A/N: I watched the "Motherlover" video from Lonely Island on YouTube. It inspired me.

The buzzer shrieked as the door slowly opened, allowing Shepard and Kaidan to walk though. They were both scowling, hung over, and pissed. The last of their possessions were stuffed into their hands by a surly C-Sec agent—two gift-wrapped boxes with a circular hole in them—and they found themselves outside, back in the open Citadel air and freedom.

For the life of him, Commander Andy Shepard could not remember what had gotten them into the detention center in the first place. He could vaguely recall something about terrified patrons and a "dick in a box," but not much more than that. Kaidan's recollection of the events was even hazier. They agreed not to talk about it, and Shepard made a private vow to never tell Miranda what happened.

Kaidan's omni-tool pinged and he looked down. Liam watched his expression turn from disgruntled to surprised to…a little bit of panic.

"Oh damn," he said.

"What is it, dawg?" Shepard asked, a little concerned.

He looked up. "I forgot, it's Mother's Day!"

"Didn't get a gift for her," Andy realized.

"Other plans got in the way," Kaidan agreed. "She'll be so disappointed."

"Damn, I forgot it too," Shepard said, thinking of his mother.

"This could have been avoided."

They turned back to each other. In unison, they demanded, "What the hell are we going to do?"

The scene changes. Andy and Kaidan are standing on the Presidium, looking over the bridge.

Kaidan Alenko: My mom's been so forlorn ever since my daddy left.

Andy Shepard: Cold.

Kaidan Alenko: No one to hold her tight. Life has put her to the test.

Andy Shepard: I know just what you mean, my mom's been so sad and gray.

Kaidan Alenko: Word.

Andy Shepard: My dad can't satisfy her in the bedroom ever since he passed away.

Both: Hold up!

Andy Shepard: You thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Kaidan Alenko: I'm thinkin' I'm thinkin' too.

Both: Slow up!

Andy Shepard: What time is it dawg?

Kaidan Alenko: It's time for a switcharoo

Both: We both love our moms, women with grown women needs
I say we break em off
Show em how much they really mean
Cause...

Shepard and Kaidan broke into song.

Both:I'm a Mother Lover
You're a Mother Lover
We should fuck each others' mothers
Fuck each others' moms
Pushin' that place that you came out as a baby
Ain't no doubt that shit is crazy
Fuckin' each others' moms

Cause every Mothers Day needs a Mothers Night
If doing it is wrong, I don't wanna be right
I'm callin' on you cause I can't do it myself
To me you're like a brother, so be my mother lover

Andy Shepard: I'm layin' in the cut waitin' for your mom clutchin' on this lube and roses

Kaidan Alenko: I got my digital camera, I'm gonna make your momma do a million poses

Andy Shepard: They will be so surprised

Kaidan Alenko: We are so cool and thoughtful

Andy Shepard: Can't wait to pork your mom

Kaidan Alenko: I'm gonna be the syrup, she can be my waffle

Both: Sho nuff!

Kaidan Alenko: My mother loves bubble bath with chamomile

Both: Straight up!

Andy Shepard: Give it to my mom d - d- d - d- d - d - doggystyle

Kaidan Alenko: This the perfect plan

Andy Shepard: For a perfect Mothers Day

Kaidan Alenko: They have to rename this one

Both: All up under the covers day

"BREAK IT DOWN!" Shepard bellowed. He turned to Kaidan and they faced each other, nose to nose.

Andy Shepard: It would be my honor to be your new stepfather.

Kaidan Alenko: It would be my honor to be your new stepfather

Shepard: While you're in my mother make me another brother…and when I'm your mother I'll never use a rubber!

Kaidan: OH!

Both: Cause every Mothers Day needs a Mothers Night
If doing it is wrong, I don't wanna be right
I'm callin on you cause I can't do it myself
To me you're like a brother, so be my mother lover
They blessed us both with the gift of life
She brought you in this world so Imma sex her right
This is the second best idea that we've ever had
The choice can be no other
Be my mother lover

Anderson watched from the human embassy as Shepard and Alenko roared and embraced each other in a brohug. He shook his head, wondering. What sort of people were enlisting with the Alliance these days?

"Udina," he said wearily, "I need another drink."


SSV ORIZABA

"Commander Alenko," Captain Hannah Shepard purred. "I'm so glad you came."

Kaidan grinned. "It's my pleasure, Captain."

"Please." She ran a hand down his cheek. "Hannah to you, sweetie."

"Hannah, then." He grinned. "Should we finish this tour?"

"Sure." She gave him a sultry stare. "Let me show you my quarters."

Kaidan followed her, swinging the camera from his hand. "I like where this is going."

Andy Shepard stepped off the shuttle to find Kaidan already waiting for him at the gate. He strode over to him, ecstatic. They stood nose to nose.

"Your mom says hi," they said in unison. "JINX!"

A/N: Next chapter: They weren't the first to come up with this idea.