build a creature
See androids fighting
(ooh ooh ooh) Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in
(ooh ooh ooh) Forbidden Planet
Wo oh oh oh oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show

I knew Leo G. Carroll
Was over a barrel
When Tarantula took to the hills
And I really got hot
When I saw Janette Scott
Fight a Triffid that spits poison and kills
Dana Andrews said prunes
Gave him the runes
And passing them used lots of skills
But When Worlds Collide
Said George Pal to his bride
I'm gonna give you some terrible thrills
Like a...

Science fiction (ooh ooh ooh) double feature
Doctor X
(ooh ooh ooh) will build a creature
See androids fighting
(ooh ooh ooh) Brad and Janet
Anne Francis stars in
(ooh ooh ooh) Forbidden Planet
Wo oh oh oh oh oh
At the late night, double feature, picture show
I wanna go - Oh oh oh oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show
By R.K.O. - Wo oh oh oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show
In the back row - Oh oh oh oh
To the late night, double feature, picture show

*pan on Criminologist*

The Criminologist: So, this is the story of two kids, Brad and Janet, that had one heck of an adventure. I don't think they really knew what was going on for half the time, but that's half the fun. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, it was a cold and rainy November night… Well, there they are now, I feel a song coming on…

*music starts*

Brad:
Hey Janet.

Janet:
Yes Brad?

Brad:
I've got something to say.

Janet:
Uh, huh?

Brad:
I really loved the...
skillful way
You beat the other girls
To the bride's bouquet.

Janet:
Oh Brad.

Brad:
The river was deep but I swam it. (Janet)
The future is ours so let's plan it. (Janet)
So please, don't tell me to can it. (Janet)
I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet
I love you.

The road was long but I ran it. (Janet)
There's a fire in my heart and you fan it. (Janet)
If there's one fool for you then I am it. (Janet)
I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet
I love you.

Here's a ring to prove that I'm no joker.
There's three ways that love can grow.
That's good, bad, or mediocre.
Oh, J-A-N-E-T

I love you so.

Janet:
Oh, it's nicer than Betty Monroe had. (Oh Brad)
Now we're engaged and I'm so glad (Oh Brad)
That you met Mom and you know Dad. (Oh Brad)
I've one thing to say and that's Brad, I'm mad, for you too.
Oh Brad...

Brad:
Oh... dammit.

Janet:
I'm mad...

Brad:
Oh, Janet.

Janet:
For you.

Brad:
I love you too.

Brad & Janet:
There's one thing left to
do - ah - oo.

Brad:
And that's go see the man who began it. (Janet)
When we met in his science exam - it (Janet)
Made me give you the eye and then panic. (Janet)
Now I've one thing to say and that's Dammit, Janet, I love you.
Dammit, Janet.

Janet:
Oh Brad, I'm mad.

Brad:
Dammit, Janet.

Brad & Janet:
I ... love ... you.

Criminologist: Except they had a little bit of a problem…Ooh, is that my root beer I ordered? Well, I'll just let them talk for a while…

Brad: Dammit Janet!

Janet: *from inside the truck* What is it now Brad?

Brad: Well, we seem to have a flat.

Janet: What?

Brad: Er, my truck has a flat…

Janet: Well, fix it then.

Brad: Well, I can't…I don't know how…

Janet: *gets out of the car* I told you to take that IT class! Now move. I'll fix it.

Brad: Well…

Janet: What? God, it's wet out here.

Brad: I don't really…actually…have an extra tire or pump…

Janet: …oh, Lord. What do I do? I'm engaged to a complete moron….

Criminologist: So, anyway, back to my narrating duties. So, Brad and Janet over there were actually driving to go see their good friend and old teacher Dr. Everett Scott. When, apparently they got a flat tire. Anyway, let's get back to what was happening…

Janet: Ergh, now what?

Brad: Maybe if we try to find a phone-

Janet: Shut up Brad. Hmm…I know…we could find a phone and call someone to pick us up! But there's nothing out here! *looking away from the ginormous castle behind them*

Brad: Wasn't that…nah…anyway, yeah. I can't see anything at all.

Janet: That's because you wear fake nerd glasses to try and get girls to feel bad for you and it's affected your eyes.

Brad: …you're probably right…

Lewis: *taps Janet's shoulder*

Janet: *grabs his wrist, twists it behind his back, and uses her other arm to get him in a headlock* Who are you and what do you want?

Lewis: Ow, dude, dude! I'm just here to help you!

Janet: *releases him* What?

Lewis: I'm an extra.

Brad: And what do you do?

Lewis: I walk around in the background to make it look like we're not just on some set with special effects and a green screen in the background.

Janet: Way to ruin it.

Lewis: Yeah, well, I'm here to tell you *pulls out a clipboard* to turn around you idiots, we're never going to get anywhere if you keep looking into an already plowed cornfield that all muddy thanks to the rain.

Janet: What did you just say?

Lewis: Hey, those aren't my words; they're the author's words. Bye now! *disappears in a puff of smoke*

Brad: Er…I think we should turn around…

*they both turn around*

Brad: Oh, there's a giant castle behind us.

Janet: Hey there's a light on in the window.

*music starts playing*

Janet: In the velvet darkness, of the blackest night, burning bright, there's a guiding star,
No matter what or who you are.

Brad and Janet: There's a light (Random Transylvanians popping out from behind a bush: Over at the Frankenstein place)
There's a light (Random Transylvanians: Burning in the fireplace)
There's a light, light, in the darkness of everybody's life.

Riff Raff: The darkness must go down the river of night's dreaming
Flow morphia slow, let the sun and light come streaming, into my life, into my life

Brad and Janet: There's a light (Random Transylvanians: Over at the Frankenstein place)
There's a light (Random Transylvanians: Burning in the fireplace)
There's a light...a light in the darkness of everybody's life

Janet: Ooookay, but I have a bad feeling there's gonna be a lot of singing in this…

*they both walk over to the door*

Brad: *rings the doorbell*

*the door swings open to reveal…*

Riff Raff: Oh, hey Jeff. I was wondering when you would get…hey…you're not Jeff!

Janet: No, we're not, actually.

Riff Raff: That boy is later than late and I need my chocolate now!

Brad: *snickering*

Riff Raff: You have a problem, little human?

Brad: Your…hair!

Janet: Or what's left of it…

Riff Raff: Well, at least I don't have tape on my glasses, eh nerd boy? And at least I don't practically topple over trying to go down the stairs, eh little miss enhancement?

Janet: *makes annoyed sound* My eyes are up here.

Riff Raff: *cackles* Now what do you want before I slam the door in your faces and he *gestures to Brad* needs some more duct tape for his glasses!

Brad: We just wanted to know if you have a phone we could use. We got a flat and are stranded here.

Riff Raff: …God, I hate my job….wait…what kind of flat are you talking about?

Magenta: *appears beside Riff Raff* What's going on?

Riff Raff: They say they have flat and want to know if we have a phone they can use.

Magenta: What kind of flat?

Riff Raff: That's what I said.

Janet: A flat tire. Now do you have phone or not?

Riff Raff: Why don't you come inside? Might as well. We'll see what Dr. F wants to do with you. *opens the door wider and leads them inside farther*

Magenta: So who are you?

Janet: I'm Janet and that's my idiot husband-to-be Brad.

Magenta: Oh, well, I'm Magenta, and that's my brother, Riff Raff. Ain't he cute?

Brad: I thought you said he was your brother.

Magenta: Yeah, so?

Janet: Er…nothing…

Criminologist: Well, by now Brad and Janet were feeling kind of uneasy and nervous, but they were desperate and eager to except any help they could find.

Janet: There's a voice coming from your ceiling.

Riff Raff: Yeah, well, it happens to everyone. *continues leading them to a big ballroom*

*a giant poster hanging above the room says, "Welcome To The Annual Transylvanian Convention!"*

Magenta: We're havin' a big party!

Riff Raff: And aren't you lucky, it's just about to begin!

*music starts playing*

Janet: I told you there was going to be a lot of singing…

*Columbia and the rest of the Transylvanians appear along with Lewis and the Criminologist*

Riff Raff: It's astounding, time is fleeting
Madness takes its toll
But listen closely

Magenta: Not for very much longer

Riff Raff: I've got to keep control

I remember doing the Time Warp
Drinking those moments when
The blackness would hit me

Riff Raff and Magenta: And the void would be calling

Chorus: Let's do the time warp again...
Let's do the time warp again!

Criminologist: It's just a jump to the left
Chorus: And then a step to the right
Criminologist: With your hands on your hips
Chorus: You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust that really drives you insane,
Let's do the Time Warp again!

Magenta: It's so dreamy, oh fantasy free me
So you can't see me, no not at all
In another dimension, with voyeuristic intention
Well-secluded, I see all
Riff Raff: With a bit of a mind flip
Magenta: You're there in the time slip
Riff Raff: And nothing can ever be the same
Magenta: You're spaced out on sensation, like you're under sedation
Chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again!

Columbia: Well I was walking down the street just a-having a think
When a snake of a guy gave me an evil wink
He shook me up, he took me by surprise
He had a pickup truck and the devil's eyes.
He stared at me and I felt a change
Time meant nothing, never would again
Chorus: Let's do the Time Warp again!

Criminologist: It's just a jump to the left

Chorus: And then a step to the right

Criminologist: With your hands on your hips

Chorus: You bring your knees in tight
But it's the pelvic thrust
That really drives you insane
Let's do the Time Warp again
Let's do the Time Warp again

Everyone singing/dancing: *randomly fall onto the ground*

Brad: *starts clapping*

Janet: *stops him* Stop it you idiot. Quick, while they're all distracted by getting up, let's run and leave.

Brad: But we have a flat-

Janet: We'll find somebody else. This can't be the only place with a phone and I have a bad feeling about staying much longer…

Brad: Okay…

*they both turn around right into…*

Dr. Frank-N-Furter: Who is this?

Riff Raff: They say they have a flat and they're looking for a phone.

Magenta: And their names are Brad and Janet.

Criminologist: Well, Brad and Janet were quite unhappy now that they knew they had no way of escape. They were quite frightened by the man as he was wearing a leather corset and fishnets, but most of all they were pretty ticked at me for telling them their names.

Brad: There's a voice coming from your ceiling.

Dr. F: It comes and it goes. Now sit down, while I make things *trails a finger down Janet's face* clearer.

*music starts again*

Frank:
How d'you do, I
See you've met my
Faithful handyman.
He's just a little brought down
Because when you knocked
He thought you were the candy man.
Don't get strung up by the way I look.
Don't judge a book by its cover.
I'm not much of a man by the light of day
But by night I'm one hell of a lover.
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania.
Let me show you around
Maybe play you a sound.
You look like you're both pretty groovy.
Or if you want something visual
That's not too abysmal,
We could take in an old Steve Reeves movie.

Brad:
I'm glad we caught you at home,
Could we use your phone?
We're both in a bit of a hurry.

Janet:
Right.

Brad:
We'll just say where we are,
Then go back to the car.
We don't want to be any worry.

Frank:
Well you got caught with a flat, well, how `bout that?
Well, babies, don't you panic.
By the light of the night it'll all seem alright.
I'll get you a satanic mechanic.
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania.
Why don't you stay for the night?
Riff Raff: Night!
Or maybe a bite?
Columbia: Bite!
I could show you my favorite obsession.
I've been making a man
With blond hair and a tan
And he's good for relieving my... ...tension
I'm just a sweet transvestite
From Transexual, Transylvania, ha, ha,
HEY, HEY!

I'm just a sweet transvestite. (Sweet transvestite)
From Transexual, Transylvania.

So - come up to the lab,
And see what's on the slab.
I see you shiver with antici - (4 seconds) - pation.
But maybe the rain
Isn't really to blame.
So I'll remove the cause. (chuckles)
But not the symptom.

Frank: *goes up in the elevator leaving a very freaked out Janet and Brad behind with a room full of a Transylvanians*

****************************Intermission**********************************